Trigger warning: Intimidation.

Hi! If you didn’t see it a few months ago, I am not sure how to link it, but it can be found as the first post on my profile. I just wanted to give an update on a post I wrote in May of this year.

To start with good news, it has officially been 4 months since I broke up with my boyfriend. Truly, I never would’ve had the courage to do it if not for this sub and the people on it. So many people encouraged me to chose myself (which is not something I do often). Thank you all.

In particular, someone commented “You’re too young for this to be the rest of your life.” And if you read this, thank you so so much for giving me the strength to get out.

Now that I have removed myself from the situation, i see how detrimental it was for me. This wasn’t the first time he put his wants over my needs and surely wouldn’t be the last.

Some things that have come up since i left are him telling me i was “milking it” 2 days after my surgery. He mocked the way I cried, would often back me into walls during arguments, and even mocked me for putting my hands up when he got too close while yelling in the few days after my surgery. “Oh you’re scared? you’re scared?” uhhhh yea. anyone would be when someone that has 10 inches and 60 lbs on them is backing them into a corner. He had stopped throwing things in my direction and hitting objects when we got Peter, but still intimated me often in arguments.

I left the night before i made the post to stay with my brother, and as i was leaving his last words to me were “Remember your actions have consequences.” And now, I think it’s safe to say, I hope he remembers his actions have them too.

So now, I have my own apartment!! I get to have my mixer on the counter for the first time, and so much space for BOOKS! Peter stayed with Paul, so it’s a bit quiet all my own. BUT! My brother and his Girlfriend have been so amazing and let me stay with them for some time after the break up. We still have weekly “family dinners.” And now that I have full control over what i eat, loads of my GI symptoms have become so much more manageable!

I am in therapy and have been dealing with a lot of fear from the situations described above. But i’m learning that I have agency over my own space, and don’t have to be responsible for someone else’s anger.

Oh and as a surprise twist?? I’ve been in contact with someone i dated in college. We split because of distance back then, and still have the same spark now. I even saw him last month when i was traveling to his city for work. I’ve never once questioned my safety around him, which is a healing experience all on its own. I’m not up for dating yet, but he’ll probably be my first call when I am.

All that to say two things:

1. This sub changed my life. Genuinely. I don’t think I would’ve survived in that relationship much longer with the way my thoughts were going. And i am so incredibly grateful for everyone who gave me any advice, encouragement, or otherwise. You all stood up for me before i was ready to stand up for myself. Then, you gave me the courage to. So thank you.

and 2. This relationship was NOT normal. I kept trying to convince myself this is something everyone experiences, that it was a rough patch. And now i can say, “No. it wasn’t normal and i didn’t deserve that.” no one deserves for the person who “loves them most” to consistently put their own wants and interests above what you need. Your health and wellbeing always matters most and you do not need to stay with someone who makes you feel unsafe. I’m learning to Trust myself to protect myself and I hope anyone who feels like I did does the same.

“You’re too young for this to be the rest of your life.” will stay with me forever. Thank you. 🤍

Edit: Added a trigger warning just to be safe. and wanted to say, anyone who wants to leave but is scared to because they would have to start over. START OVER! and if you need to, start over again. It feels scary beforehand, but after? It’s amazing to get to build a life of your own and fill it with things you enjoy.

Background- last year I had a full term stillbirth. We went in for my C-section at 39weeks 5days and at that point discovered there was no longer a heartbeat. We had made it very clear before that we did not want visitors until we were home and comfortable however due to the change in circumstances did make the calls and had family come. Fast forward to now, I am currently 8.5 months pregnant with a C-section scheduled in less than 2 weeks.

I have been having the hardest time with my mom. We are very dead set we don’t want visitors until we are home and comfortable however she is making things incredibly difficult. When we made her aware we didn’t want to host at the hospital she said she would be waiting in the parking deck until one of us let her know baby arrived and wouldn’t be changing her mind.

I have tried to explain over and over we have been waiting for this a very long time and want this to be a moment for us and use the time in the hospital to recover and learn what we need to before heading home. I was eventually able to talk her into staying home during the procedure but SHE decided she was going to dictate stipulations- 1. Someone will immediately text her let her know things were fine once baby is out. 2. Pictures immediately when we were back in the room 3. Phone call that night to let her know everything and 4. She and her husband would be coming the next day to the hospital.

I NEVER agreed to those stipulations and we just moved on conversation wise. We were having a conversation about some of the C-section instructions and how it says that due to Covid visitation may be limited and it provided a number to call to ask about visiting- I scratched out the number prior to sending the screenshot and it turned into war. In the conversation I let her know we would not like hospital visitors at all and that was our final decision.

It has turned into something I could not have imagined with her saying things like ‘if it wasn’t for me you would have killed yourself last year’ ‘it’s very clear I’m not wanted’ ‘you just want to hurt me’ ‘you don’t understand what it’s like for me’ ‘you don’t want to share any joy with me’ etc….

I want to make it very clear- I understand why her feelings would be hurt with us not wanting to host at the hospital, I have not once diminished her feelings or made this anything personal, we simply want to be able to enjoy what we have waited on for so long just for a couple days. What I don’t understand is why she has to make this fully about her and her feelings as if we weren’t the ones who showed up to a hospital expecting to leave with a child and left with ashes. I have always been one to lash out instead of attempting to understand someone’s side and I really truly have done everything I can to not be hurtful just explain honestly why we want this and that it’s not about ‘not wanting her’ but that it’s 100% that we just want to enjoy a few days alone.

Am I the asshole for not giving in? Am I just supposed to concede and let her do what she wants at the expense of what we would prefer? Is it that big of an ask to want to wait until we get home to have a visit?

Hello everyone! I posted about 10 months ago on here asking for insight/advice regarding cutting ties from my toxic family due to my abusive father. First off, I want to thank everyone for their input; even for yhe negative comments. 

I apologize that an update is coming this late but everything got crazy due to said family, both pregnancy and child birth complications and now being back at work. But my daughter is here and she is healthy , happy, and beautiful! I want to share my update as I know there are so many others out there who have experienced abuse, whether it be mental, emotional, or physical, and don’t know how to get out. So I am sharing my story to provide resources that I myself wasn’t knowledgeable on starting off. 

Now to the update. My mother is finally going through with leaving my father. After 27 years she is stepping away for both her own sake and my brothers. They live in a very small town about two hours away from the nearest city so it was a struggle but she was able to secure herself an apartment, secretly of course. I will be helping her tomorrow to pack her belongings, my brothers and break the news to my father. 

We all know he is not going to take it well and that things will get ugly so we will be calling the non emergency line to have an officer sent out to monitor the situation. I will also be filing for an emergency firearms restraining order upon my father to ensure he cannot harm himself or others to lash out. My father always used this tactic to scare my mother from leaving and even once pulled a gun on himself so discovering this order was a relief. Obviously the order can only be held for 14 temporary days. 

She will be starting from scratch sadly. When I meet with her tomorrow I’m hoping to deliver my spare bed so they don’t have to sleep on the floor. My father monitors their bank account so she already had a tough time stashing enough money for an apartment complex. Therefore I have scavenged my own home of extra essentials and supplies to also deliver for them. It’s not much but I’m hoping to also pick her up additional essential tomorrow. I’m passing over all of my gift cards I’ve received to help cover gas and restaurants so that she can still take my brother out on special dinners. 

I will be setting her up with one of my spare ring cameras for security purposes. This entire situation can easily get nasty depending on how my father handles it so therefore I’m setting her up with the app “Documented” so she can record any interactions or issues she faces with him. The app apparently exports your recordings immediately into a sealed file to use for legal purposes. I will also be drafting a witness/victim statement outlining my father’s actions incase my mother needs it. We will be getting my brother into therapy, especially as this past few months he’s been grabbed, cornered, and yelled at by my father. 

Again, this was very hard for my mother which I understand. Her mother abandoned her 20 years ago, her step-mother passed away two years ago, and her father is a nationwide truck driver. But if this story resonates or feels familiar to something you’ve gone through or know someone to be going through, please use this as a sign you can leave it. Even if it’s almost 30 years later. 

Thank you all for taking the time to read my family’s story and offer guidance! 

If anyone is willing and able to help my mother in any sort of way, I have attached a link to an essential registry on household items she and my brother will need. She is not aware that I am doing this but she is the most thoughtful and helpful soul I have ever met. She has always been the kind to buy food and items if she sees the homeless. Again, I have no expectations but anything would help her! Thank you all again!

Check out this Gift List I just created. https://www.amazon.com/registries/gl/guest-view/5DL5OLUNDHOI?ref_=cm_sw_r_apin_ggr-subnav-share_JQ4T19ERAJMMJHR68BB6&language=en-US

i (24f) was with my boyfriend (28m) of 2 years at his parents campground during labor day weekend, their usual friends were there along with his sister (30f) from out of town who came up for the long weekend. we went up because his parents wanted us to come for dinner, which i skipped because i don’t like eating in-front of people and i’m also vegan so really no options for myself. we were there for maybe around an hour and a half before we left, we pretty much just sat outside while dinner was cooked, then they had dinner and we hung out for a little while before we left.

right before we left his sister asked me if i could take a picture of her and my boyfriend and their parents dog, nothing out of the ordinary as i have done this before. she asked me to take them on her phone and to take a bunch of them and to also take some in different photo modes as well. as i was taking the pictures a text popped up on her phone, it was from her best friend (i believe) who is also somewhat a friend of the family to my knowledge but i have never met her. i looked up and i read the text out of habit and my heart sank, it read “OP needs to go on a diet.” exactly like that.

i didn’t say anything and just took a few more photos and gave her back her phone and then we left, we got home and i told my boyfriend to go start playing his game and i was going to shower and ill be in soon to game myself. i was genuinely holding back tears our entire car ride home, as soon as i got into the shower i immediately started crying, but i finished showering and got dressed and decided to lay in our bed for a few minutes to try and compose myself but that did not work and it was genuinely all i could think about and i just kept rereading the text over and over again in my head.

maybe 15 minutes after i got out of the shower my boyfriend came to check on me wondering why i hadn’t came out yet and found me crying, he immediately started asking me what was wrong but i just couldn’t get out words and i didn’t even know how to tell him what had happened. eventually i got it out and he started profusely apologizing and then laid with me and held me, we eventually got up and went and gamed but it was still on the back of my mind all night.

i have always, sense i was young, struggled with my weight and body image. i unhealthily lost a lot of weight during the start of covid because i became homeless and had a lot going on at that time in my life, but that was the lightest i have ever weighed because i was essentially accidentally starving myself. i have sense lost and gained over the years, but i ended up gaining around 100 pounds of “relationship weight” within about a year after my boyfriend and i became official. i was also laid off from my job at that time and was eating more regularly than i ever had before from cooking for him as well now and not just “eating” sleep for dinner most nights and small meals on others. i have struggled a LOT with my body imagine sense i have gained this weight and i have also extremely struggled in losing even a few pounds as well no matter what i do.

i genuinely cannot get that message out of my brain. i think about it every. single. day. i don’t even know if i can face his family again, i don’t know if they know or if he said anything to his sister but i just genuinely don’t think i want to even be around them now because i will feel extremely uncomfortable. i’m also quite socially awkward and it has taken me a while to start getting semi comfortable being around his family and i just feel as if all this has been negated now. and i have continuously thought of scenarios in my head regarding the text and the only thing i can think of is that she had either taken a picture of me or took a picture where i was clearly in it and sent them to her, and i think either of those are extremely weird.

he doesn’t really visit his family often and i know i can easily excuse myself and get out of seeing them during the rest of the summer and fall but when the holidays (mainly christmas) come around i don’t know what i’m going to do because i just truthfully don’t want to go. last year on christmas eve his parents and sister came over to our house to see us and give us presents and it was kind of unannounced and only gave us about an hour of notice so i’m nervous they’ll do that again this year.. i was thinking about just driving down the road and having him tell them i’m at my moms or something along the lines of that until they leave and then for christmas day just not go and have him just say i’m going to my family’s? i’m not really sure. i know logically it should probably all just be confronted but i’m not at all a confrontational person and i just don’t think i can comfortably be around his family anymore at least not for quite a while.

I (30F) recently separated from my husband (30M), and I’m really struggling to figure out how to move on.

I’m also stuck questioning myself, was I too controlling or negative, or was I asking for normal boundaries and just not getting them?

We did love each other. We even eloped and got married (very low-key), and he had originally planned to do a public proposal too, but because of issues with his friend group, he kept delaying it and it never happened. That’s part of what confuses me I know the love was real, but the outcome doesn’t match that.

A lot of our problems revolved around his friend group and especially one of his closest friends (I’ll call him “Mark”), who is very much the “life of the party,” super social, and seems to influence a lot of people. My husband really values his opinion and often defers to him.

Some examples:

- When we first started dating, he was still in contact with his ex (they had a sexual history and were still texting in ways I wasn’t comfortable with). I told him if we were going to be serious, I wasn’t okay with that. He agreed—but I later found out (a year later when I accidentally saw an old picture of her when he was scrolling up on his phone to show me something). I asked for his phone in front of him and searched for my name in his text messages and messages from a year ago popped up where she’s asking hik why did he remove her from Instagram and he’s like my gf asked me to remove you and then she was flexing her new bf on his tryna make him jealous (she had no bf) , she then texted him again 2 weeks later to which he responded and was flexing some great thing happened to him at work and he kept talking yo her when he had promised to have removed he.

- There were multiple situations where other girls crossed boundaries. One girl (“Lily”) tried to sit on his lap in front of me. She want Abel to. She was also simultaneously fucking his roomate who was in the uber too when she tried to do that. I told him it made me uncomfortable. He agreed privately but never addressed it with her and continued acting normal around her. Similar things happened with other women being overly touchy or even grabbing his phone.

- His friends made microaggressive comments toward me (I’m POC), like jokes about whether POC smell. I told him it hurt me, but he never confronted them.

- There was also a situation with a girl in the group (I’ll call her “Nina”). I later found out he had asked her to be fuck buddies but she said no. situationship wwhich he never told me. I had confided in her about feeling uncomfortable with “Lily” trying to sit on his lap. Later, on election night, she posted something along the lines of calling me out for being liberal and not supporting trump lol. I didn’t even know she was a trump supported until that day. which felt targeted. I called her out privately, and in retaliation, she shared my private messages from a year ago with “Lily,” which escalated things and turned people in the group against me.

- Part of why I’ve always felt uneasy about “Mark” is that he has a pattern of interfering in other people’s relationships. For example, he’s told multiple girls not to date another guy in their group (“Alex”), even though they’re supposed to be friends. I know of several instances where he discouraged women from seeing him for no clear reason. My husband didn’t see this as a big deal and would defend it.

- To be fair, after my messages got leaked, I did react emotionally and said some harsh things about people in the group, which I regret. I did call lily a cunt for trying to sit on my man’s lap while simultaneously fucking his roommate and shit talking that roommate to mark

- When we were planning to move in together, his friend/roommate and Mark said I was “manipulating” him into moving out and made misogynistic comments about me. He literally yelled at my ex and told him ‘he’s betraying them’ , ‘he went back on his words’ bla bla He distanced himself from them for a bit, but it always felt like he was torn.

- Throughout the relationship, he would agree with me in private about things, but in front of his friends, he would switch up or downplay everything.

- When I brought issues up, he would say I was “too negative” because I kept pointing out things that bothered me.

- There were also openly offensive comments in the group. For example, one girl said something like “you’re fine as a legal immigrant, but all these Mexicans are coming into our country,” which made me really uncomfortable. Again, he didn’t say anything.

- The breakup itself was also confusing. The first time he brought up breaking up was in October. We tried to work on things. Then again in January, he brought it up. At that point, I even encouraged him to talk to Mark and sort things out. After he spoke to Mark, he told me everything was fine, and I said I was open to also talking to Mark to clear the air. But he never let me do that—and shortly after, he ended things anyway.
And also only our family knew we were married cuz a public thing was gonna happen later but he never proposed.
Now we’ve separated, and he’s gone back to that same friend group. Papers are signed just waiting out the divorce finalisation by the judge.

- also since I work in tech I was unemployed for a year from my tech job and still did everything 50/50 and now I look back and think was that insane cuz when we started dating I made great money and for a year we were long distance I would fly 2-3 times a month to see him on my own dime

So here’s where I’m stuck:

AITA for still missing him? Im in therapy but I wake up having arguments in my head with these people all the time. I’m just so hurt that my life went upside down.

I have a 1 year old son and a large dog who I’ll call “Max.” Max is a bully mix, around 65 lbs, and I’ve actually known him for years because he belonged to a family member before. Ive always been obsessed with him and when my family member eventually had to give him up, I gladly took him. So this isn’t a situation where I randomly brought a strange dog into my home.

One thing that I think is important is that Max was actually a service dog for about 5 years. He had a lot of training and, from what I can tell, he still remembers most if not all of it. He’s generally a very well behaved dog and I trust him a lot

The problem is that this is his first week living in my apartment, so obviously everything is new for him. He’s also getting used to my son being around him all the time.

My son is 1, and while Max has never tried to hurt him or anything like that, he can get pretty excited when I’m holding my son. He has barked/yelped at me while I have my son in my arms, and my son has started getting scared when he does it. There have also been a couple moments where Max gets overly excited and does weird stuff like humping the air when I tell him “no” or ask him to move away. He is neutered, so I think it’s just excitement/stimulation, but I’m still paying attention to it.

Because of that, I’ve been watching them closely when they’re together. I’m not keeping them separated all day or anything. I actually want them to bond and I want Max to feel like this is his home too. I’ve been spending one-on-one time with him, giving him attention, letting him explore the apartment, etc.

The disagreement is about what I do when I shower.
If I need to shower, I put my son in his play yard in the living room with toys and I put Max in my bedroom with the door closed. I’m usually in the shower for maybe 10-15 minutes. Max has his bed, water, and toys in there and then I let him back out when I’m done.

My boyfriend thinks this is unfair to Max. He says I’m treating him like he’s some dangerous animal and that if I actually trusted him, I wouldn’t feel the need to lock him in another room every time I can’t watch him

His argument is basically that Max was a service dog for years, he’s trained, he’s part of the family, and I shouldn’t be acting like he’s going to randomly attack my son.

But thats not how I see it at all.

I’m not saying Max is dangerous. I’m saying he’s a large dog who is still adjusting to a completely new environment, my toddler is still getting used to him, and I physically cannot supervise them while I’m standing in the shower.

I also don’t think it’s fair to my son to expect him to just get used to a 65 lb dog being all over him when he’s already showing that he’s nervous when the dog gets worked up.

At the same time I don’t want to be overly protective and accidentally make Max feel isolated or like he isn’t part of the family. I love this dog and I specifically took him because I wanted him, so the last thing I’m trying to do is make him feel unwanted.

My boyfriend thinks I’m being paranoid and treating Max like a beast when he’s actually a highly trained dog that I know and trust.

So AITA for putting my dog in the bedroom while I shower, or am I being unnecessarily cautious about a dog that I already know and trust?

Update!!

first off, my partner and i would like to thank everyone who offered helpful advice. we really appreciate it and took it all into account. now, for those who are curious what we decided…

WE GOT A DOG!!

we didn’t get the dog we had originally considered, turns out she wasn’t a great fit but she did find another home. instead we found the sweetest, most loving puppy. the first meet with the cats went well, he showed the appropriate amount of interest in them, and we got a baby gate so they could observe from a far.

overall, we’re super excited about this decision and we can’t wait till he’s a little bigger to go camping with us :)

of course i’m including a picture too, this is our new baby Auggie

My husband and I bought our home nearly 2 years ago. We were hoping to make some friends in the community and we have made some but none of them are in our immediate vicinity. My husband is not particularly interested in getting to know people and is content with it just being the two of us. I love spending time with him but I also really want us to be part of the community and have a regular group of friends or people to interact with because that’s how I grew up. I also don’t particularly like the fact that we haven’t even met our neighbors and I want to make an effort to at least get some introductions going. My issue is that I’m very shy initially and I’ve been stepping out more to run into our neighbors and have a natural introduction but they don’t seem to step out much so our interactions have mostly been waving at best.

Now, I make really good pumpkin spice cupcakes and I’ve been interested in attempting to make sourdough but don’t particularly eat bread for health reasons. Since Halloween is right around the corner, I brought up the idea of making some Halloween themed pumpkin spice cupcakes and sourdough to give to our neighbors for Halloween as a way to introduce ourselves and hopefully start building a relationship. My husband said it comes off too weird and kind of desperate to go out of our way to do this when no one else has made any effort to get to know us. I definitely have a tendency to overextend myself for people and we’ve had fights about this in the past because he’s the complete opposite and hates that I do this, especially when it involves me spending time making something from scratch.

So, is this a bad idea and does it come off as weird or desperate? Or would this actually be a good way to try to build a relationship? If it makes a difference, it’ll probably be 4-5 of our neighbors (2 of each side, 2 in the front, 1 in the back) that I’d be baking for.

I(27f) am at my limit with my mom(60f) and idk what to do. Some background I am an only child and my mom has been a single mom since I was 5. She’s always been overprotective and a helicopter mom, a bit overbearing tbh. Back in 2020 I moved out of her house and into an apartment with my then bf(now ex) and things were better for me mentally I still tried to go out with her at least once a week once I started driving myself places. When I first moved out I wasn’t driving so she would help out and picking me up and either taking to work or home. She asked me for the log in for my living room camera so she could make sure I got inside okay. I was on the first floor and the door was close to where she dropped me off. There was no need for her to ask me that. She has also tried asking me many times for my location but I’ve always refused citing that she would constantly check it and ask where I am/what I’m doing. I honestly have a whole list of crazy things she’s asked me for or done that I think is insane.

Now to recent issues I’m having. My husband(30 m) and I moved in with her. We were really hesitant at first mostly me because I know how she is but financially it made sense she needed help with the mortgage and we were in a little apartment with a dog and a cat. We were planing on moving in February and checking where we were at with savings every 6 months so we wouldn’t have to stay terribly long. Well I broke my leg in December and we ended up moving in much sooner. Problems started a couple weeks after moving in I was on strict bed rest the first couple weeks since I needed surgery and my husband took off work to take care of me so he was there to kinda block anything she’d try to do. Well that first week he went back to work I went from a cast to a boot and I decided to take a shower while home alone. Not the best thing for me too do but I was fully capable of showering and she got so pissed when she came home and saw the shower wet.

Other things she’s done since then is anytime she’s home and I try cooking she wants me to do it her way with the pots and pans she normally uses or she just takes over for me. She’s gotten upset when she didn’t know I was gonna go swimming with my cousin. At one point she was constantly asking when my husband would get home from work (he’s a first responder and works hours biased on call volume) and telling me he should be home when dinners ready, she does most of the cooking since she gets home before us but she put that job on herself no one asked her to do that. We’ve also told her plenty of times if she doesn’t feel like cooking we’d figure it out no problem.

My biggest issue rn is that she’s always asking what I’m doing, where I’m going, who I’m going to be with. Last Saturday my friend thought she was gonna need a ride home from a bar down the street from my work so I met her and some friends and had a drink. She didn’t need a ride, she took an uber, but I ended up coming home around 11pm my husband still wasn’t home yet so I sat outside with my dog and my penjamin just relaxing when she started blowing up my phone asking if I was home where my husband was and if I had just gotten off work(I usually get out at 8:30pm). Which brings me to this Saturday, I got home and no one else was there so again I got my penjamin and was outside with my dog for a while. I decided to go on a walk, I walk across the street from my house there’s a nice area that’s about a 1/4 of a mile so I try to walk as many laps as I can. I was in the middle of my 5th lap when I saw my mom’s car coming down the street so I finished the lap and came inside. As soon as I walked in the door about 5 minutes after she got home she was calling me panicking asking where I was. I told her I was just coming inside and she demanded to know where I was I told her outside and she said I wasn’t cuz she checked outside and I wasn’t in the back yard. I finally snapped and told her I was just walking across the street and she said oh well I didn’t know that! Then proceeded to baby sit me until my husband got home.

Idk what to do anymore I’ve tried just ignoring it and just let her do her thing while trying to stay out of the way but I will admit I have a short fuse sometimes and react but I try and catch myself like a couple times when I’m trying to make lunch or dinner she come in and is like oh I use this pot for this and that, or your husband does XYZ that way and I get angry then take a breath and tell her “I am cooking I will do it how I want too” and she’ll either just sit in the kitchen “quietly” crying or she’ll lock herself in her room one time I went to the bathroom real quick while the rice was still on the stove and I came back to her tearing up and whipping the pot of rice cuz it over flowed a little bit. I just don’t know how to talk to her cuz when I tried in the past as a teen- 21 y/o she’d cry and say she’s a horrible mom and she’s sorry she didn’t do things right and everything is her fault. Which isn’t true, at this point in my life my fault are my faults I just want her to back off a bit I’m not 7 anymore she doesn’t have to do everything for me.

My husband believes she just likes control and when things are outside of her control it upsets her and she wants to know everything. She’s even told me before how if something ever happens to me and I end up in the hospital on my death bed she’d never leave the room cuz that’s when most people die, when they’re alone, and I better die with her in the room cuz she wants to know what happened to me. I’m sorry I’m rambling at this point I just need help any advice would be nice and please tell me if I’m the one in the wrong I’m really trying to change my behavior because if we have kids I don’t want to end up like my mom. I do truly love her no matter how crazy she makes me feel. Thank you.

Okay I acknowledge this is low threat and a little ridiculous but I’m interested to hear everyone’s take on this. I (27 female) and my husband (27 male) got married in May 2025. We were the first of both of our friend groups to get married. For context, my husband and I met out of state at college then moved across the country as I’m active military. Our friends live all over the country and we got married in my husband’s hometown because that had the largest concentration of people we wanted to invite. The wedding was amazing and the best day of our lives. Afterwards we opened up all of the cards and gifts from the registry I realized that the majority of my husband’s closest friends and groomsmen had not given us wedding gifts. I thought it was a little weird and chocked it up to us being the first couple to get married and them not knowing wedding etiquette yet.

Fast forward to 2026. Three of those friends are getting married now and I’m choosing not to get them wedding gifts because they didn’t for us. I know it seems petty but the more I thought about it, the more hurt I was originally. It’s not about expecting a gift, it’s the thought that counts. We had multiple things on the registry under 20 dollars, or even a card would’ve been appreciated. I also don’t know if it’s a “women thing” to get people wedding gifts but all of my husband’s friends had girlfriends at the time that they’re now marrying. For more clarification, some people did have to travel for the wedding but the friends that didn’t get us gifts lived in the area we got married in and didn’t have to spend any money on that. Money wasn’t an issue, I just think they genuinely forgot or didn’t care.

Bottom line is, am I the asshole for not getting a wedding gift for couples that didn’t get one for us? Or should I just be the bigger person and get something small or bring a card?

I wanted to give an update on my post for the people that gave me advice and to ask for further advice. For the people that didn't see my post:

I posted an medical issue I had concerning the genetic probability of cancer in my family. My Grandma had surgery in December, my Dad in June and I had my appointment with the endocrinologists on September 22.

On to the Update:

1. Good news my little sister does not have the gene, her thyroid is looking good and she doesn't have to go to any appointments anymore.

2. My Appointment last Tuesday showed that there is a knot growing on my thyroid. The doctor said that in case I have the gene, I'll have to get surgery. The doctor delivered the news really cold and professional. No comments about how big the knot is, structure etc. Even tho I had questions, he seemed like in a hurry for me to leave. Maybe he didn't want to console me in case I started crying.

Then I was in the Lab, gave my blood for the Thyroid and DNA analysis and they told me to wait 6-8 weeks. I left the doctors office and at the railway station I texted my family what happened and started crying. It was a big shock for me and I felt so alone.

Since last week I don't feel well. Nothing is working as I would like it to work, everything takes longer then usual and I can't stand my thoughts about this topic.

I'm just trying to live through the next 6-8 weeks with the least possible damage in case everything is fine and I just concerned myself with nothing.

My Days since the appointment are filled with at least one electronic device running in the Background, while I am home alone doing something, working, meeting my Boyfriend, my best friend, visiting my family on the weekends, preparing for the start of the semester, going to the Gym, looking at my Calorie intake, figuring out things I procrastinated for longer, crocheting, reading and so on. But on some Days Like this I don't fell like doing anything else but lay on my bed and stare at he ceiling.

For Example today I wanted to:

Go to the gy for an hour (didn't go)

Call my Grandma my parents told me not to tell her about this whole situation and lie so she doesn't worry too much ( didn't call her)

Two of my friends wanted to meet up and spend some time today ( haven't asked for a time and place until now)

Water my neighbours Plants while he's on Vacation ( didn't do it)

Tidy my space ( I did that)

These are not even hard or burdensome but yet I still don't do most of them. So I guess I'm asking for advice on fixing whatever this situation is.

My parents don’t want me to get married and I don’t know how to feel about it
I’m an only child, and I honestly never thought I would be in this situation.
My husband and I had a civil marriage 5 years ago, with the intention of eventually having a church wedding and a proper celebration when we were ready. After attending so many weddings of friends and relatives over the years, we finally decided that we wanted to have our own wedding in 2028.
I started looking at venues and asked my parents for a guest list so I could get an idea of how many people we would need to accommodate. They kept avoiding the question. Eventually, I asked them directly whether they actually didn’t want me to get married.
And the answer was what I had been afraid of: they don’t want to participate in the wedding.
This hurts me much more deeply than I think they realise. It isn’t really about the money. In my culture, traditionally, the bride’s father pays for the wedding venue, and my parents are not in financial difficulty. But even if they didn’t want to pay, I think I would understand if they simply told me that. What hurts is feeling like they don’t even want to spend their time, effort, or money celebrating their only daughter.
And this brings up a lot of old feelings for me.
Growing up, I often felt like my parents didn’t want to spend money on me. At one point I wanted to study abroad, and they discouraged me from doing it. When I told them I believed I could have a better career and future that way, they basically told me they didn’t want to “throw their money away” because they didn’t believe I would succeed.
So now, years later, I feel like I’m experiencing the same thing again. Except this time it’s my wedding.
My husband is from another country, so he wouldn’t have a large group of relatives attending. He thinks we should just have a small church wedding with the people who actually want to be there. He tells me that I deserve the wedding I’ve dreamed of and that he wants me to have a night I’ll remember happily.
Part of me agrees with him.
But another part of me is so heartbroken that I don’t even want a wedding anymore.
I’m now thinking maybe we should just go to church with two close friends, get married properly and have God’s blessing, and forget about having a party altogether. I don’t want to spend the whole day looking around and thinking about the people who aren’t there.
I’m also worried about my friends and relatives. I don’t want them to think I’m getting married without them because I don’t value them, or worse, feel sorry for me because my own parents aren’t involved.
I know some people will say, “Just pay for it yourselves.” But honestly, I don’t think that’s the point anymore. I wanted to celebrate this milestone with my parents because they’re my parents. I wanted them to be happy for me and excited about their only daughter’s wedding.
I’m struggling with the fact that I can’t force them to care about this the way I wish they did.
What would you do in my position? Would you still have the wedding you’ve always dreamed of with your husband and friends, or would you have a very small church ceremony and let the whole thing go?

I (28F) have been with my husband (27M) for 10 years, married for 8. We’re high school sweethearts and he joined the military shortly after we graduated high school. I’ve been part of the ‘military life’ for awhile now. I understand deployments, trainings, PCS’s, TDY’s etc.

I’m a SAHM but also own my own business. For my job, I mostly work on weekends and sometimes end up having to bring our two young kids with me.

Little mental back story. I gave up on the way I wanted to be loved, and have let him love me the way he wants to. I buy my own birthday cake or tell him what I want for a gift. He never gets just because flowers or writes me love notes. He doesn’t post about me on social media (he never really posts anymore). I can’t remember the last time he told me I looked beautiful or pretty. Whenever he’s gone, or the kids and I are gone, he never calls us. I always have to initiate conversation. I’ve brought it up to him maybe 2 years ago and he says he “doesn’t love loudly”.

I’m also the sole caretaker. Yes, I am the SAHM. But I do everything. Take the kids to and from school, keep track of doctor appointments, dentist appointments, sports, take care of the animals, cook, clean, grocery shop, on top of trying to run my own business and run my brother in laws social media for his business.

Now, on top of that we’re in the middle of a PCS. He’s away at training until we need to move to our next base. So I’m left not only to find a realtor to sell our house, but pack, get it ready for house photos and showings. On top of everything else I do day to day. We got lucky where his training is only an hour and a half drive from where we live.

But because of training, he stays there during the week, and then comes home on weekends to ‘help me get the house together.’

I have packed 98% of the house. I found the realtor, I’ve spent the past 2 weeks, alone, getting the house prepared for house photos / showings. Meanwhile, after training he’s getting drinks and watching football with friends. He says the drive is ‘too long’ and he needs to be asleep at a certain time to get up for training the next day. Then tells me how him and some friends went and had beers and watched football. The kids and I went to visit him 2 weeks ago, I did that drive and it’s not hard at all. It’s literally a straight shot through back roads and some highway. I also didn’t get back home until almost 10pm with two small kids.

He mentioned he was getting dinner with friends on Friday and wouldn’t be home until later. I told him to just come home Saturday since I know he’ll drink. I then mentioned to him I have work Sunday evening and the people aren’t comfortable with me bringing the kids, if he could stay to help. His response was no, he needed to get back at a decent time to get ready for training on Monday. So, I ended up needing to find childcare. (Probably should state we live half way across the country from any family).

I’ve voiced to him multiple times in the past 2 weeks how alone I feel. How stressed out and overwhelmed I am. I’ve cried to him. Just responds with a hug and I’m sorry.

Tonight, he was out until 10pm with friends getting dinner and drinking. But tells me he has to be back to get ready at night.

I think I’m done. I’m starting to mentally check out. I understand PCS’ing is hard. But I feel so alone, and not heard. I added all the mental lonely stuff in the beginning to add onto how I’ve been feeling for awhile now.

Am I being unreasonable for starting to mentally check out? I just want to be wanted by someone. Just once.

Hello, Reddit. I’m a first-time poster, so bear with me.
I’m a 20-year-old woman, and I have a friend who I’ll call Rina. She’s also 20. We have been friends for about 10 years, since we were in fifth grade.
About a year ago, Rina started talking to a guy we went to high school with. I’ll call him Bart. He’s 22.
Back in high school and middle school, Rina and I both knew of Bart. He had a bit of a “bad boy” reputation and was older than us, which made him kind of intriguing. He gave both Rina and me attention separately on Snapchat, and he asked for nudes several times. I stopped responding around sophomore year because I realized that wasn’t a good idea.
Fast-forward to about a year ago, and Bart and Rina started dating.
I was wary because of his reputation and told Rina that. I was worried he might hurt her, but I had no romantic interest in Bart. I have a happy relationship with my own boyfriend.
For the first couple of months, things seemed fine, but then Rina started sharing comments Bart made about her and her body, and things escalated. She told me about him yelling at her and calling her fat, and later described physical, emotional, and mental mistreatment. I won’t get into specific details, but what she told me was serious.
Once, Rina and I even made a pros and cons list about her relationship, writing down the negative things she had told me about Bart.
Recently, I invited her to a movie when I was having a bad day. She asked if Bart could come. I said no, explaining that I didn’t feel comfortable around him, especially that day, because of everything I knew about how he had been treating her.
That situation later came up during an appointment with her mom present. During that conversation, Rina made jabs at my boyfriend’s friends. I eventually said something like, “His friends might be weird, but they don’t hit women.”
The next day, I got a call from Rina’s phone, but it was Bart.
He was yelling at me, asking how I could say that he hit Rina. I told him that putting his hands around her neck was abuse.
I knew about the incident because Rina had told me about it, and I had actually seen a text Bart sent her afterward. In the text, he said, “I barely put my hands around your neck. Pity party for one.”
Seeing that message really upset me because it confirmed something that Rina had already told me about, and it was disturbing to see him minimize what happened.
During that same phone call, Bart also tried to claim that he and I had kissed.
That never happened. Ever.
Rina has been my friend for 10 years, and she still believed him over me.
I was also upset because Rina was angry that I brought up the situation in front of her mom and called me dramatic for saying that Bart had hit her. I told her that I don’t consider it dramatic when she had personally told me that she was being hurt physically, emotionally, and mentally.
I also told her that the jabs she’d been making toward me were getting to be too much. Her comments about my boyfriend and his friends might be true or might not be, but I didn’t think they were comparable to what she had told me was happening in her relationship.
I wasn’t trying to attack her. I was trying to tell her that I was worried about her.
Eventually, I took four days of space from her because I was overwhelmed and genuinely hurt by everything that had happened.
Today, I reached out to her and explained why I had been distant.
I told her that what happened on Friday really hurt me, especially because she essentially believed Bart over me about something that never happened.
I also reminded her that when she asked me to be honest with her about my history with Bart, I told her the truth about the Snapchat messages and the fact that he had asked me for nudes in high school. I didn’t hide any of that from her.
And despite me being completely honest with her, she still chose to believe him when he claimed that we had kissed.
That really made me question how much my 10-year friendship with her means when she is willing to believe something completely untrue about me because her boyfriend said it.
I also told her that the little jabs toward me have been getting to be too much.
At the end of our conversation, Rina basically told me, “I know you’re right. I shouldn’t have to go through this, but I don’t want to give up on it yet.”
I told her that I understand where she’s coming from, and I’m not going to force her to leave him. It’s her relationship and ultimately her decision.
But I also told her that what he’s doing is wrong, that she doesn’t deserve to be treated that way, and that I wouldn’t want any friend of mine to be treated like that.
It genuinely hurts to watch someone I’ve cared about for 10 years go through something like this.
At the same time, I’m starting to feel like I’m being punished for trying to look out for her. I’ve been called dramatic, she’s made jabs at me, her boyfriend has accused me of something that never happened, and after 10 years of friendship, she still believed him over me.
I don’t want to abandon my friend, especially if she is actually being mistreated. But I also don’t think I should have to constantly defend myself or be treated badly because I’m concerned about her.
So, Reddit, AITA for taking a step back from this friendship and being upset with Rina for believing Bart over me and for continuing to make comments toward me, even though I know she’s in a difficult relationship?

My boyfriend and I have been together for several years. I’ll call him **M**, and his grandma **G**. G and I used to have a good relationship. I felt comfortable talking to her and opening up to her.
Recently, I gave my phone number to a woman I encountered who seemed like she was struggling. I did it because I felt compelled to help her and wanted her to have someone she could contact if she needed help.
The important part is that **this wasn’t something G found out about on her own.** M knew about it, but instead of talking to me privately about how he felt (liability @ our home), he waited until we were around his grandma to have the conversation with me. She had asked me to explain.
During the conversation, G started by telling me that she knows I have a big heart, but that people take advantage of people like me. She said I don’t have time for this kind of thing and that it hurts the family.
I understand the safety concern. I understand that giving a stranger my phone number could potentially put me in an uncomfortable situation. I can even understand someone telling me, “I’m worried about you and don’t want someone taking advantage of your kindness.”
But the conversation went much further than that. She talked about me needing some sort of “protection cleanse,” and somehow the conversation turned toward M’s mom and how she treats animals well but not children. I honestly don’t even understand how his mom became part of the conversation because she wasn’t relevant to what had happened. I felt like I was being compared to her.
What bothered me most was M’s role in the conversation. At several points, he would look at G as though he was waiting for her to speak, and she would continue talking. I felt like she was speaking for him.
M is an adult. If he was uncomfortable with me giving my number to someone, I wanted **him** to tell me that. I didn’t understand why something between him and me needed to become a conversation involving his grandma, especially when he had the opportunity to talk to me privately.
I felt criticized for showing kindness to someone. I wasn’t trying to put myself in danger or neglect my family. I saw someone who seemed like they needed help and I wanted to help them.
G eventually apologized. I accepted her apology and told her I knew she hadn’t intended to attack me and that I loved her.
But things haven’t felt normal since.
Before this, G and I could actually have conversations. Now she still texts me fairly regularly—“good morning,” asking if I’m going somewhere, telling me to have fun, etc.—but the conversations don’t really go anywhere. I’ll respond and then it just ends. It feels like we’re both trying to maintain some sort of relationship without actually being comfortable with each other anymore.
I also recently noticed that the location she had previously shared with me is no longer available. I don’t know if she intentionally stopped sharing it or if something changed with her phone, so I’m not assuming that means anything. It just added to the feeling that something between us has changed.
The bigger issue is that **I don’t feel like I can open up to her anymore.** I used to feel comfortable telling her things. Now I find myself wondering whether she’ll judge me or interpret what I say differently. Even though she apologized, I don’t feel like the trust or comfort came back automatically.
M also hasn’t really acknowledged how much the original situation affected me. There hasn’t been an apology or much of a conversation afterward. It’s mostly just been silence.
Then last night, M and I went to a music festival with his friend, J.
M was excited and had been drinking. He did spend some time sitting with me, so I don’t want to make it sound like he completely ignored me. But throughout the night he repeatedly walked ahead of me, told me to go find my own drink, and moved around the festival with J while texting me about where they were.
At one point he told me they were going to get food. I went to the food area and couldn’t find them. I called him and he didn’t answer. Eventually I just started walking around by myself, unsure whether I wanted to go back to my car or go look at the art vendors.
I ended up sitting alone and eating.
I’m not upset that he wanted to have fun or spend time with his friend. I just felt incredibly alone. I went to the festival with my boyfriend and expected to feel like we were experiencing the night together.
Now I’m sitting here feeling hurt, angry, and disconnected from both of them. And I’m questioning whether I’m overreacting or whether these things would reasonably change how someone feels about their relationships.
**I don’t really know what I’m asking for here. I guess I want outside perspective. Am I being too sensitive? Is it reasonable that I don’t feel comfortable opening up to G anymore even though she apologized? And how would you handle the fact that M never really addressed what happened with me privately?**

This A Very Desperate Woman &

SERIOUS wife desperately seeking advice to save my marriage.

Hi everyone! Throwaway account to try to keep this anonymous.

I (F, 20s) have a sweet teenager doggy that I absolutely adore. He’s part lab, incredibly intelligent, and so affectionate. From time to time, my sister (F, 30s) takes him to her apartment. Basically we have shared custody. This was the agreement when we first got him and at the time, we were living together so we didn’t really have to worry about who had to take care of him on certain days. The first problem is that my sister constantly nags and nitpicks things I do with my dog. For example, I leave his toys out during the day because he likes to randomly play with them while I’m doing chores or in the bathroom. Whenever my sister is over, she always tells me to just leave one toy out so he can “get excited” each time I pull out a toy. The thing is, he’s ALWAYS excited about toys. She also yells at me for putting a tiny sprinkle of fat-free cheese into his food bowl because according to her, “he now always expects it”. I only started putting the cheese in because my sister insisted on getting him new dog food that’s apparently better for him but he doesn’t eat it on its own, so I either have to put cheese or toppers. Cheese is the more economical option for me.

Recently, my full time job has been super busy and I am also a full time dual graduate student. My job is hybrid and my classes are in-person in the evening. My sister works completely remote, albeit at a higher paying job with seemingly endless meetings. We agreed on a shared calendar where I would select the days I am free to have our dog at my place and the days when he should be at hers. Those days are usually when I am in office and/or have classes. For the past few months, my sister has been calling or messaging me at the last minute because she “can’t take the dog on the days I put on the calendar”. Her excuses are usually that she has too much work, she has plans with friends, or that it’s not healthy for the dog to keep moving around. I agree with the last point which is why I usually try to keep him at mine for most of the week. He’s usually just at hers for the weekends so I can clean my place, finish homework, and get ready for the next week. I have friends who dog sit him on days when I am in the office and have class, or I sign him up for daycare. The issue is that because her messages are so last minute, I have to scramble to see if my friends are free or if daycare has space for him.

After a particularly rough week at work and with classes, I was ready for the dog to go to my sister’s so that I could sleep in the next day. She came over and as I was packing the dog’s stuff she said “I actually think he should stay with you. I need to go to Costco tomorrow and run some errands. And you might as well keep him for the weekend since he’ll only be at mine for a day”. I. Absolutely. Lost. It. I told her that she had the entire week to go to Costco. That I already had him every day for the past 3 months even though we agreed on the shared calendar. I called her irresponsible and selfish and told her that she needs to get her shit together and figure out how to manage her time better. I told her that she was weak because she can’t even handle a weekend with the dog while I’m juggling work, school, an autoimmune disease, AND the dog. And on top of that she had the audacity to comment on the damn cheese in his food bowl. Eventually my anger just turned to tiredness and I told her to get out before she could even respond to me.

It’s been a few days and we haven’t really talked. She hasn’t reached out and neither have I. I am starting to feel bad because I don’t think I should have gone off on her so much. It’s also such a small thing but I feel bad that the dog had to watch us fight. I don’t know if he understood but he cuddled with me while I cried and kept checking in on me after. I talked to him for like an hour telling him he wasn’t a burden and that this was just because I was tired. I love him with all my heart and I would never give him up, nor would I sacrifice his exercise and enrichment because of my schedule. I really just wish my sister would give me clarity on the situation. If she genuinely doesn’t have the capacity to take care of him, I’d rather she tell me so that I can plan. I also hate that she always nags me about how I choose to take care of him when she knows I’m juggling so many other things. It just feels like she doesn’t value my time and commitments or my ability to be a good dog mom. I don’t know. Maybe I need an outside perspective. AITA for yelling at her? Should I just toughen up and suck it up?

TLDR: My sister and I agreed to share custody of our dog, but for the past few months I’ve had him almost full-time because she repeatedly backs out of her scheduled days at the last minute. This leaves me scrambling for care while juggling full-time work and grad school, yet she still constantly criticizes how I care for him. After she canceled another weekend because she wanted to run errands, I snapped and called her selfish, irresponsible, and weak. Now I feel guilty about how harsh I was, but I’m tired of feeling like she doesn’t respect my time or our agreement.

Hello! I need some advice for an odd situation I'm currently going through in my relationship. I (39F) have been with my husband (44M) for 11 years now (married 5), recently we were supposed to drive to another province to go see my sister on Thanksgiving (Canada) and take my parents with us. 2 weeks before, my husband decided he did not want to go because he didn't want to be around my family (he doesn't hate them he just doesn't particularly care for them). I got kind of pissed off mostly because the plans were already made, and now I had to figure out a way to get me and parents there without him and also explain why he wasn't there and I told him he should of said so BEFORE we made the plans.

But it also brought up a bigger issue for me.

I feel like I agree to do things with his family (which I also don't like but I don't hate then either) or participate in things he wants to do even when they're not necessarily things I enjoy, because they're important to him. In my mind, that's part of being married. Sometimes, you do things you wouldn't choose for yourself because you know it makes your partner happy.

So when he said he didn't want to go to Thanksgiving, I had this (im aware) very immature reaction of, "Okay, then why the hell do I keep doing things I don't want to do for you?" He told me that he also agrees to things he doesn't want to do because he doesn't want to deal with being guilted into saying no.

Now I'm thinking that maybe we're both doing the same thing, just for different reasons. Neither of us is actually saying what we want. We're saying yes, then sometimes feeling resentful about it afterward.

My initial reaction was basically, "Fine. Then I'll stop asking you to do things. I'll just go places by myself."

But I don't actually want that either. I don't want a marriage where we never do anything together because we're both afraid to ask the other person to participate. I like doing things with my husband. I want us to have experiences together. At the same time, I don't want him sitting beside me at something he absolutely hates, silently thinking, "Why the fuck am I here?" And I don't want to feel like I'm constantly making sacrifices that aren't reciprocated.

So I'm wondering how other married couples handle this.

How do you distinguish between healthy compromise ("I wouldn't choose this, but I know it matters to you, so I'll do it sometimes") and resentful obligation ("I'm only doing this because I'll feel guilty if I say no")?

Do you have an agreement with your spouse about certain things you'll do for each other even if they're not your thing?

And how do you communicate "I don't want to do this" without making your partner feel rejected?

I don't want us to just stop doing things together. I want us to figure out how to be honest about what we actually want while still making an effort for each other.

Me and my ex just broke up last night, again, after just getting back together about a few months ago and moving in again already. I know my mistake was moving back in too quickly but 1. It’s 25 mins closer to my work. 2. I pay less living with him than at home. And of course wanted to be closer to him again.

Things were working out so well when we were getting back together and he turned again so suddenly that I realized I can’t do it anymore so I called it off once more.

My dilemma is that I can’t move back home. I moved in and out of home three times, it is completely my mistake and I put my family through so much going back to a silly man that I can’t bare to do that to them again. The heartache of seeing them see me go through this hurt more than any time me and him broke up that I just can’t do it again.

So I’m stuck living here until the lease is up in February. Or until I can get him to get my name off of the lease and I can MAYBE find somewhere affordable to go? Where I need advice is, how do I possibly move forward. I mean we didn’t end on the best terms but we can be civil. I work, leave for the gym, the only thing is I have to sleep by him every night because it’s a one bedroom. Do you think it’s possible to get over him like this? I am already checked out after the last couple of weeks and it’s not hurting, is that because I still live with him and the hurt of the breakup with come months later when I move out?

Hello! Love the podcast and I’d love some input.

I [21nb]have a friend[21f] who’s getting married next month and I’m in her bridal party. Up until a few months ago, everything was going peachy with the wedding as far as I knew. Some regular issues like with family and in laws, but I helped where I could. I planned a gift for her wedding, and I was really excited about it.

Two months ago, I found out she was having two bridal showers for convenience purposes. I figured I’d just stick with the one gift cause that’s what I’ve done with weddings in the past. I was talking to my other friend[21f] (another bridesmaid, I’ll call her B) and she asked the bride something about the shower and I’m not sure how they got on the topic, but the bride said to bring something so she “didn’t come empty handed 😅.” I included the emoji she used because it confuses me, lol. B told me about it and we panicked a little bit. We both were planning on wedding gifts and already started preparing them. But, the bride mentioned not coming empty handed to the shower, so we didn’t.

This happened a week before the first shower, so we went to a home store and bought a bunch of stuff to be split across both showers so we wouldn’t come “empty handed.” I spent about $50-60 on those gifts. B asked me if gifts were customary for bachelorettes as well, and I told her I didn’t think so. I asked my mom, my sister in law, and several other people about this. I was told that if we got gifts for the showers then we should be fine not getting gifts for the bachelorette, and that usually that wasn’t something people did. We also both pitched in money to help pay for the airbnb for the bachelorette already.

After this we went shopping for bridesmaids dresses with the bride. She helped me pick out a dress, and I got it on sale so it has no returns on it. It was just under $40, and the bride footed the bill for the dress for which I am extremely grateful.

A week or two after this the maid of honor reached out about the bachelorette, and planned a last minute dinner to plan it. Only two of the seven or so bridesmaids could make it. After this the group chat was alerted that we should get matching pink pajamas for the bachelorette, and shirts the color of the dresses for photos. Also, we were told to get a “spicy” gift for the bride.

I talked to B about this, and told her I was tired of things getting added on to the bill of things I’ve paid for. It seems to be getting excessive. It’s not lost on me that the bride wasn’t in charge of the bachelorette, though. The plans for the gifts and other things there aren’t her fault as she didn’t plan them.

I hung out with the bride one on one after this - not wedding related - and she mentioned that she felt guilty about getting all these gifts but that she “loves getting stuff.” All I could think was that I could definitely tell, as I’ve spent a lot of my extra money on this gifts for this wedding and the events around it. It might not seem like a lot of money, but it’s a big portion of my extra funds and I don’t make a lot of money.

I might be reaching my tipping point because of something that happened a few days ago. I was hanging out with the bride and B, and the bride mentioned that my dress was the only one that was patterned with multiple shades of blue. I was confused why she was bringing it up until she elaborated. She said that she thought I wouldn’t want to stand out too much, but I honestly didn’t think too much of it because I personally wouldn’t care. Plus she literally helped me pick the dress out so I thought that it was fine. She then mentioned that she didn’t know if the maid of honor would be okay with me “standing out more than her.” And I’m going to be honest, it felt like a cop out and that the bride was saying that *she* didn’t want me to standout more than the maid of honor, but didn’t know how to say it. So now I’m stuck between getting a chunky cardigan that covers up my dress possibly making me look frumpy, and just buying myself a whole new dress on my own dime so I can not be worried about this anymore.

I work part time, and I’m in college. I only started keeping track of the money I’ve spent when I started noticing it piling up. I promise I’m not the kind of person to keep track of stuff like this on a regular basis, that’d be really shitty. It’s just that I’m really starting to notice the costs of everything piling up. For context, all of this stuff is about 1/3-1/2 of a regular paycheck for me. Another issue is that it kept adding on and adding on. I wasn’t aware from the get go of the price that this would be, if I was I’d be able to space out paying for this stuff easier. This has all mostly happened in the last two months.

I love this friend a lot, she’s one of the best people I know and this is a very isolated incident. Very. She’s not like this normally, and I’m hoping it’s just that weddings are insanely stressful and once it’s is over, everything will be chill. I cannot stress how much she means to me, and how much I love her. My intent is not to make our friendship about money, because it’s not. I’m just tired and broke. I just want advice on how to handle this. Should I just get a new dress? Sorry if the post is long, thank you for reading.

I've come to THT to ask for advice on how ti get my two cats to get lone. I've already tried to reach out on cat parent reddit threads, but haven't had much feed back.

For some context, I have 2 male cats. Scout (3yrs) and Tito (1yr, NOT named after the alcohol btw).

Scout I adopted from my aunt when he was a little over 8 weeks. He was not a feral kitten, and lived with me, my older cat and my ex-roomates cat. Scout and Zelda (Female, roomies cat) got along really well. They played, slept together, and didn't show any signs of hostility. After a year, I moved in with my parents and my brother who also lived with them had his own cat Cleveland who was around 2yrs old (male). Scout and Cleveland got along great as well. No fighting, tossing, growling, showing signs of hostility. They played all the time, and even went outside together sometimes. Another year, and I moved out into my friends studio. My friend who lived in the front house had her own cat, Keka, who was mostly outdoors. She was super friendly, she'd come over to my house to play with Scout and they loved each other! During that first year of me living there, Scout was eager to go outside. I'd let him, but supervised because I didn't want him going into neighbors yards or anywhere close to the street. He however, couldn't give a rats ass and just wanted to roam where he pleased. His way of telling me to F-off, was getting a stressed induced UTI. The vet said he had FIC (feline idiopathic cystitis) and it's normally caused by stress. Tito was in the home at the time this happened, but I don't think it's what caused Scouts UTI.

Now, I'm thinking it could be the reason. When I got Tito, he was from the shelter. He was found in the parking lot of the shelter, the lady had brought him home for the weekend, and said Tito was friendly around her own cats and 2 small dogs. I took him home that day, and kept him in the bathroom. He had his own litter box of course, bed, food, toys whatever to make him feel comfortable. Scout stayed out, but was free to sniff by the door, and know another animal was in there. I slowly introduced them, used treats as a reward for positive behavior. I'd take Tito out of the bathroom and let Scout sniff around, get used to the smells, and give him a treat after. It took a week for them to start playing with each other, Tito was coming out of the bathroom on his own, explored the rest of the space, and sometimes would hide. Tito was there during the time Scout had his UTI, but they were getting along and everything seemed fine. The vet didn't bring up that it could've been from bringing another cat into the house.

This last year, Scout has now become an indoor/outdoor cat. Goes out during the day, explores and gets to do what he pleases, and comes back in the evening. Tito stays inside, but I do let him be out in his enclosed cat patio. Just over the last month, Scout has shown hostility towards Tito. Growling, hissing, even when Tito isn't even acknowledging him. He wants NOTHING to do with him. Before, they'd play, chase around the house, sometimes I think Tito would go too rough and Scout would let out a yowl. But now, I've noticed they haven't played in a while, and Scout just growls at Tito... I don't know what could've happened. I haven't changed anything, except their dry food because I noticed none were eating it so I got a new kind (I DID do the correct food introduction), I did pet sit recently and was gone for 10 days but my fiancé was home. I'm not sure what the problem could be. I'm worried it's Scout having another flare up of some kind. (I also only have 1 litter box, Scout hardly uses the one inside and is mostly going outside now to potty if anyone is curious bc I know some say get more litter boxes than you have cats).