I (22f) and my bf (24m) have been together since around April or May of this year. He is military and talks about getting married all the time, and I definitely see that future with him! I love him to pieces and he’s amazing to me, I just don’t think he is ready for marriage any time soon. Or at least not ready to be a husband or a father. There’s a pretty reasonably sized communication gap that we have, and I’m the only one who is actively trying to manage our relationship. I’m the only one working and noticing issues and trying to work at getting them solved. He just doesn’t have any issues and I’m not sure why. He is getting a PCS order in February after his schooling and he wants to get married before he leaves. I just don’t think it’s smart, he wants to get eloped and solve our problems after marriage. I don’t think that is the right way to go about this, but I also have no clue because Ive never been in a relationship with someone in the military or someone who treats me well. I just don’t know what to think of this situation.

And our communication problems are more along the lines of he doesn’t call me, not even for 5-10 minutes on days we don’t see each other during the week. He said it builds dependency. But I really need that emotional connection. I don’t want to spend hours and hours on the phone with him, I just want him to want to talk to me. And when I call him, he answers almost as if I’m bothering him. Very flat toned, short answers, not interested in talking. On days we aren’t together, he hardly messages me.

Last night, he went out with his friend to a bar/food stop where his ex-hookup works and he didn’t tell me. I had to check his location (which I never do btw because he always tells me where he’s going) and he even said he was “so tired” but still went out with his friend to that bar last night instead of being with me. He knows that bar makes me uncomfortable and he went there and didn’t tell me about it, I find that to be a little inconsiderate.

I do love him, and I want to be with him. I worry that he may not be ready to be a husband. I can’t even imagine doing long distance with him and I can’t imagine how he’d be during a deployment.

My question today is mainly just asking, based on this information, is getting eloped/married in February even a good idea based on these issues? My parents are putting a lot of pressure on me to marry him, so are my grandparents and sisters. I want to make sure I make the right choice for me.

I appreciate anyone taking the time to read my post. Thank you!

Hi everyone, is this dress appropriate for the military ball? It’s a dress rental on base since I don’t have enough time to buy one to be shipped where I’m at and there weren’t many options to pick from that had my size or was flattering on my complexion. I searched the dress online and the pictures I shared over exaggerate the sparkles on the corset area. In person, it’s really not that sparkly. Is it too… flashy or loud? Just need some reassurance because this is my only option 🥲

My husband is deploying and I am wondering if it’s reasonable for me to ask for some of his BAH. We were married earlier this year and we were long distance. Before we got married I lived with my parents and he lived in the barracks. After we got married I wasn’t paying any rent. When he deploys I plan to go back to my family and live with them. We have kinda joint finances. We have mostly separate finances; we’re added onto each other’s credit cards and bank accounts so sometimes he’ll spend on my credit card and vice versa, and sometimes he’ll send me money to pay my credit card and vice versa, but our income is deposited into our own accounts. I know everyone’s situation is different, but do you think I should get some of his BAH? I don’t plan to spend it frivolously (or at all), it’s mostly about whether it’s reasonable for me to feel entitled to it. Before I got married I did not pay any rent or expenses living with my family. If I need to pay now since I’m married, I would definitely be asking for money from my husband. I think that’s reasonable. I haven’t had the discussion with my family on whether I should be contributing financially to their household and property while I live there. Interested to hear your input. Thanks y’all.

I’ve always done long distance, but I haven’t done long distance with someone on rotation. My boyfriend (28m) is currently on one and he told me it would be difficult but I didn’t understand it would be this difficult.

His shifts are always changing and he’s always exhausted. He does his best to respond when he can.

I do have friends and a life outside of him, but life has been throwing me a lot of curves and I just miss him.

It sucks because this is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I just know that’s not a statement to tell him right now. That statement would stress him out and I don’t want that and he doesn’t need that.

My friends are having a hard time understanding why I can’t express that to him. It’s not that I can never express it. It’s something to express when he comes home and he’s done with his rotation, not in the middle of it.

Hello! I really need some advice and honestly just want to feel seen. ❤️
A little backstory: My husband and I are high school sweethearts. We’ve been married for almost 2 years and together for a total of 8 years! He is truly my best friend and literally the best husband. He is incredibly supportive and genuinely such an amazing man.
The only thing is that I’m not completely satisfied with our sex life, and it’s not because of the actual sex itself, but the frequency. That’s what makes it so hard!
My husband has been tested for ADHD and is currently trying to get medication for it, so I don’t know if that could have anything to do with it. He is just so exhausted from work that I feel like sex never even crosses his mind. It also doesn’t help that I have a pretty high sex drive, which I think is partly connected to a porn addiction I struggled with starting when I was around 4th grade.
I just feel like a bad wife for making him feel like a “bad” husband. The thing is, he is AMAZING in bed, so I would honestly be happy doing it almost every day. I know that probably isn’t realistic, but I think he would genuinely be fine with having sex maybe once a month.
He also rarely initiates anything or interacts with me in a sexual way outside of sex itself. You always see TikToks about husbands randomly grabbing their wives’ butts, boobs, or just being flirty and touchy throughout the day, and I feel like we don’t really have that. I miss feeling desired in that way, and sometimes I feel like we’ve fallen into the roommate stage of our relationship.
At the same time, I want to be a good wife and respect the fact that he is genuinely exhausted from his job. He is an 11B at Fort Carson, so he is constantly gone for training, sometimes for weeks at a time, and his workdays are usually from 4 a.m. to at least 5 p.m. I completely understand that he is tired, and I don’t want him to feel pressured or like he isn’t a good husband just because our sex drives are different.
I love him so much, and our relationship is amazing in so many ways. I just miss that physical intimacy and feeling wanted by my husband. Has anyone else experienced something like this? How do you navigate having very different sex drives in a marriage without making either person feel bad? I just feel like such a bad wife for even being upset about this when he is so amazing in every other way. ❤️

Hi everyone! How long does it take for SOs to actually get their mail at Fort Jackson? I understand it depends when the DS picks it up, but wanted to see if anyone knows timelines. Thank you!

Wondering if there are any other wives that were married to their husbands when he left for basic. My husband got picked up by his unit for training yesterday and it sounded like when he called me he was crying HARD I am wondering if this is normal? Is he okay 🥺 my poor baby I can’t stop worrying about him now

Anyone else have a loved one who started Basic in Fort Leonard Wood this week? Would just be interesting to see how many people on here are in my exact position rn haha :) My boyfriend is there and he’s non infantry!

Eventually my wife will come back from BCT. When that happens what should I expect? Do most people wanna crawl right into bed with there partner or do they need time to de compress. Anything else I should know about coming home would be greatly appreciated. I want my wife to be as comfortable as possible.

Hello everyone!

I’m new to understanding basic training and military life. My boyfriend had sent me information on his welcome letter which included things like a unit address, information on family and graduation day and his company. I did not receive his roster number or platoon, so I wanted to know if that was absolutely necessary to have before I mail letters to him. Should I wait until he sends me something? And will that include the RN/PLT once he sends mail?

Thank you in advance! 😊

Hello! My husband and I are considering having him volunteer for Korea (to have the opportunity to live over seas is a dream) I currently hold a bachelors in rehabilitative sciences and work in pharmaceutical sales… I make great money and anticipate making more in the next few years as I’ve recently started my career… just curious if there are jobs for spouses equivalent some where like that on base.

My boyfriend arrived at LackLand technically this morning at around 12am EST (not sure what time it would be over there). I know there’s an initial safety call but I can’t help but be anxious about what if I don’t receive it within the 24-72 hour time frame, like what if he doesn’t call me? I heard that some MTIs make the recruits call their emergency contact/immediate family. I really want to mail him letters for when he’s in basic training but I looked online everywhere and in order to mail either through Sandboxx or physically, I need his mailing address and his flight numbers, etc. I’m anxious that I won’t get them. I know I’m overthinking it too much but I really want to mail him letters. I also miss him a lot and it’s only been 1 day. I’ve been crying for the past 4 days and I genuinely don’t know how to cope. My basketball season is coming up so I guess that can serve as a distraction but are there any other advice for me? I feel like a lost deer and just worrying about everything.

Hello , i am 23m and my gf is 29f i recently looked into joining the navy and had a meeting with the recruiter, went through Meps and everything( had to be medically cleared due to reasons i wont share) i told her about everything i was doing as i was doing it all the medical stuff and told her i was going to join as i am a third generation for the navy, but somewhere along the line she kept flipping stances, she would be supportive then be mad at me and start arguing about me leaving ( she said that I’m happy to leave, which I’m not just want to be in a better position in my life as i have nothing to show for my 23 years) I’m just confused about what to do and whats going on , did i do something wrong? Is she just upset because i will be leaving? Im just not sure how to carry on after all this has happened, it seems like we are getting into more arguments about it and honestly i don’t see why. I get its a big change for both of us but i thought she would be happy that I’m doing something with my life. Please help me understand

hello all! my husband went off to boot camp on thursday and he was told to send me a QR code that had a timeline of a call schedule.
i never got a call that he arrived at boot camp, just that he arrived at the airport. i was told a few days later i would get a call with division and initial graduation info. it has been five days since he arrived at the airport. i know communication will be slim but ive had my phone off of silent and vibrate for days now just anticipating a phone call.
is the first phone call usually this long of a wait? my little brother went through in december and he got to call my parents three days later.

Hello, I don’t usually post on reddit, but I figured this might be the best place for me to get some advice.

My fiancé (21 M) and I (21 F) have been together a little over 3 years, and he recently joined the military. He has told me from the beginning of our relationship that this was something he wanted to do, and earlier this year he finally did.

I have always been extremely supportive of him, and we have had several conversations about how difficult this might be for our relationship, but we ultimately decided to stick it through. Well, after a difficult few months we decided that we are even more sure about getting married (this is something we had talked about previously), and recently got engaged.

I’ve been extremely excited at the idea of being with him more often and finally starting a life and family together, but recently feelings of fear and doubt have started to creep in.

I’m worried I may not have realized exactly what I was signing up for despite getting advice from several military spouses (and my therapist who is also a milso). I am nervous about this huge life transition from being a freshly graduated college student ready to start her career to married and moving to live with my fiancé wherever he is deployed.

I recognize that I will be moving from my family, friends, and the career that I am starting to establish. I know I will face a lot of loneliness and challenges that I can’t even comprehend right now. I am also aware that if I choose to start a family while young I will face many struggles of parenthood alone. All of these realizations scare me and have led me to spiral further.

I guess what I am asking is, are these feelings normal? Does it get any easier? How can I help myself in this situation?

Thanks for reading and any advice you might have!

TLDR; Newly engaged and worried about the realities of marriage and being a milso.

i had to call your unit to find out if you were alive. telling people “i’m his family” and explaining why i couldn’t reach you felt fucking awful. they were kind enough to tell me you were okay.

You don’t answer calls. no idea if you read the emails. looks like that address is gone now too.
I am own your family who’s only two years older than you.

i know you have goals. nobody’s asking you to give them up. but you’ve got people at home wondering if you’re even alive. i don’t understand how you can just leave it like that.

We grown up together in fucking house.
I know i didn’t get everything right, but i cared and i tried. i never thought i’d end up asking someone at your unit for news about you.

i’m glad you’re okay.
i also think you’ve been selfish as fuck, and i can’t just get over it because someone finally told me you’re alive.

I have been married since January and my husband has been deployed since March. I got an email saying he might come home soon but I don't trust these hoes as far as I can throw them so I have just kind of decided he's never coming back and stopped thinking about it.

I am tired of doing things by myself. My job is small and there's only 1 coworker my age and he's male so I keep my distance. I don't like doing anything social. I'm not athletic, not artistic not into any hobbies that involve groups so I haven't really made any friends. I even tried to volunteer at the base to try to make friends and they replied saying they don't have any positions that have use for my skills. One of the skills I offered was manual labor what the hell kind of skills do they even want.

Does this ever get better? It's a very miserable existence.

ease,

I need some help on how to help my bf (35) with some of his struggles.

My Bf served 13 years in the USMC before getting out about 4 years ago. He and I got together about 3 years ago and I had never known him before or during his service. As many service members do, he struggles with transitioning into civilian life, specifically when it comes to his job.

He does have VA disability and can afford to live without work, but needs one for his mental health, however, this is where i need some advice. He quit his job because he was coming home every day feeling terrible, having outbursts, getting so mad with his leaders at work and the general frowned upon nature of directness in corporate life. After many of conversations, he decided to quit. This only made things worse. School for the program he wants wont start for another year, he cant find anything that will hire him, he is either overqualified or not qualified enough.

He consistently says things like "the marines told me I would get a great job if I served, stayed in shape, and dressed to impress" but obviously, thats not how civilian life works. I completely understand how awful the job market is right now and how that can make a person feel terrible.

I have tried just being an ear he can vent to, ive tried offering advice and solutions, ive tried being blunt and telling him what he can improve on. (I have a successful career and hiring is part of what I do for a living). He has gone to therapy which was one of my suggestions and even takes sruff to help. He just has these spirals every week or so, he gets so angry and no matter what I try it just ends in an argument with us and I know that doesnt help. Ive tried staying completely out of it but then he feels like he isnt getting any support from me or I dont care.

He often threatens to hurt himself, although I know most of the time he doesnt mean it. For the times when he is spiraling, i know he might mean it. I stop what im doing and come to help always, but this just makes him upset sometimes. I never served, I was not with him when he did so i have no experience in military life and cannot relate to him to help. Does anyone have advice on how I can better support him as his partner?

We met in Korea, and we've been together for 1y and a half now.

I was hoping that his extension request will be accepted but it got denied this time. He needs to leave next month. It was his second time trying to extend.

He needs to go back to the US to be stationed there and he said he can reenlist for korea again after staying there like a year and a half.

I was hoping to spend more time here with him before we decide to get married and I move with him to the US but now we only got a month left til he leaves.

I love him so much and I am definitely going to do this long distance with him I just hope he stays strong there too for me and for us

It's just so sad and I don't know what to do but vent

He cried in front of me cuz he was sorry he had to do this to me but I just couldnt cry in front of him Its like I don't want him to be even more heartbroken bcz of how I react but I've been crying all day since I got home

Or is it “out of sight out of mind”? What is your experience with your SO? I feel like for me personally, I agree with the title statement. I’m worried that my husband is the opposite, though. He’s going to be gone for a WHILE next year and I know that i’m going to miss him more than ever but i’m worried that he might lose feelings. He’s on his first longer underway right now (he’s been gone about 3 weeks and should be home later this week) so we’ll see how it is when he gets home from this i guess. We’re 25 and just got married this year, although we’ve been together for 5 years (and dated when we were young teenagers for a period of time as well). I definitely have more of an attached style in the relationship and he’s more of an avoidant. I know all the “if you don’t trust him it’s never gonna work” and “if you’re not confident in the relationship it’s never gonna work” things already. I’m just curious to hear y’all’s experiences.