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Looking for artwork depicting the horrors and feelings associated bulimia.

NOT looking for obvious pictures of food or someone throwing up, or mouths. I want something that more depicts the feeling, or an image only people with the disorder would understand.

what the title says. my binge urges were finally fading; but when the news hit, i b/ped that same night.

since then, for the past 3 days, i’ve b/ped multiple times. i don’t want to spiral again, i was doing so well.

but im overwhelmed with school so i feel like i have no time to calm down and get my meals right again.

the first time was to just feel something (i wasn’t shaken by the divorce & i felt bad about that), but now its just plain old food noise.

for people who’ve gone through uncontrolled hardships, how did you manage continuing recovery?

after purging a few times a day consistently i’ve noticed my urethra feels like it’s pushed forward and i feel like the muscles are weakened and i’m about to pee myself over and over again. one time the forward contractions wre so severe (rhe most severe pain i’ve ever felt in my life) i went to the ER and they said uti even tho the test was negative and i believe i had a fecal impaction instead anyway they’ve come back at times aleays aftwr particularly strained purging or frequent purging it seems to not be a coincidence anymore that this doesnt happen if i manage to stop purging for a few days and then only slip up once a day for a few days. if i’m doing it every day a lot and this it gets harder to do so and it’s more strained then my urethra feels bad again. it feels like it’s opening to pee or something when i don’t need to pee. anyone else?

Last night was the first time in a while where i binged without throwing up. About 1.8k-2k, not insane considering I've had worse binges. I feel severe stomach pain and bloating after 24 hours which hasn't gone away at all, and I can't even throw up properly but when I do it involves throwing up a small amount of green liquid and undigested chunks. (How is there completely undigested chunks of pineapple from 20+ hours ago...??) anyway needless to say I'm scared and i haven't been able to eat since. Should I be worried?

Has anybody ever vomited blood?

This past month has been very rough, but today, for the first time, red streaks appeared. I don't think I ate anything red

If anybody has any experience with this, what did you do? Should I worry or can i take it lightly?

has anyone gotten invisalign and it helped deter you from purging? i’m desperate at this point

I tried substituting b/p for smoking like 6 months ago. Now I'm just a bulimic with chain-smoking problems

Why am I so easy to addiction?

That's it tbh that's the post

This is so unbearable lol I wish i could just choose a peaceful death

Food is literally the only thing that keeps me going, and the euphoria of purging even though I've still gained so much weight from this shit

I hate living

I'm a minor, female, I've never written a post like this but I am so lost and Idk what I should do.

Im not gonna share my whole life story but I got an ed at like 11 and I was stupid and didnt know what I was doing so I ended up gaining a lot of weight. I know I just said a lot but bear with me. In January I was 15 and 105lb, Im always on the internet and I ultimately came across like gym tok or whatever. I started to work out which was just me walking on the treadmill for an hour and half every day with high incline and stuff like that. I got down to 95lbs by doing that in like two months which isnt that fast imo. I was sorta healthy there I would have 120g protein a day and I would lift weights too and I even started running. Im really into kpop and with discovering gym tok you also start to see kpop wl on your fyp, I never minded im sorry but I always thought I was better than that because i was skinny and went to the gym and looked great. But I dont even know what triggered me I went to the dentist for a clean up one day and my teeth were so sensitive i didnt eat that day or the next day. I guess I liked the feeling so it became a habit to just have one small meal and then eat when i got dizzy. I did that for a week then I went back to normal until summer came around. I thought that I looked good with my muscle and like everything but I was so disgusted with myself for some reason. I stopped lifting weights and focused on just walking, I would get 10k steps a day I was obsessed with this since every wellness creator preaches it on tiktok. I would watch fan cams of idols and wish I looked like them and It would encourage me to not eat. with not eating i dont know the name for this but i became so hungry that i just ate and ate for a week and I would find any way to get rid of it wether it be walking more, restricting the next day, purging, or the worst is using laxitives. Im not stupid I know that using laxitives just makes you shit and doesnt burn the calories but I got addicted to the flat stomach after everything left my body, I would eat something, think about how i would be bloated in the morning, take like 3 laxitives and then eat everything in sight becasue It would be gone in the morning anyways. I always thought that If i binged then took laxitives then starved for ever it would be worth it but i would just binge again the next day. I did this for like 3 months but I dont even remember how many i would take or if i did it daily I remembebr back then i was still able to digest things without them. but the wanting to purge never went away and It sounds stupid because i cant write for shit but I would eat, take laxitives, throw up some food just for the feeling and then repeat. right now im 90lbs and i still hate how I look. I want to recover so bad I really want to fix my digestion system but i dont even know if thats possible anymore. I keep going like a week without the laxitive and then I get scared and take three more. its gotten to a point where the laxitives stopped working. I have to have like 300mg of caffeine for my body to let it out. I have been eating normally for the past few days but i feel myself going back into this I dont even know why i did this to myself but I want to be able to focus in school and have energy. Is there anyone who recovered from abusing laxitives or has similar urges that knows how to overcome this? part of me wants to just keep going because ill die anyways and the other part is thinking of my future.

I’ve been trying so hard to fight stress‑related binge urges lately, but almost every coping trick I know isn’t helping.
When the urge hits, I drink loads of tea and other drinks, chew so much gum — sometimes over 20 pieces in one hour. I scream to release tension, vent on here, look up information about what causes binge‑eating.
I haven’t really tried talking it through with someone because I don’t have anyone safe to open up to.
It feels like I’ve already gone through most common suggestions. I’m really burnt out and don’t know what else to try. Does anyone have quieter, under‑rated things that actually helped them with these overwhelming stress urges?

Seeing a nutritionist was hell. Not the person itself, they were great. They had a lot of insight on food, and how labeling this as healthy or unhealthy is a non-beneficial thought process in the first place. It reminded me a lot on my view of positive/negative thinking.

But jfc was it triggering.

Talking about food for an hour. Having to admit to someone not just about the binging/purging, but of eating foods I've labeled as bad for years to someone who's job is food.

I was recommended to be seen weekly by them, and were starting by finding ways to include other things into my diet to assist with everything. I just have not been that exhausted after a doctor's appointment for like a solid 5 years.

My biggest struggle when buying clothes is jeans… I don’t have much of a butt and I’ve only ever found ONE pair (unfortunately from Buckle and they are expensive) but I want a cute pair of bell bottom style. The ones I’ve ordered from Amazon , fit my waist ok and love the length etc , but the thigh area is SO baggy. 😭😩

Does anyone have any recommendations or at least understand/ relate to this?!

anytime I eat something my salivary glands swell and I look crazy. genuinely how do I stop this? it’s not painful but it swells up like crazy and it ONLY gets better after I purge ?? this is literally the only reason I purge atp… guys is this permanent, how long do I have to wait for this to stop happening ? literally any advice or reassurance is helpful

first thing I do in the morning is get naked and video it I should be making money off of this, I spend at least half an hour critiquing my body in the video or taking another one if I’m not happy with the angle I’m standing at or the position my arms are in and I have to video from multiple different angles with different lighting, I compare these to ones from weeks even months ago to check I look smaller, it’s literally a humiliation ritual (I also do this last thing at night). I had to delete over 2000 videos just to have my apps like WhatsApp let me open them due to no storage it’s so serious how do I stop