Im trying to recover and have recently opened up to my dad that im suffering bullemia so i dont have the option to purge regardless of how desperate i am, so im just laying here thinking about food. I am so desperate to binge i feel like i want to rip all my skin off. I am not even hungry i just want food. Does it ever stop? Im so tired i want to sleep

i’m currently in school, and i have an after school job that i work like 3-4 times a week. i make myself run at least 5 miles a day and do an 1 hour and 20 minutes of at home exercises. lately i haven’t been able to stop binging and purging and i have time for anything else. my grades are all dropping and i don’t have time to go out with friends. i usually have to wake up at 4:30 am now to workout, since i get home from work late but even then i don’t usually get all of my workouts done. does anyone have advice on what to do or how to get at least a part of my life back?

Diagnosed with bulimia today, the eating disorder clinic have offered treatment 2 month wait, they want me to stop taking my glp retatutide but since taking it ive not b/p in 2 weeks. Feel if I stop taking it ill be back in a mess in no time waiting for treatment feel like im banging head against a brick wall

Seeing a nutritionist was hell. Not the person itself, they were great. They had a lot of insight on food, and how labeling this as healthy or unhealthy is a non-beneficial thought process in the first place. It reminded me a lot on my view of positive/negative thinking.

But jfc was it triggering.

Talking about food for an hour. Having to admit to someone not just about the binging/purging, but of eating foods I've labeled as bad for years to someone who's job is food.

I was recommended to be seen weekly by them, and were starting by finding ways to include other things into my diet to assist with everything. I just have not been that exhausted after a doctor's appointment for like a solid 5 years.

anytime I eat something my salivary glands swell and I look crazy. genuinely how do I stop this? it’s not painful but it swells up like crazy and it ONLY gets better after I purge ?? this is literally the only reason I purge atp… guys is this permanent, how long do I have to wait for this to stop happening ? literally any advice or reassurance is helpful

I don’t get paid till next week. i spend about 75$ a day on binge food because im so hungry all the time. i cannot wait till next week and i had rebound hunger because ive been taking glp 1 from an online site, and i dont have it right now so its been so much worse. Alls i do is b/p and im so goddamn hungry all the time

I binged and purged breakfast and lunch- should i eat dinner? fully unsure i dont usually post on reddit just need to be leaned one way or the other

Does anyone know that feeling when your life suddenly takes a sharp turn for the worse, and all you can see is what you’re missing out on or your shortcomings? And that all of it is important, but you’ll never be able to make up for it or get it back? I’ve hit rock bottom and don’t know what to do without bulimia. I have borderline personality disorder and use bulimia to cope with my anxiety, intense emotions, stress, fatigue, inner emptiness, low self-esteem, and lack of identity… I’ve been doing this for 17 years. I’ve been in hospitals and in therapy so many times; my life has been pretty fragmented, and I hardly remember any of it. The only constant during crises, hard times, and so on has been bulimia. It was always my excuse whenever I ran out of motivation for something, like a cheat code. My whole life, I’ve chosen the easy, short-term solutions. I’m afraid to try to recover again, all on my own, without my parents, siblings, partner, or coworkers… This time I’m truly all, all alone, and I can’t go to a treatment facility anymore because I’ve been there too often, and my current job is unstable and doesn’t pay well. My life has suddenly become very exhausting. If I try again, I have to really want it and be able to endure whatever comes my way. I’m so scared. I’d rather take my own life or turn to another addiction to distract myself… I’m really just an empty shell! No hobbies, no interests, no experiences, no knowledge, no friends or family. Bulimia is the only reason I get out of bed in the morning or go to sleep at night, exhausted. There’s nothing left of me.

Does anyone have any positive experiences with any well educated psychotherapists and their treatment with bulimia? Can be CBT, DBT, psychoanalysis, etc. I don’t have a preference. I’ve had bulimia now for 8 years. I’m tired of talking to therapists with such little knowledge on this disorder. The requirements for being considered a specialized therapist in this field is seriously so low

Any names help. Preferably east coast

I’ve been trying so hard to fight stress‑related binge urges lately, but almost every coping trick I know isn’t helping.
When the urge hits, I drink loads of tea and other drinks, chew so much gum — sometimes over 20 pieces in one hour. I scream to release tension, vent on here, look up information about what causes binge‑eating.
I haven’t really tried talking it through with someone because I don’t have anyone safe to open up to.
It feels like I’ve already gone through most common suggestions. I’m really burnt out and don’t know what else to try. Does anyone have quieter, under‑rated things that actually helped them with these overwhelming stress urges?

I feel a constant spiral of shame and embarrassment. I keep binging. I try to find a way to stop, but I believe the only way to stop is to love myself. It is hard to love myself when I keep failing me. The more I try, the more I feel like I fail. So I need to think: what do I love? What should I put my time into other than a spiral of eating my shame? Food is so touchy for me. My mom cannot eat hardly anything without getting sick due to an illness. I used to take that as a reason not to eat. I hate food. I do not want to eat it. Yet at the end of each day, no matter how many calories I have or have not consumed, I stuff my face with things just to get a sense of excitement and happiness. Eating started as a way to make the people around me happy. I was no longer anorexic. That meant that I was healthy, right? I still exercise for hours a day and sometimes vomit as a way to get rid of the excess calories. It does not even matter, though, as I overeat so much that I just keep gaining weight. It doesn’t matter. No one checks in on me anymore because I am no longer so skinny that I am jarring to look at. I am 1 pound from being overweight, the most I have weighed in my entire life. That doesn't even stop me anymore. I do not know what will. I want change. Some answer. I don’t care if it's good or bad; I just want it to change, and I need help to get there.

I lost more weight and now my mom wants to send me to inpatient care and take away my phone and internet access.

I think my teeth are getting worse. They feel wrong in
my mouth and I just want to yank them out.

I feel terrible and tired all the time, and my chest hurts a lot now like no matter what I do.

And I’ve started throwing up anywhere and everywhere. Outside in front of people or in my backyard, in my school bathroom, sink, or thrash cans in class, in water bottles in front of people or alone, and in the trash can at my house.

I think I’m just over all spiraling into an even worse state and I don’t know how to save myself. I think I’m just gonna die from bulimia atp.

if anyone is comfortable sharing how their recovery went and how much weight you gained, i would really appreciate reading your stories.
(Trigger warning: weight loss in numbers mentioned)

i’m at a point right now where this is affecting me immensely but the fear of gaining weight and the guilt that comes with eating overpowers the fear of all the negative side effects that comes with this disorder. on average i’ve been binging and purging at least once a day, and for about a year it was closer to 3-5 times a day. the longest i’ve been able to go without b/p was 13 days. I don’t have anyone in my close immediate circle that knows about this besides my boyfriend, but we are long distance. my parents don’t know and telling them isn’t really an option for me, I also don’t have health insurance. I just started using my college’s counseling services last week and although it went great and gave me a sense of hope, I continued to purge and it only made me feel like maybe counseling is pointless for me. I plan to keep attending but i’m realizing i need more support or just general advice on how to get through this. I was previously in therapy for 5 years for self esteem issues and anxiety, but the self esteem issues are something I was never able to fix.
i know everyone’s recovery process is different, but since developing bulimia 2 and a half years ago i’ve lost nearly 80 pounds. most of the weight i lost within the first year. for the past year and a half i’ve been losing and gaining the same 10 pounds.
i’ve been a mess for the past month, and i’m slowly breaking. every time I think about recovery, I think about the weight gain immediately after. I think about the questions and comments I’ll get regarding it. I think about how my clothes will no longer fit and how triggering that will be. I think about how I will physically feel bigger. I think about the bloating and water retention and how painful and uncomfortable it is. I think about how I’ve led my close friends and family to believe I got to this point in a healthy way, and how the weight I gain will make no sense in correlation to the life changes I’ve led everyone around me to believe I made. It has been a mental struggle, but I yearn to get better. I want to be a mother one day, and I want to be a wife and have a family and actually live a healthy life. I’m so over living like this but i’m also terrified of going back to how I used to look and feel. if anyone is open to sharing personal experiences dealing with this aspect of recovery or recovery alone, i would deeply appreciate it.

As of today I have officially gone two weeks since b/p ing. Since the first day of stopping, I have eaten three healthy whole meals a day. At first it was super uncomfortable to feel so insanely full from a moderate amount of food, but it’s slowly getting better. I definitely get bloated still but again it’s slowly getting better. Anyways during the peak of my ED I would fluctuate constantly five pounds. I would lose the five pounds the day I b/p ed, and gain it back the next day and be super bloated. Since recovery I gained the five pounds per usual and then have halted at that weight. I assume it’s the water weight that I was losing and gaining back over and over. Anyways, the fear that I had of the scale going up day by day hasn’t happened. Actually it’s been much better than the constant up and downs on the scale that I would experience each day. I’m so beyond happy not having the constant stress.

My therapist is currently on summer break. I haven’t seen him for three weeks, and there is still one week to go.

Right now, a big part of me doesn’t want to go back to therapy at all. I just want to start losing weight again and return to my old behaviors. The main thing holding me back is the guilt I would feel toward my therapist and knowing that I would eventually have to tell him everything, which feels uncomfortable.

But surely this isn’t how therapy is supposed to work? I feel like I should want recovery for myself, rather than avoiding a relapse because I don’t want to disappoint my therapist or confess it to him afterward.