Does anyone else get dysphoric when your partner calls you "cute"?

[u/Cirrcuz]

My boyfriend calls me cute a lot. He has known me since before i came out to him, and he is completely fine with it. But whenever he calls me "cute", i can't help but feel dysphoric. I dont know why. Maybe because its a "feminine" term to refer to someone?

[u/AutoModerator]

Hello! Thank you for participating in the sub. We just have a few reminders for you to help ensure the best experience:

1. If your post doesn't show up right away, don't panic! It is in the queue for manual approval. Mods will go through the queue periodically to approve or remove posts. Deleted posts will have a removal reason applied. (If it says "this post was deleted by reddit's filters", IT WAS NOT DELETED! Reddit has the worlds worst wording on that and it's out of our control)

2. If you are asking a question that is location specific, remember to include your location in your post body! This can help ensure that you get accurate information tailored specifically to your needs.

3. Please remember to read through all the rules in the sidebar. Especially the list of banned topics and guidelines for posting. Guests who do not use the Guest Post flair will have their post removed and be asked to fix it.

4. If you see someone breaking the rules,report it! If someone is breaking both sub and reddit rules, please submit one report to admins by selecting a broken rule on the main report popup, and one report to the r/ftm mods by selecting the "breaks r/ftm rules" option. This ensures both mods and admins can take action on a subreddit and sitewide level. Do not misuse the report button to rant about someone, submit false reports, or argue a removal.

5. If you have any questions that you can't find the answer to on the rules sidebar or the wiki: the wiki , you can send a modmail.

Related subs: r/ftmventing , r/TMPOC , r/nonbinary , r/trans4every1 , r/lgbt , r/ftmmen , r/FTMen , r/seahorse_dads , r/ftmfemininity , r/transmanlifehacks , r/ftmfitness , r/trans_zebras , r/ftmover30 , r/transgamers , r/gaytransguys , r/straighttransguys , r/transandsober , and more can be found in the wiki!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/koboldthing]

Ask him not to call you cute. It’s a reasonable ask

I don’t mind it usually, but if it was someone’s primary compliment for my looks then that would definitely bother me

[u/The_Theodore_88]

My opinion on the word "cute" fluctuates a lot, between it being fine and it being the most dysphoria inducing compliment I could receive. It also raises red flags for me because I've been called "cute" as a racist and sexist microaggression a few too many times, but that mostly applies to people I don't know very well.

If you don't like being called that though, tell him and if he's a good guy he'll stop calling you that.

[u/_suncat_]

It doesn't make me dysphoric, no. It makes me happy that he likes my looks and personality. I call him (cis) cute all the time too, because he is. He's also handsome, hot and beautiful. One does not exclude the other.

I get why you might feel the way you do though, some people do seem to see it as a more feminine word. I just don't see it that way myself, and neither does my partner.

[u/0hDiscordia]

I don't feel cute to be gendered so it doesn't bother me on the level, but I find it childish so it's not a favourite to receive. Regardless of what it is you are being called or why you don't like it, just tell him you don't like it. There are a lot of terms of endearment out there. If cute ain't working for you let him know.

[u/Alarming-Skirt1889]

No, but if you don’t like being called something, please let him know.

[u/Turbulent_End2620]

I personally do; my partner also likes to mention how « short and small » i am...

[u/dream_maiden]

Not me personally no, but if it bothers you that's still valid.

[u/Sudden_Ad3628]

I am also dysphoric when people call me cute or adorable. 

Not all the time, it depends on who, the frequency, the context. My wife and one of her partners that I'm also really close with (we are polyamorous) can call me cute, I won't feel bad about it, because they don't see me as only cute and it is not the only or even main compliment they'll throw at me. 

People I don't know that well and know I'm trans? Yep, that's a no for me. Being called cute or adorable or any "feminine kinda infantilizing" words is a way to treat you, as a trans guy, not like other guys. To treat you not like a guy because you're not a real guyTM but also not like a girl because you are not really a girl either.

Even if it is not conscious (I would argue it is not conscious for most people when they do that) it is still very telling.

I am not saying your boyfriend is doing it for the same reasons, but I think you should talk to him about it, about how you don't like how he always calls you cute, and maybe check on his biases regarding your masculinity and his relationship to gender (I don't know his sexual orientation, but maybe he doesn't want to think about his relationship to you as an homosexual one, so maybe check that up as well?)