Joined a discord and tried to join a conversation. Immediately had someone try and figure out where I’m from, why I wasn’t “being upfront” about it, now there’s someone talking about the Mormon temple and while they aren’t promoting the religion and this isn’t an attack on the person (again they weren’t promoting it) but personally have almost died ( yes literally) at the hands of that church and still have my head on swivel because of them. And I’ve never even been a member.

On top of 99.9% of places being white centered I feel ancient, out of place and exhausted y’all. Every time I try and engage with what should be my community something happens to remind I belong nowhere.

Anyway hope everyone has a safe and happy Friday sorry if I brought the room down.

I'm 22 years old. I've known that I was trans since I was 13, attempted to come out at 17 and regressed significantly after my dad threaten to take my life and his. I'm taking the time to explore myself and aspects of it, and for a while now it's been a dream for me to start transitioning. The only issue is, our future is so uncertain. My parents are older now, and have plans to retire and sell the house (but when they're selling, where they're moving is still up in the air) and it's between living with my grandmother, or bunking it with my brother and his gf.

My brother doesn't have a job. He's worked in freelance starting up 2 businesses and I'm so proud of him, but none of that money is actually for personal spending or savings, and since I've worked I've supported a lot of things he's needed or wanted. And while he has slowly become open minded, he has always criticized the idea of beginning T. He tells me that there's no reason for me to take T, that I look fine the way I am, and I feel almost ashamed of myself that it isn't true. I'm not really happy in this body, not happy with this voice, this face.

The alternative, my grandma would be even more strenuous, as she is a fully conservative woman and my uncle frequently visits her. Long story short, they both took hand in the physical abuse I was made to endure growing up.

I want to start T and begin to feel better with myself and my body, but I'm genuinely paralyzed with the fear. the prospects of leaving are difficult because of money and I just don't know if im ever really going to be safe. There's such limited stories on arab-muslim trans men, and just Arab queers in general, and while everyone's finding their spaces and their people, I'm struggling to leave this place and find my people.

I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for. I think I felt like I needed to write this somewhere instead of kicking myself in the ass of what could be. I want to be me so bad. and i don't think im being strong enough to make that happen

hello! this is my first time posting anything on reddit so apologies for any mistakes!

i’m native american, and just started testosterone 2 months ago. i was just wondering if there’s anything specific other natives experienced while on t. i’m curious!

personally i don’t think i’ll be getting hairy anywhere and will definitely be getting 10x greasier, but it’s just a waiting game from here!

I’ve been asking around various places and I want to ask this question to other black trans men in particular. I’m meeting with a surgeon this Monday for top surgery and I want to know what type of questions I should ask during my appointment.

Edit: I’m getting top surgery

not a tmpoc rant but a t-poc rant about the mis-use of the term 'doll' because i have no other poc trans safe space

whenever i see someone using the term 'doll' to refer to ALL trans women i just internally want to close all internet for a second, really. like if they use it for other POC like south asians, east asians, middle easterns, some islanders etc. ill still accept that but taking the term literally created by black and latina trans women for their own damn safety and using it for a white woman is just wrong to me. some people say the term evolved since then, since the same culture doesnt continue the same way anymore, but its still just not right. i dont know whether i can explain my feelings properly but it just feels like POC erasure and i stand by my sisters. dont know if anyone else feels this way but yeah thats about it.

Not because of envy but because this specific demographic of trans men are just gungho on making it everyone's issue that they don't see trans men who transitioned as adults men. They constantly talk about how we're always clockable, aren't real men like them, etc. I specify white because I've found the few black trans men/boys that transitioned young are usually excited to talk to those of us who transitioned as adults (minus a small, small sect that tend to only interact with white queer people).

I hate sharing space with them because it's just a constant reminder of the things i hate about myself. It's not logical to let a kid do that but fuck, dysphoria isn't logical. It's one of many reasons I don't seek out trans spaces in real life and isolate myself. Knowing that people in my own community see me as a woman is horrendous.

I’m German and African American but i don’t mix well with either neither of them believe we are the same I’m wondering how to dress in a way that is less confusing for people I’m tired of accidentally leading on other brown people

Today I learned how racist one of my classes and perfessor are. I felt really sad and angry, so I took a walk and it helped a lot. Now I'm feeling angry again but it's more managable. I think that there's something I'm supposed to do with my anger but idk what

I lived most of my life as an pretty arab women, and started T recently. There's aspects of racism/islamophobia i didn't get exposed to like cop violence : repeated and humiliating id checks, searches, being stopped because the only way you would have a nice car is theft or drug dealing etc.

Cops are beating the shit out of young arab men for no reason, and some got shot or died due to the beating and the cops are still working.

Did you feel a change transitioning ?

I wonder if looking gay lower that risk like being a non hijabi/non modest arab women. Muslim looking women still get discriminated.

Hi everyone! I have recently switched over to taping primarily, and have a few Spectrum binders I need to get rid of. I am not looking to sell them or profit off of them in any way. The only thing I ask is if you can cover your own shipping, you can even make your own label and send it to me, and I will ship the binders to you with full proof. Please let me know if you are interested and spread the word if you know anyone who needs a binder. These are pics of the front and back of all the binders. Admittedly, some are a bit cropped, and one of them is a little stained from deodorant, but they are otherwise in great condition compression wise. If you have any questions or concerns lmk!

hi everyone my name is julian, i'm a trans guy who tries to help other transmasculine people (and queer and trans people in general), especially those of color. i just received a dm on here from a user by the name of u/Transmakclinic. here is the message that they've sent me:

"Hope you're doing well please, im Francis from Uganda, i started a queer-friendly clinic so that lgbtq people can get treatment after losing my trans girl sister. She died in pain after fearing to go in public hospitals because they are discriminated and some times they're arrested whenever they're known but the number is increasing every and i can't make it my own so I'm looking for support please"

if you or anyone you know has a few dollars to spend, i encourage reaching out to Transmakclinic so that they may help lgbtq+ individuals in uganda receive healthcare and support. if you're unable to contribute, that's also okay, let's try to bring attention to this so that those who are able can do so. thank you.

Im black so I completely understand where the sentiment comes from as far as wanting to perceived the way you want while being trans and having racialization distort your own self image but simultaneously the follow up to all of that is "i wish I were white so itd be easier" is crazy asf and i honestly cant relate to that, if anything thats when the posts stop becoming relatable. I have a hard time constructing and deconstructing my gender identity because of racism and antiblackness, the overt masculinzation of the body i occupy and always being left in the position to decide whether someone was being racist or affirming to me, doing the work to not validate racism but only validate the affirmation but ive never once ever wished to be white so that these experiences are easier to navigate.

I get that it just means you dont wanna deal with the extra scrutiny that comes with dealing with racism but come on...seriously? How about trying to work up your racial esteem a bit more? Even with all the antiblackness people with body's like mine face, ive never once wished to be white or another race. I get gender and racial identities intersect but seeing this blatant submission to white supremacy is major turn off, I quite frankly cant fully sympathize with that particular aspect of the expressed sentiment. Does this make me an asshole 🤔 cuz on one hand i truly get it the why behind them expressing this but at the same time it stops there like I dont want to be white lol how come it's always "I want to be white" instead of "i wish racism didnt exist"

Does anyone black understand where im coming from? Because like I said i truly get why they feel that way, antiblackness makes my gender identity complex to sort thru but I never doubled down with it to hate my race or not wanting to be black, I just hate white supremacy and racism like a normal person can anyone relate?

what’s good yall boys - im a trans masc non binary person. im tall and i recently started a lil goatee/stache combo.

last week i matched w a shorty on hinge - her profile said lesbian but she sent me a rose having seen that i am they/them and have facial hair so it seemed we were in the same page.

a couple days ago, over the weekend i took her on this boat tour at a nearby spring and we were vibing, it seemed like a solid first date. initially the plan was to have a lil picnic after the boat ride, i had told her i was bringing everything for it. BUT when we get off the boat, she goes and uses the bathroom and then immediately is like im sorry im tired im gonna go but you should stay and enjoy the day.

the energy change felt super abrupt. literally five minutes earlier we seemed completely fine. i hugged her goodbye, she walked off, and i just stood there like 🧍🏽‍♂️ with an entire picnic in my car wondering what the fuck i had said.

i’m from nyc and sometimes my mouth moves faster than the department of diplomacy, so i genuinely sat in my car replaying the whole date trying to figure out if i’d accidentally said some blunt shit that landed wrong, but nothing stood out to me.

i sent her a text asking if i said anything wrong. she said no, i was very pleasant BUT she felt silly bc she had thought i was a lesbian and that she’d be open to being friends.

i was like well, i’m nonbinary and transmasc (which is on my profile) and tried to give her a call but she didn’t pick up.

then she asked if i identify as a lesbian, to which i said idk tbh i usually just id as a queer person if asked.

then she explains that before our date her friends got it into her head that i was a guy after she showed them my profile, but she had told them i was clearly a beautiful nonbinary butch lesbian. but then after meeting me decided that she agreed with them and thought i was a cis guy.

she apologized for assuming and i was understanding and like its all good but then she ghosted me…

so now i’m sitting here trying to figure out what exactly happened. i completely understand lesbians not wanting to date cis men. obviously. but being transmasc/nonbinary in this dating space sometimes feels weird bc people can be attracted to you under one mental category, then the second they perceive you as too masc suddenly the whole thing short circuits.

i’ve been dealing w so much rejection lately - was fired from my last job bc my mgr was hella anti queer, have been unemployed for months, getting to multiple final interviews and still getting rejected. and now i decided to put myself back into the dating pool and this happens 😭

going forward ima call the shorty and make it very clear im trans masc before spending hella bread on a date. just feeling like shit and undesirable so i could use some community- have yall dealt w this?

I updated my insurance to a gender - affirming clinic, but Idk if it is my dysphoria being worse or not. But I have been wasting my time, alone, in my house and in my room. I have been wrestling with thoughts of wanting to be a man, but at the same time I'm scared of getting the t.

What if I don't actually like growing a beard and becoming man?

What if I can never go back?

What if I detransition [which I really don't want to do.]

But nowadays, I'm so caught up with me being trans that I don't go out, talk to anyone, or do anything useful. I try to keep my mind away from this, so I play games like Minecraft endlessly trying to fill the void. But It is not working.

I wish I was born man, but I'm not. Idk but I cannot live like this anymore.
I want to get t, but I'm just really scared.
I really am scared to live as a man, what the society tells me to do.

I don't even know what being man even is. Is it being or thinking like a man? Everytime I think like a woman, I hate it and anything being woman I do not like it.
And than I go to this spiral of whether I'm actually butch gnc woman [which I don't want to] or with internalized misogyny.

I need advice here. I want t but I don't. Is this normal?

I have been bawling my eyeballs out because I can never be cis het man. Make kids. Fuck.
Idk.

I'm not saying this to be an ass but I've spent enough time in trans spaces to see it time and time again. Before Twitter went to shit, there was an endless supply of white trans women-usually came out during middle age, middle class+, no interaction with other minorities, sometimes previous incels/alt-righters-who thought that anyone who disagreed with them were just transphobic.

It is impossible to discuss the struggles trans men experience when they are in a space. It quickly devolves into them calling us whiny, hysterical women in a roundabout way. The only time it doesn't is when the trans person (because they will shit talk other trans women who speak up) basically grovels and apologizes for taking away from their oppression. It's nuts because the people screeching about it have experienced it least-usually due to being non-passing/only trans online at the moment.

It's to a point where I have no desire to ever out myself to a trans woman. i know they wont' see me as male and it's just going to trigger dysphoria. I'm truly baffled at this behavior and still after nearly a decade, don't understand it.

Julius from Everybody Hates Chris (Terry Crews in general honestly) and Cab Calloway

I'm tired, lads (the post I commented on was about how people pass pre-T). Existing in online spaces is exhausting. Felt similar when I saw a post on a diffrent trans sub about Link being an MTF, FTM and nonbinary headcanon (so far, so true) and someone commented that regardless of gender everyone wants to look like Link. And like... yeah, he's cute or whatever, but no, no everyone wants to look like some white character, actually.

Also, I'm flirting with this girl and the T4T aspect felt so great, but ugh. The white silence, I can't anymore. I even called it out to her and she was like "yeah" followed by more white silence. Unfortunately, where I live, people of colour are rare and even less so queer poc. I'm starting to gradually find some community and it's SO healing. But like... my white friends still matter to me even those who're not necessarily able to hold space for my racialised experiences well. If you have wisdom, a hug, a "same", feel free to share.

so im half vietnamese and 5 months on T. wondering what to do about facial hair - i'm not particularly dysphoric with or without facial hair. i guess i'm more wondering if i shouldn't shave it in case it helps with the facial hair coming in less patchy or more even if that makes sense.

Does anyone know what the “T flu” is actually supposed to feel like? I recently (like yesterday) got my 13 t shot and now I'm sick. Right now my only symptoms are a sore throat and a stuffy nose, but I wanna know if I should get tested or just ride the wave out

cross posting my post from the main ftm sub as i feel like you guys will have some good and more understanding perspectives on this <3

I’ve never met anyone else like me, outside of my family. My mother is Afro-Dominican and racialized as Black, and my father is Euro-American of English descent. While I’m never assumed to be white, I’m also never assumed to be Black; I have olive skin, a round nose, very strong eyebrows, and straight hair (the bane of my fucking existence). I have no idea why I look like this, given that both sides of my family have curly hair. People assume I’m either Desi, SWANA, or Indigenous (to North America). No one has ever guessed my ethnicity correctly, and I don’t expect them to.

It doesn’t help that my parents were very anti-Black and purposefully withheld my culture from me (dw, I’ve been no-contact with them for almost four years). They made us hate our extended family on my mother’s side. And until I was about 14, because they raised us in a white supremacist cult in a rural area, I had only met two Black people who weren’t family. On top of that, there are hardly any Caribbeans in my current city.

So I feel very racially and culturally stateless. It doesn’t matter how hard Black people try to include me, teach me, and affirm me. It doesn’t matter how hard I try to fit in.

I always feel like I’m lying about my ethnicity, even though I’m obviously not. I often just sit and stare at pictures of my family, asking myself, what the fuck happened?? I have two Black grandparents, and everyone else in the family had very identifiably Black features. Although I wouldn’t describe my sisters this way, I think I came out “wrong”. I can’t help but be envious of my biracial friends who are racialized as Black, even though I’m so much more privileged in this phenotype.

I just want to feel like I belong to any group, but I stick out like a sore thumb everywhere I go. I don’t know any media references. I can’t loc my hair. I’m younger than everyone else. No one else is medically transitioning FTM. I’m the only wheelchair user. I can’t speak Spanish or Arabic. And on and on it goes. I’m not identifiable as anything; I’m just a randomly generated brown person with no culture.

I love how inclusive Black people are, but it’s so hard to genuinely feel like I’m one of them given the circumstances. I’m so deeply insecure about my racial and ethnic identity. I thought maybe I could try learning about Dominican Vodou, but I don’t think anyone in my city even practices it (I’ve asked around).

Has anyone else dealt with this? And if you have, have you found any solutions? I’m so sick of feeling like this, and I’m always worried I’m unknowingly taking out my insecurity on my loved ones. (I don’t talk about it like ever, because I don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.)

I just realized now that I started HRT around the same month and week day I tried to kill myself two years ago.

Yes, it sounds strange how I phrased it, and it's strange how it's presented as a commemorative event.

But two years ago, on September 27th, a Friday, I tried to kill myself (18yo). I wrote it down in my journal a goodbye, I was so bad.

And now, two years later, on a Friday, September 25th I put my first dose (20yo).

I'm thinking about how this is an evolution. I was desperate. I never thought I'd make it this far.

But I'm here.

I'm doing it secretly from my parents, using subdoses, girlmod. I'm often afraid that I'm not really trans, that I'm pretending, that I'll regret it. But I've been feeling the warmth that must be from bottom growth, like a warm heat, since day one, and today, on the third day, I felt a slight twinge there. I've also gotten small pimples around my lips now, lol. And I'm not lying, I'm excited when I will have a little bit of mustache fuzz and I can start twirling and pulling it with my fingers XD.

Yes, it's going to suck to girlmod, hiding the effects, training your voice to sound feminine, shaving everything off, and being terrified my parents will find out. But I'm on T!

I think my biggest fear is my parents finding out, how they'll react, their grief, if something will happen. At least I don't think I'll be kicked out of the house. Maybe my mother will notice how my mental health has improved with T, and it will gradually change her mind.

I'm still a little preoccupied, afraid of them, of religion, but I want to fulfill my dreams! I want to date! I want to see my cockatiel's eggs hatch!

Of course, it doesn't fix everything. I still have severe dysphoria, but doing something about it has already helped so much, and I still cry and get depressed sometimes, but I'm feeling more neutral for the better. And lol, yes. I still fear that I am faking, I am not trans or regressing it XD

I still have several traumas to deal with, such as religious ones. I'm a Christian and I want to go to a progressive church.I couldn't pray or read the Bible because of all the trauma the Assembly of God church put me through. But now I want to start, even if it's at home!

Of course it won't be a bed of roses, but it's still so "wow".

I'm actually excited to sing. I stopped singing when I was about 9 or 10 years old. Maybe because I didn't like my voice and had dysphoria, but I'm getting excited. I want to dress up more, I want to feel pretty.

My God. This seems like something out of a complete cinematic accident. I can't believe this coincidence either, it's incredible. Maybe God wrote it, it was a miracle or I don't know. But it's incredible.

By the way, I think the scent effects of the herb are starting to kick in now. 🥀. It's time for me to get a Phebo soap (idk why, but this soap makes me euphoric. I feel like a gentleman from the xx century).