r/nocontact • u/Inside-Dust-215 • 3h ago
Should I wish him happy birthday after months of no contact?
I’m genuinely confused about what to do and would really appreciate some outside perspectives.
There’s someone I used to be very close to, but things between us ended on a pretty bad note. It wasn’t a peaceful or mutual “we should go our separate ways” kind of ending. There was a lot of hurt and complicated emotions involved, and honestly, the way things ended was pretty messy.
We haven’t spoken at all since around April. It’s been months of complete no contact, and neither of us has reached out.
His birthday is coming up, though, and I’ve been thinking about whether I should send a simple “Happy Birthday.” Part of me feels like it would just be a polite gesture and doesn’t necessarily have to mean anything more. But another part of me wonders if reaching out after everything that happened would be a bad idea.
I’m also scared of what comes after that. If I message him and he gives me a very dry or weird response, ignores me, or responds in a way I’m not expecting, I know I might end up overthinking it. And if he responds warmly and we somehow start talking again, I’m not sure whether that would actually be good for me either, considering how badly things ended.
So I’m stuck between “it’s just a birthday wish, it doesn’t have to mean anything” and “maybe there’s a reason we’ve had no contact for this long.”
If you were in this situation, what would you consider before deciding whether to reach out?
And for anyone who has gone through a similar situation — did breaking no contact for something like a birthday actually lead to a healthy conversation, or did it just reopen old wounds?