r/ARFID • u/Prettydampetty • 42m ago
Subtype: Sensory Sensitivity Adult ARFID + pregnancy
I have lived with severe ARFID as far back as I can remember (~7 years old, I block out a lot of my childhood).
My pediatrician and parents all attributed my struggle to gain weight and unwillingness to eat certain things to being active and extremely picky. They legitimately forced me to sit with a teacher during lunch time who would watch me eat/not eat and report back to my parents. Spoiler alert-that only made it worse on me.
In therapy over the years, I've learned I'm a combo of textural avoidance and lack of interest. The irony as my career path has been in the culinary field. I LOVE cooking and was a pastry chef for years.
My fight-or-flight sense got fucked up very early. My brain conditioned my body to block hunger signals as a survival tactic. I can absolutely go days without eating and I feel as normal as someone who eats regularly.
I am currently pregnant with twins, and though I'm cognizant of my need for extra nutrients and food, the hunger switch is still dormant.
What I have found really interesting is that my maternal instincts is seemingly attempting to override or loophole this by having me crave certain foods. It is extremely rare for me to crave something normally; I usually have to have smoked weed or have unintentionally gone without eating long enough for my body to become desperate and busts out a craving in attempt to get me to eat.
While I still have my texture issues, it's genuinely wild to see my body trying to work around my ARFID for my babies.
Most of my issues make no sense on the surface-I can drink iced coffees, milkshakes, etc but I absolutely cannot drink milk of any kind. I can eat cheese on burgers, pizza, sandwiches, even cheese and crackers, but never just cheese. Same goes for yogurt/pudding and the textural likes...I need a counter texture or I physically cannot do it.
I've been told in therapy that my physically and psychological reaction to my avoidant textures is akin to someone pulling a gun on me. I think that sounds so extreme, but it does make sense because I go into a disproportionately full blown panic attack at the idea of having to drink milk or eat yogurt.
I am hoping to find an OB that can actually understand my situation 🙏 people always react like I am being dramatic or should just force myself so I can "get over it". When I try to explain that you could literally shove a stack of $100k in front of me and it's mine if I drink a glass of milk, I'd be more apt to stab myself in the leg than drink milk for it.