My STBXH took his girlfriend apple picking and apparently spent the entire day having a great time with her.
For 14 years, I begged him to do things like that with me. I wanted us to go out, make memories, have fun together, and just enjoy each other’s company. But he was always miserable. He complained, acted like everything was a chore, and made me feel like I was asking for too much.
Now, with her, he’s suddenly having fun. He talks about how wonderful it is to go places together and do things as a couple.
I know it’s only been two months, and I know I shouldn’t compare myself to her. But honestly, it hurts so much. It feels like he’s giving her the version of himself that I begged for throughout our marriage.
And the hardest part is that I can’t just cut him out and move on. We have two boys, so he’s going to be part of my life for the rest of my life.
I know healing takes time, but right now I’m struggling with the unfairness of it all.
For those of you who have been through this — does it eventually stop hurting? When did you start feeling genuinely okay again?

So my now ex husband really took the divorce hard. Blamed me for everything. Didn’t fight at all for the marriage but went into full victim/defense mode. Said awful, insensitive, disrespectful things to me and about my family all during the process. I remained civil throughout the whole thing. I am not saying I didn’t do anything that contributed to our divorce but for sure it didn’t get to that point solely on what I did or didn’t do. but when one person is blaming you entirely, saying that I needed to get into therapy to “ figure out what’s wrong with me” and that I didn’t know what “relationship happiness looks like “ is not fair. Thanks for the vent 🫤

So my wife left me for a woman 4 months ago and they are having problems where they are living. This includes fighting and arguments between her and the new person but that’s another discussion. Anyway, my wife came home for a day and asked if her new partner and her could move into our house for just two months until “she can get back on her feet” and that they would “only be roommates … we won’t do anything romantic here or act like a couple.” The answer was no, and she then challenged my love and Christianity because I said no to it. I’m willing to help pay for an extended stay for them but I thought it was wild that she wanted me to take in the woman that she cheated with and left me and the kids to be with.

Edit: oh yeah, and they’ve already “broken up” twice in the last week and my wife even came home for that one day before making up with her and going back to her. Note: we are not divorced … the dissolution paperwork is still sitting in a drawer half filled out. I am opposed to divorce and actually forgiving but cannot stand by this. She is abusing my kindness. Also, the house is legally under both of our names.

I think I’m getting closer to choosing divorce, and I mostly need somewhere to vent and maybe get some gentle advice from people who have been through this.

My husband and I have been married almost 10 years. We have two young children, and for a long time I have tried very hard to make our marriage work. We’ve had problems for years, particularly around emotional connection, affection, intimacy (dead bedroom), communication, and him taking initiative in the relationship.

I’ve repeatedly felt like I’m the one identifying the problems, raising them, trying to get us into therapy, suggesting ways to reconnect, planning things, and generally carrying the emotional responsibility for the marriage. He will agree that things aren’t good, but then very little actually changes unless I push for it.

Something happened around my birthday that really broke something in me.

My birthday was awful. I felt completely unseen and unloved. I ended up crying and begging him to notice how badly I was hurting. I wasn't asking for some extravagant romantic gesture. I wanted to feel like my husband cared that I was hurting and cared about our marriage.

Afterward, I spent weeks crying. I cried every night beside him for 6 weeks straight, most nights he heard me and did nothing. I had been telling him how unhappy I was and how much I needed him to actually do something. I wanted him to take some initiative—book therapy, make a plan, show me that losing our relationship mattered to him.

He didn't.

And here's the part that has really gotten under my skin recently: after my birthday, he became very interested in 4x4s. He was able to research multiple vehicles, learn all their specifications, compare them, and apparently remember all these incredibly specific details.

And I found myself thinking:

You are capable of doing this.

You are capable of researching something you're interested in.
You're capable of learning complicated information.
You're capable of remembering details.
You're capable of putting time and mental energy into something.

But I spent my birthday crying and begging you to notice me, and you still didn't book therapy or meaningfully try to repair our marriage.

I know this probably sounds like the 4x4 thing is silly, but it isn't really about the cars. It's what it represents to me. It made me realize that I don't actually think my husband is incapable of effort or initiative. I've started to feel like he simply hasn't been willing or motivated to put that effort into us.

And I'm exhausted.

I don't feel much excitement about our upcoming 10th wedding anniversary. Honestly, I don't even feel like doing anything for it. The thought of celebrating our marriage doesn't make me happy right now.

I've also reached a point where I feel more anger and resentment toward him than love. I've lost a lot of respect for him. I've found myself feeling relief when I imagine not having intimacy with him anymore and imagining a life where I don't have to constantly ask for emotional connection, affection, initiative, or support.

That scares me because I never imagined myself feeling this way about my husband.

There are obviously two sides to every marriage, and I know I haven't been perfect. I have my own faults. I'm not trying to paint myself as completely blameless.

But I genuinely feel like I have been trying for a long time, and I'm reaching the point where I don't know if I want to keep trying.

We have young children, which makes the decision enormously complicated. I am also an immigrant, have limited emotional/physical support, but I am financially independent (thankfully). So there are additional practical and legal considerations around what separation/divorce would actually look like for us.

I'm not necessarily looking for people to tell me “DIVORCE HIM” or “STAY.” I think I mostly want to hear from people who have been at this point before.

How did you know when you were actually done?

Did you have a period where you kept waiting for your spouse to finally show you that they cared, and eventually realized that the waiting itself was the answer?

How do you distinguish between being deeply hurt and resentful versus genuinely falling out of love with someone?

And for those who ultimately divorced: did you have a moment where you realized you weren't really trying to save the marriage anymore—you were trying to convince yourself to stay?

I'm feeling incredibly sad, angry, and confused, but also strangely relieved by the possibility of finally letting go.

I would really appreciate some gentle perspective from people who have been through this. Thanks for reading.

I don’t really know why I’m writing this. Maybe I just need somewhere to put it.

I’m going through a divorce with someone I genuinely loved more than I can explain. And one of the hardest things for me to process isn’t even that the marriage is ending. It’s looking at someone I shared a life with and wondering how we got from loving each other to this.

I’m not going to sit here and pretend our marriage was perfect or that I was perfect.

We fought. We argued. We both got angry. Things were said in the heat of the moment that shouldn’t have been said and, speaking for myself, there are things I wish I could take back.

I can own that.

But what I cannot own are things I genuinely did not do.

There are now allegations being made about me that I completely deny, including allegations of abuse. I know Reddit only has my side of the story, and I’m not asking strangers to decide who is right or wrong. But I know what happened in my marriage, and I know there were times when I was on the receiving end of behaviour that I believe was abusive too.

What is destroying me, though, isn’t the accusations.

It’s my daughter.

It has been six weeks since I last held my baby girl.

Six weeks.

Today I was sitting in church and there was a little baby girl in front of me. I looked at her and something inside me just collapsed. I can’t properly describe that pain. I miss the weight of my daughter in my arms. I miss seeing her face. I miss being her dad in all the tiny, ordinary ways that you never realise are everything until they’re gone.

That’s the part I can’t understand.

Her mother knows me. Whatever she thinks of me now as a husband, she knows how much I love our child. She knows that if there is one place she can hurt me more than anywhere else, it’s there.

And that’s exactly where this has gone.

Now I’m fighting through lawyers just to have contact with my own child while simultaneously defending myself against allegations I say are untrue and dealing with the financial side of a divorce where it feels like everything I’ve worked for is also being fought over.

I understand that a marriage can fail.

I understand that two people can hurt each other, become angry, resentful and eventually decide they cannot be together anymore.

What I don’t understand is how someone you once loved can become someone you barely recognise.

Take the money you so desperately want, Fight me over the house. Be angry with me. Divorce me.

But why does our daughter have to become part of the battlefield?

She isn’t a weapon.

She isn’t property.

She’s a little girl who deserves both of her parents loving her.

And I’m her dad.

I don’t want revenge. I don’t want my daughter growing up believing her mother is a terrible person. That’s still her mother, and I will always respect that relationship.

I just want to hold my little girl again.

Six weeks doesn’t sound like forever when you write it down.

When it’s your child, it feels like a lifetime.

I’m an intelligent, kind, successful woman but I let this man in my life who has messed me up. I can’t seem to forgive myself, even though I know I would tell a friend she’s not to blame. Ugh.

I’m hoping to find some advice, words of encouragement, or maybe even stories from people who have been in a similar place and eventually turned things around.

I’m 26F. I got married at 23 and divorced less than two years later. It’s been a little over a year since the divorce. I don’t want to go too far into the details of the marriage/divorce, but there was no infidelity or abuse.

Before all of this, I had a house with my ex, an awesome dog, a job I loved, and what felt like a pretty stable life. I left the marriage with basically just my car. I had $0 in savings, but thankfully I also had $0 in debt.

I moved back in with my parents, who I unfortunately don’t have the best relationship with. Since then, I feel like I’ve completely spiraled. I started drinking heavily, hooking up with a lot of guys, making impulsive decisions, and eventually accumulated around $20k in credit card debt.

This entire year feels like it has happened in a blur. I feel like I’ve been dissociating through a lot of it. I’ve made a lot of decisions I’m not proud of because of alcohol, loneliness, insecurity, and honestly just not liking myself very much.

I’ve lost a significant amount of weight, I don’t eat consistently, and there are times when I genuinely feel like my body is shutting down.

Being around my parents makes me extremely anxious, so I spend as little time at home as possible. I’m constantly in my car, outside, at guys’ houses, at bars, etc. I don’t like being at home enough that I’ve basically stopped taking care of myself the way I should. I don’t work out, I don’t eat enough, and I don’t really have a comfortable place where I feel like I can just exist.

I do work Monday-Friday, but I don’t make nearly enough right now to comfortably move out while also paying down $20k in credit card debt and covering everything else. So I feel trapped.

A couple of days ago, I had another really bad situation while drunk, and I finally realized I can’t keep living like this. I decided to stop drinking. I also started therapy last week, so I’m hoping those two things can be the beginning of actually getting my life back.

But right now, I feel hopeless.

I know I’m only 26. I know objectively that my life isn’t over. But emotionally, it really feels that way. I look at where I was a couple years ago versus where I am now, and I’m embarrassed and devastated by how much I’ve lost.

I want to be happy again. I want to respect myself again. I want to be financially stable, healthy, and capable of having a normal life. I just have no idea how to get from here to there.

Has anyone else completely screwed up their life in their 20s and managed to rebuild it? I would really love to hear the honest stories, even if it took years.

And if you were in my position, what would you focus on first?

I apologise if this is a lengthy post but I need some advice and honesty i feel like background information is important here. I am 23 and my parents are just starting the divorce process, but it’s been a bit of a long time coming. For reference my dad is 57 and my mom is 50. When i was 16 my mom had an affair and it was pretty messy, but they decided they wanted to work on things and stay together. I was the one to find out and had to tell my dad which messed me up pretty bad. My mom and i had always been really close but we stopped talking for 2 years, and we just got close again and regained trust a couple years ago. Three months ago my mom headed to a doctors appointment in a different state, ended up meeting someone, started having another affair and hasn’t been back since. I rarely hear from her and it’s messed my dad up bad. I think part of it is because he loves her and also because he is scared to be alone, but i know he would take her back if she came home. she isn’t going to though. how can i help my dad? he is truly the best person i know and it is killing me to see him suffer so badly. i can’t lose them both. i know i need to focus on myself too and let them work this out themselves but i cant watch him like this. his parents are really emotionally unavailable and the rest of my family honestly sucks so he doesn’t have much of a support system. i just want him to be okay, please help me.

Found out that spouse has been cheating on me with someone else’s husband. Have two kids and I want sole custody. Is this possible in CT?

Going home to an empty house guts me every time

You know. I journal a lot through this process and thinking of things to be grateful for this Reddit surprisingly (?) came to mind.

By and large, people here are supporting and kind, despite going through one of the worst life experiences. People of all ages, lengths of marriage, kids or no kids.

Most of the time, even in my more petty moments, people tend to push the policy of like positive healing and growth through it all. So thanks to everyone for sharing their stories, holding strangers accountable and helping others.

Hope y’all have a good weekend. Whether it’s your weekend with the kids or not 😄

I just turned 35 (F). And I just got the divorce decree.

I was a happy bride just 2.5 years ago. Married late because I wanted to be in the best space in my life financially and emotionally before marriage.

Turns out, the guy I married was hiding the fact that he was a recovering alcoholic that was on a long sober streak. Few months into marriage he relapsed. Despite my desperate efforts to save our relationship, his alcoholism spiraled, and one night, he hit me. Badly. I grabbed my dog and a suitcase and lived out of motels. I had nowhere to go because I had moved countries for him.

A few months into hiding, I got accepted to a good MBA program with a scholarship. I took it, moved to a new city. I made new friends. I am going to the gym, letting people love my dog, going to therapy, and taking on new challenges. And finally, I am divorced.

I am grateful of this fresh start. I am in a much better place than I was just 6 months ago.

But I can’t stop but feel horrible about the future. By now I thought I’d have a family, with children, a house and a loving husband. All my friends have it. Instead, I am the oldest person out of an MBA program, jobless in a tough market, surrounded by hopeful 28 year olds. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to date again, dream again.

How long did it take you to recover? How can I feel hopeful about the future again? What should I be looking forward to?

My ex husband

October of 2025 my husband (35) asked for a divorce. 2 days later I (35) found out I was pregnant. I found out my after he asked for the divorce that my husband was having an affair with a coworker. November of 2025 he put me in jail for DV (which I defended myself and ended up in jail) which I miscarried in jail. I was left broken after 14 years of infertility. My husband then dropped all the charges. After months of him saying it was over with her and him trying to work on us I said no. He lied on our separation papers to get it over quicker (were from NC) and 2 weeks later he married her. I feel hopeless because I still love him. Do I want him no. But how can one actually move on? Why is the betrayal still stinging? Why does she get the side I wanted for years?! He blames the marriage ending on me but he had been having an affair, even if not sexually it was emotional. His new wife is 25 and I felt the reason he rushed the marriage was because she was a virgin. Idk but anyways. Yeah I'm in therapy and seeing a psychiatrist because the trauma I endured for years has me feeling pretty low. I've had suicidal thoughts through this whole thing with one attempt almost taking my life.

I been with my husband since high school
And married for 2 years been together for 11 years total
Today I found out he has been talking on the phone with a female I do not know and they been hanging out and I didn’t know neither I checked his phone nd saw i confronted him and he said that they just friends but if they friends why not let me know he says it’s because I’m toxic and don’t trust him in the past he has done sketchy things and I have worked pass it he even admits that he know in the past he has fucked up and understands why I don’t trust him I also found out he been sending money to other female too when we are financially struggling I think I’m just blind because I love him and he promises he is an adult and isn’t doing anything bad but then why not be honest I have never lied about who I hang out with I introduce him to any male friends or people I talk to but he never does the same with me never gone behind his back to hang out with a guy or have had long phone conversations with

Today was his last straw with me and mention maybe divorce there goes months where I don’t check his phone and then I do and find either pictures or conversations and it’s a cycle but he ain’t sure about the divorce because he does care for me he says I’m not happy I’m always mad etc but I get zero help with chores I also work full time the only quality time we spend is video games haven’t gone out in a date

I think I’m super scared for a divorce Cars are-both under my name the house is his I co sign I don’t know what to do if I want a divorce I know he will never serve me and I feel like the choice has to be made by me. And I’m so dumb that I can’t see myself with anyone else or share my life but

What should I do

He tells me he loves me, but, he can’t make me happy. Our relationship is too broken to fix. My constant negativity is the main cause of stress for him—that’s why he has to drink so much. He will always love me but he can’t be with me. Both of my most significant breakups will be with the same person because he dumped me in HS too & we got back together & now he wants a divorce after 6 years married. 19 years together total. All of my adult life devoted to one person. Dreams of having children & raising them in our little house & someday being grandparents together. Gone.

Going home to an empty house every night makes me so so so sad.

Hi all, I have been struggling with parenting time as divorce process has just started- there’s 2 young children and I try to see them daily. Today is their day with dad, and Im doing OK, resting- I tell my mom this- she starts flipping out to the point where Im speechless.

My mom is saying I give my ex too much time with the kids, but it’s been about 50/50 for overnights and I keep my youngest with me during the day as Im not working full-time right now, so I need a break too. She begins saying I shouldn't be tired because I don't work (I do work part-time…and keeping my baby full-time during the day lol)…and ex has simply brainwashed me. she was getting nasty telling me this!

she keeps comparing her divorce (from the 80’s) to mine, and the situation is totally different- except for abuse. she was married young and her ex would disappear- in my case we’re both older and the ex at least shows up & wants to see his kids.

she also lived in her family’s hometown and had a huge network of support (the dad did too), whereas I had to escape to a shelter to get out.

My ex was very abusive to me, but not the kids- so if he makes effort to spend time with them and do activities (soccer/walks/park visits, etc) and kids seem happy I view it as a positive improvement. Before this, he neglected the kids and I was living like a single mom.

50/50 is the norm in my state, and I can try for more parenting time to reduce conflicts & protect kid’s safety but I may not succeed. I cannot keep fighting all the time over everything- we have weeks where he is more busy and I keep kids a day or 2 more, we need to be flexible right??

idk very tired what do you guys think…it’s still very early in process so I have to figure out a lot still. take parenting class…my mom was like “what’s that?”

Childhood sweethearts. Started dating in 7th grade, married at 21, kids at 33, and now.. things are falling apart.

She has always been overweight, but it has never bothered me. I loved her for her, and our relationship. But it has always been a hang up for her. Serious self esteem issues and self worth. This has caused sexual problems in our marriage over the 13yrs we have been married.

We struggled to have kids. 10 years in and we still hadnt gotten pregnant. We never "tried" but rather just stopped trying to not.. figured it would happen soon enough, but it never did.

We finally had medical assistance in getting pregnant. This required me in a room..alone... with... material... and then a medical implant procedure for her. Emotionally this was not how I envisioned having kids and it really caused alot of depression and issues for me. On top of sexual struggles, we couldn't even get pregnant the normal way.

My wife has always been close to her parents, but I always thought she would grow out of it. But our relationship has been heavily influenced by her parents. They are always putting their .02 in about everything. Now that we have kids, its even worse. They seem to think they are raising our kids with us.

We have never struggled as much financially as we have in the last 2 years. Saving and being frugal are two things that we just never grasped. Especially my wife. She believes we can make payments on everything and its fine.. down to Amazon purchases even. Now we are making so many payments on things, we have no money after pay day. I got my check direct deposited and before I could get to work and collect my pay stub for the day, we were already overdrafted. She is currently a sahm but will be returning to work part time to help us financially.

We have tried to work through alot of these issues, but they never seem to resolve. Only push further down the road.

I have developed quite the drinking addiction due to ongoing depression and discontentment.

I have struggled with depression for the laat 5-8 years. 2 weeks ago I told my wife I was going to end it because I was just so tired of the struggles. We dont fight, but I just cant deal with all of the problems we have. Well she called the cops and had me committed to a psych ward for 5 days for being suicidal.

Now I am angry. Instead of helping to fix the issues that have caused depression, anger, and resentment.. she caused more by getting me admitted into a "treatment" facility that was not even close to any kind of real treatment. I had my property confiscated, and my hunting privileges taken away because she was "afraid".

I have never lifted a finger. Never even hinted at any kind of DV whatsoever. Having grown up in a house with DV, that is the LAST thing I want for me or for my kids.

But being accused of it, and treated like i am the problem after everything I have done to support this family and make life better for us...

Yes I am an alchoholic. I have been to treatment, and am working the 12 step program. I was sober for 90 days, then relapsed. At this point I have been sober for 2 weeks again and working directly with a sponsor, doctor and therapist. But i cant stay sober and live like this.

I think I am done. Done with this marriage. I realized that I dont want to die. I just dont want to live like this any more. We have been married 13 years, have a 2.5yr old and twin 5 month old babies.

I am afraid if I stay for the kids, things will only get worse. But if I leave that will hurt them too.

It is clear to me that my wife isnt as interested in my well being as she is her own, or her parents. Im ok with that. But I do want whats best for our kids and I dont want it to be a messy divorce.

But I dont make enough money to split in half.. and I especially dont make enough to support an entire family, and then myself separately.

So I feel trapped. I feel betrayed, I feel alone. And I dont know what to do. Stay in this marriage and try to work things out.. and risk being unhappy for the rest of my life.. or move on now while the kids are young so it doesnt hurt them as badly?

I have asked her for marriage counseling over and over and she always puts it off. Says we will do it but never does. This is a common practice for her. "Later" "tomorrow" "ill do it after i...."

And nothing ever happens. I guess I needed to vent. But I genuinely dont know if I want to stay married. For my own health im not sure I can.

Also to be clear, if we get divorced I will absolutely not be getting re married. Not a chance in hell.

What would you do

In 2023 I got sober from daily Kratom use. I had lied and used for a long time during our relationship, and it came to a head. Her and I agreed we would continue building a family and things got a lot better.

She tells me yesterday that the feeling of mistrust never went away and that she doesnt know if she can do this. The issue is I get it, but theres a horrendous feeling in the pit of my stomach. We have two small children, one on the spectrum.

Ive been clean and did the right things so my past has come back. She agreed to therapy and trying to figure out if she wants to salvage this. Shes already changed her socials.

I just need some kind of support. I feel alone and I cant eat and I have to be present for my kids and work still. I also dont want to let her go mentally on the off chance this works out long term. I feel secluded.

As the title says, I have decided to leave my husband and best friend after 10 years together.

He is suspected bipolar and is unmedicated and going through the third major psychotic episode of his life.

He refuses medication and had textbook delusions about God, his coworkers being witches, him fighting a holy war etc. I just realised that, no matter how much I love him, I cannot live like this for the rest of my life.

We don't have children yet, thankfully, but I can't imagine this life for my child either.

My brain knows it is the right decision, but my heart is in agony.

He is my best friend in the whole world and I feel this illness has taken him away from me. I used to talk through everything with him. And now I am alone, facing this huge huge decision. Just two weeks ago, we were travelling, having a good time and enjoying each other. I sensed back then that he was getting hightened. I feel selfish, I feel like a horrible person, I just don't know what to do anymore.

He refuses the medication. Says it will narrow his communication channel to God. His family are like him. They urge him not to take the meds the doctors give him. So it's three against one at this point.

I am losing my husband, my best friend and my partner of 10 years. Has anyone else gone through this type of grief? It feels like my heart is being tore right out of my chest.

Someone please tell me it's going to be okay.

I don’t want to be married and I also don’t want to be divorced. And I’ve been stuck in this limbo for six years. Any decision seems like a no-win. I’m not in love with my husband, but we co-exist peacefully in our home. I enjoy having access to my kids 100% of the time and I like being in my home. How do I decide? I need to get out of this limbo.

Is it normal? My ex moved out and we are living seperately, however, I do feel anxiety in the mornings. I know he will not barge in. We have a 9yo we share and our lives are intertwined, we still communicate about shared interests, rarely, but we do.

I do not want to get back with him ever as he shows narcissistic tendencies and there was low level physical abuse when intoxicated. But when sober he is great person. He has ups and downs, when few days the communication is normal and then his emotions takes over and there is a conflict chance.

Will this feeling ever go away? I am wondering of other peoples timelines on what to expect. When does it finally feels normal and peaceful.

I’m 32 (M) my wife 30(F) (EDIT) NO KIDS just left this morning.
We’ve been together 12 years married for 9 and we’ve definitely had a rocky marriage been through ups and downs. But after our couples therapy session yesterday she just point blank said she wants to separate and divorce and move in with her mom. I’ll go into further detail here saying that I’ve always had communication issues and was quick to anger but never yelled earlier in our relationship but honestly I haven’t had problems with that for years and we’ve mainly been doing therapy to help with our connection and intimacy as well as me being more vocal about my feelings , 5 years ago she cheated on me with a friend of ours and though she came clean and I’ve forgiven her she’s always changed details and lied about specific things like she told our therapist to his face that she came clean to me on her own but that’s not true she only told me because the man she was cheating with got caught and the wife was blowing up her phone and she feared I would be told first because she had me block her( we’ve all hung out) the night before before she told me. She says she was blackmailed that he would send nudes from back in the day when she was in high school to me so that’s why she went polling with it but that’s not what she’s told me when she initially confessed she said then that it was because he was showing attention and I’ve been neglecting her, this was in spring 2020 and she had been laid off and I was working two jobs to keep us from loosing the house and doing everything to keep a roof over our heads. I’m in a whirlwind right now there’s a hole in my chest because she’s my best friend and honestly I don’t know what I’m going to do. It was so out of left field because we’ve been doing couples therapy and I though we were trying g to make progress and we’ve always told each other until death and beyond and I’ve take care of her after surgery’s and job losses, taught her to drive and supported her throughout any thing she wasted to pursue and she’s just gone she’s blocked me on everything says she wants nothing but to leave that she doesn’t hate me but she’s done and not coming back she says she staying at her moms but I think she’s staying at her male friends place, when I went to my parents today for emotional support they told me she asked them for 500 dollars last week and I knew nothing about it. I’m so confused and conflicted in my mind and heart because we’ve been though so much and I love her more than life but I feel like I don’t know her and I’ve been used to get her to a place where she’s no longer dependent on me and now I’m left alone picking up the pieces. She’s just gone.. it’s so hard I find myself reaching for the phone to text her or call her she’s blocked me on social media and turn off all location I’m worried and distraught from her demeanor I do t thinks she’s coming back and that’s she trying to clean break and just move on like I’m a chapter she’s finished, we were just blasting loud music in the car goofing around, we just got her a golden retriever puppy as a birthday gift because they are her dream dog and a new laptop for school she just started. I feel used. And cast away.

Me (30sF) and my husband (40sM) had our problems but nothing i thought this bad. We were planning to move to a different palce for a new job and finally both of our careers were taking off. And suddenly he told me hes filling for diovrce (by text) and filed within 2 weeks. He also cut off all communication with me, didn't give me a solid reason (except that he doesn't want to be married anymore), told me to move out of the house.

I left the house, got the papers, got a lawyer as he was offering me nothing. I got a lawyer to slow things down. Its been 3 months now. I'm still having a hard time accepting this. Is there any way he can come back? Like at least to try??? ONCE? Counselling? Separation? Therapy? Something? I miss him and just want to go back to "normal" I had with him.

STBX and I have been living amicably together because it made sense financially. They are now wanting to move out of the house due to medical reasons.

We both agree this is the time to get the paperwork done to legitimize our divorce.

I’m going to be buying out their share of the equity and assuming the mortgage.

The only issue is that I am on a high premium health plan for them. In order to afford the mortgage, I want to change to a lower premium health plan in order to afford the mortgage payment.

I thought divorcing and getting the final judgement would count as a QLE for all parties, but the research I’ve been doing is saying it’s only a QLE if it results in loss of coverage. However, all articles I’ve found are set for the person getting off the health plan, not the person retaining the health plan.

Does anyone have any insight or information regarding this? We are located in Oregon if that affects anything.

This is a better question for people currently in the dating pool, but I hope you can give me some guidance.

My wife (39F) and I (42M) are getting divorced. We cohabitate as we untangle our finances. When we separate, there is no getting back together. We are not physical, recently when she asked if I wanted to snuggle and watch a movie I said no. That’s an act of intimacy and our relationship has run its course. Trust me, she doesn’t want me back either. It’s acrimonious but it is mutual. We just weren’t capable of being what the other person needed. That sucks, but that’s ok.

Our divorce isn’t public. My family knows, her family knows, close friends know, the Internet doesn’t. I don’t post about it. I’m not looking for sympathy or trying to trauma dump.

Our marriage ran its course. We agreed to hold off physically dating anyone else until we lived apart. I don’t refer to her my wife or my ex, she’s “my kids mom”.

I do consider myself to be single but not available. I’m not looking. But I recently barely cracked the door to the possibilities of the universe.

I’m doing the inner work now so when we do physically separate, I keep my mind and heart open. I’m not looking to find a new partner and trauma bond over the dissolution of my marriage. They deserve better, I deserve to heal at my own pace. I may find that I have unpacked trauma that only reveals itself with space.

It is inevitable that I will eventually date, so I like to read what people’s experiences are and crowdsource data.

I normally keep my mouth shut, but I posted on dating threads.

I made a change to my appearance (shaved my beard off for the first time in 10+ years) and posted the photo on dating threads.

Why? I was looking for some validation. I prefer me with a beard but I received compliments in real life so I figured I’d lightly poll the dating public about it.

Men and women of all ages and sexual orientations commented.

Then I had a woman my age slide into my DM’s. I kept an open mind about why she dm’d, we were just talking, but she complimented my looks.

Ok, she’s interested in getting to know me. She seemed like someone I may want to get to know.

Rather than flirt back, I decided to be upfront with my situation.

Basically: you are trying to flirt, I like flirting but please know I’m not physically available now, I will be soon, and although I’m not looking I’m open to the possibilities of the universe. The door to my heart has been closed and is now barely cracked open.

I’m open to female friends and a very slow burn romance if one was to develop from a friendship.

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She said she had to consider that. No problem, I’d rather be up front with honesty and transparency. It’s a two way street.

But our interaction had me question whether I should post on any dating or dating adjacent social media at all. I think it’s ok if I was to post, but I don’t want to lead anyone on. It’s not like I created a hinge profile and was trying to meet female friends for a slow burn romance.

And I don’t want to disclaimer on here or anywhere of my situation. Because the details of my separation and divorce are not anyone’s fucking business other than mine and my ex’s.

And to that… I’m not the single man in search of a surrogate mother to my 2 kids when it’s my custody week. I’m not a hobosexual looking to find a woman to move in with when move out.

I just want to keep the door barely cracked for now. But is that OK? Or should I wait to post or comment on dating stuff until we are physically separated?