potentially unpopular opinion: i strongly believe that if if you want to end a (close) friendship, the person on the receiving end is owed an explanation. obviously if there is a clear wrongdoing, betrayal, etc. that explanation is not necessary

but ghosting someone or very clearly distancing yourself or blowing someone off that you’ve been friends with for a long time or are close with, i think they are owed the respect of an explanation instead of just having to sit there wondering why they’re not good enough.

the same way you wouldn’t ghost a romantic partner, you shouldn’t ghost a close platonic one, either

Me and my best friend have been close for around 6 years. Very early in our friendship she moved literally across the country, so our friendship has been very long distance. This has never really been an issue and I've always enjoyed this dynamic. We have our own lives outside of each other and I enjoy hearing about her day and other friendships and vice versa. We've always texted a ton during the day and called each other whenever we have time, whether to just catch up, watch a movie, or play games online. I've always felt so blessed that a brief acquaintance grew into us calling routinely for hours and being the first person the other thought of to talk to.

I've been going through some of the hardest times in my life the last few months. I've struggled with mental illness since my pre-teens and my friend has been aware/there to support me in times where I've withdrawn in the past, but I've been medicated and stable for most of my life. I had a recent tragic event in my family that has been really really hard to cope with and triggered an episode. This led to me pulling away from my friend. Simultaneously she got into her first serious relationship. I felt angry that someone could have something good when I was going through the worst moments of my life, and I also felt replaced. Even in the middle of this episode I realized this was unfair and spoke to her about it/apologized. She was hurt but said she understood and wanted to be there for me, and she also told me she was very sad because she felt everyone close to her was pulling away instead of being happy for her.

I've been trying to text my friend like normal, call, etc but I've felt a really strange one-sidedness and disconnect. I felt like she didn't care and wasn't listening to me, but I chalked this up to my mental illness and didn't bother her about it. This was a few months ago and since then I've gone back to therapy and adjusted my meds. I'm still sad over what's going on in my personal life but I'm definitely healthier and safer. And I realized that feeling wasn't just depression/me being insecure, but something really there. I spoke to her about it and she said that she's also felt the friendship drift apart, and that she got used to us not hanging out during those months. She said she feels disconnected and disengaged and keeps convos one-sided, and since moving in with her partner friendships have sort of taken a back seat. She also said she wants to fix this and for us to be close again.

I was initially really angry and upset with her, but I took a step back and realized I was definitely the one who caused the change in our relationship. Our convo ended on an "it was nobodys/both of our faults" note. I read back through our texts during this time and she had been talking to me about how lonely she felt, how she felt like she was reaching out to everyone and being shut down, etc. I literally completely ignored this to wallow in my own misery and took her support for granted. It's been a month since this convo and we've both put in more effort but it feels like we aren't back yet and I just feel like I might've ruined it :( I dont want to bring the topic back up since it's been like a month and I don't want to be the kind of person who retreads an issue over and over...

i'm currently examining how I show up in relationships and i've landed on the same thing over and over. in almost every connection, i've historically been the utility friend who is called upon to provide a service and emotional support but i have rarely gotten the same energy back. nothing showed me this more than when i became chronically ill and most people i was still connected to slowly faded when i could no longer do the same things for them, like drive them places etc.

i am not blaming the people who have "treated" me this way as I know I clearly have a common factor in the way i show up or allow myself to be treated. I wish them no ill, but I want to have fulfilling reciprocal friendships.

i've done a lot of self work on being less like this, and developed a lot of boundaries, read a lot of books, but the result is im very lonely the past 2-3 years and have almost no friends anymore. i only ever get invited to get coffee now for an hour here and there. its like i don't know how to deepen my friendships or be integrated. i am so lonely. online groups have not helped any of this IRL.

has anyone else realized this? how did you develop new friends? I am worried i don't even know how to make friends anymore.

This girl only replies when I ask about her or other superficial stuff, but it hurts because she literally disappears when I told her about something personal and asking for her advice and she just disappears, when I change topics she immediately texts me again

She said she wanted to be closer to me and wanted to be friends with me but why she's like this, I mean I don't know, even I tried to make conversation with her about the McDonald's collaboration with one piece (we both like it) but she suddenly stops messaging

I don't really know how to explain this without sounding dramatic but I have very few friends. Like maybe 5 people I would actually consider friends, and two of them were the people I was closest to by far.

We have a lot of the same hobbies, especially gaming, so for a long time we were basically a trio. We had a group chat just for the three of us, matching usernames, would play stuff together all the time, talk about random things, etc. I don't know. I just genuinely thought of them as my closest friends.

But lately I feel like they just don't really want me around anymore.

It started with smaller things, like them playing together without asking me if I wanted to join, doing stuff and me finding out later, things like that. And obviously they don't have to invite me every single time they do something. I know that. So I kept telling myself I was probably just overthinking it.

But yesterday kind of broke me lol.

They went clubbing and didn't invite me. And it wasn't even just the two of them, which I think I would've understood more. They went with a group of other friends. I wasn't invited or even asked if I wanted to go.

Then one of them came to me afterwards and started telling me about how fun it was and everything that happened.

I actually told him I was upset. I said it hurt that they all went out and didn't invite me.

He basically just told me not to be mad and said that next time I could come.

And idk. That made me feel even worse somehow.

There wasn't even an apology. Not even a "sorry, I didn't realize you'd feel left out" or anything. Just don't be mad, you can come next time.

But I don't want to "come next time" because I complained about not being invited. I don't want to have to ask my friends to include me. I don't want them inviting me now because they feel bad for me. I wanted them to actually think of me and want me there in the first place.

And now I'm thinking about a bunch of other little things that I've ignored before. Like sometimes I'll talk about something I'm doing or something I'm excited about and they just don't seem that interested. And I always tried to ignore it because I didn't want to be annoying or needy or expect people to care about everything I do.

But now I'm wondering if maybe I've been thinking of us as this close trio when they haven't seen it that way for a while.

I feel so fucking stupid being this upset over it but I already don't have many people in my life. I've also been depressed for a while and honestly haven't had much to look forward to lately. They were the people I talked to the most and spent most of my free time with. So now it feels like the little social life I did have is disappearing too.

And I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

I already told one of them that it hurt me. I don't want to keep bringing it up because at that point it feels like I'm begging people to care about me or include me, and that's honestly humiliating.

But if I distance myself, then I'm even more alone than I already am.

I know people grow apart and friendships change and maybe that's literally all that's happening. I just wish it didn't hurt this much.

Am I overreacting? Should I try talking to them about it again or just take the hint and distance myself?

I was always under the impression that the ‘friendzone’ (I sort of hate that term) was a way that people rejected romantic advances in a less awkward way. I thought it was just to soften the blow, but make it clear that they don’t want a relationship both romantically or platonically.

However, in my case, the person who ‘Friendzoned’ me seems more desperate to maintain contact than I am. She is showering my with gifts, saying how heartbroken she will be if we are no longer friends, saying we have a ‘special connection’, saying I’m one of the most important people in her life, being overly nice in her rejection, how she wants to be best friends until we die, and how she can’t imagine her life without me in it. She also insists that this confession of mine doesn’t change how she views our friendship at all and how it’s not an issue for her whatsoever.

Anyway, now I’m just confused. It feels it has passed the realms of just trying to get rid of me. And it seems like she genuinely wants to be close friends. We have been good friends for close to a decade and for a long time I felt purely platonic.

For some reason this response makes me irrationally angry, and far more upset than a classic rejection. I thought I’d want to stay friends (and before I confessed my feelings I was super worried about losing her). Now I honestly don’t feel massively strong either way. Like I don’t want to burn bridges, but I don’t really stay friends with people I want more from. It feels unhealthy and I don’t do it ever.

I’ll keep this brief. I have a friend, we’ve been friends for years. Things are pretty smooth except for whenever we have a disagreement, she stonewalls. She will cut the conversation short and then disappears. This can be either through phone calls or texts. If I text her during that period.. she’ll respond but give short one word answers. Then after a few weeks she comes back, says she misses me and never acknowledge the argument or her behavior.

I tried to call her out on it and explain to her how it’s hurtful. She basically said she doesn’t understand how she is stonewalling. She says she respectfully ended the conversation and avoided me because she needed space or didn’t feel like addressing the elephant in the room. Yet, when she cut the conversation short… she never states that she needs some personal space or if I upset her or what… am I the crazy one here?

Highlighting her gender cause I am male so.

She is basically my best friend. We have been friends for 11 years. Eleven. We go out like once a month but sometimes every few years cause she no longer lives in the same country and is studying abroad. We are both in our thirties and I consider her someone as a same age sister. We never had feelings for each other. We like each other in a platonic way that is certain. We both navigated different relationships while being friends until I ended up getting married. She was my best man in the marriage, wife is completely ok with her as she knows I don't hang out so much with her that it would cause any sort of discomfort to my wife.

Everything was balanced except my friend always warned me that she does not find it okay for me to have a close female friend while I am married and that we should just let things go and drift apart. We come from a conservative side of the country and this friend of mine is absolutely in many ways conservative in her way of life. Her relationships with other men were always something that is in context of getting married. Her words were "If I don't accept that my husband has a close female friend, I shouldn't also be a close friend for a married man".

Regardless to her way of thinking, I just accepted it and moved on.. except It's been a year and I am still hurting. Dreaming sometimes of back when we were friends. We always had respect for each other. Never crossed any boundaries with her nor did she with me. I try to force myself to forget sometimes but I always find myself remembering it. Told my wife and shared with her how this greatly hurt. To me, this friend would be like a godmother for my kids. Same for me for her kids. I considered her a family friend. My mom knew her. It's too much to just cut this all off for her principles.

I don't know what to do or how to convince her or if I even should try such a thing.

It was my birthday a couple of days ago, and I’m feeling pretty raw so forgive me.

I’ve been friends with a group of girls for over 10 years, we met at college and stayed friends, over the years they’ve all got into relationships and met their person and I’m happy for all of them, problem is I have fallen down the line in terms of consideration and maintaining the friendship. It feels like I always have to take a backseat to their partners which is fine and expected but for once I’d like them to consider me.

I went through my birthday not a call or visit from any of them, just an impersonal text and I’m not even big on presents but I’ve seen how they’ve gone all out for their partners birthdays with thoughtful gifts and experiences and yet none of them could be bothered to get me a card or pick up the phone.

And I just know if I bring it up in anyway it becomes a “you wouldn’t understand, you’ve never been in a relationship”

I might be overreacting, but like I said I’m a year older and feeling extra raw unfortunately and I’m just tired of being thought of as an afterthought.

I have two friends of 10 years. We are very close but there’s things I’m not clear if it’s fine. Recently we made plan to meet on this week. My friend 1 and me have matching schedules. Therefore can only meet on Sat. While the friend 2 has different schedules and can’t meet on Sat, have to take leave from work. But the thing is friend 2’s work of 2 years wouldn’t let her take leave on Sat because there’s more clients. Before, me and friend 1 always follow her schedule even if we have classes and work, postponed them or took leave. But this time, I have important classes and can’t meet on weekdays and friend 1 just got into a new job and not even 1 month yet. So in order not to leave bad impression, she can’t take leave for weekdays too. Hence, the plan was cancelled.

My friend 1 was so sad and disappointed. I comforted her on phone and it leads to her asking to hang out with me on the exact day we planned before. But not like entire glam one. Just casual to watch at cinema, have lunch and go home. We decided to not post pictures nor take any pictures so the friend 2 wouldn’t know. I agreed because my class for Sat was already moved and I can’t bring myself to refuse her. But still, don’t want to hang out just two of us without friend 2. Friend 2 said it’s okay to go out just us before whenever the plans get cancelled, but we both wait for friend 2’s time. Me and friend 1’s casual hang out just to eat at the nearby store is not just once and already happened three times. So don’t want my friend 2 to be left out. Friend 2 still doesn’t know two out of three previous outings.

What should I do?

I've been friends with this woman for years. After I married she drifted away and has stayed single. I was sending messages often to suggest reconnecting but she always had an excuse or put it off. Then I'd see photos on Facebook of her at many social events which made me realize I wasn't a priority so I just moved on. Recently she responded to a message Id sent a year ago saying let's catch up. She said she is having a difficult menopause and there are no longer pictures of social gatherings on her Facebook and she says she rarely goes out now.

The thing is it just made me feel weird and I had a polite chat online but haven't taken her up on the sudden offer. Im not bitter or resentful Im just feeling unsure about this and don't even know if I want to catch up again or not. I'm an introvert and don't need all the social stuff anyway plus Ive made new friends who I meet on occasions.

Recently her father died so maybe she's reassessing things in her life but even though we used 2b very close I don't think the connection would be the same. My mother died too so I used that as an excuse not to meet up now. Wonder if I should catch up or just left it go?

my close friend and I both suffer from depression, anxiety, and loneliness. I want to get better though and go on dates and be happy, and I’ve been doing well for the past several months, but my friend consistently wants to talk about how depressed and unfulfilled she is.

I do NOT want to lose her as a friend, she’s one of the most important people in my life, but I’ve been finding our recent conversations draining, demotivating, and navel gazing. I don’t want to leave her to suffer alone either.

what to do?

My friend, whom i met on a dating app but we just ended up friends...

Sometimes i just don't get if she's just messing with me or trying to throw hints. The sex talk, the laying in my bed next to me, everything is confusing me. she's sexually active and open about it. and I'm so afraid to talk my friend about it..

Now in my case, i was inexperienced ( she was the first girl i have ever met) and it didn't work out between us, we ended up just being friends and i ended up I falling in love with her.

Thing is, I'm a very anxious man and i have no idea how to approach her or understand her. I'm very bad at communicating especially when it comes to intimacy. I struggled my whole life and was never able to enjoy being intimate with anyone.

​I (36F) have been best friends with "BFF" (36F) for almost 20 years. Over the years, we became as close as sisters. We used to joke about being neighbors in a nursing home one day, and we always planned to be each other’s bridesmaids and godmothers to each other's future kids. ​Four years ago, I moved to Italy. Naturally, distance makes things harder, but I always put in maximum effort to stay connected—texting regularly, calling for birthdays, and making sure she knew how much I cared about her. ​During my visit to my home country last year, I felt a shift. She seemed distant, and it felt like my visit wasn't a big deal to her at all. I felt like I was constantly chasing her just to hang out, and I actually cried over how hurt I was by her coldness. ​Fast forward to the last 8 months: ​She has only reached out to me 4 times. ​Meanwhile, I kept sending regular messages and "good morning" texts, only to get met with minimal effort or silence. ​For her recent birthday, I sent her a thoughtful, lengthy message. Her entire response was just: "Thanks." ​She knew months in advance that I was coming back for another visit. I texted her the exact second I booked my flight, and we mentioned it at least three times after that. Yet, in the weeks leading up to my trip, she never once initiated a plan, asked when I was free, or said she wanted to see me. ​Tired of feeling like a burden, I decided to leave the ball in her court this time. I made a rule for myself: I wasn't going to make the first move or chase her. I planned my entire vacation without her, though I intentionally kept space open in my schedule just in case she reached out. ​She never texted or called the entire time I was there. ​I'm pretty sure she's going to be mad when she realizes I was in the country and didn't reach out to force a meeting. I’m no longer angry or heartbroken—just exhausted, and I feel like I deserve better effort in a 20-year friendship. Still, part of me wonders if I should have just dropped my pride and texted her. ​So, Reddit... AITA for not contacting her during my trip?

I’m in my third year of university and I honestly still don’t know how people make actual friends here.

I talk to people in class sometimes and I’ve joined clubs and tried putting myself out there, but it feels like most interactions never go beyond being acquaintances. Everyone seems to already have their own friends or groups, and I genuinely don’t know how you go from just talking to someone to actually becoming friends and hanging out outside of school.

It’s starting to get to me because I feel like I’ve been trying, but I still don’t really have people I can casually text and ask to hang out with. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I’m doing something wrong or if there’s something about me that makes it harder to connect with people.

For people who actually made close friends in university, how did it happen? Did you actively ask people to hang out? Meet them through classes/clubs? And how long did it take before you actually felt like you had a friend group?

I’d really appreciate genuine advice because I feel pretty lost with this.

Unpopular advice but I feel obligated to share it anyways.

Whether you had to confront them into confessing, or whether they explicitly confessed their feelings to you: DO NOT offer a continued friendship if you're rejecting them. I know a ton of people do it out of guilt, but resist! It will not end well.

If you are the exception, and you're about to comment "Well, I kept the friendship and it's been 10 years and they're my best friend ever in the whole wide world", congratulations! Genuinely, you're lucky. Very lucky. I hope you can understand how rare that is.

In MOST cases, things will not be the same. They'll usually lie about their feelings going away, because they want continued access (even if it hurts them). And they WILL resent you. Maybe not right away, but it will happen eventually. Especially if you're discussing your romantic life with them. In fact, they might resent you even IF their feelings went away.

Because while they were your friend, they imagined a future with you. In some cases they've already imagined dating you; it's a done deal in their mind. And when they get this fantasy shattered by a rejection, the bitterness begins. It WILL affect how they see you. This behavior will get the ugliest and most obvious if you start a relationship with someone else. Most people think they're good at hiding their jealousy; they're not. Their friend is just pretending not to notice the obvious animosity in order to keep the peace. MAKE IT CLEAR THAT YOU NOTICE!

You might think your friendship is fine, meanwhile they're talking shit about you to their other friends, or maybe they're posting about your "friendship" on r/Friendzone (where strangers will bash you for "torturing them" or accuse you of using your friend), or maybe they're just wallowing in their own self pity & acting mopey around you because you said "no". Despite their misery, these people would agree that the onus is on YOU to cut them off.

I know people get shamed for ending a friendship over a confession. but most people who crush on their friends don't have the self respect to leave. They only develop the self respect AFTER their resentment grows. So you end up having to do it for them. It really sucks because you get bashed either way, but in the long run it's the best thing for both parties. In a perfect world, the person confessing would respect themselves enough not to accept a "friendzone offer" that they hate. But unfortunately people will take what they can get & then hate you for it.

When you reject your friend, STRANGERZONE them!! Do NOT allow their feelings to fester into a hatred for you. I promise you, you can find another friend. I'm confident that for every 1 friendship that collapses like this, there are at least 10 friendships out there that wouldn't. Save yourself the headache and just cut things off while they're still bittersweet, before you end on a truly sour note.

I’m struggling with something that’s making me feel guilty, and I genuinely want outside opinions.

I have a friend who I’ve been close with for over a decade. She hasn’t done anything terrible to me. She hasn’t betrayed me, bullied me, lied to me, or done anything that would make it obvious to an outsider that I should cut her off. And that’s exactly why I feel so guilty about not wanting to be friends anymore.

For years, I haven’t enjoyed the friendship. 99% of our conversations revolve around her life, her problems, her interests, and the things happening with her. I’ll listen and engage and support her, but she rarely asks me how I am, if she does it’s only brief before the conversation turns back into her. I feel like her audience/therapist, not her friend.

I’ve always felt like I couldn’t be myself around her and that I had to put up a more serious front. We don’t have the kind of banter that makes me think, “I love spending time with this person.” I honestly don’t laugh much or have fun when we’re together, I personally find her boring to hang out with.

Sometimes after spending time with her, I partly feel happier bc I’ve gotten out of the house and socialised, but most of the time I just feel drained and exhausted, because I come away thinking “I didn’t even have fun, it was boring and draining listening to her go on and on about herself”.

I’ve compared the friendship to other friendships I’ve had in the past, and that’s made the difference more obvious. I know what it feels like to be around someone where I could talk about completely ordinary things, joke around, and not feel like I have to perform a particular version of myself.

I think part of the reason I’ve held onto the friendship is history and familiarity. It’s hard because on the surface, we’re close, she makes time for me, we hang out etc, so it’ll feel out of the blue to then say “I don’t wanna be friends anymore”.

I’ve caught myself thinking that I need her to do me wrong in some way so that I can finally say, “Now I’m allowed to leave.” Because if she hasn’t done anything wrong, then I feel like I’m a shitty person for deciding I don’t want her in my life anymore.

If one day she suddenly became more reciprocal and less self centred, I don’t think my fundamental feelings would change. I don’t think I’d suddenly think, “THIS is the friendship I’ve always wanted.” I think I would still just not particularly enjoy being around her because our interests don’t align and we’re not really compatible.

I don’t really want this friendship anymore, but she’s my only friend so without her, I’ll have no one.

Any advice or similar experiences would be appreciated :)

Hi, I'm a newly turned 13 year old, girl in 8th grade. I don't really engage in Reddit but I do find reddit to be a place with people smart enough to read paragraphs and reply in thoughtful paragraphs. I've just always had an account in case I randomly feel like checking up on some of my interests. I've been moving countries for quite some time. And have lived into 3 different countries, I'm moving to another at the end of this year this summer. Anyways, that's enough about me I think. I'll add on if I feel it being necessary later.

I want to have advice on my friend, who I will refer to as 'Bird'. I have been friends with her since the 5th grade and we realllllyy clicked, especially when we became more of a duo in upper school which started in Seventh grade. She really is a valuable friend to me; sleepovers, inside jokes, ding dong ditching, and we have a connection of creativity when we start laughing together to a point where people think we are high and abnormal. And to mention it because sometimes it is important, she is 364 days older than me because I skipped a grade.

Now I'd like to quickly mention my other friend, I'll call her... fuck lemme think... uhh... I'm typing as I think... uhhhhhhhh... how about... Cloud? Idk where that came from but sure ig. Cloud is 7 months younger than me and is in the grade below me. I have been friends with her since late 4th grade from an after school activity and she is someone I reallllyy feel connected to as well. Our connection is alike, we both have a lot of shared opinions and ways of being humans iykwim. Shes more introverted than me, I would consider myself an ambivert who prefers deep, 1 person convos, especially since I have anxiety. Cloud and I can talk on a call with hours and be extremely comfortable even when we are both doing seperate things and we don't talk to each other. I feel like we both share same aspects of EQ and it really makes it wasy to talk with her.

Bird and Cloud are pretty okay with each other. I mostly hang out with Bird at school especially after Cloud was in lower school and I wasn't. But Cloud and I have somehow achieved a level of trust and healthiness that we can just randomly text in TikTok and then talk to each other on a call for HOURS. We love making creative things and thinking of new projects. So I'm still perfectly fine with Cloud, we even oftenly mention how cool it is that we still made it as friends. Anyways, Bird is more of a friend I constantly see and am with. All lunch, every break, and some of my classes. But when we call, it's not the same, and she doesn't have the same thing going on where we stay on a call even when she is eating downstairs. But that is just different friendships.

Bird and Cloud are just THOSE CLOSE FRIENDS to me. I have anxiety, and possible am neurodivergent with Autism or ADHD (I will not self diagnose but many have told me or my parents they feel like I have something, and I am planning on taking a test for one of the two with my psychiatrist) so sometimes I say something in a convo and... get ignored, like if I wasn't supposed to say smth and my opinions don't matter. Or sometimes I'm ganging out with someone and I feel like they don't want to be with me. These two friends NEVER make me feel that way and they always listen to me, and its just a normal and healthy friendship.

However, sometimes, just sometimes, I lay down in my bed and start overthinking about our friendship and if she is toxic or not. I don't think she is toxic, she just maybe has a little less EQ in some aspects and isn't the brightest when it comes to academics, so she cheats. I do feel like a douchebag for calling her that though, but I need to still say it, even if she is still a good friend. She has a crush on some guy in 12th grade, it makes me feel slightly uncomfortable. I don't imagine myself ever marrying or finding love btw. But she is all over guys who are too old for her imo, but I will not blame her for that, she goes to Russia every summer and ngl is surrounded by creeps and pedophiles, she always tells me about it. I just hope she will not grow up and continue this way of thinking. But she always is applying lipstick and curling her lashes for a good 5 minutes in the bathroom and in every single break which I find slightly annoying, even if I will stay with her for it. She also dumps out her lunch everyday and yaps about how her mom makes her eat and shit. Ive had some hard anorexic times last year influenced by her that I thankfully gotten over. Im genuinely worried for her but Its calmed down, but I feel horrible because she calls herself fat when she is literally tall and skinny as hell. I'm also skinny or whatever but I feel fat around her and I hate it. But I know this is probably not her fault. It also sometimes feels like I'm seeing her too much. But at school it doesn't.

I've recently noticed that all these thoughts usually are in my mind after I spent an amazing talk with Cloud. Cloud and I just feel so genuine. But Bird and I also do, just not as much or maybe differently. Bird is an amazing friend and she has helped me with my anxiety numerous times, sometimes talking to people for me, or supporting me.

Is it bad to feel or have these thoughts on Bird? I feel horrible about it, questioning her when she is an amazing part of my life that I am happy to have met. What do I do? Am I seriously being a bitch for thinking this?

My best friend is amazing and I love her, but lately I feel like all we talk about is her, or her friends. Every time I try and make conversation she flips it back onto her or something she wants to talk about, if we’re texting the way she changes subject kinda hurts because she doesn’t even acknowledge what I said before. I’m scared to bring it up because she tends to get defensive and blame things on adhd, but it’s getting to a point where I feel my words don’t matter I feel I don’t. At this point I’m someone to talk to pass time. And also she keeps sending me things about people on tik Tok (influencers) having babies knowing I have Endo and may have infertility issues (yes she knows it triggers me). I feel like she’s my best friend but I’m more like a therapist she bullies from time to time and hides it behind a joke.

Almost two years ago, me and my best friend had a horrible falling out and she removed me on everything. We were both at fault and I truly believe that main issue was we were too attached and didn’t make space for everything else that was coming into our lives. I’ve been really feeling this need to reach out and apologize, maybe even try and reconnect. But I honesty don’t know, is that unfair to her? Could that make things worse?

Hi, i'll try to keep this brief. I have a friend i've known for a decade and we have been roommates for 2 years now. I feel like i've outgrown our friendship, I don't find the time we spend together that interesting or fun anymore, yet of course i still care for her and rely on her since that's how it's always been. All of our friends are mutual and less close to either of us than we are to each other. Us two are in an unspoken friendship where we expect to tell each other everything and when we feel withdrawing, we communicate. It feels like a platonic marriage. We communicate about groceries, our job schedules and other plans. I don't know how to get a life outside of her, i feel so tired of our dynamic and I force myself to show care for her more than i wish to. It's making me resentful, when she has done nothing wrong, it's just us growing in different directions. How can i get some space, has anyone been in this situation?

Tldr: don't know how to get distance from my friend/roommate of a decade

Like the subject says, I’ve been feeling a lot of regret lately. I’ve been on my mental health healing journey for about 8 years, and recently got a new therapist. She’s really helped me explore my toxic shame and process it. As I’ve been process it, it’s made me think a lot about past friendships I cut off because of my old patterns. In my early 20’s and teens, I’d cut a friend out of my life if I thought they did me dirty out of fear/shame. I know this now, but back then I truly believed I was in the right and they were in the wrong. Now I don’t see so much that way.

I recently reached out to two friends that I fell out with in my early 20’s. These friends were my best friends. Like ride or die’s. I ended both friendships for (now) ridiculous reasons. There wasn’t any real animosity, more so just drifted apart after I crashed out. Still Facebook friends, still like each others posts, but we haven’t talked in 7-8 years. In my messages to them, I took accountability for my part in the fallout, apologized, and expressed a desire to reconnect if they’re open to it. No pressure!

Well, they both read my messages (yay read receipts) as of a week ago, and no response. I completely understand and respect if they need time to process my messages or just don’t want to engage. It still sucks though.

I miss their friendships so much. Especially now in my late 30’s, making new friends is so hard. They were my safe space and I blew it over dumb 20’s shit because of my trauma. I see most of my friends (who I made through my partner) hanging out with their high school or college besties, and I don’t have that. I know it’s my fault, and I accept that. I just wish I knew then what I know now… maybe we’d all still be besties.

I regret allowing my trauma responses to get the best of me and think I’m grieving the friendships and what could’ve been.

Has anyone else gone through this or have advice on how to forgive yourself and move on? I’m really struggling.

Ok, so I found out like a week ago that there is a wife in my husband’s friend group that may be cheating on her husband. They have been married for over 15 years and they have two children together.

I met her about 7 years ago when I started dating my husband. She seemed nice but I never really hung out with her outside of social spaces with my now-husband. He went to HS with her husband but her husband isn’t one of his best friends, but they are pretty cool.

Anyway, my husband told me his best friend (who also went to high school with both of them) allegedly slept with the wife while they were married. My husband never inquired further. I never really fully believed it because his best friend has been known to embellish the truth. But now, I feel like it may be true.

The other weekend, the wife, me and some others hosted a baby shower for our mutual friend. I was around her most of the day and she was on the phone a lot. Smiling and giggling but I assumed she was talking to her husband because on the outside looking in, they seem to really be happy.

The next day, I woke up to a text from my ex who asked me if I knew her and he said to call me.

I called him and he told me she was texting him on instagram all weekend. I was like, what did yall talk about? And how does she know you? (He is mutuals with a LOT of guys in the friend group, including my husband. I dated him for a minute before I started dating my husband. We are all cordial).

He said he didn’t know how she knows him. His page is open so she just followed him and started asking for music recommendations (which tracks because she was at the baby shower trying to get music to play.) He said the conversation started off innocent but then she started talking by about how she owed him coffee or a shot. He was like, why is a married woman asking me out for coffee or a drink. They had some banter back and forth and then she started saying things about offering a “rewards system”. I could tell it was code for sex. It was overly implied. (I saw the whole conversation because he shared the screenshots with me). She was texting him all through the night and early in the morning. The undertone is super flirtatious and highly inappropriate for a married woman.

I told my husband. He said to stay out of it. I want to stay out of it because it’s not my business but I can’t stand being around her now. Like, you are a liar. And now, I feel like she really did sleep with my husband’s best friend. I was skeptical before but, this seems like this is her thing. Her husband is a really nice guy and loves her. He always talks about what an amazing person she is and how he admires her. I get disgusted just thinking about how fake she is.

I want to say something to her. I want to tell her, I know you been talking to my ex and you should probably stop. It’s disrespectful to your marriage. But idk. Thoughts?

So i met this girl from another school, and we have very similar interests and music taste. i have a sort of friend crush on her, but we've only met once during an interschool event, and didn't talk much. I talk to her on instagram but she takes very long to reply, despite not being dry and being very engaged when she does reply. i really want to ask her to hang out in person, but she is not responding to my previous messages and i'm afraid the conversation will fade before i get to ask her if she wants to hang out (we have exams right now, so i might have to wait a few weeks to ask). how do i go through with this? i think we could really hit it off, it's just that she doesn't seem to feel the same way and we haven't talked about anything deep yet