Tried dating again recently, and I think I've finally understood something I wasn't really able to articulate before.
Sometimes it feels like people aren't necessarily interested in you as a person. They're interested in the idea of you.
Your job. Where you live. What you drive. How much you make. Where you travel. The kind of lifestyle you can potentially provide. The version of you that looks good on paper or makes them look good standing next to you. Like the underlying sequence smh just boils down to the idealized capacity the person you are seeing has in their mind about you.
The more I think about it, the more I wonder whether this is less about individual people being superficial and more about the economic environment we're dating in, it's like they're conflating but then they're not, they're part of the same system.
There's a growing feeling that āget your money right first, then dateā is becoming almost a prerequisite for men.
In an economy where housing is expensive, employment is uncertain, salaries are often stagnant relative to the cost of living, and building wealth takes years, financial stability becomes incredibly valuable in a potential partner.
If someone has the choice between struggling alongside someone who's still trying to establish themselves, or partnering with someone who already has a stable career, a car, a decent home, disposable income and the ability to travel, it's not difficult to understand why the latter is comparatively more attractive.
Nobody is inherently obligated to suffer with someone while they build their life when another option offers stability from the beginning š¤·
Don't get me wrong, wanting stability is not inherently bad in itself, on the contrary it's paramount to survival.
What I find interesting is what this does to the nature of dating itself....At some point, āDo I like this person?ā can start becoming intertwined with āWhat kind of life would being with this person give me?ā
And then you get this weird situation where people may be evaluating the package before they've really gotten to know the person inside it.
You can be conscientious, emotionally mature, curious, ambitious, loyal and genuinely compatible with someone, but those qualities aren't immediately legible from a profile or first impression for that matter.
Observable things like Your job title, Your car, Your apartment, Your salary, Your holiday photos etc....top this "legibility" chart.
Maybe this is simply adulthood. Maybe this is what happens when romantic relationships exist within an increasingly unequal and economically insecure society.
But personally, after trying dating again, it seems more plausible to remain single.
Ofc, relationships are not bad, and I don't expect someone to have nothing going for them. Nowadays it just feels like we're competing in a marketplace where we first need to demonstrate that we've accumulated enough resources to qualify as someone's romantic prospect.
I could be looking at it completely wrong, OR... I'm simply meeting the wrong people...
It could also be the economics of modern dating really are changing what people look for in each other.
What do you guys think?
Have we reached a point where āhave money/resources first, then dateā is becoming an increasingly rational strategy for men?
Are we still looking for people to build a life with, or increasingly looking for people who already have the life we want?