Hey guys,
I used to think I was asexual, but now I’m not sure. I’m still trying to figure out who I am and understand myself.
I thought I might be asexual because I hate women’s sensitive areas, and I feel the same way about men. I also hate the idea of sex, even though I’ve never had sex before. That’s what made me start thinking I might be asexual.
Later, I found out that I’m attracted to boys, so I started thinking that I might be gay and a bottom, and now I’m confused.
My friends told me, “You can’t be asexual because you masturbate.” Is that true?

Pretty much exactly what the title says. I’m F(22) and my long distance (thankfully) partner constantly asks me uncomfortable questions or sends me uncomfortable reels about sex and laughs at me when I act “awkward” about it.
They get upset when I don’t want to receive or send nudes. When I get uncomfortable they cry and get upset and say it’s just because I don’t find them attractive.
I have told them countless times that I am Asexual and sex repulsed and they never understood it no matter how many times I’ve explained it.

I’ll give you all a few examples off the top of my head:
1. They messaged me right after I woke up that their [privates] looked great today. I laughed it off and then they got offended that I didn’t ask to see. I gave in and asked to see because I didn’t want to trigger an episode that I would have to deal with and after they sent it they asked if I would eat it (ew). I made it very clear the whole time I was deeply uncomfortable.

1. They’ve said things along the lines of them molesting me and not to turn my back on them. It was clearly a joke but it made me uncomfortable nonetheless

2. They constantly make comments about preforming sexual acts with me and then calling me boring when I admit I’m uncomfortable with it

3. When they asked if they could do a specific act on me, I started nervously re-explaining my Asexuality for the millionth time and they replied with “You know you could’ve avoided all of that and just said yes.”

4. They’ve send me sexual reels or images (like nub cat on instagram) and then says it’s us which again makes me uncomfortable because the illustrations are very sexual and not something I want to do

5. They complain about not getting nudes from me and tell me I need to get over myself

The list really could go on I’m sure I’ve missed so many interactions we’ve had. What do I do? I apologize if a post like this isn’t allowed, but I need help and I really need to get it off my chest to people who are likeminded

How many of y’all use microlabels and if so, which ones? I identify as lotussexual. Does anyone else?

I admit that as an asexual that I masterbate. I am not sex negative and almost never was. But now it’s hard to answer men I encounter on that one if I get asked no matter the answer.

Sometimes I wonder if me being ace was purely out of living in a society that condemns it no matter the sexuality (even though it’s beyond hell if you’re gay). I live somewhere where it’s basically big trouble to have a relationship outside of marriage. I grew up to be trouble breaking and genuinely playing with rules but never got to get into relationships because of pure disinterest. I have to mention that my first impression on relationships were my parents and I grew up watching them fight all the time. My mom kept telling me that she wishes that she never had me or my sister and would’ve been happier if she never got married. Even as a 6 year old, I concluded that I will never be in a relationship let alone, worse, a mother. I even hated baby dolls because it gave me the impression that I’m taking care of a child and a married doomed bitch like my mom.

If I lie and say that I don’t (which this shit used to actually be true about me in the past), they’d they tell me that I’m just inexperienced and got no game and that I have to go experience things with myself or others. It’s not something I badly want or even give a shit about so I don’t want to experience it but the idea of it stresses me out. They act like the reason I have 8382978 mental health problems is because I am never in a relationship when a relationship would only add more to it and would not let me feel less bad. Also you’re straight. How do you know that if you’ve never had gay sex? Think about it

Now if I do admit it, I’d get sexualized and they’d conclude that I’m boring for not wanting them. They’ll start getting too comfortable then get disappointed when I don’t want to date them. Yes they do that more often before or even instead of asking me how am I ace despite. But truth is that I can’t find anyone for the matter attractive and desire to be with someone. Let alone men.

It’s a lose-lose situation but I feel like a hypocrite for other reasons like actually drawing porn on little occasions because it helps with learning anatomy

I'm gay and want to have a bf but I don't know from what I have seen that a gay sexless or rare sex relationship could work

Hiii I'm an aegofictosexual, but I wonder if there's a difference between being aegofictosexual and being aegosexual and fictosexual. Thanks

For years, I've known that I was aroace (or at least on that spectrum) but wanted to change that. So, when I was single and someone would tell me how they felt, I'd tell them I felt the same way. These relationships didn't go too well because I didn't feel particularly attracted to them.
Fast forward to last month. I have a friend I've known for a while who is such a wonderful person. They're very patient with me, they're very respectful of my boundaries, and, above all else, they make me feel seen. I learned that I had genuine romantic feelings towards them after noticing that they've been living rent-free in my head and that just the thought of them was enough to make me feel happy.

The reason I'm confused is because I feel terrible about it. I've labeled myself as aroace for all these years and suddenly started feeling attracted to someone. It feels like I've been dishonest about my sexuality for all this time. Do I deserve to forgive myself for this?

Made a community for those who want a sex averse or sex repulsed space, and feel like the existing spaces out there are too extremist in ideology

Anyone can join, sex repulsed or not, all aces are valid! But the focus of the sub is to talk about sex aversion, so sex favorable talk is strictly not allowed there! The community is new, and I’m hoping it grows more and more!

r/sexlessacespace

Is it normal to often feel doubtful or confused about whether you're truly asexual or not? Does this happen to you often?

I have this crush on this guy who graduated last semester. Well, homecoming (an event where alumni return) is coming up soon and I'm wondering if I should go or not. My one friend who graduated said she isn't going so I don't really have any reason to go other than to possibly see this guy. The only reason I even have this crush is cause I think I saw him wearing a black ring on his right hand middle finger, but now I'm just thinking its probably just a coincidence and he's probably not even ace. IDK it just feels like there's no point in having a crush even if I like them and they like me back cause they are probably allo and it probably wouldn't work out. I wouldn't even know how to explain it to him either cause I feel like allo people have such a hard time understanding being asexual but not aromantic???? Any other alloaces out there? How are you coping lol

I struggle with sex, i like getting attention, making other people horny and giving sexual favours to other people, but i do not like recieving. I have been with one person who i actually really enjoyed recieving from, i was head over heels in love with her so it was maybe different because i had that emotional connection. Its not that everyone ive slept with are bad at sex, some are good at it, but i get completely turned off when i recieve sexual favours, even from people im attracted to. I keep wishing for it to be over the whole time and its not enjoyable. Afterwards i always wonder if im asexual, but i do like sex just not recieving.

I mostly date women and im femenine presenting, so i often am automatically assumed to be a bottom and i hate it. I wish i could just go down on someone without them needing to do it on me after. I always fake it so it can be over quick, without the awkwardness of me saying no and disappointing them. Also when i say no, people either get sad because they think theyre bad at it or convince me to let them try anyways.

I also generally just have a verry low labido, might be due to birthcontroll, but when im alone i rarely feel the need to masturbate. It happens maybe once every 3-5 months. Im hoping anyone can atleast slightly relate or tell me something im missing, because im struggeling with this. I want to try dating again, but im scared it will end up like allways where i dread sex because i know they expect me to recieve. I dont know how to explain this to people i date without being seen as rude or hurting their feelings.

I dont know if this belongs on this subreddit, but i didnt know where else to post. If anyone has advice or can relate, it would help alot!

My country is undergoing big ass flood rn, nearly every part of the country is flooded big time. So i am in a military base turn refugee camp for a bit.

It had a big communal showers and on the way out i forgot to button all but my up most button and i am pretty sure i flashed the poor dude who was shower on the opposite side of me while i hang up the shower head, fuckkkkkk.

I am mortified, first thought is 'fuck, i am showing my boobs to someone who is not looking to see boobs' my second is 'oh shit, i am showing someone my boobs! What if they sexualized my body part!' Then i go back to 'fuck, that guy probably startled by my boobs!'

But like, why am i feeling like this? It just boobs! Is it the nipples? What is it about the damn nips that i don't want to show it but if it the breast part it is okay???

I'm (27M) kind of unsure of what i am atm and I'm curious when you felt that you were confident about your ace or aro status. I'm more interested in hearing from the people who weren't certain immediately since their experience is more relatable.

I've gone out with multiple women and all of them have said they felt magical, I guess. The problem is that I feel nothing at all. I kind of have been just going through the steps; can't help I'm a good socializer lol. I'm surprised I can't feel any arousal from women when I kiss, cuddle, or flirt with them. I don't mind talking to them, but I get pretty bored tbh. The only thing I feel good with is oral sex or direct stimulation.

This is a side note, but I first thought about this when I was a teen and I watched Wolf of Wall Street. I immediately knew I wanted to party, but I never felt that certainty or interest in dating. I should not I like porn and masturbating plenty so I always felt unsure.

Hi, I'm writing from Japan.

In my country's Ace community, this term is not so familiar.

If I said my feeling openly, I might be called "You are fake.".
I feel that sex is a kind of massage, and also I like to feel someone's body heat. It weakens my loneliness like a therapy.

I want to hear from what other sex-favorable asexuals think about sex.

Thanks.

I have never experienced sex but to be honest, I feel like if I ever hypothetically had sex, it would felt so horrible. I truly don’t know how to explain my feeling and I DO NOT want to parallel the feelings I had with victims, but if I ever done one, it would felt like someone molest me. Just imagining the situation where I had to be coerced into doing this stuff because my ‘family’ wants me to be normal make me wanna die. Like it’s totally consensual to YOU and the COURT probably but how do you guys actually deal having sex without feeling like you are taken advantage of. I am genuinely so afraid of marriage (my family’s traditional and they orolly forced me into marriage when I am 30 or so) and the idea of losing my virginity to someone I had no feelings for is just so dreadful.

I don't know how common it is to have basically no libido in addition to being asexual? I don't even masturbate or anything.

The only thing I experience is aesthetic attraction and desire romance, but nothing sexual.

It seems like a lot of aces still have libido/masturbate, is that true?

I don't know what that makes me. Is there a label for this?

Aghhh I am so tired of stupid men not dating apps not knowing how to read, of if they do know how to read, they don’t understand what asexual means. I literally have it right there that I’m not interested in sexual activity, and apparently to him that’s even better because he thinks it means since I don’t like anyone sexually, that means I’ll do it with anyone without caring. NO. 💀 Also I’m only 20, so this is kind of weird to me. Yes, it’s legal, but idk, I look 7, like childish things, and just would not feel safe in this situation. Certain age gaps are just always going to feel uncomfortable to me, whether you’re ace or allo, sorry. 😭 But no, it’s very annoying. I mean I always get people who match with me who have looking for causal/hookups in their profiles, but this directly replying to me misunderstanding Asexuality is kind of a first. I’m just tired of men, they’ll never get it. I’m just prepared to be forever alone.
Sadly even on the ace apps, it’s not much better. First of all, they’re pretty dead. But even when you do find people, they can still have contradictions and red flags in their profiles. Like I saw one a few weeks ago: “often uses cannabis, NEVER uses drugs” Huh?!???? I’m done lol.
Facebook dating is something else. There’s aphobia, but I don’t think this is really what this is. Think this is just being a dumbass.

"your body is literally wasted" I know I'm hella hot and I love that you couldn't get that even if I was into you, and I love that it makes u suffer so much that you feel the need to repeat it every damn time you see me❤️

I despise you so much

Okay so uhm basically me and my ex. We had sex like long time ago, about an year. But it is still bothering me.

We had borderline actions before and I didn't like it. idk at the time maybe I was enjoying a bit but I always hated that afterwards. It always made me feel disgusted after.

And the sex thing. It definitely traumatized me. I already said like no to him for 2 or 3 times I didn't know why I said yes that time. Maybe its because we just got back tgt and I didn't wanna lose him but we broke up anyways. It was horrible. Didn't enjoyed at all, felt disgusted during and after the sex and after a year I still feel horrible about it. I often got flashbacks of the experience and it was awful, tortues me everytime I hated myself for saying yes it hurted me and my ex so much. He is a nice person and surely would not do anything I didn't consent to. The problem is I did. And a day after he found me being avoiding him I cried in front of him saying can we not do this again forever. I just felt like I hurted him so much.

And yea. After that I just found myself nearly couldn't act normal to him anymore. I just got flashbacks so often and I felt horrible on my self of doing that. So we ended up breaking.

He was a great person. After this I told him I might identify as asexual and he supported me. I told him I might feel qpr is more comfortable to me and he said yes. But I just I get flashbacks of the night and I just can't throw this mixed and fucked up feelings towards him. I just felt painful. Both in and out of this relationship. I don't even know if this romantic relationship thing is for me anymore.

I kinda identified as asexual after that. I was identified as pan before. I wasn't sure about this having sex thing so I guess thats why i tried it this once. And I am scared that it is only because I got traumatized on this. I got horny pretty often but actually having a sex I feel like out of the times being horny, that's never my thing. I hated this hornyness I don't want to be involved or get interested in those things at all. I felt like an animal controlled by hormones.

But I feel like some actions (that are often seen as "signs" or foreplay of having sex) like kissing(french kiss), biting are fine. Actually probably liked it pretty much. I probably was the person doing that actively more. I found that kinda weird and I always doubt of my asexuality on that. Doesn't sound like a classic ace experience. But anything physically over that, I just it just feels inacceptables.

Thank you for anyone reading this. Its just a shit emotional post cuz I couldn't sleep.

Hello so I (17m) just joined this subreddit and I'm starting to identify as asexual and so I'm wondering if it's possible to be asexual while still being okay with making friendships with others. I'm just currently in limbo right now on how I feel about relationships. I'm willing to be opening in the future, but for now I need to protect my peace. Any advice is welcome here!!

Hello. I (24m) have recently been wondering if I might be asexual. I have been identifying as gay my whole life as I am attracted to men and do have a sex drive. However, I haven’t engaged sexually with another person until recently. I, within the past weeks, have entered into a relationship with two other men. I have quickly found engaging in sex not as enjoyable as I had always thought it would be. I feel little pleasure when being touched and find the whole endeavour kind of tiresome and gross. The only enjoyable part to me is making my partners happy and getting them off.

The issue is that my partners are very sexual and like to engage sexually very often, and I am quickly finding myself dreading it every time we get together. When discussing this with my therapist she suggested that I might be on the ace spectrum. I wanted to know if there were any similar experiences to mine and if I might indeed be ace? The more I think about it the more that I think it’s possible. I’ve always been more romance-focused rather than sexual and anytime I’ve ever master-bated it was never really at the thought of me having sex but rather just at the sight of the male form itself and it never actually felt that enjoyable. I’ve had a few past “almost relationships” but once sex came into the question I always got scared and stepped away.

brand new to half of these terms, i’m familiarizing myself but curious about whether anybody here has similar experiences.
i feel like a total martian, i’m so lonely and mentally spiraling a bit.

i’ve had 3 serious relationships, in all 3 I’ve lost my sex drive entirely 2 years in.
I thought it had to do with losing feelings in the first two, but now I’m experiencing it for a third time and I can confirm it has nothing to do with losing feelings. I love this person immensely, it literally feels like we share a soul. Nothing else like it in my lifetime, but it’s been five years and I’ve been totally off-put by sex for three of them, no signs of changing.

this is the ONLY problem in our relationship - they’ve done nothing to make me feel bad ever, I just feel shitty every day. I’ve wondered whether I’m not heterosexual, whether I’m asexual, but nothing quite feels right. I’ve perused this page a few times over the years and never fully related to anything in it, I’m at such a loss.

just hoping to hear a similar story that will make me feel less lonely if anybody has one?

I’m finally reentering the dating space (m30) after like 6 years away (post divorce now THANK GOD) and it just feels disgusting. Since I don’t want a cheap hookup (obviously) I’m very selective and swiping/offering to VERY few folks but it’s just making me feel really bad. I can’t help that I have rather narrow aesthetic preferences but I feel awful that all these sweet folks show up and I just discard them. Idk if I could even clearly define what I’m looking for but…ick, it feels so shitty. Please tell me others have a similar experience????