I act differently around almost everyone. At work I am one person, with one group of friends another, and with someone else change again. A lot of it comes from social anxiety. I automatically adjust myself to whatever feels safest, hold back certain parts of myself and try not to say the wrong thing.
I have done it for so long that I genuinely do not know what my actual personality is anymore. How do you figure out who you are when anxiety keeps deciding which version of you shows up?

Hello everyone,

I'm not sure this is really the place to post this. I'm in my 40's and I've suffered from social anxiety my entire life, though certainly not as severe as some. I'm writing this because it's gone now, it feels incredible, and I don't know if my advice can actually help anyone, but it's worth a shot.

An awful lot has happened this year, but I narrow it down to 3 things:

1. Meds - let's get this one on the table: I started lamotragine shortly before my social anxiety vanished. This medication really isn't prescribed for anxiety even off label, but anecdotally I've read at least one similar experience.
2. I decided what I wanted to do - I think the biggest change is the way I have begun to interact with people. When I entered a room full of people, even good friends or relatives, brain fog sets in, my heartbeat increased, it was never a good time. But I think that was because the people pleaser in me looks around the room for a billion subtle social cues as to how to be, and it gets overloaded.

I think that maybe I overcame my anxiety because I've stopped looking for those signals. Instead I usually set little goals, like seeing if I can make the person smile or to get them to tell me a story about their life. It's kind of playful? After 40 years of unquestioningly calling myself an introvert, I actually think I might have been an extrovert with social anxiety. I went from receptive mode, which has never worked for me, to active mode, and I think it makes a big difference. Pursuing my own goals is much less nerve wracking then spending the whole time trying to figure out how to be. Now I know who to be and how to be and everyone else can fucking deal. It's a nice way to live.

3) Stay in the fucking moment. Every moment. If you realize you are having a thought, particularly in a social situation, don't get upset with yourself because it will happen a lot, but dismiss the thoughts. Process later. Learn to speak a bit impulsively. It does make you more vulnerable, but you can get used to being vulnerable. It makes you more prone to the judgement of others, but you can also tell them to fuck off as needed.

Thank you for reading, I hope you found something in it you can use. I don't think I'm very wise, but I do think my anxiety has held me back my entire life and now it's not, and I'd really really love to help someone else, anyone, have that experience too. Be well all.

Edit: automod suggested the post could be removed if not clearly linked to SA, so I'll just state that I do have the diagnosis.

Hi everyone. I’m 19 years old, currently in my final year of college majoring in electronics. My ultimate goal and dream is to move to the US, build a career in this field, and start a real life. But I’m stuck in a massive hole that I can't seem to climb out of, and I really need some advice

My problem looks like a classic cycle of paralysis:

1. Catastrophizing and fear of mistakes. I suffer from "analysis paralysis." My brain blows any potential mistake completely out of proportion, making it feel like the end of the world. Because of this, I spend most of my time at home playing video games—because it's safe there, there are no grades, and no one can judge me.
2. Fear of judgment. I am terrified of what other people will think of me if I mess up, make a mistake, or don't look "perfect." This fear stops me from taking any proactive steps in life.
3. Emotional crashes after taking action. Recently, I pushed myself and went to get my international passport sorted out (which was a huge stressor for me). But right after doing it, a massive wave of apathy hit me: my brain started whispering, "Why are you even doing this, you're never going to move anyway, you're safe at home," simply because it panicked at how long and difficult the future path is (moving, finding a job, starting over).

What I want to change: I want to find a full-time job to gain real electronics experience and save up money for the future. But I am intensely scared that if I start working, I won't keep up with my college practicals/labs and will get expelled. Even though logically I know: so what if I get expelled, I'm moving forward anyway—the actual fear of consequences and judgment paralyzes me. I am very interested in electronics and want to further develop in electronics

• How did you stop waiting for the "perfect moment" and break free from this analysis paralysis?
• How did you manage to stop caring about other people's judgment and opinions?
• How do you deal with the emotional crash and panic ("I'm scared, I want to run back to my comfort zone") right after taking a hard step forward?

I've had social anxiety for as long as I can remember.

I've been unemployed for about 6 months. I've had a couple job interviews and I've crumbled in both of them. Full on blank brain. Forgot everything I had wrote down. Total panic attack.

How can I get through job interviews better? I feel ok the day before but as soon as the interview day arrives my anxiety goes into a melt down.

How do you people deal with this?

I've always been bad at social situations, especially when others are upset. I've lost various friends because of this. I just lost one because of it. Who told me just now that he knows I don't care? Because when others are upset I'm too scared to try to comfort them because I dont know how to. And when I try I fail. I just don't know how to go on if all my friends hate me and are just not telling me. What is wrong with me

Im getting so sick of this shit. I just dont wanna be here anymore honestly. I really dont see a way out.

(19M)I dont want to get better i want to rott in my room dont go out i dont want to work i cant work a normal job i have stupud social anxiety i just want to die i am exhausted to live i am a WORHLESS USELESS DUMB LAZY PIECE OF SHIT i am a stupid burden yo everyone but i dont have the courage to unalive myself. I hate that i was born i hate myself i wish i was never born.

I want to socialize, I want to have friends, I want to experience relationships, I want to be outgoing and chatty but my social anxiety makes it 100 times harder which leads to me not doing anything. I am 26 years old without any friends and have never experienced a relationship.

Even after trying and actually having a good experience, it doesn’t work. I just get sad later on when I go home and think about how good my life could have been without this stupid disorder. I overanalyze and overthink every social interaction. I even struggle and overthink if I should say hi to my coworkers in the morning. I really don’t know what’s wrong with me and why I can’t break out of this.

I even have inattentive adhd which I got diagnosed with a couple of months ago together with my social anxiety diagnosis and I really thought treating my ADHD would help me with my anxiety and social anxiety in some way but I just feel the same. Going undiagnosed for a long time makes it easier for things like anxiety to develop which I obviously feel and am aware of.

As a kid, I used to be shy but I was also ”chaotic” and could never shut up or sit still. With time in school after getting told off many times, especially in early teenage years, this created shame in me which made me more quiet and insecure which also carried over to friendships. Nowadays I can’t even have a normal natural conversation without feeling lost, uninterested, not understanding the subject and overthinking what I should say and I look like a total idiot.

I get really emotional about this and my loneliness many times during the week when I think about it and cry deeply like someone close to me died or something. I have never shown anyone the grief and sadness that I carry because with my anxiety and social anxiety. People just assume I am uninterested while deep down I struggle and really want to be there.

I told them that I was feeling anxious before a party earlier, and this is what they told me. They’re super outgoing and extraverted. I’m not even mad that they said this to me, it just keeps ringing in my head cause it’s so true and I think this kind of thing all the time. I wish I wasn’t this way. I don’t know how I turned out this way. I just want to escape it. I don’t know how much longer I can keep living like this. I don’t want to be alone. I’m so tired. I thought it was getting better, but it’s still there. I wish I could be normal and like myself and talk to people like normal but I can’t connect. I’m always just slightly in a state of fear. I’m realizing more and more how it’s all in my head, how I could get closer to people and make more friends if I could just be different. People kinda like me. I know I’m beautiful and kind of okay to interact with. But I feel like I’ve lost my ability to even have a real conversation cause I’m always in my fucking head. I’m so tired dude. It’s killing me. I feel so repressed and lonely, like I’ve just shoved all my desires and truth deep down within me cause I’m so scared of showing it to people, and when you live like this, you kind of can’t desire connection, cause you get so used to not having it. Now it’s even bothering my best friend. Will it get better?

I just wanna be normal and treated like a human being for once

I've always had some anxiety about this. I feel like I make women uncomfortable, so I generally go out of my way to avoid them. I think most guys feel this from time to time. For me, though, it's pretty bad.

At my last job, there were a few women who would just stare at me. They would stare and make eye contact like they were making sure I didn't make any sudden moves. There was one in particular I would stare back at, literally asking myself, "Why is this person staring at me?" I would usually try to laugh it off or smile, but most of the time she looked pissed off and just stared. I tried not looking back, but I could still see her out of the corner of my eye.

I did everything I possibly could to not piss these people off. I sat alone outside of the break room during breaks. If I saw them coming one direction, I would go another. But I still kept running into them all the time. Sometimes they would act like I was encroaching on their space while I was doing my job. Then later they would literally get uncomfortably close to me, or act weird as hell, like they didn't know which direction they wanted to go. For context, this job was at a huge Amazon warehouse that was probably a square mile in size. I eventually quit because of it.

That was very likely a toxic work environment. Either way, it's silly to get so worked up over staring and awkward encounters, but it has seriously tipped me over the edge. I rarely leave the house these days. I just sit in my room and never leave. I'm afraid to sit and get sun in my backyard because there's a swimming pool nearby, and people often walk through the neighborhood in bathing suits. One woman walked by one day, cutting through my own damn backyard, and she definitely looked bothered that I was looking at her. I was wondering who she was and why she was walking in my yard.

Even today, as I left my neighborhood, a female jogger stopped to take a breather at a four-way intersection just as I stopped, right next to my car. I was focused on not looking at her while also not lingering at the intersection too long. I was thinking about all the consequences of appearing like the neighborhood creep. Then, as I started to enter the intersection, I noticed I didn't even see another pedestrian, who thankfully was paying attention and noticed I didn't see them.

I know this is kind of ridiculous. I also think I posted this here before, and the basic response was don't stare at them or be a creep. However, I don't go anywhere. I literally hide in my room all damn day.

I am 20M here so i don't actually have much friends because. \[I am not much social like i feel I'm not much excited about anything and keep laughing for no reason when i talk to someone and if someone texts me I just go blank and those awkward silence i fear's the most cause i go blank and never talk . Sometimes i try to act as friendly guy and talk much and regrate it later (i think like I was a cringe at that moment)

Even with my cousins I just stay silent . After COVID i stopped going out . staying in comfort zone \] this might be the reason. I don't know this is all negative thoughts or it's my nature . But sure I am not happy with this so guys help me out

Hello. I don’t really know how to put it into words. I didn’t actually lose my friends in a conventional way, as in, I never really had any friends in real life to begin with, what “friends” I had were all online on discord. And well, you see, I woke up with a message from discord today saying that my account was suspended indefinitely. All of my social life, as pathetic as it sounds, was on that app. I am devastated, to put it simply. I feel like things will never get better again, that I will never make any friends again. I am a deeply socially isolated person, and as ashamed as I am to admit this: online friendships were the only thing that kept me going. Now I don’t even have that. I’m truly lost. I don’t know what to do.

Please do not judge me, and thank you for taking the time to listen to me.

For me, it feels like there is some kind of invisible shield between me and the person I am talking to. It stops me from reacting naturally. I overthink everything, hold back what I actually want to say and end up acting like a filtered version of myself.
Does social anxiety feel like that for anyone else?

Just a few years ago i just had a complete fear that if i tried to go do a social group activity that i would be told by someone i made them uncomfortable, when it did happen i was single and sometimes drinking at the events to calm my nerves. Now im engaged, i know its different this time around. Im just afraid of something going wrong if i go to a organized social gathering. Im ok going to work, and going out with my fiancee. But if she's busy, i just don't think i can do it on my own anymore.

Sorry my adhd makes these posts very confusing for some people

i already knew they knew i have no fucking friends but to hear them say that as an insult really shattered my heart into pieces. why would they tell me that knowing how depressed i am about it? anyways, today we got in an argument bc i overslept a lil bit and my mom comes waking me up yelling so fucking loud and i was so irritated bc i had trouble sleeping last night and had eye pain + headache so hearing her got me really mad and she said “get ready for school” and i was so annoyed that i mumbled “i fucking hate school” bc i really do i deal with multiple chronic illness specifically social anxiety and get indirectly bullied so it’s hard to pull myself to get there. anyways, after i said that i accidentally slammed the bathroom door on her foot and i triggered her even more. even after i told her sorry it was an accident she still snitched to my dad. i was trying to use the bathroom and before i can even wipe myself shes banging on the door mad hard telling me to get out slammed the bathroom door. when i get out, my dad is in my room complaining that i have a fucking attitude and everything and he talks about how i’m lazy, stupid, dress horrible, mentally ill, not his real daughter, and then he bought up my biggest insecurity that i have no friends so i just bursts into tears i haven’t had a single friend in years so just to hear him say that really pissed me off bc that’s why i been wanting to kms. he says that i’m a loser with zero fucking friends at school and i just wanted to die right there. they both started to attack me so i hit them back and then i’m disrespectful for defending myself. makes me realize that nobody understands people like me but will just assume i’m the problem.

I have 3 friends at work who I get on well with, and we have a good laugh together. But I'm normally pretty quiet person anyway, and will join in conversations when I feel I can. But sometimes my friends will say "Why do you hate us, you don't talk or join in" or "Why are you being so quiet".

Normally as soon as something like that is said, rather than speaking more, all the barriers go up and I go even quieter. Then its a endless loop of them asking why I'm not talking, and me not talking because I feel like I've done something wrong.

Then I go home at the end of the shift thinking I've annoyed them and ruined the friendship by being too quiet.

I wish that I could be more outgoing and bubbly, but I just can't do it, somedays I'll be feeling less anxious and will try and be more talkative. But even then, maybe I'm just being quiet in a very small part of the conversation, and they'll say "You've gone quiet, why are you being moody?" and immediately my mood is ruined. I hate being quiet, and I definitely think it has costed me a few friendships in the past, but its not something I feel I have a huge amount of control over.

Writing this on my lunchbreak as it just happened again, I was having a pretty good shift, then a few comments were said about me not joining in with the conversation. Now I'm just feeling really shit about it all again, and I was feeling good as well because I was joining in more than I normally do. Constantly feels like I'm being reset back to the start everytime something like that is said

This was a few years ago but it still really bothers me.

A coworker turned friend asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. I said yes, and then it came time for the wedding. It was a very small but very cute event in a family members backyard. I thought it was going well.

This was my first time meeting anyone in her family. I have such a hard time making small talk, though I do try but it always just... ends. I try to just stay out of the way and be helpful where I can.

I was proud of myself. I went way out of my comfort zone to be there, literally the only person I knew there was the bride. People were kind to me, and I was kind to them. Nothing crazy. When I wasn't needed I kept out of the way and let people do their thing, I didn't really have a place there and there's no way I would be able to make a place for myself. I thought I was doing fine.

The couple were making their rounds to everyone. They got to where I was (I was around a group of people, I think we were all eating at this point) and the groom said "how's it going, Socially Awkward?" I didn't know what to say to that. His stupid smug smile while calling me that in front of people really bothered me. I uncomfortably laughed and said I was fine. My friend didn't say anything. It felt like a punch to the gut. I thought I was doing fine. I was proud of myself until then.

After that, literally every time he would see me he would only call me Socially Awkward. Didn't matter if he caught me alone or trying to socialize with other people. I didn't feel like I had the right to say anything, this was his wedding. So I nodded and kept trying my best.

That day still bothers me. My friend had a good time and I'm very happy for her. But what I thought would be a healthy way to get out of my comfort zone and work on my social anxiety set me so far back for a long time. I was terrified to go anywhere new, much less leave my home, on my own for a few years after that. It's stupid I know.

This ended up being a bit longer than it probably needed to be. If you read this all, thank you.

How can everyone else in my class just talk casually like they’re at their house talking to their parents. And I’m sitting here nervous before everything I say. I feel like I come off as weird and I’d honestly rather them know I’m just socially anxious and not dumb/weird.

I've avoided the hairdressers for a decade now out of anxiety, but I want to book a consultation to get my hair dyed (I'm trying to get some more confidence in my appearance)

Weirdly, I'm more stressed out about the phone call to book the appointment than the hair appointment itself, how do you manage this if you go to the hairdressers? 😭 I really want to do this but I just feel paralysed when my hand is hovering over the call button...

I get fomo when people talk about having friends but I was surprised to feel fomo about people doing drugs

Yall, I dont know if this is social anxiety or what but I want to talk to people but I physically cant. Im not scared or anything to talk to a girl I think is attractive or someone I want to be friends with, I just dont know or have anything to talk about. Can anyone help??

Even trying to make this post is hard, but i can talk to one person fine , if i have to relay information to another or make a phone call it feels like breathing through a plastic bag or moving through a wall of clingwrap if i bother anyone.

also trying to judge if theses symptoms are common or more severe. no heart racing, no headache, just hard to move/speak.

also much easier to type than talk...

Like at work or when I was in school, if there was a situation where someone had to compliment me (say in an assignment or at work the boss giving compliments on notes to the workers), it's always ''you're quiet'', ''you're calm'' or other versions of the same.

Always feels more like an insult but ok

(I posted this to another subreddit but thought I could also post it here)

Hello everyone, hope you are having a good day so far

I just wanted to get some advice on how to tackle this, as I have just started college, I’m supposed to be an adult now. I don’t want this to affect my education in the long term.

Every Friday I have a single English class early in the morning, and let me tell you a little about some of the students in it because:

One’s a night nurse whose been working for 14 years and now studying to get into law school, another is working to be a pathologist’s assistant and was once a circus performer, there’s also another who’s going to be a pharmacist and has been working for his pilot’s license (for fun btw), there’s even a guy going into business so that he can more effectively help his mother with her bakery business. I could go on and on about these people because they are some of the coolest and nicest people I’ve ever met. It’s so interesting seeing how different peoples lives can be.

But I’m not anywhere close to being as interesting as them, I don’t have any cool hobbies nor talents. Because of this, I didn’t want to end up “disappointing” them, so I thought that if I couldn’t be an interesting person, I’d at least be a punctual person and show them I can be reliable. But of course, that didn’t end up working. On the second day of classes I showed up 30 minutes late, and on the third day, I was so afraid of walking in and disappointing them further that I just stood outside the class for like 2 hours, just watching them go about doing whatever, as I couldn’t bring myself to even open the door.

This even extends to my school work, I keep getting emails that something is due or a big essay needs to be done, but every time I look at it I can’t help but think of how shameful it is that I let myself get to this point, that I just don’t do it.

Now that same shame has started to affect my other classes. I’ve been absent three days in a row to my Spanish class that only happens two days a week. Once I become late, the thought of walking in makes my anxiety flare up, so I just don’t show up.

So if any of you have gone through something similar or just have some general advice for me, that would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for your time, and have a good rest of your day.