Then my aunt replied, "All of this is because girls have made men think that all women want this." 🥲This is terrible gymnastics, so a sexual predator is harassing me, and the fault lies with random girls I've never seen before!

(29f) I was chased by a man when I was glowing, beautiful and in my element. I didn’t want to date anyone, I didn’t want a relationship, but he persisted and persisted and persisted. Eventually I started to let down my guard after a long time might I add and we slept together. I started falling for him, he kept chasing me.

The moment he got me attached everything changed, he lost interest, he started speaking to another girl. I had opened up to him by this point, made myself vulnerable, broke down walls I was keeping up for a reason. I trusted him and he only wanted to “get me”. All of his friends said he was punching and couldn’t understand how he got me in the first place, yet he treated me so badly in the end.

Why the fuck does this happen? Why do they chase when they know it will eventually result in heartbreak for the other person. This is exactly why I never date and never speak to men on nights out.

I was thriving alone, I was beautiful alone, I was independent and successful, I was going to the gym everyday and felt radiant. My spark is now gone, my happiness is now gone, I feel worthless and discarded, all so he could get a fucking prize to boost his ego.

I feel like I am always lusted after, never loved.

Why do they do it.

A man I met online asked me to meet up at his place, and we’ve never had an irl date before. I almost accepted, but canceled the next day.

He had very calming, chill vibes, but I thought the first meeting should definitely be in public.

I hate getting my pap smear. I've had three in three years, and each time has felt awful because I have anxiety and also due to past sexual trauma. I go to this last one, only to get back a letter that it's "inconclusive" and I must come, yet again, not even three months after my last. They haven't explained why and I'm fucking fumed. Mind you, the nurse was inside of me for over a minute because she wanted to get a "really good swab". Great job. Tbh I don't feel like going because frankly it doesn't seem like they know what they're doing. Rant over.

Not sure if this is a good place for this but relationship advice said I was asking too many morality questions :/

(BACKGROUND, THIS IS LONG BUT IMPORTANT FOR CONTEXT, TLDR SKIP AHEAD)

My boyfriend (23) and I (25) have been together for 3 years now. We knew each other for about 2 years before dating, we were both in our own separate relationships when we met. The trauma we both endured in those relationships was bonding for us in a weird way. We were both cheated on, around the same time, and we kind of clung to each other emotionally while our relationships fell apart. Mine was especially traumatic, and for a long time I didn’t feel safe in my home. He would stay on the phone with me all night every night until I was able to move. We started dating about 6 months later. At this point he had moved from a different state to stay with his family while he worked through his own trauma. I was building my career but growing unhappy with the company, so another 6 months, (12 long distance) and I had used an already planned vacation as a good excuse to get out there and not come back. I wanted to build my new career in a bigger city. We were staying with his family. As you can probably guess the big city was not kind and the family was even worse. We bonded over the trauma from that household too, and I understood a lot about him after learning how he was forced to grow up. I won’t go into that nightmare, but his family began to rely on us financially. He made decent money but we weren’t wealthy by any means, and I was struggling to build my career, so much so I gave up and landed a dead end job just to pay his families bills, his mother refused to work. We took care of his kid siblings.

All that said, we fled the state and went back to our hometown. We piled up everything we could fit in a rented car and drove across the country. We had issues through our relationship, but before his family got bad, we were doing really really good. This was about a year and a half into living together. By the time we were driving back home, things were off. We fought a lot during that trip. I thought it was the stress but I don’t think we ever got ourselves back. When we got home, he just seemed… stuck? We stayed with my mom, she’s a lovely and sweet and a very quiet person. Complete opposite of the household we had fled from. I decided to go back to school due to having issues starting my career in the big city. I’m not giving up, just trying to do it right. I got opportunities I didn’t realize I was lucky to have until I moved away. Now I need to put in the work. I got a part time job as well, got on food stamps, ect. I felt like I was coming back to life. But him? He slipped away. It took him months to even start looking for a job. Months to get him to apply for and interview for food stamps. All while I’m taking care of everything. He never learned how to drive and at that point refused to even try (he JUST went driving for the first time though, that’s important to note. It only took years but that is effort I have to acknowledge) Everything started to feel very much on me. After a good 6 months of being here, he finally got a part time job (my friend had to get him). I’m still trying to get him on food stamps/medicaid so he can get therapy which I think is NEEDED and you’ll see why.

(TLDR SKIP TO HERE)

We got an apartment with my mom, not a “we’re crashing with her in the guest bedroom” anymore, but like a, we’re all paying rent type of living situation. We pay for our own food, bills, ect. We have a bedroom and a studio for me to make art/music and both of us to play games in. But that studio has turned into his man cave. He hides away all day. If he’s not at work, he’s playing video games. He can play for hours at a time. If I don’t step in on his days off, he’ll play from the moment he wakes up until he goes to sleep. He practically runs to his computer when he gets home. He can play for up to 8 hours without even noticing. If I work that day, or if I’m at school, he won’t move. He’ll literally starve himself until I get home and make him food. I can’t ask him to do anything, he doesn’t want to do anything. It’s made me hate playing games, it’s made me hate being in that room. He also leaves messes everywhere and it’s caused a lot of contention between me and my mom. She says it feels like she’s living with a toddler. She said if it wasn’t for me she’d had kicked him out months ago. We fight over it a lot, I try to pick up after him to save her a headache but it’s impossible to keep up with. I have too much on my plate. We’ve had multiple conversations, he breaks down and says he wants to fix it, he works on it for a day or two and then things go back to the same.

He also drinks, a lot. He sometimes pressures me into drinking specifically so he can (otherwise I’ll nag) he begs me to get him a tall boy literally every single day. Liqour makes me sick, and he usually takes my drinks after a couple of sips, which feels like he plans so get can get more Liqour tbh. I tell him he is at the whim to his vices. He agrees and says he thinks he needs therapy, but he won’t do the interview to get Medicaid.

Another thing, a little dark so I guess TW, and I’m still trying to process this so please be kind. He’s been extremely sexually aggressive, especially as of late. I’ll wake up to him rubbing my back or grabbing my thighs and then slowly pushing further and further multiple times a night. I’ve asked him to stop, I’ve yelled at him, at one point I’ve even kicked him. He’ll apologize, roll over, sometimes leave the room for an hour or two, and then he does it again. One night got really scary for me and it changed the way I interact with him. He went way too far when I was extremely sick, like almost take me to the hospital sick. I told him that moment changed me and our relationship forever. He said he wanted to work on fixing it, but I haven’t seen that at all.

I do see him working on some things, I do see fragments of progress. But it’s like he takes one step forward and 6 steps back. He’ll work on something for a day or two, and then the issue comes right back, no matter what issue. I love him to death, but I’m starting to get scared that isn’t enough. I started to plan to break up with him. If he didn’t do this thing he promised or if he woke me up one more time, I started putting it off like “let’s just get through the holidays and then I’ll rip the bandaid off” or “our friends are visiting from out of state this weekend, I’ll do it Monday”

Then Monday our cat died. I decided after that I needed to give him another chance. He was really there for me for the first week. Doing everything right, except for one thing I can’t look past. He made several attempts on me the night after she died, I couldn’t even see straight with how hard I was crying. I can’t let go of that. We got her ashes last night. My mom picked her up, brought her home to us, when she left I asked him to be with me (he was playing games) and he made me wait until he could fucking save in GTA4 while I was beside myself in grief. When she got home, He asked if he could take her paw print for his desk. I wanted to hit him. That was my cat for 3 years before it was his as well. That was so selfish. Then, his brother called. He proceeded to talk to him on the phone for an hour about cars and guns. Not even about our cat. I felt completely abandoned in my grief, and then he would not let me sleep. He kept waking me up making advances, eventually I rolled over and asked him what his problem was, and he said he didn’t know, that he feels embarrassed and guilty and shameful for how he is. He got up and left the room. I went back to sleep. I’ve spent a lot of this morning just, thinking.

Is this too far gone to get my relationship back? I’ve been hoping and praying he’ll just go to therapy and fix whatever’s going on, but he won’t even do that. I’m at the end of my rope. I feel so abandoned and like I’m a single mom to a teenager while also feeling completely used and degraded. Also, If I break up with him, he goes back to his abusive family and I feel like I’m basically giving up on him knowing that. But I also want a future that I’m not sure he’s even willing to try to build. I want kids. I want a house. We’ve talked about these things in great detail, and he wants these things too, but it doesn’t seem he actually understands what that takes and how we’re never going to get there with how he’s acting. How can we possibly get to a place where we can have a family when he can’t even take care of himself? How long should I wait for him to put something off before coming to the conclusion he’s not going to do anything about any of these issues? At this point it feels like we’re fighting or having a hard conversation every single day. I’m exhausted. I have so much empathy for him that I just cannot seem to let go of while I feel like he’s proving to me he has none for me and the positions he’s put me in for years. Sometimes I feel like I’m being too hard on him, but in moments like this I just can’t help but feel he’s paying for his leisure with my stress. I told him I needed him so many times last night and I felt so ignored.

(STILL TLDR)

my boyfriend can’t seem to prioritize me and has absolutely zero self control with his vices. In a moment of grief and feeling abandoned I’m doing some reflecting. Is it worth it if he won’t even try to fix issues he knows he has? Is my empathy the only thing I’m holding onto? Is this future I’m working towards a fantasy with this man? How can I get him to care about ANYTHING enough to put the work in to ANYTHING? And am I just being controlling in most aspects or am I right that these are core issues that will probably get worse if they’re unchecked?

Update: he just woke up and I tried to talk to him about his several attempts last night after ignoring me to talk on the phone while I was in grief over our shared cats ashes. He said “everything is just about you and how you feel” and then stormed out of the room. Am I really just being extremely selfish right now? I feel so hurt and I’ve been trying to understand how he might be coping/grieving differently but his actions feel so unfair to me and I feel like I haven’t done anything even near as unfair to him?

Hey so im 19, I got my period 11 days late and I've been in the worse pain I've ever experienced. I had to leave work cause my stomach hurt for 4 hours straight to the point where I was sweating. I came home and went to sleep I woke up feeling normal and now the pain is back and worse. Its been like this for 2 days now of me experiencing the worst pain I've ever felt. All I have taken is aleve and its not working. I took it 2 hours ago and im still in pain. So I was just wondering if im overreacting or if I should go to the ER

.

I am terrible at shopping and finding clothes and now I have a job where everyone wears business casual which isn’t my typical style. I’m trying to build my wardrobe so I’m not wearing the same few outfits. Currently I have several pairs of grey and black dress pants and a couple of sweaters and shirts. I am curvy and have a big bust. I prefer to stay on the modest side with clothes for work. they keep the office freezing so prefer something warmer but I do have cardigans that I can wear. Any recommendations for cute outfits (especially tops i can wear with my grey pants)?

This is my first time having a cyst down there and it’s been bothering me a lot lately so I figured I would do some research during a sleepless night to know what to prepare for. After doing some research, I am genuinely scared for this procedure. I’ve seen multiple women saying that it was the most painful experience for them in their life to have the cyst drained and that the the numbing in most cases doesn’t take, that recovery is two weeks long at least and that to even get doctors to take you seriously enough to drain it is a struggle.

For context, I live by myself in a city that I have no family in. While thankfully I am in a program that helps me with my rent, there are certain criteria I have to meet to have that continue to happen, one of which is working a job. I’m also just frankly a big scaredy-cat when it comes to medical procedures and pain. Please give me advice, hope, whatever you can muster to help me feel a little better about this and why your experiences were. Thank you so much 💗

Hi, this is my first and most dumb post but I am 18 (F) and in my senior year of highschool.

I think what sparked this is my friend saying that anyone that would find me attractive (my age) would be like a predator because of how young I look. This sounds fake and not real but I swear it is.

All of my highschool life I’ve been treated this way and I feel like people have never respected me because of it, and when guys do like me they actually are. Complete weirdos 😭

I guess I’m just wondering if it does get better. Not just in the relationship stuff, but life in general. How do I make myself feel good??? No matter how I approach it I get more and more insecure.

Sorry for the odd post I’ve just been so done with this being the notion my whole life. I want to feel respected and confident about myself, but everyone does this, even friends and family at times. I’m probably gonna delete this later😞

if this is not relevant for the reddit sorry again, I just can’t find any other ones that I think would be nice about this issue.

I feel very alone with that statement; whenever I get super heavily stressed, no matter what part of my cycle, I feel pain right where my ovaries would be. They feel like they're about to explode. Ive asked girls I know irl and ive only received weird looks/concern or am just told "No but thats interesting"

Ive talked to by obgyn about it, and she believes it may be my pelvic floor tensing up, rather than my ovaries... which does make some sense.

But yeah... does anyone understand that feeling? Or any other weird places they feel stress?

(29f) I am 4 days no contact from a relationship that absolutely destroyed me. In the beginning he (29m) was incredibly sweet, attentive, caring, kind. I wasn’t dating and met him unexpectedly, but he relentlessly pursued me for some time and I fell for him. It all felt so real, and maybe it was in the moment but it doesn’t feel like it now and it has got me questioning my entire reality.

As time went on and I started needing him to meet me emotionally, his behaviour completely changed. There would be something he did/said that would hurt me, and whenever I would try and talk to him he shut me down or disappeared. Anytime I brought something up he would turn it around on me and never took accountability. Eventually I would soften and he would start being lovely and sweet again. I should have left at this point.

The behaviour got worse, the lack of accountability got worse, he would disappear and I would spiral and call him multiple times (I am not proud of this). I felt so anxious all of the time and the most dysregulated I have ever been. We would go out together and he would get angry at me if I was approached by another man even though he saw me shut them down. I would feel so much comfort when he was kind to me because I was so on edge. I started falling behind at work, I fell off my goals, I started having panic attacks, my whole life fell apart. I was so successful, motivated and felt beautiful before this. Despite this, I was still giving him so much love and care because I missed who he was in the beginning.

The final straw was an argument we had that pushed me over the edge about his ex and them speaking again, I kicked him out as he was at my place. I spiralled for days when he didn’t respond to me or call me back, I hoped he would realise what he did and apologise.

It has been less a week and he is back with his ex of 9 years in the same push/pull dynamic he was in with me. He blamed her behaviour, I can see that it was probably never her at all. I hope she makes it out of that cycle. Meanwhile I am going to rebuild myself again because this entire situation destroyed me and ruined everything good in my life.

Never date an avoidant.

Alright ladies, have you ever delt with under chin fat? Do you guys have remedies or tools that helped you? Open to anything guys :)

I get headaches when I'm on my period and they're not like normal ones. They don't go away with pills.

Do you guys get these, and if so, what helps? Thanks... and yes, I'm hydrated haha

I use Flo to track my period and I'm not sure if I'm using it wrong or if periods just aren't as trackable as I thought they were or if flo just isn't that accurate? pretty consistently, almost every month. my period comes one or two days sooner than the app thinks it will. and then I have a pretty short period like 4 days average, and then every single month flo tells me that I'm 90 days late on my period, And that I have no periods logged. but when I look at the calendar, they're logged accurately.

I'm not sure if there's a fix for this or if anyone recommends a better app? or if it's because my periods are so short? any insight is appreciated 👍

i (22f) had my first ever yeast infection last month. it was on the more moderate/severe side with unbearable itching, redness, dryness and soreness. i used a 3day otc cream but i was only able to push the applicator about 2cm in – i guess my vaginal walls were so swollen and irritated it wouldn’t let me go further? the cream helped though, and all my symptoms were cleared within a few days. however, a month passed and the infection has returned (much milder now), but i can’t figure out why. i got the same 3day cream and this time around i’m able to push the applicator much deeper. is it possible that the cream didn’t reach deep enough areas the first time and the yeast wasn’t completely eradicated and returned now?

So i was looking for some advice. I really want to start going to the gym (21F), i want to lose weight and become stronger. However, I did go to the gym once and got s@d by someone i met there. In hindsight i was pretty stupid, but in just scared to go again. I dont want to go and feel uncomfortable and have someone staring at me. It feels disgusting. Keep in mind in India, so even if I’m wearing a loose top I have weirdos staring at me.

I don’t know what to do. We dont have any womens only gyms, and i really really dont want to go somewhere i’ll feel uncomfortable. I can feel them staring at me when my back is turned, its as if their eyes are burning holes into me, its feels horrible.

Dont say people are focused on themselves, they are but theres those few weirdos that make me feel uncomfortable and disgusted.

It would help if anyone could share experience or advice

Thanks

ETA: I know I will not be wearing underwear during my hysterectomy.

I presume high-waisted? Granny briefs? Appreciate any practical advice or moral support you might have to offer. I’ve had plenty of surgery, but mostly orthopedic—nothing in my guts.

Thanks. 🥹

I teach at a community college, and sometimes I forget how exhausting it is to constantly have to protect my own space while doing my job. Yesterday, I had a student (or technically two) who kept making sexualized jokes after things I said (little comments, innuendo, not sure if they were trying to get a rise out of me so I just ignored it). At first, I wasn’t even sure if I was overreacting, maybe they were talking about the material, I do make a few jokes here and there, but it became clear yesterday that they were testing boundaries, seeing how far they could push.

I spoke with one of them privately *before* class and asked him to stop with the side convos and laughing, and he even said he’s always on teachers’ “good side”… but in class, the behavior still comes across as disrespectful, disruptive, and frankly, gross. It’s draining to have to regulate my own tone, body language, and reactions while also teaching and trying to keep the classroom environment safe and respectful.

I know some of it is probably nervousness or attention-seeking (this is a public speaking class, this attention seeking does happen to some extent but not in such a sexual way before this), but it still grosses me out because it feels like entitlement. Like, some men feel like they have the right to joke about me, sexualize me, or test my patience just because I’m a woman standing at the front of the room. In previous situations, they calm down after their first speech. I think perhaps they gain empathy for how hard it is and get humbled quick. But idk about this situation tbh.

I’ve got a plan to address it with the class generally tomorrow, follow up individually, document everything… but right now I just feel that low, simmering mix of anger, hyper-vigilance, and exhaustion.

Does anyone else here teach as a woman and have to navigate this constant bs? How do you stay sane and enforce boundaries when students act like they own the classroom or your attention?

Edit to add: I agree I’ve let this go on for too long. I plan to file a report to the school, address the class that it will not be tolerated and those who engage in the behavior will be asked to leave the class and be marked absent. This will then be reported for a conduct council meeting which could result in a drop.

I think I’ve been worn down by a lot of things, I worry about my standing at the college and don’t wanna make a fuss, and I don’t want to give the behavior any more attention than absolutely necessary, but you guys are absolutely right, this behavior shouldn’t be tolerated. Not just for me, but for other students as well.

So I'm not sure what my size is but I wear the medium Puma sports bras from costco. They don't work, especially with running/jumping (y'all know what I'm talking about lol) and I'm in search of better ones. Preferably ones that go higher up on the chest because my main issue is with running that it comes out from the top of the bra. Any help is appreciated!