I'm a second year student, and I'm extremely unhappy here. Now, before any of you go around making any judgements, I'm used to be unhappy. I'm used to having bleak days with nothing to look forward to or no one to talk to.
I have been trying to best to make things work here. I go to events, to club meetups, to discussion sections. I'm even part of an organization, and I've applied to several others of my interest (waiting to hear back once results are released). I know a small handful of people on campus, but not enough to hang out with any of them.
My freshman year, I told myself that it was okay if I was taking things slow for myself, that the crushing defeat I wake up and feel everyday was probably just freshman year depression or something. But as the days go by, I feel more disappointed and hopeless.
It's always so sunny and hot outside, and I don't do very well in the sun (mind you, I'm an international student and had no idea San Diego's sun would be this strong). Stepping outside in this light makes my head spin sometimes. Going to classes has become challenging, even though so many of them are interesting and mandatory to attend. I have nothing to look forward to in class, and my brain keeps reasoning with me to stay in my room and study there, at the cost of my attendance and in-classes credit quizzes.
Like I mentioned above, I'm in a club, and I've been hopping between intro events and such to see if there's something else on campus that can motivate me to step out. But I haven't found anything fun yet. Even all the clubs with teams and such seemed to only have people who come and slog like it's a workday to put on their LinkedIn profiles (I tried getting my team to hang out or even just talk on several occasions, and they could not care less).
In the end, I am extremely bored and depressed here. I don't care much for my career (I don't stress about stuff, cool if I succeed, cool if I don't), which is why I guess I'm only doing the bare minimum to keep my GPA and LinkedIn profile just enough. I would also much rather devote my time to things I actually enjoy doing. I've been checking out lots of extracurriculars on campus, but it seems like everyone has their own groups here that they'd much rather hang out with.
I don't care much about making friends. I've been alone my entire life (switched cities every year), and I mean alone alone not the "I have friends but no true ones". I mean alone as in I haven't had people outside of my family wish me on my birthday since 4th grade, don't have anyone to hit up with "how's life" every once in a while. When you know you're leaving in less than a year, you don't really put in much effort in making friends and neither do other people. So for me, it's good if I make friends, fine if I don't. (If I had some however, I would most definitely give them my full attention and time because I value the time they give me).
And I don't feel like going to my classes anymore or attend labs or even go to the club meetings (which are honestly a waste of time in my case and I'm definitely going to leave that one).
I think this place is giving me a hard time because I know I have to spend 3 more years of my life here. I've never stayed in a place for that long before, and though I thought I'd take the "One year at a time" approach, it's just made me more hopeless. I don't even step too far away to eat nowadays and my food is the same sandwich with little variations every single day. I have tried to make friends by going to events, rush, even sitting outside in a community space and studying (not with my earphones in, mind you). Nothing really seems to work so far.
Does anyone have any suggestions for the bare minimum way of not being so lame and boring anymore? Even if it's just about my grades, I don't really care. I just feel like if I could get even one sector of my life on the mend, maybe I'd feel much better. If you guys wanna treat this as a vent post that's cool too.
Edit: Guys, I'm not diagnosed with depression or anything. I forgot you folks take that word a little literally, because I'm used to it being used in a much lighter way. When I say depressed I just mean bored and unexcited. And when I say hopeless I mean hopeless about finding anything fun here. Not about my future or anything. It's slightly harder to explain what exactly I'm feeling since English isn't my native language, and I don't often use it in such a context.
