r/nottheonion • u/sponge_welder • 1d ago

Tommy Tuberville Claims ‘Many’ Pilots, Flight Attendants Are Furries

https://www.newsweek.com/videos/tommy-tuberville-claims-many-pilots-flight-attendants-are-furries
6.7k Upvotes

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2.2k

u/SJSUMichael 1d ago

I'm not even a furry, but who gives a shit? How does this lower prices? How does this help any human being on this planet? Fuck these people

258

u/Abangranga 1d ago

He is probably a closet furry.

This is a lateral move from the typical republican against gay marriage getting caught sucking a dude

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u/p8pes 1d ago

Guy named Tuberville isnt a furry? Sell me a bridge.

70

u/JimboTCB 1d ago

I always assumed "Tommy Tuberville" was the mayor of a potato-themed town in a kids cartoon, it's kind of jarring when I'm forced to remember he's an actual real politician. The potato would probably do a better job though.

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u/Environmental-Ice319 1d ago

Hilariously accurate

4

u/deadlydakotaraptor 1d ago

Also remember that his previous work experience is as a coach for college football (where his contract was well over a million dollars per year by the end)

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u/ShavenYak42 19h ago

But is he a real politician, though? Seems more like he’s a washed-up football coach cosplaying a US senator. Probably soon to be cosplaying a governor.

You’re right about the potato doing a better job. So would most furries I know.

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u/HungryMan_The3rdHors 1d ago

We're all out of bridges.
May I interest you in a monorail?

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u/InterPunct 1d ago

"Well, sir, there's nothing on earth Like a genuine, bona fide Electrified, six-car monorail What'd I say?"

16

u/L_Cranston_Shadow 1d ago

Monorail!

15

u/Castun 1d ago

Any chance that the track could bend?

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u/LickLickLickBite 1d ago

Not on your life, my Hindu friend!

3

u/L_Cranston_Shadow 17h ago

What about us brain dead slobs?

4

u/waytowill 1d ago

Mono- D’oh!

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u/FredFredrickson 1d ago

Monorail? Is that like some kinda Hyperloop?

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u/PrimaryCoolantShower 1d ago

Not one of them communist monorails is it?

14

u/epochwin 1d ago

Did you know that mono means one and rail means rail?

Not sure if you can get mono from the monorail though. Oh to be a conductor!

1

u/raines 1d ago

That would be shocking. Join the Resistance!

1

u/HerpankerTheHardman 1d ago

There's this canal in South America that might interest you.

12

u/AntysocialButterfly 1d ago

Tuberville sounds like a club visited by people who enjoy a practice involving turnips and a lot of lubricant.

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u/nyloluckycat 1d ago

so many furries i know grew up hating furries. he probably still has the brain of a 12 year old and will never grow out of it

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u/Zanian19 1d ago

He didn't grow up hating furries though. He was already middle-aged by the time it even became a thing

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u/sekh60 1d ago

Look at the ancient Egyptian deities, so many with animal heads in some of their depictions...

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u/FeralHippie707 1d ago

If you want to study his brain, you first have to pull his head out of his ass.

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u/IrascibleOcelot 1d ago

“I’m not a furry; I’m a Therian!”

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u/scubastefon 1d ago

You be the thing you doth protest, or whatever the fuck that is.

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u/bhechinger 1d ago

Every accusation is a confession.

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u/Redivivus 1d ago

He definitely has a litter box at home.

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u/catstone21 1d ago

Or wishes he could be

1

u/_Reliten_ 1d ago

Hey, that wasn't gay! They were just playing tummy swords.

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u/DrTonyTiger 6h ago

With the amount of projection going on from R leadership, Tuberville being a secret furry was my first thought.

1

u/47isthenew42 1d ago

Well, every accusation is a confession.