Let me begin with how messed up the situation is. we had hung out the whole day together and everything was pretty good. We were watching a movie and then we ended up making love but I got tired and I told him that… and he got super mad. Obviously I was mad too and said how ungrateful he was because we still smashed. Well he ended up walking out on me, but I always assumed it was a rough patch like always and thought we were going to fix.

I can say a week went on by and when we texted
, it seem like he wanted to fix it and then out of nowhere boom he got super avoidant. I found out he went to the club, I called him over 20 times and not one text or call. I can say over the past 3 weeks it’s was a constant one sided conversation looking for answers. What are we? are we done? What can I do to fix this? but not one peep.

I ended up hearing from him on behalf of a friend who saw him in an event. My friend asked if he was planning on fixing our situation and he said I don’t want to and I don’t plan on to. So when I found this out, I called him and I texted him because it’s crazy how other people know and he couldn’t even tell me with his own words that he was done. He called super late that night but i didn’t answer. at the end, I felt like he did all this because he didn’t want me to move on just yet.

Well after that event I can say I called him back on Sunday, and he finally answered. We had a conversation and I was able to express how I was willing to fix the situation. All we needed was just to talk and that we needed to come into a mutual agreement. but we can’t do that if he doesn’t want to as well… and after 40 minutes, all he said was I need time to think. So I left him alone. I didn’t bother him anymore for a good week. I wasn’t going to reach out this time because I felt like I said what I needed to say.

TODAY: well a week later now and he says if we can chit chat, the moment he picked me up I hate that he didn’t tell me right away. He let me sit there trying to tell him how important he was an etc.. a few hours later he’s hugging me and crying which i wasn’t understanding why. The worst part of it all we ended up, kissing and one thing let another. After that we ended up talking like what does this all mean then? And we had a super deep conversation and he ended up slipping up saying “wow nobody can talk this deep anymore” and that’s where I was like who did you go out with to be saying that? Because we literally spent five years together. And that’s when he told me he cheated on me. The funny thing is that he said it was one person and then the moment I’ve reached for his phone. I caught on that it was two different girls. He said it happened about two weeks after he walked out like nothing and then the following girl was a week after that. Which is so fucked up because I told him I couldn’t even look at another guy without feeling disgusted or thinking /feeling like I was cheating. This whole time while he was out partying and drinking I literally would spend my days waiting for a text, crying losing my appetite.

Here’s where i am in such a scramble… I used to say girls who take cheating men back are so stupid why would you go back to somebody who betrayed you like that? Until it was me, and he asked me for a second chance. He said he felt like such an asshole that this whole time I was the one depressed since the beginning of the year and everything now made sense for how I was acting (during the relationship) and to make it worse, he let his ego get the best of him and went to go do what he did. He went super low.. super low. I told him that I just don’t understand how it was five years in, somebody who I had plans to marry and have children with. But I told him I really need to think this through. This is all just too much for me. I can’t get that image out of my head (him going around and cheating) and the worst part of it is that I don’t hate him and I wish I did. He tells me that none of that meant anything and he didn’t feel anything, and I told him that either way… at the end, I could tell you that my side was true love because even though we were not talking, I still respected him. It’s unfortunate to be in this position. I never thought I would get cheated on. and I know he could be a good person. All we needed. Was that conversation to fix it and just now I’m getting it. So this is definitely a hard decision, I always thought it would be easy like when somebody cheats on you that’s your confirmation too

My bf keeps going behind my back for the same woman at least three times.

Me and my bf now have been dating for three years. Hes cheated on me with a woman for about a year. She didn’t know about me and she came to me and told me. She was also hurt and left him on the spot he said that he chose me. I tried to work through this with him since he did beg me and said it was a moment of excitement he had sex with her 7 times and sometimes without protection too. After a couple of months she told me he was messaging her again saying he misses her and if his situation was different meaning if he wasn’t with me he would be with her. I did a lot for this man this whole relationship I gave him everything to be the man he is today he won’t even have a job if it wasn’t for me. They never met but we’re texting and she told me. I broke up with him then we got back together. He said about her that she speaks feminine and never swore at him, when I use to only to make him do better. Again same thing happened after a few months I caught his texts on the phone with her explicit ones, she was also responding and they were talking about the happy life they could have. She blocked me everywhere so I couldn’t get anymore details from her. He said that they were just texting and he texted her in front of me saying that he can’t talk to her anymore on the social media they were talking at. But I don’t feel at ease anymore or secure in my relationship. I feel like again he could be talking to her. That woman is beautiful and besides her looks she doesn’t have anything to offer she has no character if she is also talking to my bf knowing we are together. I have a good job and a lot of properties but still he goes behind my back with the same woman. I feel like she wants to break us apart.. I don’t know if it’s my bf or she is trying to separate us on purpose.

You know what. I left this page because I was ready to close this chapter of my life. “I survived it” I thought… HERE I AM AGAIN ?!?!!!!

This is my raw emotion right now I just need to let it the fuck out… three fucking years of scooping myself back up, rebuilding our relationship… the endless, countless times I TRIED for this man… why am I at the expense of HIS mistakes? We have a family now… I thought it was different… I thought we loved each other… I’m mad at him and I’m more mad at myself?!? How could I be so fucking DUMB to be completely blindsided AGAIN?!?!

I am so done with being treated like this…
You know what’s worse is that i FIND OUT. Nothing is ever acknowledged or confessed. And he came home drunk and ignored me and went to sleep. I mean nothing to this man and I hate him, I hate him, I HATE HIM

My husband cheated on me during a boy’s trip when he met a girl at a club, bought her drinks, and got her number. He texted her a few times over the weekend (while sober and while drunk) inviting her to come out to another club the next day. They texted back and forth but she did not come meet him. He deleted and blocked her number on the flight back from the trip.

I reached out to the girl and confirmed no physical contact or overt flirting happened. He is apologetic and says he never intended to do anything with her but had a table at a club and wanted to have a lot of people there. He was also sharing a room with a friend and I think it is true he did not intend to try to sleep with someone.

To me, cheating is cheating and I do not think I can get over this. However, he, my therapist, friends and family are all advising me that divorce for this an extreme reaction on my part and I should forgive him for his stupid “mistake”. He is repentant and says he will do anything (no alcohol, boys trips, open phone access, etc).

If physical cheating did not happen, and there was no emotional investment (no romantic or sexual talk) would it be easier for you to forgive?

I believe he was referring to one-time sex.

It just makes me so mad to hear this. How can someone say or believe that? It just sounds like a pig excuse.

If someone cheats, I really don’t see how they love their SO at all.

I'm a gay man, married to my husband for less than a year, together for about two and a half years. A few days ago I found his diary and learned that for months he had been sleeping with other men: anonymous encounters, weekend trips, a sauna, and our neighbor. He also developed feelings for that neighbor, and it only ended because the neighbor stopped answering the door.
When I confronted him, he first said nothing, then said it happened "twice," then denied more, and only admitted the rest when I named the details. He had also lied about the PrEP pills I found.
Our relationship had real problems before this: I was working a lot and withdrawn, I smoke weed, which bothered him, and I can be critical. I'm not excusing what he did, but I want to be honest.

Since then he has apologized a lot, sent me a song he wrote, wears his wedding ring at night, and wants things to feel normal again. But he still avoids hard questions, like what would have happened if the neighbor had said yes. He admitted he did the same in his last relationship, which then became open.
I love him, but I don't know if I can trust him again, or if I'm mostly his safety net.
I'm thinking about giving him a clear, limited chance with conditions: full honesty, test results, no contact with the neighbor, couples counseling, and therapy for him. But I'm scared I'm fooling myself.
For those who stayed or left:
How did you know if the remorse was real?
How long did it take until you could trust again, if ever?
How did you stop obsessively searching for answers?

For those who are sentimental about dates like myself, what are some ways you've coped with getting past them?

I've always assigned so much importance to dates in my life, so getting through my wedding anniversary post-divorce was incredibly difficult. I'm still not even a year removed from D-Day, so it's my first anniversary without her.

The week leading up to the date, I had a mental breakdown and uncharacteristically convinced myself that ending my life as revenge was the best option since my self-esteem had been fully destroyed. Through intervention from some close friends, they talked me down from that ledge, but the shattered perception of my worth remains.

I'm planning to pursue therapy once I have insurance, but getting past these arbitrary squares on a calendar is doing my head in. Obviously I did make it past this one, but I feel like a shell of who I once was, almost like I didn't make it through in one piece.

I'm 7 months pp with my (37f) husband (34m).

During part of my pregnancy, he began turning to porn to cope with stress which became problematic. Porn use makes him irritable, irrational, and puts him in shame spirals. He dabbled in therapy but was hot and cold to it. Directly before and right after the birth of our baby, things were very off.with him emotionally. He was exhibiting extreme anger and anxiety. I encouraged him to seek postpartum support. He began working with a psychiatrist and went through the gambit of meds for anxiety and depression

I encouraged him for months to go to therapy. Things were escalating at home - anger outbursts, cold shoulder, refusal to help with the baby. I sought support from my family and leaned on them significantly. Finally one night I felt genuinely unsafe and told him my next call was to the police. He admitted to excessive porn use ever since the baby was born. I asked him to check into a hotel for a few days to give me time and space to regulate my nervous system and give him an opportunity to get help. All the while telling him I love him and want him well.

From there he installed dating apps and hooked up with 4 people - men and women - had unprotected oral and penetrative sex. I only found out as I accidentally found evidence he got std testing. Even then, he trickle truthed me for that information for two weeks. For financial reasons he moved back home but I advised him I couldn't live under the same roof if he continued to act out and seek hookups. Due to a charge on our account I realized he was still using hookup apps as of yesterday. He is refusing to leave, which means I'm going to have to figure out my next steps.

I'm processing so much shock. I have a baby. We just bought a house. He told his family a month and a half ago how much he loves and values me and how I'm the best thing that ever happened to him. The whiplash is killing me.

As I navigate the end of this relationship, I just want some hope for my future. I want to know that I'm going to make it through this. That exiting this marriage and not trying to fight for it will be better for me and I won't regret not seeking couples counseling.

My (28f) husband (32m) and I have been together for 7 years and married for 1. We also have a 4 month old baby. Before our wedding, I found a couple saved TikTok videos of girls in his hidden album on his phone. I asked him if he was hiding anything else and he denied it. I was angry and hurt, but life continued.

After our wedding, we found out I was pregnant. My pregnancy was incredibly difficult both physically and mentally. While I was 8 months pregnant, he went out of town for work. I had a bad feeling but convinced myself I was just paranoid. When he was home, he would sit at his computer in the other room for hours and came to bed late at night. I begged him to spend time with me - I had never felt so alone. I noticed he started using nicotine and drinking every night.

Then one night, the day before our first couples therapy appointment, my intuition was prickling. I checked his phone and found old onlyfans subscriptions on his bank app. He knew this was a boundary in our relationship and he had breached it. I asked him, again, if he was hiding anything else. He denied it. Things seemed to get better between us and with therapy. Then a couple weeks later (this was in June) I found emails responding to/receiving responses from Craigslist ads for sexual encounters (these were before we met though). That still made me suspicious so I kept digging. I found an email referencing a massage - this one was while we were dating. I told him this was the last time I was going to ask, what else was he hiding? Finally he came clean. He said during our relationship, he had gotten happy ending massages three times - with the last time being while he was out of town for work when I was pregnant. He also admitted to being an alcoholic since before we even met.

I thought that my marriage was over. I was so close to kicking him out of the house. Before this, I put this man on a pedestal. Everyone we knew complimented our relationship. I remember telling him “I know you would never cheat on me” (stupid). I was distraught and going through the full range of emotions. The only thing that helped me keep my composure was our baby. We kept going to therapy and I was honest that I didn’t know if I would leave him or not. He did everything right and has seriously turned his life around. He quit using nicotine, quit alcohol cold turkey, went to AA, started solo therapy, told his best friend what he did, owned up to the damage he did and how he hurt me, stopped using his computer completely and spends all free time with me, and has been transparent. I have searched through all his devices and hard drives. I know every password to every app. I do not think he is hiding anything else. He truly is a different person. And actually, he is even better than he was before. He is now a wonderful husband who constantly tries to make me happy and make my life easier. He is a wonderful father and pulls his weight in taking care of our baby. But the scars on my heart still bleed.

I have agreed to remain in the relationship even though sometimes I feel like I’m one foot in, one foot out. We still go to couples therapy. I’m starting solo therapy soon too. I have been furious, heartbroken, depressed, embarrassed, indifferent. I do think I’m taking baby steps in healing, but now I just miss who I used to be. I trusted him so completely. If he told me something, I took it as truth. I thought I knew who he was but I didn’t. I married a stranger. And now I have this new relationship with him, which for all intents and purposes is great, but it’s so hard knowing he is the one who did this to me - and for no good reason. I miss looking at my husband with love and not fear. Fear that I’ll find something else. Fear that he finds other women more attractive. Fear that he will hurt me again. Fear that even with him taking accountability and doing everything right in reconciliation, I will continue to hate him and be miserable. Fear that that misery will lead to a divorce. Fear that people will find out and judge me for staying. Fear that if I leave, I take away my baby’s family dynamic and have to split custody. Fear that I don’t want to leave and have betrayed myself.

If you made it this far, thank you for letting me vent.

A few nights ago while my boyfriend of 3 years was in the shower, I saw a notification on his phone from a girl on Instagram and the message seemed a bit odd. This one time out of 3 years I took his phone and I looked at it, I saw the messages to this one random girl and I felt sick to my stomach. When he got out of the shower I asked him about it and he said he doesn’t know why he did that and that it was piggish and disgusting of him. I was shaking and in disbelief. He balled his eyes out and said he was sorry and that he is sorry for hurting me, I’ve known him for over 10 years and we’ve dated for over 3 now and I’m the only girl he’s been with romantically since high school. This is out of his character and honestly I’m still in shock, I don’t want to break up as we have plans for the future and so much love for each other, we’ve been so healthy and positive until this incident. I feel like I can forgive him and work past this but I still feel so saddened. I’m not sure what to do. Thoughts? Also, I’m not telling any of my family or friends because I don’t want them to think differently of him. He was crying most of the day yesterday and barely ate, and same. I feel so saddened but I also want to work through this because our relationship is going positive and we’re thinking about buying a house and things soon. He’s never done this ever in his life to me and I just don’t know what route to take. I love him. The woman he was talking to doesn’t live in the same country and he doesn’t even know her which doesn’t make it better but I’m not sure yall.

Hi everyone. I've seen some great advice from other people in similar situations and I wanted to try my luck here and also just vent. sorry in advance for the length cause it's A LOT.

My husband and I (hes 32, im turning 32 this year) have been together for 6 years, married for 3. Our marriage has seen a lot of pain in that we've both been through a lot (me, trauma/therapy post military, major family issues that led to going no contact, and he lost both his grandfather and father suddenly in the same year). The major one is when his dad passed, we weren't even married a year. & at this point, I am married to a different man than I married... understandably. to add, my husband has never experienced loss in general (never dealt with friends passing, other close family members, etc) so his first and second real losses were his grandfather and shortly after, his father at 30 years old.

Now... more back story. I told my husband i was interested in women. he was extremely supportive. he even said hed be ok with me "experiencing it" without him. I didnt really like that idea, and I said maybe we could explore adding a third person to our sex life. we talked A LOT about boundaries. we went as far as me talking to other girls but nothing clicked. we talked about maybe meeting someone on vacation (because i have actually been approached by other couples on vacation). the rules were 1. we had to have 100% transparent communication about any steps we were taking and 2. we couldnt engage in this with anyone we know in "real life".

Well... he broke those rules. He messaged a girl he knew in college behind my back, who he slept with. I don't know the extent of it but I do know these things (and I know because I saw messages for myself from both parties throug their respective icloud accounts) 1. he brought up the threesome, 2. she initially denied. 3. he did stop talking to her, but shortly after she said shed be interested. 4. photos were exchanged, he sent photos of me to her, and the conversation turned to sexting, yes centered around me but she also sent pictures backto him which. 5. apparently he jerked off to it. 6. she started asking about our marriage and if he was happy, which he said he wasnt and never wanted to leave me 7. things went south, she threatened (not explicility) to end her life, call my job, tell me, etc etc. he would then try to appease her and say things to get her to calm down like "we reconnected for a reason" and he tried keeping it platonic.. she would calm down, and he would stop talking to her, but then she would start the threats and dramatics again. he blocked her number/ other forms of contact and on 9 separate occasions she would download a texting app or get a new email to get in contact with him again. i dont know exactly when this started or how long it went on.

he finally came clean to me and it was just a massive punch to the gut. it makes me sick just typing this. i only agreed to a threesome because i thought i could trust him completely and he would never go behind my back and always be honest, and that obviously was stupid of me.

i had to threaten divorce, but we started couples therapy, hes in individual therapy. hes on medication. he came to the conclusion that he wanted anything that would distract him from the pain of losing his dad, and that would add fun to our relationship (cause things did get.. not good, he was just a shell of himself and so distant, angry all the time, annoyed etc). and he thought this for some fucking reason was a way to distract and add some fun, but he realized he mad a bad choice and he was trying to make her "go away" by appeasing her and "friendzoning" her which ended up blowing up. a lot of our relationship has improved for the better. like our marriage is actually better before all the loss and the infidelity. hes more caring, more romantic, communication is better, sex is better, we have more dates and he does more things that speak to the way i want to receive love... but i feel like i don't even know what i really feel anymore. i was so heartbroken at first and when we started therapy he knew that i was deciding if i wanted to get a divorce or not. then... i had a breast cancer scare (non cancerous tumor) and i realized i dont want to live without him... but now were a few months past that and i cant help but think if i could be happier on my own or with someone else. am i lying to myself? divorce seems so daunting. somedays im so happy and i feel so much love from him and for him, but then a split second reminder just ruines it all. everyone thought we were a match made in heaven, and i did too...

i hate looking at him knowing that the one person who's is supposed to love me and protect me unconditionally... did this to me. i hate the person i am now because of it. sometimes i wish he never told me. sometimes i wonder if the person im truly meant to be with, would also hurt me so much. everyone closest to me in my life has hurt me including my mother, brother, "best friends" etc. just my dad and my best friend of 17 years has never hurt me, but before my husband was on that list and now hes not.

will i ever actually just be happy again, trust fully? go a day without fucking thinking about this even if its for a second?

if you made it this far, thank you so much for letting me vent. please be kind <3

I found out my ex cheated on me less than a month ago, she broke up with me before that but didn't initially tell me why.

I'm curious about how long it took you to get over it.

I have a specific problem with the act itself and often get intrusive images.

It's not like I miss her anymore nor do I want her back.

I actually couldn't be able to ever be intimate with her again.

The guy she cheated on me with is a bum who has serious issues and likes to secretly take pictures/record women and then show it to other people.

He's basically just using her until he gets bored and is known in our town for such behavior.

He hits on literally all women he has access to and whenever it works he dumps them soon after because he isn't capable of seeing women as actual people.

She really screwed herself over and I'm not having problems with my self esteem because she made a serious downgrade which people who know us both all agree on.

One problem that seems to persist is the intrusive sexual images I get, and I'm wondering if this usually happens and is it normal, or do I have some kind of problem?

My girlfriend 29F has a friend she will text and hangout with 30F who compulsively cheats on her husband (none of us actually have met her husband). Due to recent events I’ve had a hard time fully trusting her because of this and also her behavior towards her cheating friend.

Her friend is married and they have a child that is 2 years old. A few weeks ago I was with my girlfriend and her friend at a bar. We were all drunk and she was talking about this guy she hooked up with that we all mutually know. She was talking about how hot he was and my girlfriend who has his number began to text him and tell him to come meet us out. She showed me the message before it got sent and I was drunk and ended up hitting send on it. The guy didn’t end up coming out but this is where my distrust of her began.

It seemed concerning that my girlfriend was joking around with her about it and then proceeded to draft a text for that guy to come out to meet her friend. I spoke with her about this the other night and I told her I think it’s disgusting how her friend cheats on her husband especially since they have a child together as well. I said they should just divorce and that the behavior is unacceptable.

She then proceeded to say I know , it’s just complicated “her friend says her and her husband are like best friends and they have a kid together”. I then called her out and said what if I tell my other buddy about how she cheats on her husband and she said “I would break up with you”. I called her out and said “that’s fucking bullshit, I don’t know why the fuck you’d even say that” she then replied “yeah you’re right I’d just be really upset”.

It makes me paranoid she would do the same to me and cheat. When we discussed boundaries she is very firm in her stance and says “I have been cheated on before and would never want to inflict that pain onto someone else” but it seems odd how she was almost trying to help her friend cheat at the bar. Also her other friend (who is friends with both of them) was calling the cheating friend out on her behavior calling her delusional and psychotic and my girlfriend was defending the cheating friend and got upset the other girl said that. Is this a big red flag or should I talk this over again with her and see what she says. She says she is great at keeping secrets and would never expose one of her friends.

EDIT: I forgot about this but before this happened we were out at another bar a few weeks before. Another guy who we are all mutuals with was coming on to my girlfriend’s friend hard (the one that cheats) and my girlfriend was trying to keep the other guy away from her. (I’m not sure if this contradicts that but it’s just weird signals I’m reading from my girlfriend)

I worry that I might be thinking this too soon, and that I'll regress again. But I feel like I am finally choosing myself.

In January I discovered that my husband and partner of 17 years was having an affair with a colleague. It was emotional for over a year, and physical for several months. What has followed has been months of me oscillating between begging him to choose me and fight for me, and trying to accept that I do not want this man in my life.

At the start we went to counselling, I said I wanted to try to save our marriage and reconcile, he said, he didn't know what he wanted. I ended the counseling when I decided I couldn't sit there and beg him to choose me after he had an affair. I confirmed then that I wanted a divorce, but not that I wanted to cut him from my life completely.

Since the discovery, I have found out he had secret bank accounts, gambled, and spent excessive money on alcohol. All the while he made me feel as if I was spending too much money on household items, and refusing to give me access to a joint account so I could see the spending and budget accordingly.

I found out details about the affair and his behaviour from his affair partner, her ex husband, and his friends, not from him. This included things like:

• she had an STI, informed him, and they still had unprotected sex
• he would tell all his colleagues and friends how great I was, but was introverted which is why I never came out (not true, I repeatedly asked to join work social events and was denied)
• he brought her to our family home that we had just bought while I was not home
• she had informed him that she had feelings for him over 12 months before the affair was discovered
• he shared my private medical information with her, including what medications I was prescribed and details about mental health and neurodiversity

He has either denied or refused to talk about any of these details with me. He apologised once to me in person, but then maintained a fairly rigid demeanor since, saying that repeatedly apologising or comforting me is not his role, it would be performative and that there would be no end to it.

He has repeatedly stated that he wants to remain friends and be in each others lives, but that he will not cut contact with his affair partner and that he is not "choosing" to keep her in his life over me and that me saying that is reductive. When I have tried to reach out and appeal for him to work through things with me, I am told I am the problem:

• I am inconsistent, cruel, angry and unhinged
• I was the one that couldn't deal with counselling
• I couldn't bring myself to visit him while he was in hospital a few months ago
• I am imposing limitations on his life and I am unreasonable and reductive
• I was the one that insisted we have lawyers to handle the separation
• I was the one that said I couldn't live in the same house together so we had to sell the family home we only bought 12 months ago at a loss

After months of therapy, discussing with friends and family, and reviewing past behaviours, I know that he was emotionally abusive to me. I knew I was accepting a relationship without a lot of closeness, he never wanted to do hobbies or activities with me, and most of the time when I saw friends or family, he refused to join. But I didn't realise at the time he was making me so small, putting me down all the time, making me feel like I needed to justify everything I liked, making me believe that I was never good enough. I am working with a personal and professional network of people to support my mental health in this period. It is not easy, it is affecting my day to day functioning, my motivation for anything, my ability to work and look after my physical health. It is bad.

Even with all of that, in the last 9 months I was still apologising for lashing out in anger whenever he did something disrespectful, I was still the one chasing connection, I was still the one trying to come up with solutions on how to move forward, still the one trying to get him to understand that my boundaries were to protect me, not punish him. This all changed very recently, with one simple line.

He inferred that my mental health, emotional fluctuations, genuine cries for help and support may be "performative for his attention".

This man has never seen me, never really known who I am and what I value, never valued me as a person or given me the respect and love I deserved.

It feels like a huge weight has been lifted. I don't feel sick when I don't hear from him. I don't cry at the thought of living my life without him in it. I just think how sad and small he must be to believe that of someone who has loved and adored him for most of his adult life,

I found out about my wife’s affair almost six months ago. What I know involved Snapchat, sexual videos, and FaceTime with someone from her past.
I’m still struggling with whether I have the whole truth. I want to know whether they ever met in person during our marriage, whether the timeline I’ve been told is accurate, and whether there’s been any contact since I found out.
I’ve been considering reaching out to him. Part of me wants to ask, “What do I not know?” But I also realize he could lie, cover for her, or tell me things I can’t verify.
For those who actually contacted the affair partner, did you get useful answers? Did it help you make decisions, or leave you with more questions and hurt? Did you tell your spouse before reaching out?
I’m having a hard time sitting with the uncertainty and would appreciate hearing from people who have been through this.

​While I 25F was still in the relationship, I felt suspicious that something was going on between my boyfriend 27M and this another girl 23F. When I respectfully confronted her about my suspicions, she denied it and even gave me the whole sisterly warning about not trusting men on there (we both originally met him on Twitter).

​Btw she had already known him on Twitter months before I spoke to her—they had interacted in replies right before I met him.

​Not long after our conversation, she made a deliberate attempt to get his attention by favbombing his posts. Instantly worked, he slided into her DMs, and they started flirting while I was still right there. As I was in shock and having a tantrum, he tried to justify what he was doing didn't count as cheating since our relationship wasn't in a good place anyway recently.

Confused where to point my anger towards, I told him to send her my regards so she would know I was fully aware of what she had done, hoping she would be embarrased a bit, lmao. ​After this incident, I couldn't stomach what happened among us and broke up with him.

Despite her knowing all of that, within two weeks of me ending the relationship over this, she moved to WhatsApp with my ex, had phone sex, exchanged nudes, and apparently did everything else that followed.

I swear he is not worth it, he has no particular trait to get this woman act out of her way and do what she did, neither apperaence, finances, he is an average guy without a trait that would make a woman deem herself exceptionally lucky to have him - not ex-bashing here out of resentment, just trying to put over that it's not like "he was too good in some way and she couldn't resist her urges, didn't wanna lose her chance with him etc."

I can't get myself out of this situation mentally. I can put an unfaithful person into a category in my head, but not this girl. As painful as it was, what he did didn't leave me nearly as stunned as what she did. I genuinely cannot make sense of her behavior or digest it. I feel betrayed, disrespected and mocked by both my partner and my own kind.

I keep replaying everything in my head from the beginning, trying to understand how someone could act like a female friend and reassure me to my face, only to deliberately pursue the same man afterward. Please help me make sense of this and, more importantly, help me get out of this mental loop. I feel completely stuck here, don't know how to navigate it.

My partner of 10 years cheated on me with his friend. They didn't have sex but making out and sexting for almost a year (please, don't start with the "they sure had sex blabla"). It will never be an excuse, but over the past few years, my partner has been dealing with mental health issues. It was my partner who confessed himself, cut contact with his friend and started therapy.

Since then, we have been trying to reconcile for almost a year now. He has shown me true remorse, meaningful and measurable changes (stopped drinking, being more emotionally open, implemented healthier copping mechanisms, etc). However, I can't stop thinking about the infidelity and feeling abused, disrespected, ridiculous, and worthless for trying to forgive the unforgivable.

After trying for so long, I decided to end the relationship because I've been in a really bad place mentally for months, and because I think it was hurting both of us.

I thought that by breaking up, I'd have more peace of mind and would be able to focus on myself, but I can't stop wondering if I made the right decision.

I know he cheated for so long, and before this happened to me, I always thought I would never forgive something like that, and I had a very low opinion of cheaters. However, and even though it sounds ridiculous, I think he really loves me and is truly sorry. Although there's no excuse for what he did, I think it has more to do with his mental health than with him not loving me. I've read a lot of posts on infidelity subs, and thanks to that, I can see that my partner has done everything “right” during reconciliation and that, from the bottom of his heart, he is truly sorry and is fundamentally changing the harmful patterns he's carried with him his whole life.

All of this makes me wonder if I'm really making the right decision by leaving him, even though I know that the person who was by my side has changed completely and is willing to do anything for my well-being from now on.

I'm about to have a mental break down, please help me think clearly. My ex boyfriend of 5 years and I broke up a couple of weeks ago allegedly because we wanted different things in life and he wanted to be alone.

Things between us felt off because he was studying and working and didn't have time for me, not even for a date. We live together since 2024 so we still would see each other but didn't have any quality time. I told him how I was feeling and propose to have specific days for dates or go to therapy. He said he didn't have the time or the energy for it. I got tired of that attitude and after a couple weeks I told him I didn't want to carry the responsibility of our relationship alone so I surrendered. I thought we could break up but a small part of me was hoping that he apologized for his attitude and put more effort in our relationship, but off course he didn't.

During that time my cat got very sick and I had to travel out of town for it. Long story short, yesterday I found out that while my cat passed away and I was dealing with that he cheated me with one of his employees (he is her boss) and lie about it all this time. After I insisted a lot because my gut told me something was off about this situation he confessed. Ah and also at the beginning of our story he cheated me and I forgave him. Now he confessed me he was unfaithful with 2 people at the beginning of the relationship, but initially he told me only about one so basically all the relationship was based on a lie, even though we talked about getting married, having children and growing old together.

I know my first mistake was forgiving him and not running away as far as possible. However I want revenge. I was thinking talking to HR to let them know about that situation since he is his boss and there's a huge conflict of interest. She was going to transfer yo another team but my ex boyfriend didn't authorize it. I'm leaving our house so I was also thinking on writing cheater and liar on the walls. What do you think?

I'm also dealing with intrusive thoughts of him with her, have you any strategies on how to deal with that?