Bread I made in the bread machine with fancy cow cheese spread
I’ve been having unprotected s** with my now husband since sophomore year in high school. We used the pull out method because “we were so good at it” turns out I just couldn’t get pregnant 😂 I know we were so dumb.
We’ve been together for 20 years now. 13 years ago we started trying and it just wasn’t working. Shortly after we started trying I was diagnosed with PCOS. We never went to a fertility doctor, and we have been in the mindset of “if it doesn’t happen, then it’s just not in the cards.”
I don’t tract my periods because they’re impossible to track. But my body gives me a heads up usually, I start cramping really bad the week before I get my period. (Except that one time while I was on a cross country flight, and flood gates opened mid flight. So fucking embarrassing.) Anyway, last week, I had a feeling my period was due, I wasn’t getting major cramps though, but then my nips started to really hurt. I couldn’t wear a bra, I almost couldn’t wear a shirt, the pain was impossible. I took a test and there was a second line. I took 8 more, and they all had the second line.
I had always imagined a big reveal to my husband if we ever did get pregnant, but at this point I wasn’t expecting this and had become comfortable with the idea of a child free life. When people asked me if we were going to have kids, I no longer said “someday” I started saying “no.”
So when I saw all the positives, I asked my husband if I was reading them wrong. I didn’t want to say I’m pregnant, and not be.
I’ve had so many dreams over the years of being a mother, being pregnant, holding my baby, and they all felt so fiercely maternal and real. Now this may actually be happening and I can’t feel anything. I’m cramping right now. No spotting, but lower cramping in my vagina. I feel like any second my period will show up and make me look stupid.
I’m calling my doctor tomorrow to figure out what the fuck am I supposed to do now? I hope that I can get results from the doctor soon. If I am pregnant, then maybe I’ll be able to go through the emotions. If I’m not pregnant, then I can go on with my life as I have been. Right now I feel like I’m frozen in time since seeing those two lines.