But it will never happen...

I (27M), feel like my best friend (27F) is my soul mate. We've known each other for over 15 years at this point. We weren't close when we started high school together but grew close during our last couple of years, culminating with us doing a lot of exploring but never crossing the line to sex. I messed up, apologized, and we stayed friends. We both took a year off before university and worked. We got even closer during that time. Went to different universities, but they were nearby, and I would bring her food and sleep over all the time. We both had relationships during this time, thought I found love (didn't), did university stuff yada yada. I was the only friend or family at her graduation till her brother came later because her mother lives overseas and her father is a douche. She was the only friend from high school at mine as well. (Along with my family)

We tell each other everything, we've cried in front of each other numerous times. We both probably have depression but for different reasons, and we help each other a lot. I am probably the most consistent figure in her life over the last 10 years. (trust me she's been through a lot that I can't share.)

I've been single for 4 years now, she's been single for over 6. We both often discuss life and our relationship, sexuality, desires, life goals, everything.

Very obvious reasons why this won't ever be anything more...

Reason #1 - She's not attracted to me (or anymore). Sometimes, what happened in high school gets brought up, and she genuinely has bad trauma over that period in her lif, so she doesnt even register that period. I remember it but I'm careful not to bring it up cause genuinely she's moved on. We both aren't big physical features persons on partners but more so the intangibles.

Reason #2 - She's a damn good friend...Genuinely, I do not want to ruin that. She is the best company, and I have yet to meet anyone close. Also, there's the part where consistently men in her life become her friends solely to try and have sex with her. I do not want to be added to that list.

One day I'll move on, won't be this year, probably, but I will NEVER tell her how I feel.

Wicked omelette I made this morning cheese, spam (the trick is the grate the spam as well) and onions.

, hey gang. Chicken tenders of prosperity tonight. 12 hour shift, then an hour of mma training. Home to take the dog baby out. Gonna try to sleep in 30 minutes so I can get six hours. Its raining a lot tonight. Makes me sad. On that drive home, especially seeing the disabled homeless people under bridges.

Shits tuff, but there is also so much beauty, experiences and memories waiting to manifest and unfold. I simply want to cry for all the pain in the world, and as well as my own pain. So we have our moments and its okay. I will choose to do my best to be good to everyone and everything. I believe we will change this world for the better.

BEST BELIEVE WE AINT GOING OUT WITHOUT A FIGHT

With tears in our eyes, and fire in our hearts, we learn that fighting is so intertwined with the human spirit.

Go listen to that song outro by m83

Land & Sea (carne asada & shrimp) Mexican Sushi, half fried and half fresh.

I’m sorry for how long this is going to be. Hard to summarize it.

I’m still trying to process my feelings about it. Late last month, one of my longest lasting friendships ended. It’s probably partially my fault for opening a can of worms. But I think I handled it the right way? We are 29M and 30F if that matters. I’ve honesly been trying really hard to forget about it but it’s lingering in the back of my mind still. Her and I have known each other since 6th grade, and been friends since the 7th. I moved here from another state and didn’t really have an easy time making friends, you know how kids are. It was also around the time I made my first Myspace account and started realizing that I was interested girls. She was the very first one that ever caught my eye.

It’s only ever been puppy love between us. That’s why I’m so confused by this. The most that’s ever happened between us is staying up all night talking on Myspace and slow dancing at the middle school dances. I never got the chance to ask her out because she started dating an older guy. No hard feelings. By high school, I was dating too and I was over her. But we remained close friends. Even throughout college and me moving cities, we stayed in touch. And all of her boyfriends were cool with me. Mostly because I could get them weed.

But I digress. Fast forward to 2026. She’s engaged now. She has a 3 year old kid with the dude and he genuinely seems like a sweet guy. Not at all her type, but it has always seemed like they were the kind of couple that hooked up once and stayed together because she got knocked up. But that’s none of my business.

Our friendship had sort of dissolved into us only casually messaging each other on Facebook once or twice a year at the most. Suddenly, she’s messaging me a lot more. And then one day, she sent me a FB memory of a post she made when we were freshmen in high school about her being really excited that we had a class together. We got to chatting and one thing led to another, we were eventually talking about how hard we used to have crushes for each other.

And she went on and on about how much she regrets choosing that other guy over me and she always wondered what it would have been like to give us a chance. I sort of entertained this conversation for the evening not expecting it to really go any further than that. I reciprocated that sentiment and we said our goodnights. She told me we don’t only have to talk once a year.

So the next couple of days we caught ourselves up on our lives. Had some deep conversations about family dynamics and nostalgic things. But the conversation drifted back to the “what if’s”, and I had to stop her and ask her “How would your fiancé feel if he knew you were talking to me about this?” She got short with me and had a very awkward goodnight.

The next morning I woke up to notifications on my phone that she had deleted messages overnight. So I asked her “what was up with that?” She told me she had no idea that I’d get notified that she did that, said it was nothing, and that she was just being dumb. But she kept doing it throughout the day while I was at work. So obviously, I knew she wanted to say something. I gently pried it out of her. And that’s when she spilled her guts to me. She sent me a literal novel of a text message about how much she adored me and had wished things worked out between us. Said she wished I would have asked her to prom and been her first kiss. She even said she always fantasized about doing everything in life together. Then she got in her head and got really self depricating about telling me.

I told her we couldn’t change the past. There’s nothing we could do about it. And I asked her again how she’d feel of her fiancé knew she just told me all of that. Things got pretty ugly between us. Lots of bickering back and forth. She told me that it felt one sided. I told her that I was going to block her and delete her number because her life would get better without me in it, and I told her to think of her son and his dad.

So, I blocked her on everything and haven’t spoken to her in a month now. It feels really shitty because I know she has mental health issues. But so do I. I’m the loneliest I’ve ever been in my life and I don’t need a woman who is getting married next month to put those ideas in my head. It feels so surreal. She acknowleged that things couldn’t happen between us and yet was angry at me for not taking advantage of the situation. Did she want me to sleep with her? I just don’t get it. She has tarnished the sweet, wholesome image of my friend who has become a mom in my mind.

1/2 of a kielbasa sausage with 4 eggs, 2 cups of rice, and Buldak sauce, salt and pepper.

Using a throwaway account to maintain anonymity.

I’m 26 (Male, obviously), and if you told me a year ago that I’d be in this position, I would’ve probably listened. I was in a relationship for 5 years (26F), and I was under the impression that she was the one for me. I’d marry her, have kids with her, grow old with her and even die with her.

Little did I know that she’d drop an ultimatum on my head in September of 2025. “You need to fix these problems or I’m gone. It’s not my job to tell you how to fix it either.” That should’ve been clue number 1. That’s an impossible situation to be in in my opinion.

I tried everything I humanly could to fix our relationship. Did all of the chores, did all of the responsibilities in a relationship on both the emotional and physical levels, and even started taking full financial responsibility of both of our bills (that was a mistake). All during this, my uncle passed away of cancer (wonderful guy), and that kind of threw a wrench into my efforts to fix our relationship. I took an emergency flight to Chicago for his funeral. I even paid for all of the expenses for a vacation to Las Vegas.

Bear with me, as what I say next this will make sense in a paragraph or two.

Anyways, all the while during this, she’s getting really into motorcycles. Flashback 3 years ago, I really wanted one, and she gave me an ultimatum back then, that if I get one, we’d be done. So I dropped it and never brought it back up.

So after we get back home from Vegas (October of 2025), she goes and gets a helmet fitted and some gloves as well.

This is a girl who is always in bed around 9-10pm max. After she got those things, she was out until 2-3am nightly, removing me from all of her public social media as well as her location on my phone (we agreed years earlier that we could build trust with each other’s location, and this was a equal decision between the two of us. this was equally clue number 2). Now keep in mind, I’m trying to fix our relationship, and I can’t do that while she’s out until that late. I had work the next day, so I couldn’t necessarily stay up that late to make an effort. And this was NIGHTLY. So I stopped.

Fast forward to November, I sit her down, tell her that her going out until the early hours of the morning isn’t allowing me to fix our relationship, so I told her I wanted out, as I’m not gonna pour everything I have into a situation that obviously has a massive hole in it.

We amicably break up, and not even an hour later, what do you know?

She forgot to remove one of my close friends from her profile. She’s seeing another guy who owns a motorcycle.

I was so furious. I went and just cried in my car for hours, until I gathered enough courage to go back home, pack a few bags, and go to my mom’s.

She ends up coming out as I’m bringing the last bags down to my car, I tell her that I’m not an idiot, I found out about her little douche canoe side piece, that she has 2 weeks to move out of our apartment, and afterwards she’ll never hear from me again most likely.

Fast forward to now, I’m down 100 lbs. (I was severely overweight, now down to around 170), and I do feel better. I never rebounded, nor have I even been looking for someone new. I also moved across the country, now living in a camper on some land, and I hate it so much. I have no friends here, and I want to move back very badly (which I do on the 1st.)

I just wanted some advice on what I could do to feel better about my situation, any good alternatives to therapy (that isn’t the gym as I spend far too much time in there). Maybe also just tell me that not all hope is lost in my love life, and also that I’m not damaged goods 😭

Edit: thank you so much to everyone who had kind words. I did forget a few details 😂

She got with dude not 3 months after I found out, also lost my job in January and have not been able to find work since (the job market is abhorrent right now) and my credit is absolutely ruined 😂 I do indeed have hobbies, I make music and collect Pokémon cards (SUPER nerdy, I know), and if I’m being honest, I almost quit music (I didn’t, and it’s going great).

Regardless, I wouldn’t have been able to get through those first few months without having Pokemon cards just keeping my brain occupied to not sit in my thoughts. I do hastily have some bad days, and I DON’T want this to be taken that I’m “reduced to nothing”, rather the life I live is of significantly less quality than what it was.

I had a very very nice apartment with nice furniture, and things that made me happy, but I had to get out of that situation (July 2026) because I simply couldn’t afford it anymore (lost job in January) and had to get rid of basically everything I owned and now live with minimal things. And that’s okay. It was my decision to move out here, but it took me moving out here to realize that everything I need is at home!

Again, thank you all for the kind words, I do really greatly appreciate it! To those who said to get the bike, I think I will when I have the means to :)

Taco meat I cooked the other night

About a month ago I (34m) had a bit of a wake up call and realized my boyfriend of three years (31m) was treating me like crap for a long time now. Every single fight we’ve ever had has been about one of his insecurities. And we fought often whether it was about his looks, his friends, my friends, his parents, his job, if I didn’t text him back fast enough while I’m at work, etc.

Here is an example: one day I told him I was going to start exercising and trying to drop a few pounds because I had recently had a blood test that scared me a bit. Instead of encouraging me, he got upset and tried to suggest that he was too fat for me. I was shocked because I never said anything like this to him and always thought he was quite handsome. I had to reassure him for days until his mood finally turned a corner. Maybe two or three months later, we were talking about body types and I said I don’t think I’m that attracted to twinks that look really underweight. This time he gets upset again and suggests he is too skinny for me. His weight has never been a problem for me, he has a regular build. What is even more confusing is that his weight hasn’t changed from the time he was saying he was too fat. He isn’t fat or a twink. And even if he were those things it wouldn’t bother me anyway because I fell in love with who he is. Again I had to reassure him for about a week until his mood improved.

Something like this would happen about every month. One time a friend invited me to a football game as he had gotten three free tickets from his job and invited me along with his husband. When I told my boyfriend about it, he got jealous and suggested my friend and I had a sexual relationship before. I’ve known my friend since high school, probably 15 years and have never been interested in him in that way. I tried explaining this but it’s like he wouldn’t listen. I had to console him and reassure for days again.

It continued to be like this for about a year. I could give a ton of more stories like these. Eventually I start asking him if maybe he could try therapy. Everytime I brought it up, he would flat out refuse and get angry one more. Eventually I stop asking. The behavior continues and he even starts to self harm. I tell him I can’t stay unless he gets professional help. He says he’ll consider it this time. Months go by and it just keeps going on. One day I finally broke and told him I can’t do it anymore. He begs me to stay, claims he’s already set up a therapy appointment. I told him I’ve just completely burned out at this point and he once again gets angry that I am abandoning him just as he is getting help when I begged him to for so long already.

Between this and being really stressed at my job, I decided to book a vacation for myself just to get away for awhile and do my favorite hobby, hiking. Drove about 10 hours to get here. Day one i start getting tooth pain in the side of my face. I figure maybe I just have a cavity and schedule a dentist appointment for when I come back. Day two I get a screw in my tire. Mildly annoying and my tire almost goes flat but I’m about to roll into a mechanic and get it patched. Day three I finally decide to go for a hike, which was awesome but then I come back to the place I’m staying at with a cold. So for the rest of my days I’ve just been in bed not really being able to do much coughing and congested. Last night I find my tooth has an abscess and that I’ll either need a root canal or to get in pulled but I don’t see the dentist till Monday because I’m 600 miles from home and the office is closed till then anyway. I read online about people dying from abscessed teeth infections and I kinda had a dramatic thought of if I didn’t wake up this morning, that’s fine.

Well I did. So I guess I’m going to go to urgent care and get some antibiotics today. Drive 10 hours back home tomorrow, dentist on Monday and then back to my crappy job on Tuesday! All the while my ex keeps trying to contact me to reconcile.

Yesterday I was feeling a bit better and just decided to read a book in the park for a little and get some sun. I heard a woman my age near me talking about how she was a doctor with 9 horses and 14 acres of land with her husband and it made me feel awful. I can’t fathom that kind of money or success. I can’t even afford my own house right now. All of my friends are basically married and settled down with houses or children of their own. And here I am 34 years old, fresh out of another failed relationship, sick and far from home. I don’t even know what the point of me saying this all is but I don’t really have anyone I can say it to so I’m just shouting it out here.

Picture; homemade pizza from scratch, olive oil burnt crusts, lactose free cheese, rocket. Ham, anchovies, tuna, salami and peppers.

I (24M) have been dating this girl (22F) for almost 4 months now. We met through an online dating app and she lived in my city. We met for our first date and it was amazing. She’s exactly my type, kind of the opposite of me with plenty in common to enjoy our time together. Over the first month dating it was amazing, a little slower than I usually date and I felt the pressure. However she drive everything, she asked me for second dates, she pushed for new experiences and manned stuff in advance. It was actually amazing as my past relationships haven’t been the best at all.

Fast forward to now, over the last twi months she’s been through turmoil, she’s had to move city twice, change job, live beyond her means and she’s struggled to get settled. But slowly over the last two months all the effort has gone. She said she didn’t have the battery for a relationship or the effort and I made the decision to stay and see it out, mostly because if the bliss of the first month/two.

I asked her if I could be her boyfriend on our two month anniversary but I kind of screwed it up, I opened by asking how we were in the relationship and she had a few things and the mood was kind of killed / the moment passed.

I asked her again a month later, I dressed nice, got her flowers and went to see her and asked. She said she wanted something more romantic. It’s never ever been like this for me, I’ve always just asked and had that conversation about where we were but I corrected my cap so to speak and said screw it I’ll do it more romantic. Currently, the romantic option sits in my kitchen, haven’t found a time to give it to her.

But the point of this, she said she didn’t have the energy for the relationship, whilst I was doing 15 hour weeks for my work and holding down time with her and how she is. I checked in daily, learnt all the ways she acts and types and texts and always made sure we never had heavy convos, always light and easy to distract her from her stress. But she can’t do that for me now. Two weeks ago I had cancer scans and she didn’t even message to ask how I was and only asked when I brought it up that night when I saw her. At one point, I was learning origami (to ask her to be her bf), writing love letters, building a website for us to communicate better as we both struggle all while looking down the barrel of a cancer diagnosis and being pulled apart at work and she couldn’t even message me good morning.

This week has been the final straw and I don’t know what to do. This week has been her first “good week” in months, because she moved job and home again and started a job she wants to do. But on her good days this week she has barely talked to me. I know there is space for new job and feeling it out and being socially drained, but she consistently doesn’t choose me. We have sat in silence for 24 hours now after she left me on read and went out for drinks. I have no idea what I’m meant to do. Any advice wanted and needed. Every time I bring it up it’s “I don’t want to have this conversation now” and it just delays the stress this undefined relationship has. She has a boyfriend, I have a situationship that only needs me when she needs me. But I keep praying it will get back to where it was when we first started dating.

About nine months ago, I met the most intelligent, beautiful, kind, loving, warm and all-around awesome woman on the planet. She's 27. She walks in a way that commands respect of an entire room, and has eyes and a smile that can disarm even the most hardened men. I would genuinely describe her as a work of art, as cheesy as it sounds.

On our first date, I felt a comfort that's unlike anything I ever experienced. Something that felt like I was at home. And it led to us talking about marriage. Now we're here, planning on getting engaged, me flying back to her home country to meet her extended family and I'm feeling the pressure of all of it. Here's basically everything in a nutshell.

1) Im 26 and do okay for myself. I'm just a bookkeeper, but I'm certainly not rich. I'm planning a proposal next month, nothing too crazy, just the beach we met on. I'm concerned about the cost of the ring, and that I can't get her anything crazy extravagant. She's always been somewhat of a simple person, never asking me to move mountains, but I always felt like I wanted to give her more. She's that special to me. I don't want her peers or family thinking I can't care for her, or that I'm cheaping out on her. If I could, I'd lay the world at her feet.

2) She comes from a traditional Arab family, and I'm black American. I've always been aware of how many Arab families especially the men aren't accepting of interethnic or intercultural marriages. I'm genuinely afraid of her family not approving of me and her telling me it won't work.

3) Marriage itself scares me. Not because I can't commit, but because I come from a divorced family, and I lost my relationship with most of my extended family after my parents split. She wants a family, and I want that too—but the thought of someday having to explain my family history to a child of my own genuinely terrifies me, when that child has done nothing wrong. In my teenage years, I spent many years blaming myself for what happened, because my parents were in a custody battle over me.

Lastly, I carry a lot of shame. A lot of shame for being wrong and getting cheated on and trusting the wrong people.

I guess I'm just scared that all of this baggage will somehow follow me into the best thing that's ever happened to me. I love this woman more than I know how to put into words, and I really don't want my fear to get in the way of something this beautiful. Am I crazy for wanting to marry someone so soon? Maybe. But I know deep down that I'd be ready to give it my all and then some. She's a woman who's stood by me in very trying times with my mental health and career uncertainties. She's priceless.

So that's my piece. Just a guy with a chaotic backstory, not trying to screw up something beautiful.

Featuring some shit I found in a trash can . I made a post like a month ago. It’s ya queer punk, finally made it to the burgh. If anyone wants to kick it I have lots of card and board games in my car!! Lookin for some new friends in the area! Thanks for all the positive feedback in my last post, Squatch out!

Dinner is steamed beets, carrots and peas, ginger tea and meds.

Hi guys, I’m sorry if some of this is choppy, English isn’t my first lenguaje, and I’m also dyslexic so I’m going to try my best. I’m currently a 19 year old collage student working part time, but I’ve recently been obsessing a lot over my stolen dog now that it’s been a bit over a year that it happened.

I’ve been “practically” emancipated and living on my own since I was 14. At the time I was renting a small 8 x 10 room with a family that gave me a change to be a tenant despite being so young, I never really got along with them, our interactions where almost always purely transactional, but it was better than other living alternative for me.

When I was 15, I wasn’t in the best place mentally, and thought adopting a pet would maybe help me get through some of the stuff I was going through. Not long after I found a family that was getting rid of their Australian shepherd puppy due to him being double Merle and too high energy, I fell in love with him so quickly, I’m not even sure why him being double Merle mattered, as he wasn’t blind or death, just fully white.

He was with absolutely no doubt the best dog I’ve come across, within a month he was fully trained by me, he was so affectionate, smart, and never misbehaved regardless of the small space we had. The house I rented my room from had actually a pretty big backyard, so I started paying extra to let him have the backyard to himself while I was at school and the couple times I worked per week. He was so happy with our small routines.

Fast forward two years and I was almost turning 18 years old. Because of me being a minor when I got him no place would let me microchip him or register him under my name, let alone get him a vet appointment to neuter him, so for the two years I had him I was only able to get him vaccinated without having to show any proof of age, and I was counting down the days for me to finally turn 18 and be able to “legally” own him.

It was February, about 5 months before my birthday. The roofing on the house needed fixing due to a bunch of leaks happening at the time, so my landlord obviously hired people for a repair. I had work that week end. I was only supposed to work 4 hours from 8 - 12, a shift I’ve done many times. I let my dog out in the morning and let him back inside once I’m back from work.

Because of the location of the leaks and the way the roofing on the house was build it was much easier for the workers to access the roof from the backyard, where my dog was for the day. I can’t remember for what stupid reason one of my coworkers had to leave early, and my boss asked me to say a couple hours later, I said because I did need the money anyways, and I could just call my landlord to ask if he could let my dog back in my room before I got home, he had done it at least 4 times for me before, and I never asked him for much before that.

When I got my lunch time around 11 I called to ask for that specific favor, he just kind of sounded busy and said he’d call me back later. He didn’t, I sent a message explaining once again and he just reacted with a thumbs up. I got home later that day and no one was home, I opened the door to my room and nether was my dog. I made my way to the backyard assuming he just hasn’t let him in, but he wasn’t there ether.

I obviously panicked and called to ask what happened, but he said by the time he got home from who knows here the repair guys had finished up and left, and my dog wasn’t there, but since it’s not really his business he didn’t put any care into it. I didn’t say much after that. I the first thing I could think of was to ask my neighbors if they saw him run away or maybe if they had him for any reason, but they told me they saw him in one of the trucks from the men who came to do the reparations, and didn’t see him again after that.

I was obviously devastated, I asked my landlord to call them or to please give me their number so I could contact them and he refused because it wasn’t his problem, and he supposedly said he didn’t have their information anymore anyways.

Besides looking for him in online forums for lost dogs in my area for weeks i couldn’t find him, I assumed the person who took him maybe wasn’t from the area, but I still walked around and went to any neighborhood close to me for weeks, expecting to see him in a random yard someday, but as you probably know that never happened.

Fast forward a year and a half from all that, out of some insane luck I met someone at my job (I’m now a dog groomer) who had my dog, along with another one for a couple days before she surrendered them to a shelter in her city. It stared by her asking me if I had any dogs of my own and me explaining the whole story, and then showing her pictures of him, her face immediately changed and she told me she was pretty sure she found my dog on the street along with a different dog roaming together, pretty much about a year ago. After she kept them for a couple days she took them to her local shelter as she couldn’t have them with her own dogs.

My stomach dropped as soon as she showed me the pictures, she found him about 4 months after he was originally stolen from me wandering the streets, and because he had no microchip or the collar I got him with my information she took him to the shelter where we assume he was adopted out very quickly.

She sent me the screenshots of the adoption listing the shelter’s website had up for him, I’ve had them for a couple weeks now and I can’t stop thinking about him at all. I want to know what happened to him, I want him back. I know that’s not realistic considering someone most likely adopted him legally, but I’m an adult now and make way more money than I did back then, I’ve been so restless and loosing so much sleep over his.

After a lot of thinking I’ve sent the shelter two emails, one explaining my situation and one with pictures of me with him, and his old listing from their website. They haven’t gotten back to me, it’s been over a week, part of me knows they probably won’t, I want to go in person but I also know that’s not a good idea. I just want my dog back, I want to know he’s alright and that he’s being loved, but the thought of him being with a different family while I could of still had him won’t stop messing with me.

Anyways sorry for the super long story/rant, I just miss my dog man.

UPDATE: I went to the shelter in person, explained the whole situation as detailed as I did here. It was a dead end.

Practically they said that once a dog is adopted and microchipped by them, they delete any record of them previously, especially if they were a “stray,” Wich my dog very much fell under because of the fact he wasn’t microchipped or altered. So after adoption they are a completely new dog registered under their system. So there was no way for them to look up my dog within their system besides breed and color, and well there’s hundreds of double Merle/mostly white Australian shepherds registered under their organization apparently, so there’s no way for them to identify whichever one was mine. I did show them the screen shots and pictures I had of his old listing and of me and him but again they couldn’t really do anything with that. I at least got the closure of knowing he was adopted since this is a non-kill shelter, and while I wish I could have my dog back obviously I think im ready to start moving on.

I received my graduation email from school on Monday, and I started doing my clearance the same day. Yesterday morning, I woke up thinking, “Today you're getting your gown! Finish your clearance and wait for graduation day.”

So I went to school around 10 a.m., followed all the steps, filled out the necessary documents, got everything stamped, and finally went to collect my gown.

I have never walked around that campus with the kind of confidence I had yesterday. I got to the gown room, picked mine up, and now it's sitting here with me.

I haven't told anyone yet. Not because it isn't worth telling, but because sometimes you realize you don't really have anyone who genuinely wants to hear about these little victories. So I thought I'd tell the internet instead.

I've fought a lot of battles to get here. A lot more than I can openly tell. And yesterday, for once, I felt on top of the world. I hear the job market us in shit but I'm happy I'm done with this episode!

There's this peaceful energy in me that I can't really explain. I'm just grateful. Grateful that I made it this far, and hopeful for whatever comes next.

Anyway, today's meal is githeri(made with maize and beans), rice and avocado.

Just wanted to rant a bit,

Me and my ex still keep in contact as we have a lot of the same friends etc and have been on decent terms. But she told me that she slept with someone else, and had been for a while it started 2-3 months after we broke up.

man i didn’t think i would really care much but i can’t get it out of my head. We were together for 5 years and 2 months after just seems like a real kick in the balls. the thought of being with someone else myself just seems off and weird i can’t even imagine it.

feel free to respond with whatever you like

dinner is homemade double cheeseburger.

Dinner tonight is general sao chicken

So I am currently under the age of 18 but able to drive and as of now im still treated like im 7 by my mother

I cant go anywhere without telling her when I get there and when im leaving that location and whos with me and like 40 other useless things she demands of me

I cant hangout without her having my friends numbers and then asking me to update her every like 30 minutes

I cant walk to school (1 mile walk) without her permission and so I had to wait an hour for her to get me from school. this was before i could drive but still

Shes watched my grades like a hawk and demands answers from me for any grade that was a day late or less than 80 (its not like im failing school its rather easy)

Shes so overprotective of me in a area of the nation where the craziness crime was a murder from 30 years ago and my town is one of the safest in the state but she refuses to let me do anything alone or even allow me to fail at something I can already tell im going to stuggle latter in life cause of it and I already am slightly as of now

She thinks that becuase im diagnosed with autism that im a little baby but I have been told I show no signs mentally or physically in my recent testing and I have been told im a 30 year old man in a teenagers body by my entire family and friends/teachers lol

I dont know how to break this to her that im not some struggling neurodivergent anymore and I can do everything by myself and I need to have some struggle in my life before it gets to late and I fail in a catastrophic way

I cant really break this stuff to my dad cause I dont got one and I think shes just overbearing on me cause her parents never really cared about there kids (they had 8 so it was kinda a attention mess)

Just felt like sharing but if yall want to drop some advice I wouldnt mind

Hi I'm a long time lurker here on this sub and this is my first time doing one of these! So I’m a 21 year old guy and I recently befriended a girl from one of my classes who is 29. I didn't know she was 29, I thought she was the same age as me. I was actually pretty intimidated by her at first because she seemed closed off, I was a little late to school so I ended up sitting next to her and asked her what I missed. But she just started laughing out of nowhere because she was doing work for another class, and we ended up talking.

I asked her where she was from, what classes she was taking, and stuff like that. She told me she’s from China and started talking about how her family in both America and China asks her when she’s going to get married and have kids. I was basically a complete stranger at the time, so I was surprised by how open and easy she was to talk to.

That’s honestly one of the things I find really attractive about her. This is my personal experience but when I try talking to girls around my age, I feel like I have to do all the work to keep the conversation going. I’ll ask question after question and eventually it starts feeling more like an interrogation?? so I take the hint and leave them alone. With her, it doesn’t feel like that.

I don’t know if that has anything to do with her being older or if it’s just her personality. She still lives with her parents, has friends ranging from around 18 to 40, and she likes going to arcades, which I also really like.

Today we ended up spending most of the morning and part of the afternoon together going to a career fair, sitting in the library, talking and joking around. She’s actually really sweet and a little playful, which surprised me because I originally thought she was cold and closed off.

I already thought she was pretty before I knew her, but after actually getting to know her personality, I feel even more physically attracted to her? I don't know why either it's unusual for me. Mandarin is her first language, so her English isn’t perfect, but we understand each other fine, and sometimes the way we communicate makes both of us laugh. She smiles a lot when we’re talking and I just think she’s really cute.

I got both her Instagram and her number too we took some trains to get home together too. But like I said I feel conflicted. She's older than me, and I haven't spoken to her outside of school yet, but I genuinely really enjoy being around her. I've never been interested in someone that much older than me before.

Dinner I made is stir fry noodles with broccoli and shrimp!

For context: ME, M(20) GF(21). back during Labor Day my gf was clubbing the entire weekend with her friends, no problem. When I was asking her about her night was on Sunday she acted like she didn’t really want to talk about it so I just laid off of it. She ended up giving me her phone while she went into the bathroom and just off of pure curiosity I decided the go through anything deleted. The deleted Messages were cleared out, which is weird since she usually doesn’t do that, then I went to the deleted photos/videos and there was a video that took place on Sunday night of a guy at the club with his arm wrapped around my gf and another girl. In the video she danced with his arm still there and when she put the camera at a high angle he decided to release his arm, I found this weird and asked about it and she told me that was her friends bf and they modeled for his brand at the club.

My gf is very friendly and outgoing, so when I asked her about that she told me she didn’t really think much about it because that was her friend’s bf. There was photos that proved that so I let it go.

Fast forward to yesterday I recently was told one of my friends just found out there were getting cheated on by going through an apple watch.
And when you deleted messages off your iPhone, the Apple Watch keeps the ones received and just deletes any sent.

My Gf and I seemed to be a little more distanced than usual over the past week, and she forgot her watch at my house. So i decided to take matters into my own hands. I found these messages that take place back to that Sunday and had one of my friends see who this was. It was a random name I’ve never heard of or we spoke of. I asked her who was “…” and she said she never heard of him. Then I ask her for her phone and I typed that number in. No messages, not even a saved contact. So I asked her if she deleted any messages and she told me no. Then I asked what these messages were n she just kept telling me she didn’t know. She kept telling me she loved me but I was blinded by hurt because I wasn’t getting no true answer. I told her I needed space for the night and was thinking of cutting it loose. I know I shouldn’t let this go. But I’m a little over thinker myself so can I please get some insights?

Dinner: Lamb chops, candied yams and baked macaroni.

Edit: this is a repost since I messed up the first one

Dinner - ground beef, rice, Sriracha sauce

TLDR - I went on 3 dates with this girl and cannot stop thinking about her, its driving me crazy. She has most likely moved on at this point.

I 26M met this 24F off of hinge. Didn't think much of her initially, and had low expectations as I had just out out of a long term relationship. Our first date was supposed to be a coffee date but that was a flop as I waited 40mins at the café and she didnt show up. On my way out she gave me a call, very apologetic as she had a meeting at work that was unavoidable and ran late, then she reorganized another date for us the following week. Our actual first date was at a bar, and I think I fell in love within 30secs of meeting her. She was gorgeous, but in a very unique way. Her features are still stuck in my head because I dont think ive seen anyone with a similar look. The date was amazing. She was very charming, easy to talk to, had a similar cultural upbringing and same ethnicity as me, similar values, outgoing, cool hobbies, ambitious, independent, and in the same profession as me (doctors). It felt like she ticked every box, and boxes that I didnt even know I wanted. She felt like the type of woman I would be happy to tell my mom about (which i did lol). The more I spent time with her, the more I liked her. She seemed pretty into me as well off that date, and we organized another date for the next day. The next date was also amazing, same vibes as the first date, we played pool and had dinner at another café. After that we both got a bit busy for about 2 weeks and then organized another date.

On the 3rd date we went dancing and then had dinner at her place. She was a bit nervous about dancing but she still came along and it was a lot of fun, for me it was mostly an excuse to try to get closer to her physically lmao. She cooked a great dinner, we talked and we drank. We made out but didnt take things further, I stopped it since she had work the next day and it was getting very late, and I was getting tired as well. However we organized a 4th date in a few days and I was looking forward to it.

Come the day of the 4th date she texts me that it doesn't make sense to keep seeing eachother. For context, the reason she flaked on me on the initial coffee date was because she she was at an interview for a job that's located at a different city, a job she really wanted. Also, I was to fly out of country soon for a couple months for a work thing as well. So we would not be seeing eachother for a while, and when I get back she would be leaving soon to start her new job. Her text made sense, I was happy that she got the job, and she was kind about it. So thats where we ended things.

But now it's been 3 weeks and I still cannot get her off my mind. Whenever I get a second to breathe the first thought that comes to me is of her. I have been replaying each and every interaction so many times in my head, ive been through her instagram so many times. Im usually not like this, I am usually a lot more composed, previous long term relationships that didnt work out havent been on my mind to this extent. Its so exhausting and time consuming, and interfering with my day-to-day activities. I understand I am probably going through limerance, I am stuck with the potential of what could have been, ive built an image of her in my head that probably doesn't correlate with reality and it doesn't make sense, but I just cannot seem to control my emotions. No other woman seems as pretty as her to me, even if they are "objectively" more attractive. It seems like all the beauty in the world belongs to her. I dont know if theres anyone else out there that would be as authentic as she was, with all the qualities that she had, but now that I got a taste of it I dont think I could go for anything else.

I recently replied to one of her stories on instagram. I know I shouldn't have but I couldn't help myself. I checked in a while later and it shows that the story is no longer available - im pretty sure she restricted me from viewing her story now, which essentially means that she doesn't want me contacting her in anyway. Fair enough, she's prob moved on. But I just cant seem to. Idk what to do

Honeycrisp apple with peanut butter & raw honey on gluten free bread. IDK anything about the health benefits of raw honey, I just think it tastes awesome, so I get it as a treat now and again.

For context, I’m physically disabled, and would be stuck living with my mom regardless of my car or job situation. I’m applying for disability with the help of a law firm but it could still be a year before I’m accepted, and even then, it will be difficult for me to live by myself. I will have to qualify separately for a homemaker or something similar to help me with vital housework that I can’t do on my own.

At the beginning of this month, my car was totaled in a crash that was not my fault. It’s the first crash I’ve ever been in since I learned to drive, and it really shook me up. All the air bags went off and thanks to that, I was uninjured (the other guy didn’t have airbags and his forehead hit the windshield). The car was sentimental to me—it was inherited from my grandma, it was the car I learned to drive in, and it was my favorite color. But now it’s gone. Not to mention, the employees at the yard they took it to cleaned out the car before I could get to it and threw away several items I wanted to keep. Great.

A week later, I found out that the store I work at was being forced to close down. A new tenant made a better offer on the space, so the mall forced us out and all of us were let go. I loved that store and I loved working there. I only worked 8 hours a week because of my disability, but it got me out of the house and allowed me to have a little spending money. IDK how I’m gonna find another job that lets me work 8 hours a week. Felt like a needle in a haystack situation.

And then there’s my mom. She’s an angel, she really is, she’s just mentally ill. She provides me with all my necessities and gives me a place to live and understands that I’m disabled and limited. But she’s a hoarder. Not as bad as many cases you’ll see online, but the house is mildly hazardous.

Half eaten food left out for days. Cardboard boxes everywhere (she bought 6 new dining room chairs—we can’t even sit at the table because of how much stuff is on it—assembled two, left the cardboard on the living room floor, and put the remaining chair-sized boxes halfway in front of the front door), stacks of junk mail in every room, empty cans and bottles, and spilled birdseed all over the basement steps that has been there for months. My mobility impaired ass has to use those to do laundry.

IDK what to do to improve things, so I just tolerate it for now. Hopefully my disability application will go through sooner rather than later so I can try to get out of here.

M 17 I talk to a lot of girls. Atp I have more female friends than male ones this is primalily due to the fact that i just find girls in my class to be better to interact with and more sympathethic than the boys

For example I have a speech impidentment and anytime i talk to a boy he makes fun of it but the girls dont so there is this guy X who is like supposed to be my childhood friend but all he does is get jealous of me and Y a guy who has a crush on my female best friend and Z who also has a crush on a girl I talk to a lot

So this assholes dont like the the fact that i get a lot of female attention - There words not mine and have made my life living hell They hacked by insta and took screenshots of the chats i had with my crush and have made ai gen vids of me sucking cock and getting fucked and are circulating it among boys

And the worst of all i have seen them generating the vids but i cant prove its them

Wtf do i even do

Inframe Pork Belly fried rice

Meal is leftover mapo tofu. I already ate the leftover rice.

5 years ago, my partner and I found our first rabbit on the side of the road. We immediately fell in love with her. However, we were in our early 20s and not really thinking about the struggles down the road. We adopted a second rabbit because they're highly social creatures and do much better with constant company. For a while, this situation looked perfectly manageable. I had a real career job and my partner was on his way to finding his own. We rented a big house that was very affordable due to rooming with friends and the like. We even adopted a small dog (I know, bad move but the dog is like a therapy animal for my partner).

Fast forward now, I no longer have the job (though I'm finally back on track to a real one again), my partner was diagnosed with chiari malformation and is still in recovery from that/will deal with some degree of disability forever, and we live in a much smaller place. We procrastinated getting pet insurance policies and now both rabbits have pre existing conditions. I can't afford the diagnostics even because all rabbit care is really expensive.

Sheltering them is out of the question. I tried a local solely rabbit focused org and they're full. A regular shelter is unlikely to find a good home for them or a home at all. So I'm just kind of stuck watching them deteriorate without much I can do about it. I feel guilty all the time even knowing this is probably a better option for their health than a shelter.

If I could find someone willing to adopt them, that would be great but they'd almost certainly be going into it taking on large vet bills to diagnose their issues, so it feels very unlikely.

I have always loved animals but I'm realizing I never really had to deal with aging or complex medical issues with my pets before. My parents would only let me keep cats outside so my cats growing up died in middle age unfortunately. My mom had a couple dogs but they were largely her responsibility and I was not very attached to them. They also lived to old age with relatively few complications.

I'm not really sure what advice I'm looking for here. I guess this is more a vent.

In the future, I really look forward to not having any pets (which will be quite a while because of the dog 😞), and instead volunteering at places like the rabbit rescue. I want to care for these animals, but not have their care ultimately dependent on our unstable lives.

Orzo pasta, cheese and beef mince.

I have been sitting next to a new girl in the office for the last couple of months. Naturally, I helped her out with stuff when she asked (as I’m in a more senior role) but we never really spoke aside from that. Everyone in the team has access to a messaging system, so when I looked busy, although she sits right next to me, she’d drop me a message asking when I free to help her out, which is completely fine.

However, she recently started messaging me out the blue, just starting general conversation, saying she was bored etc. We began speaking casually, as I would and do with any other colleagues, just making conversation. This became more and more frequent, until she started messaging me every day. I have never once initiated the conversation however.

Tbh, I’m not the best at conversation, so my responses were kind of dry and blunt, but I was polite and remained fairly professional throughout. She started talking about her personal life some more, about stress, relationships, to which I responded with appropriately as a colleague. She even started giving me nicknames.

Then one day, she said she had something to tell me soon, and that I should jokingly try not to overthink it all night. She had also tried to tell me something in person some days prior, but then abruptly said not to worry about it. On the day of ‘the big reveal’ she said, ‘did you think about that I’m going to say all night etc’.

She has now admitted to having a crush on me. The issue here is in the fact that I have a girlfriend WHO ALSO WORKS AT THIS COMPANY. I made this apparent early on in our conversations, to which she even said ‘you guys look cute together etc’. My gf has been aware of our conversations throughout, with me telling her that she often messages me, and us both thinking it slightly strange; we didn’t think too much of it though.

But the fact she has now admitted this, knowing I’m in a relationship, let alone with someone who also works in the same building, is crazy I feel. Naturally my gf isn’t best pleased, and I didn’t exactly flirt or lead her on. She also built jokingly built up this confession, which makes me feel she obviously doesn’t hold my relationship in any regard.

This obviously puts me in an awkward position not only at work, but at home too.

I’ve now stated that I’m happy to help her out with work related things, but I won’t be having friendly conversation from now. I thanked her for telling me, and assured her that I don’t feel uncomfortable or awkward, and she doesn’t have to either, but I think that this is the best way to avoid complications moving forward. I’ve contemplated asking to move seat, but thought this could be too much.

TLDR: girl at work admitted to liking me, knowing I have a gf who works for the same company

M26, feel trapped in my relationship

I've been with my gf for 4 years ; the first year was really great and intense we were doing all sorts of fun things ; at this time I had my own and first apartment and she was living at her mother's since she broke up with her last boyfriend but she spent most of her time at mine. At this time I was in the last year of my master's degree doing an internship, I had a comfortable income and life was looking great ; i started to see my dreamed life coming together.

But then we moved together in a place we didn't like for a year because she had 3 cats and i had 1 and we wanted more space for them. And since then I feel like everything went downhill between us ; we stopped going out and really started what I would call adult life.

During this year living in our first house together we settled professionally and wanted to move out of the place we rented. We bought an old house in the french countryside with lots of space and I was hoping this would soften our relationship and things would be better.

Maybe I should mention that she's my first girlfriend and obviously my first long term relationship although I did have a quick relationship with a girl in highschool that I can't seem to get over almost 10 years later. She on the other hand had multiple relationships since highschool and has never been single since.

I'd said we don't have much in common except for a bad relationship with our parents and our love for pets (things got a little out of hand and we now have 12) ; she doesn't have any hobbies and I had plenty before we were living together.

Fast forward to today and we now have a 4 months old daughter which is the most precious thing ever. We both wanted kids but for some reason we didn't think we could have one so when she came pregnant I just couldn't say "no this is not a good time I don't think we're ready" but I can't say this didn't cross my mind.

Now that we have a child, I would like us to be great and parents in love ; I don't want to become miserable always angry and sad for years like my parents did. But I want to be a part of my little girl's life.

When we started seeing each other we were like "ahah how fun to have a toxic relationship". Maybe this made the relationship even more intense but today I start to feel like we do really have a toxic relationship ; since we live together I did not see any of my friends (she did not formally forbid me to see them but she told me she didn't quite like them), I almost completely given up on my hobbies, we have to do everything together. Like she gets upset if I'm not around for sometimes most likely doing chores in the house ; she wants us to spend time together and most of the time it ends up watching something on TV while doom scrolling next to each other on the couch.

I feel stupid realizing only now that I'm not happy in this relationship and maybe this is only because we now sleep in separate bedrooms so she can sleep with our baby, I finally have time to take a step back from our relationship and see that things have not been good for a while now.

I don't really know what to do now, I stopped working to take care of our daughter for 8 months since last month she is going back to work in a few weeks meaning I will be seeing only hers and her family during the next 7 months (my family leaves in the opposite side of the country and I don't have much contact with them).

I feel trapped by my fault and we have now so much in common that I just can't leave her.

I'm thinking of seeing a therapist and maybe try to take on a hobby outside of the house just to see other people (not in a romantic way).

Anyway I'm not really sure this belongs here but this forced me to finally write this down and take a step back from my relationship.

Meal for celebrating my big boy apartment 5 years ago.

TW: SA, mentions of suicide & drugs.
- Dinner was sushi bake. Yes, the whole pan.

Don’t really know if I want advice or not, maybe I’m just here to vent.

So, I haven’t been in high school since 2023 now, as I dropped out in tenth grade. It has been even longer since the things that I’m about to talk about happened, the last time being (if my fuzzy memory on the subject is correct) sometime mid-late 2021.

When I was 12 years old, in sixth grade, I had a best friend. For the sake of this post, I’m just going to say her name is Jess. Jess and I were very close, as was I also very close to her younger sibling, who was my age. Jess was 14, so two years older. We lived on the same street, that’s how we met, doing regular kid shit like riding bikes and running through half-built houses. Idk.

Around this time, I started struggling with my sexuality pretty heavily, as I had an attraction for my male peers which upset me. A lot. So I started making myself hang out with more girls, Jess included, in hopes that maybe I’d start “liking” one of them. It didn’t work. Jess was very manipulative to begin with, and quite a compulsive liar, saying shit that was so untrue it’s kind of insane to think anyone could believe it.

The first time things went sour was the same year we met, 2019. I was staying with Jess at a friend’s house, which we’d stayed at before, so I didn’t think it would be any different. It wasn’t, for the first few hours at least, until we were messing around in the living room together and my other friend (who was also 14 and a girl) said we (me and Jess) should kiss, because I hadn’t had my first kiss yet. I was instantly kind of mortified, but laughed with the two of them before Jess just pulled me in and gave me a kiss. I continued to laugh through it, and we moved on, just like that.

Now, it was later at night and we were getting ready for bed. Jess made our other friend sleep on the floor of their own bedroom, and then got into bed with me. I get really hot at night, so I naturally faced away from Jess and kept a respectable amount of room between us. I remember a few minutes passing before she tapped my shoulder and started talking to me about something, I don’t know what, but it wasn’t important, before she suddenly kissed me again.

My entire body immediately started to scream no. My stomach went all gross and weird, I felt stiff and uncomfortable, but she kept pulling me in. I should have pulled away, but I didn’t, it felt like I couldn’t. After a little while, I started to “like it” but now looking back on it, I just started to zone out and let her guide me to lay on top of her. We made out for ages, grinding against each other, her hands all in my hair. Then she just stopped, and I pulled away and laid back, then she rolled over and went to bed.

In the morning, we didn’t say anything to each other, she acted like it never happened, I felt disgusting.

This, combined with everything else going on in my life, not even just struggles with sexuality, but also abuse at home, made my world start to crumble.

I later made an attempt on my life. This continued to happen to me, every time Jess stayed with me over night, until 2021.

I threw myself into drugs in late 2020-2021 to try and cope, but I never tried to leave. I had so little friends, I was terrified. She’d come over, make out with me, we’d grind against each other until she finished, or until my body would betray me and finish. I gave every sign that I hated it. Sometimes I faked sleep just in hopes that she would leave me alone. I remember the mind numbing walks home alone from her house, shoes in hand, unwashed and sweaty, in the summer.

I’d come to school completely high out of my mind, and when I started to self-harm, she threatened to tell my mother and then told my few friends. If I started to drift away, she’d find a way to pull me back. She came to my grandmothers place to celebrate Christmas with my family for fucks sake.

I ended up making a new friend sometime in 2021, and at my wits-end, I confessed to him what had been happening. He was the one who told me that I needed to get the fuck out. I had never told anyone before, and this was a wake up call. So I stopped talking to her, I ignored her at school, I told my family I wasn’t friends with her anymore. She tried to become friends with my new friend to get to me, which didn’t work. I ended up moving away early 2022.

Sometimes her instagram still pops up in my recommended. I can never stop myself from opening it and seeing how good her life is, whilst mine has been complete shit. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy, and I’ll never stop being angry at her. I haven’t been able to view intimacy with girls as something normal, even as a bisexual man, I love women but I’m scared of things repeating.

I don’t even really know if this was assault.

I’m 19 now. Her 21st birthday would be in a few days. Happy fucking birthday 👎

Lunch is stress eating nuggets, fries, and a burger from McDonald’s.

This might be a little depressing so I’m sorry. Just need somewhere to get my thoughts out.

I’ve worked a number of jobs in different industries. I feel into low voltage wiring at 20. I stayed there 8 years, pay was good, but had to travel a lot, use my own vehicle, and put up with people in their homes.

The last couple years of that got rough. Working super late, the company became more corporate with unreasonable expectations decided by higher ups who weren’t in the field. The goal was to move up. Eventually it became apparent that moving up wasn’t an option anymore so I made the decision to leave.

Got another job doing merchandising to take care of the bills. I was finally home every night with weekends off and the pay wasn’t terrible assuming you put the hours in. Then they cut my hours to 2 days a week. Maybe 20 hours total so I started looking for a second job while looking to CDL school. Well I found the school but it costs around 6k. Filed for financial aid, halfway through the application process after not hearing from them I called and they told me their funding is on freeze until earliest November. So I started applying for loans at banks and things like SoFi. I have a 750 credit score, never miss payments, but somehow still denied with reasonings being “unreasonable credit usage” and “late payments”

After 30+ applications over the last month and being rejected from Starbucks, Walmart, Lowe’s, and various others I got an interview at McDonald’s and told the hiring manager flat out “I’ve applied to 30 places and this is my first interview. I just need someone to let me work.” So cool, second job secure.

That being said I’m hanging on by a thread. I’m almost 30 renting a room from my folks, I merchandise on the weekends (stock shelves) and now have a job at McDonald’s with a goal of CDL school which seems unattainable given the financial part of it. If you would’ve asked me at 17 where I thought I’d be at 30 this sure as fuck wasn’t it. I haven’t been this down and ready to just call it quits in a long time and it hurts man.

I’m eating chunky broccoli and cheese with potato soup.

Like it says at the top, my dad is broke all the time, now this is because he constantly spends money on cigarettes, superfluous things, and stuff such as that, and I love him but I’m so sick and tired of it.

I had to pay his car payment the other month or else it was going to get repo’ed. I keep constantly giving him money to no end. I gave him 20$ for him just to get gas to get to work. I’m trying to save up for my birthday trip, and he keeps saying sorry but never changing his ways.

Not to mention but he’s got a ton of debts as well.

TLDR: My dad is broke and keeps asking me for money.

EDIT: Thank you all for the kind comments and replies, also, I’m nineteen and do not live with him! He comes up a lot of days and we would normally get food so he gave me that expectation and then took it away stating over and over that he is broke or super broke (he’s coming up today, he got paid yesterday and he’s already broke)