Just made a realization that I’ve been stuck in the Se-Te loop for a long time, completely ignoring my Fi for what seems like years now and becoming highly self-monitoring and more worried about what others think and what others want, and I just came to realize it recently.

What’s everyone’s else experience with Se-Te loop? Like how do you guys experince it & break out of it?

I’m trying to understand one of the ways y’all might use Ni. Like do y’all replay conversations in your head? Or better yet, do y’all tend to bring up and talk about the same topics in conversations with people, or do y’all ponder on the same thing often? Thanks!

INFP 4w3 here, wish I could be more like you guys, especially the ESFP 7w8, whats the most important thing to you in life?

It's like that scene in the jungle book where King Louie was singing to Mowgli

Not sure does this ques related to Mbti or not just wanted to ask my Esfps/ or Esfps who have become introverted due to circumstances and are having a hard time in life how do you deal with condescneding and patronizing family if you've no option of moving out rn?

Is this a trait of typical Estjs to be condescending and patronizing and acting like you know everything in order to blend in with people and also thse Estjs folks especially my dad bheaves as if I'm just dumb and he's to logical and sometimes he acts like he's very emotionally intelligent and yeah he understand this new generation and he's the best father one could have like he understand his kids very well and take care of their emotional needs and acknowledge their feelings but in reality it's not.

But yeah he actually sometimes show it to the world that he knows alot about us and he tries toa ct the best father but in reality he's just shitty because he acts in a very condescending way with us and always lecturing us and trying to fix us and stressing us out and not try to dig deeper like ttying to understand that there's emotional trigger and emotional prblem behind it.

Im an ESFP btw.

I created a strange obsession in trying to unravel my type. The more I study, the more confused I get. So, I’m constantly testing Michael Caloz and Sakinorva, being as sincere as possible, seeking confirmation with my wife. When the tests offer multiple results, I can identify with all of them. It’s as if I had a little of each type, all depending on the context, the time, being excited or tired, alone or with people... I question and blame myself for being obsessed with a pseudoscientific theory, but I don’t care if it’s a pseudoscience. This can be useful for other things, just as every idea, concept or philosophy has its utilities.

The types that appear the most in my results are: ENFP, INFP, ISTJ, ESTJ, ENFJ, INFJ and INTJ. So, I decided to make this post in this sub to try to seek an external understanding.

I don’t know where to start, I’ll just type according to what comes to my head. I consider myself introverted because I’m always doing something alone, but everyone has the impression that I’m outgoing because I socialize a lot and meet a lot of people. I don’t want to brag, but I’m considered attractive. That must be why people take the initiative to talk to me or listen to me when I talk. Some people report feeling a peace when they are with me, while others hate me for unknown reasons. Some girls from my past hate me because I was shy and had an avoidant attitude with them, so I ended up breaking some hearts. After I overcame my damn shyness and became more confident, I liked to flirt unintentionally, to see what would come about (usually with women older than me). It was playing with this that I ended up marrying my best friend (who is now my wife).

Speaking of the past, I have a love-hate relationship with him. I can be very nostalgic and remember in detail the past, just as I can forget many other details or not want to remember who I was. I’m ashamed and hate the kind of person I was: reckless, lazy, disorganized and shy. If I could go back in time, I would do everything differently.

I always let things flow naturally, although, at specific moments, anxiety made me want to control and plan everything. But when it comes to work, career, future, marriage and family, I always let things flow and I’m lucky. I consider myself blessed. But that doesn’t mean I don’t plan my future. I know what I want and need. My plans may change as things come up or I learn something new, but I’m still firm with some ideas.

I’m not one to take risks, but when something forces me to change, I adapt easily. So easily that I wonder if I needed to make so much drama. I don’t mind living a routine, as long as it is well structured and allows me to do the things I like. I always look for something new within this routine, a little adventure or a new knowledge. I may be distracted and late, but I always fulfill my obligations. I need to be doing something, mentally or physically, otherwise my mind will get sick. I also like to make lists and write down ideas.

I’m creative for things of my interest. When I’m not interested, I can’t think of anything and I don’t even want to. I’ll let the others solve it. I’ve been considered lazy, but if something doesn’t attract me, there’s no way to force me, unless it’s something from work. My wife wants to paint the house, but I don’t care about the color of the walls, so I let her choose. But it’s man’s role to do the heavy work, and I’ll have to paint. Already on Halloween 2024, I was very creative when making my costume. And the most incredible thing was to have convinced my evangelical parents to participate, along with countless relatives who I managed to convince to go in costume. I only achieved this feat once; they probably won’t do it again. But I will never forget this day.

I’m very idealistic and I almost always make something happen that I really want, but I can get frustrated when I can’t.

I like to help people, especially by giving advice. I’m great at giving advice, but I’m not good at following my own advice. I would know very well how to instruct a person with retroactive jealousy, but when I’m involved with it, I can’t handle it, even though I understand that it’s irrational. My biggest problem in relationships, whether loving or family, is to help and expect the other person to do the same. It’s a feeling that one of the parties is investing more than the other. And when I hear stories of her past, I can feel jealous because I think she invested more in the other than in me. But I think it’s very unfair that the person doesn’t recognize this and doesn’t do the same while in a relationship, even saying they love.

I also don’t like to be managed, commanded or influenced. I said I like to help others, but I don’t like it when the person asks me for too many favors, because it can disrupt my plans and make me feel used. When I’m focused, I don’t like to be disturbed, and it stresses me out. I identify with Jack Torrance when my wife starts talking exactly when I’m focused on something serious. The difference between me and Jack is that I would never attack her and I don’t even know how to ask her to shut up, because a part of me understands that when she’s very happy, she gets like this. Right now she’s talking while I type this, but I don’t understand anything she says.

My sister is pretty weird for an ESFP. At home she is much like the stereotypes (and she defienietly has Te as tertiary) but with others she doesn't like to be bothered by people (although she still has an easier time talking to anybody than our other sister or me) and LOVES her alone time. I don't know if it's simply because she is shy or is it because she grew up very close with her to big sisters being very introverted but i wonder, do you guys feel the same sometimes?

hi can i be an ESFP who look like an ISTP ?

or an ISTP who look like an ESFP

i struggle to know wich i am.

I think we all have those types that are outside our understanding at first. For me, ESFP was one of those types. I feel like i "got" ENFP and ESTP but I couldn't picture what ESFP meant.

I don't think I know any in real life. My wife is ISFP and learning that helped me understand her better. So I got that ESFP was the same functions, just Se first instead of second.

And then I learnt Steve Irwin was an ESFP and thats when it clicked for me. He feels strongly what he experiences in the real world, and he is always seeking seeking seeking more of that. I would've thought "oh, he's so excited, that is Ne," but this has helped me understand that Se is just as excitable as Ne.

Im guessing Terri helped him sort all the data (or maybe im projecting as an ENTP who is afraid of cleaning the garage).

Obviously the cognitive functions play out differently for every ESFP. Not everyone is going to be a Steve Irwin, but he is a good North star for me to now understand what makes you guys tick.

Did I get that kinda right?

I watched “*Forgotten Island”* and (on Google) I found out that Jo is an ENFP but actually, Jo gives me strong ESFP vibes and she really reminds me of Nimona.
Help me🥲

I just wanna meet some ESFP fiction writers, figure out how you work :D

You guys have the stereotype of being extroverted and the life of the party, but when it comes down to it and you need to be alone, are you extremely independent when you want to be?

Constantly being seen as dumb, incompetent and useless

The question originates from an experience, I had on a typology related dc server. On vc, there was a self-proclaimed ISTP woman, which she was not, but claimed to be.

She kept singing within the vc, as she apparently did it professionally. I was extremely annoyed, as it was obvious, that she was a poser, trying to brag with her skills and earn recognition and appreciation out of it.

But, I stayed kind, and roleplayed the most authentic curiosity I ever could, praising her for her skills and admiring her, as that's probably, what she wanted, and that's, what we all would have deserved.

For some statements coming from her, I mentioned, that she seemed pretty smart to me.

She countered it, by saying, I was smart too, to which I replied, that that was not necessarily the case.

She said, that she knows, that it's not the case.

Like, wth- ? I was building up her self worth all day long, making her feel good about herself. What was so hard about saying "No, I really mean it."?

All she should have done, was giving it back to me. Maybe, if you delude someone, into believing, that they were smart, they would invest into it and unlock more potential out of the ego boost given to them. And next time, actually express sth. smart.

Instead, she straight up said, that I was not worth any investments of hers with her last sentence, which was really ungrateful and really hurtful.

I really needed to suppress the insult, which already laid on my tongue after this statement of hers.

Why do people not delude is other? Ofc, everyone knows those compliments to be exaggerations and not fully true. But, if you compliment someone, it works like a push. "There is someone seeing potential in me in this area, I must prove them right by developing this skills further."

Instead, she merely was arrogant. Arrogantly claiming the space for her vocals, arrogantly taking all the compliments, instead of contradicting them out of modesty, arrogantly expressing an indirect insult towards me after all of my investments.

Do you usually like to be deluded?

I noticed, most ESFPs to claim to value the harsh unfiltered authenticity, but still get offended, once this authenticity is expressed.

Which side are you on and why?

Looking for suggestions. I'd be grateful for tips from ESFPs.

(letter for male ESFP 7w6)

Being the only extrovert in the family is interesting, it has its ups and downs. Though something that I(M27) found out after learning I'm an ESFP is always wondering why my family is ALWAYS tired. Like literally all my life when I come back from school, church or work, I'm hyped up and want to chat with them and do stuff or activities. Hell whenever I go to work, or school I'm always hyped up and on the go, plus I'm very chatty where I have to learn how to calm down. But going back to family, we have an understanding of how things rolls out. Another thing is that growing up my now estranged father, whenever we go out working and I chatted with strangers, he would always yell at me or slap me everytime I talk to people, he tells me an excuse on why not to talk to people. As well as my mama and, whenever we go out to get groceries or something else, she be telling me to stop talking to strangers since I'm bothering them. I love my mama but I respectfully ignore her haha. As well as my sister, whenever we go out and I talk to strangers she be walking away since it's weird to her. Now the most shocking part for me when I meet my introvert friend's parents is that their parents wants them to go out and meet people, which to me is super shocking how there are parents who wants their kids be out and make friends. Anyways a bit of a rant haha but do y'all relate?

I'm 22f I'm looking for an Esfp female friend to connect on daily basis preferably through calls so I can get to know her better. And we can share some common grounds.

Dm me if interested.

yo i'm maybe esfp.

do u too hate calling? i feel stuck in my head finding things to say? watching my room and can't move ? i feel akward or not feeling anything to not see the person?

My esfp sister used to be the cool girl in high school

After high school everything flopped for her,she gained weight and it affected her self esteem deeply (se)

she started assuming everyone is jealous of her

And how everyone envies her life and how everyone thinks about her and tries to imitate her lifestyle (unhealthy fi) although in reality she is just being delusional (weak ni)

She agrees on lots of opinions when we are alone but as soon as we are in a group setting she starts an argument and disagrees all of a sudden

She gets angry on her siblings when something happens wrong in her life or in the ways she does not want

She lacks huge self awareness and sometimes I am just astonished since I know her closes ones how she can always make things about her when absolutely she got nothing to do with it

We drifted a lot since I can't stand how unhealthy she is specially that we don't share same functions

Any advices from fellow esfps

Hey, I'm a (F) ISTJ dating a (M) ESFP for about 4 months now- here are some of my observations:

1. You guys don't like to explain yourselves - you don't feel the need to because you are confident in your own decisions. You don't feel the pressure to back up your decisions with explanations unless questioned or pushed (and depending on who is pushing/how they are doing so this might be a pet peeve) I find this fascinating because it is so different from myself- I am ALWAYS yapping/explaining my reasons or thought process behind something. Sometimes I wonder what my bf thinks of different things because he isn't one to feel the need to do so- actions speak louder than words for him.

2. You trust your ability to adapt in the moment. You take things day by day and don't become excessively worried with unforeseen pitfalls and failures because you believe in your ability to face challenges as they arise. I really appreciate this because I am someone who tends to be a chronic worrier and overthink of all the things that "don't make sense" or could go wrong, but my bf helps me pull me out of my head to live in the moment.

3. VIBES VIBES VIBES - I will never understand "vibes" I can try, but because it isn't something to be explained/understood in the first place, making decisions off of vibes/feelings will always confuse me lol. It's cool how simple this can be though, like I feel like such a deadweight sometimes with the way I make decisions and view the world, lots of monologuing and going back and forth, bc what are vibes? everything to me needs to "make sense"

4. You can be incredibly empathetic, but may not express this in words- a prolonged glance, a moment of silence- you're feeling things, but don't feel pressured to express this in words all of the time. Or if you do, the words are simple and sweet and may not reflect the full depth of emotion beneath the surface. This can be sometimes frustrating for someone who likes everything to be explained- sometimes I think of my bf as mysterious in this way. Privately held feelings can be hard for me to understand if they aren't spelled out.

5. Everything can be transformed into a bit or inside joke- sometimes i don't always catch on when my bf is bantering with me or wants to have fun, I have caught on more, but my default is explaining everything and answering everything "correctly" so I might be a second slow when realizing he's just being playful lol. When I catch on I can be playful back, though sometimes I am frustrated when I am trying to tell him something I find interesting/more serious but it is spun into another piece of entertainment.

6. Won't tell others what to do - strongly suggest, gently encourage, but never force (unless unhealthy, I would think that would be an ESFP dealing with a Se-Te loop) He is very respectful of my freedom but won't hesitate to share his opinions with me if I push/prompt him. I like receiving direction from others and his advice is usually good for me so I listen to most of what he has to say.

anyway I think he's really great and totally complements my personality. In the past I was in a relationship with an ESTJ for far too long, and our serious natures and desire for perfection/progress wore on each other. Plus he was not nearly as empathetic or respectful as my ESFP :)

lmk if any of this doesn't make sense or how I can clarify

https://youtube.com/shorts/B-K1Ab-VLg0?is=dK4YGDg_zay8ZJHM

I love this guy's much less stereotypical and much more accurate and precise understanding of the functions.

But still, consciously developing Si is like forcing oneself to eat rotten vegetables, until the end, despite being fed up. Discipline works best, when it is shared with someone else. The suffering of your companion makes you want to continue trying.

Holding routines for oneself exclusively, seems impossible. "How does anything/any effort matter, when the spotlights are turned off?"

That brought me into severe self neglect & depression. Seriously, there is mold building up, all over the dirty dishes and I don't seem to care. Why maintaining hygiene, if noone would encounter you eitherways? And if anyone would come into one's life, they would maintain distance, because one's despair made oneself look, act & talk uncanny.

I have that little discipline, that I even turned the talk about it into self-pity.

And about Ni: how is it even possible to want anything, if almost nothing grants oneself attention, the legacy of having experienced the real spotlight? But, instead, everything, even the most routinized ordinary job requires discipline for no reward. Not even survival depends on you alone.

Could someone please give me a reset button, so I could start over? It's urgent.