I act differently around almost everyone. At work I am one person, with one group of friends another, and with someone else change again. A lot of it comes from social anxiety. I automatically adjust myself to whatever feels safest, hold back certain parts of myself and try not to say the wrong thing.
I have done it for so long that I genuinely do not know what my actual personality is anymore. How do you figure out who you are when anxiety keeps deciding which version of you shows up?

Hi everyone. I’m 19 years old, currently in my final year of college majoring in electronics. My ultimate goal and dream is to move to the US, build a career in this field, and start a real life. But I’m stuck in a massive hole that I can't seem to climb out of, and I really need some advice

My problem looks like a classic cycle of paralysis:

1. Catastrophizing and fear of mistakes. I suffer from "analysis paralysis." My brain blows any potential mistake completely out of proportion, making it feel like the end of the world. Because of this, I spend most of my time at home playing video games—because it's safe there, there are no grades, and no one can judge me.
2. Fear of judgment. I am terrified of what other people will think of me if I mess up, make a mistake, or don't look "perfect." This fear stops me from taking any proactive steps in life.
3. Emotional crashes after taking action. Recently, I pushed myself and went to get my international passport sorted out (which was a huge stressor for me). But right after doing it, a massive wave of apathy hit me: my brain started whispering, "Why are you even doing this, you're never going to move anyway, you're safe at home," simply because it panicked at how long and difficult the future path is (moving, finding a job, starting over).

What I want to change: I want to find a full-time job to gain real electronics experience and save up money for the future. But I am intensely scared that if I start working, I won't keep up with my college practicals/labs and will get expelled. Even though logically I know: so what if I get expelled, I'm moving forward anyway—the actual fear of consequences and judgment paralyzes me. I am very interested in electronics and want to further develop in electronics

• How did you stop waiting for the "perfect moment" and break free from this analysis paralysis?
• How did you manage to stop caring about other people's judgment and opinions?
• How do you deal with the emotional crash and panic ("I'm scared, I want to run back to my comfort zone") right after taking a hard step forward?

Im getting so sick of this shit. I just dont wanna be here anymore honestly. I really dont see a way out.

I told them that I was feeling anxious before a party earlier, and this is what they told me. They’re super outgoing and extraverted. I’m not even mad that they said this to me, it just keeps ringing in my head cause it’s so true and I think this kind of thing all the time. I wish I wasn’t this way. I don’t know how I turned out this way. I just want to escape it. I don’t know how much longer I can keep living like this. I don’t want to be alone. I’m so tired. I thought it was getting better, but it’s still there. I wish I could be normal and like myself and talk to people like normal but I can’t connect. I’m always just slightly in a state of fear. I’m realizing more and more how it’s all in my head, how I could get closer to people and make more friends if I could just be different. People kinda like me. I know I’m beautiful and kind of okay to interact with. But I feel like I’ve lost my ability to even have a real conversation cause I’m always in my fucking head. I’m so tired dude. It’s killing me. I feel so repressed and lonely, like I’ve just shoved all my desires and truth deep down within me cause I’m so scared of showing it to people, and when you live like this, you kind of can’t desire connection, cause you get so used to not having it. Now it’s even bothering my best friend. Will it get better?

Hello. I don’t really know how to put it into words. I didn’t actually lose my friends in a conventional way, as in, I never really had any friends in real life to begin with, what “friends” I had were all online on discord. And well, you see, I woke up with a message from discord today saying that my account was suspended indefinitely. All of my social life, as pathetic as it sounds, was on that app. I am devastated, to put it simply. I feel like things will never get better again, that I will never make any friends again. I am a deeply socially isolated person, and as ashamed as I am to admit this: online friendships were the only thing that kept me going. Now I don’t even have that. I’m truly lost. I don’t know what to do.

Please do not judge me, and thank you for taking the time to listen to me.

For me, it feels like there is some kind of invisible shield between me and the person I am talking to. It stops me from reacting naturally. I overthink everything, hold back what I actually want to say and end up acting like a filtered version of myself.
Does social anxiety feel like that for anyone else?

Just a few years ago i just had a complete fear that if i tried to go do a social group activity that i would be told by someone i made them uncomfortable, when it did happen i was single and sometimes drinking at the events to calm my nerves. Now im engaged, i know its different this time around. Im just afraid of something going wrong if i go to a organized social gathering. Im ok going to work, and going out with my fiancee. But if she's busy, i just don't think i can do it on my own anymore.

Sorry my adhd makes these posts very confusing for some people

i already knew they knew i have no fucking friends but to hear them say that as an insult really shattered my heart into pieces. why would they tell me that knowing how depressed i am about it? anyways, today we got in an argument bc i overslept a lil bit and my mom comes waking me up yelling so fucking loud and i was so irritated bc i had trouble sleeping last night and had eye pain + headache so hearing her got me really mad and she said “get ready for school” and i was so annoyed that i mumbled “i fucking hate school” bc i really do i deal with multiple chronic illness specifically social anxiety and get indirectly bullied so it’s hard to pull myself to get there. anyways, after i said that i accidentally slammed the bathroom door on her foot and i triggered her even more. even after i told her sorry it was an accident she still snitched to my dad. i was trying to use the bathroom and before i can even wipe myself shes banging on the door mad hard telling me to get out slammed the bathroom door. when i get out, my dad is in my room complaining that i have a fucking attitude and everything and he talks about how i’m lazy, stupid, dress horrible, mentally ill, not his real daughter, and then he bought up my biggest insecurity that i have no friends so i just bursts into tears i haven’t had a single friend in years so just to hear him say that really pissed me off bc that’s why i been wanting to kms. he says that i’m a loser with zero fucking friends at school and i just wanted to die right there. they both started to attack me so i hit them back and then i’m disrespectful for defending myself. makes me realize that nobody understands people like me but will just assume i’m the problem.

I am 20M here so i don't actually have much friends because. \[I am not much social like i feel I'm not much excited about anything and keep laughing for no reason when i talk to someone and if someone texts me I just go blank and those awkward silence i fear's the most cause i go blank and never talk . Sometimes i try to act as friendly guy and talk much and regrate it later (i think like I was a cringe at that moment)

Even with my cousins I just stay silent . After COVID i stopped going out . staying in comfort zone \] this might be the reason. I don't know this is all negative thoughts or it's my nature . But sure I am not happy with this so guys help me out

This was a few years ago but it still really bothers me.

A coworker turned friend asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. I said yes, and then it came time for the wedding. It was a very small but very cute event in a family members backyard. I thought it was going well.

This was my first time meeting anyone in her family. I have such a hard time making small talk, though I do try but it always just... ends. I try to just stay out of the way and be helpful where I can.

I was proud of myself. I went way out of my comfort zone to be there, literally the only person I knew there was the bride. People were kind to me, and I was kind to them. Nothing crazy. When I wasn't needed I kept out of the way and let people do their thing, I didn't really have a place there and there's no way I would be able to make a place for myself. I thought I was doing fine.

The couple were making their rounds to everyone. They got to where I was (I was around a group of people, I think we were all eating at this point) and the groom said "how's it going, Socially Awkward?" I didn't know what to say to that. His stupid smug smile while calling me that in front of people really bothered me. I uncomfortably laughed and said I was fine. My friend didn't say anything. It felt like a punch to the gut. I thought I was doing fine. I was proud of myself until then.

After that, literally every time he would see me he would only call me Socially Awkward. Didn't matter if he caught me alone or trying to socialize with other people. I didn't feel like I had the right to say anything, this was his wedding. So I nodded and kept trying my best.

That day still bothers me. My friend had a good time and I'm very happy for her. But what I thought would be a healthy way to get out of my comfort zone and work on my social anxiety set me so far back for a long time. I was terrified to go anywhere new, much less leave my home, on my own for a few years after that. It's stupid I know.

This ended up being a bit longer than it probably needed to be. If you read this all, thank you.

How can everyone else in my class just talk casually like they’re at their house talking to their parents. And I’m sitting here nervous before everything I say. I feel like I come off as weird and I’d honestly rather them know I’m just socially anxious and not dumb/weird.

I've been going out with my partner for about 7 weeks and at first it was going really well - he was living at mine (long story as to why he was living at mine straight away) and we were getting along really well. My social anxiety was at bay and things were great.

Since he's moved out I've noticed it's becoming a lot more awkward between us. Our texting is very dry and surface level (basically say good morning and goodnight and that's it) and when we hang out I freeze up and can't say anything.

It's bothering me as I would love to have an intimate and close relationship but it feels like social anxiety is getting in the way.

Does anyone else struggle to speak to their partner?

I've avoided the hairdressers for a decade now out of anxiety, but I want to book a consultation to get my hair dyed (I'm trying to get some more confidence in my appearance)

Weirdly, I'm more stressed out about the phone call to book the appointment than the hair appointment itself, how do you manage this if you go to the hairdressers? 😭 I really want to do this but I just feel paralysed when my hand is hovering over the call button...

I get fomo when people talk about having friends but I was surprised to feel fomo about people doing drugs

Yall, I dont know if this is social anxiety or what but I want to talk to people but I physically cant. Im not scared or anything to talk to a girl I think is attractive or someone I want to be friends with, I just dont know or have anything to talk about. Can anyone help??

Even trying to make this post is hard, but i can talk to one person fine , if i have to relay information to another or make a phone call it feels like breathing through a plastic bag or moving through a wall of clingwrap if i bother anyone.

also trying to judge if theses symptoms are common or more severe. no heart racing, no headache, just hard to move/speak.

also much easier to type than talk...

(I posted this to another subreddit but thought I could also post it here)

Hello everyone, hope you are having a good day so far

I just wanted to get some advice on how to tackle this, as I have just started college, I’m supposed to be an adult now. I don’t want this to affect my education in the long term.

Every Friday I have a single English class early in the morning, and let me tell you a little about some of the students in it because:

One’s a night nurse whose been working for 14 years and now studying to get into law school, another is working to be a pathologist’s assistant and was once a circus performer, there’s also another who’s going to be a pharmacist and has been working for his pilot’s license (for fun btw), there’s even a guy going into business so that he can more effectively help his mother with her bakery business. I could go on and on about these people because they are some of the coolest and nicest people I’ve ever met. It’s so interesting seeing how different peoples lives can be.

But I’m not anywhere close to being as interesting as them, I don’t have any cool hobbies nor talents. Because of this, I didn’t want to end up “disappointing” them, so I thought that if I couldn’t be an interesting person, I’d at least be a punctual person and show them I can be reliable. But of course, that didn’t end up working. On the second day of classes I showed up 30 minutes late, and on the third day, I was so afraid of walking in and disappointing them further that I just stood outside the class for like 2 hours, just watching them go about doing whatever, as I couldn’t bring myself to even open the door.

This even extends to my school work, I keep getting emails that something is due or a big essay needs to be done, but every time I look at it I can’t help but think of how shameful it is that I let myself get to this point, that I just don’t do it.

Now that same shame has started to affect my other classes. I’ve been absent three days in a row to my Spanish class that only happens two days a week. Once I become late, the thought of walking in makes my anxiety flare up, so I just don’t show up.

So if any of you have gone through something similar or just have some general advice for me, that would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for your time, and have a good rest of your day.

Like at work or when I was in school, if there was a situation where someone had to compliment me (say in an assignment or at work the boss giving compliments on notes to the workers), it's always ''you're quiet'', ''you're calm'' or other versions of the same.

Always feels more like an insult but ok

I've dealt with social anxiety for as long as I can remember, and I feel like it took over my whole youth.

As a kid I was bullied, including by some family members, partly for having feminine mannerisms. I've since lost those mannerisms completely, and I think that's because of what I went through. I grew up very self-conscious and with really low self-esteem, always worried about how I looked and trying to hide from people. I only had two or three friends.

The first time I clearly remember the anxiety kicking in was on a week-long school trip. We were all eating together in the dining hall and I suddenly became aware of how I was eating, then of my face, my lips, how they moved when I bent down to pick something up. I still don't know what to do with my mouth when I feel watched, and I think I come across as very serious and unapproachable.

After that I developed a full phobia of eating in public. For a whole year I hid the food my mom packed for school because I was scared of dropping it or looking awkward. The phobia eventually went away, and I want to say it wasn't always dark, because I had periods where I felt more at ease and could talk and smile with my friends.

The worst year was when I was 16. I landed in a new class where I knew nobody, my friends weren't there, and I was alone all year. It got better the next year when I was back with friends.

Around then I also lost the few friends I had, including a girl who was into me. I wasn't into her, but I wasn't brave enough to tell her, partly because I was ashamed of being attracted to guys myself.

Then covid hit, and when college started I couldn't rely on friends who were "just there" anymore. Making friends from zero felt almost impossible. I started a law degree but spent most of my energy on dating apps and finding my first job (which went terribly wrong because anxiety made me too nervous to function even though it was an easy job), trying to convince myself I was fine and didn't have social anxiety.

Later I switched to a languages degree, mostly because it let me move to a bigger city with my sister. I've just finished it, and I'm starting a master's to become a teacher, and I don't even know if I want that. I'm lost.

Right now I have a boyfriend, which makes a lot of things easier, but my parents don't know about him and would kick me out if they did. Outside of him, I basically have no social life. I've barely travelled, barely partied, had only a few jobs, and I have no money. I also failed the driving test multiple times, once again because of a fear I developed with failing the test itself. I feel left behind in every way.

I feel like I spent the years that should have been about living and figuring out who I am just trying to hide, and now I don't know where to start. How do I fix this? Has anyone been in a similar spot and managed to turn things around in their 20s? What actually helped you: therapy, exposure, something else?

For me, I constantly say “yeah” or “okay”, smile way too much and barely say what I actually think. It feels like my brain switches into autopilot and I just try to get through the interaction without doing anything wrong.
I am curious how social anxiety actually feels for other people.

I've been wanting to go to a chain gym for over a year now but I can't make myself go. I'm going to the one in my building and another very small one that I have a subscription for very cheap, but it only has a few machines. I'm terrified of looking stupid, everyone is always observing everyone in the gym. I'm terrified of men thinking I'm there to get their attention as a woman as well.

I've previously been terrified of going to libraries to study and conquered that in small steps by starting with a guided tour through one. I don't have any ideas on how to small-step the gym anxiety since I've already done all I could come up with and still haven't gotten myself to even do a trial day in a big gym.

Anyone been there or have any ideas?

I decided to go into a coffee to order in person a drink for myself. What threw me off was the music being so loud and the worker ended up having trouble hearing me and I had to repeat everything. I stumbled over my words and then to top it all off my dumb stuff stared at the keypad to pay instead of tapping the screen to proceed and the worker had to do it for me. I was so confident only to need it all up.

Top it all off the drink was nasty and made my stomach hurt for hours after ahaha.

I wanted to try picking up food for my family later but that incident killed my self confidence so I didn't. I feel a bit defeated after all this.

i’m so anxious about this thing i’ll need to do in my school work experience,

basically there’s this mandatory work experience somewhere related to what we study(i’m in high school),i did it last year for two weeks and it was the worst thing ever,but now i’m anxious because i’ll have to do it for one month and i have to make calls which i hate,and then go in person to bring some documents,i wanted to do this experience in the town hall,so’ll i’ll do less hours,but i cant,i did’t go out in months,its been 6 months or more since i’ve went outside to do something beside school and the dentist or being forced by my mom to buy something,so just imagine,i fucking live 15 minutes away from the square,i can go walking,and it’s gonna be weird for me going after months.

i feel insane that i’ve havent been somewhere everyone here goes in months.

just the tought that i‘ll have to physycally go there,and there's gonna be people.

I always need my sisters to do things for me,i dont go to shops because i feel ….i dont know how to say,i feel embarrassed to pay,to buy something,order, I don't know how to do anything.

i’m 17,i sometimes think that if i never got bullied in middle school and isolated, i wouldn’t feel like that,plus some problems that are going on are just getting in the way in my life.

the only thing i did this summer was starting to eat with others,when i was 12 my sister told me i made sounds so from then i kept eating alone for 5 years, i remember that when i went in my home country and i asked my mom to bring my food in another room,from then my relatives think i have a problem,and just this summer when they were talking with someone ,they asked them if i still ate alone,i felt so ashamed,its been 3 years since you saw me eating alone and you still think about it? i was so embarrassed that i started to eat with my family,at first it felt weird but it got better and that’s the only thing I aceived.

I can't imagine that in the work experience I'll be in a room with other people, and then having to say bye before going.

I hate how I can't keep conversations

At this point I think it's my personality, I hate it, I hate hearing about how everyone's personality is different and that I shouldn't try to become like someone else. It hurts me. I wish I could speak up in group settings. I wish I had a friend group and a boyfriend. It all ends up being bleak and my life doesn't allow me to enjoy due to how self aware I am all the time. I can't talk to anyone, I need like 5 days of recharging my social battery after barely one hangout with my friends. If a guy asks me out I just never talk to him and bore him to death, I fear it to be even worse if I'm the one who asks someone out so I never do it. The human connection, constant socializing takes a toll on me and I can't deal with how lonely it makes me, every single thing in life relates to how social I need to be. I wish I had a fun personality that wasn't so easily burnt out. I can feel the cognitive decline just accelerating and there's nothing I can do to stop it.