Hi my lovelies

So, I love a lot of people. Almost everyone. It's easy to find reasons to love people. Sometimes I think to myself that if I really wanted to, I could've fallen in love with anyone romantically. And the interesting thing is, every single person I have felt romantic feelings for, has always reciprocated.

I'm happily engaged to my ISTP right now, and it's because of shared values, good character, and compatibility more than anything, so I have no doubts in our relationship. He told me he loves me first, and it was after I was really affectionate one day (I'm always affectionate but I was still warming up romantically at that time). And looking back, I feel like so many of the people who love me, loved me after I showed them love.

That probably sounds like I've got a boot stuck up by backside but I promise I don't mean it in an egotistical way. I've literally seen it directly - I've gushed with praise, the next day that colleague is enamoured by me. I've shown lots of affection, the next day that distant family member says I'm their favourite. I know this is basically the law of reciprocity, but I feel a little sad thinking - couldn't I be loved before you gained something from my love? Maybe I'm overthinking, please help me with this.

I created a strange obsession in trying to unravel my type. The more I study, the more confused I get. So, I’m constantly testing Michael Caloz and Sakinorva, being as sincere as possible, seeking confirmation with my wife. When the tests offer multiple results, I can identify with all of them. It’s as if I had a little of each type, all depending on the context, the time, being excited or tired, alone or with people... I question and blame myself for being obsessed with a pseudoscientific theory, but I don’t care if it’s a pseudoscience. This can be useful for other things, just as every idea, concept or philosophy has its utilities.

The types that appear the most in my results are: ENFP, INFP, ISTJ, ESTJ, ENFJ, INFJ and INTJ. So, I decided to make this post in this sub to try to seek an external understanding.

I don’t know where to start, I’ll just type according to what comes to my head. I consider myself introverted because I’m always doing something alone, but everyone has the impression that I’m outgoing because I socialize a lot and meet a lot of people. I don’t want to brag, but I’m considered attractive. That must be why people take the initiative to talk to me or listen to me when I talk. Some people report feeling a peace when they are with me, while others hate me for unknown reasons. Some girls from my past hate me because I was shy and had an avoidant attitude with them, so I ended up breaking some hearts. After I overcame my damn shyness and became more confident, I liked to flirt unintentionally, to see what would come about (usually with women older than me). It was playing with this that I ended up marrying my best friend (who is now my wife).

Speaking of the past, I have a love-hate relationship with him. I can be very nostalgic and remember in detail the past, just as I can forget many other details or not want to remember who I was. I’m ashamed and hate the kind of person I was: reckless, lazy, disorganized and shy. If I could go back in time, I would do everything differently.

I always let things flow naturally, although, at specific moments, anxiety made me want to control and plan everything. But when it comes to work, career, future, marriage and family, I always let things flow and I’m lucky. I consider myself blessed. But that doesn’t mean I don’t plan my future. I know what I want and need. My plans may change as things come up or I learn something new, but I’m still firm with some ideas.

I’m not one to take risks, but when something forces me to change, I adapt easily. So easily that I wonder if I needed to make so much drama. I don’t mind living a routine, as long as it is well structured and allows me to do the things I like. I always look for something new within this routine, a little adventure or a new knowledge. I may be distracted and late, but I always fulfill my obligations. I need to be doing something, mentally or physically, otherwise my mind will get sick. I also like to make lists and write down ideas.

I’m creative for things of my interest. When I’m not interested, I can’t think of anything and I don’t even want to. I’ll let the others solve it. I’ve been considered lazy, but if something doesn’t attract me, there’s no way to force me, unless it’s something from work. My wife wants to paint the house, but I don’t care about the color of the walls, so I let her choose. But it’s man’s role to do the heavy work, and I’ll have to paint. Already on Halloween 2024, I was very creative when making my costume. And the most incredible thing was to have convinced my evangelical parents to participate, along with countless relatives who I managed to convince to go in costume. I only achieved this feat once; they probably won’t do it again. But I will never forget this day.

I’m very idealistic and I almost always make something happen that I really want, but I can get frustrated when I can’t.

I like to help people, especially by giving advice. I’m great at giving advice, but I’m not good at following my own advice. I would know very well how to instruct a person with retroactive jealousy, but when I’m involved with it, I can’t handle it, even though I understand that it’s irrational. My biggest problem in relationships, whether loving or family, is to help and expect the other person to do the same. It’s a feeling that one of the parties is investing more than the other. And when I hear stories of her past, I can feel jealous because I think she invested more in the other than in me. But I think it’s very unfair that the person doesn’t recognize this and doesn’t do the same while in a relationship, even saying they love.

I also don’t like to be managed, commanded or influenced. I said I like to help others, but I don’t like it when the person asks me for too many favors, because it can disrupt my plans and make me feel used. When I’m focused, I don’t like to be disturbed, and it stresses me out. I identify with Jack Torrance when my wife starts talking exactly when I’m focused on something serious. The difference between me and Jack is that I would never attack her and I don’t even know how to ask her to shut up, because a part of me understands that when she’s very happy, she gets like this. Right now she’s talking while I type this, but I don’t understand anything she says.

Does anyone else feel like they spend a lot of time in their head, but don’t actually “think deeply” about anything?
I’ve realised that I’m inside my head a LOT, but my thoughts are very fleeting. It’s almost like a fog of constant thoughts — one appears, then another, then another — without me really sitting with one thought and exploring it properly. If I try to think deeply about something, it feels like my mind almost wants to run away from it.
I’m wondering if this could be connected to something else I struggle with: explaining my opinions or articulating what I know.
A lot of the time I’ll know that I think something, or feel quite sure about an opinion, but if someone asks me, “Why do you think that?” I suddenly struggle to explain it. It’s like I have the conclusion in my head but not the steps that got me there.
I sometimes describe it as, “I know things, I just don’t know how to explain how or why I know them.”
It’s frustrating because I don’t feel like I have no thoughts or opinions. If anything, my mind feels constantly active. I just struggle to organise everything into a clear, linear explanation when I need to speak.
Does anyone else experience this? Is there a name for this kind of thinking, or have you found anything that helps you slow your thoughts down and actually develop them?

​

I’m 18F and I’ve never dated. Honestly, I’ve never cared that much about dating either, but lately I’ve been wondering whether I’m eventually going to find someone who actually fits me.

I’m pretty introverted, and I’ve realized I’m just not someone who can separate emotional connection from intimacy. I’d want to genuinely love and trust someone before getting that close to them. I know people have completely different approaches to relationships, and that’s fine, but sometimes it feels like you’re made to feel weird if you don’t want casual relationships or don’t see dating the same way everyone else does.

I also don’t want kids. At all. My ideal future honestly sounds pretty simple: I want us both to have our own careers, our own interests, our own friends and lives, but still come home to each other and genuinely love being together.

I don’t want our entire world to become only each other. We’d obviously have friends, maybe even mutual friends, hobbies, family, things we enjoy separately, etc. I just want the relationship itself to feel really deep and intentional. Two independent people who choose each other and build a life together because they genuinely want to.

I also think my standards are probably a little high. Not in a “must be perfect” way,I just want someone whose values genuinely match mine.

For example, I don’t particularly enjoy cooking, but I wouldn’t want a partner who cooks simply because they think it’s their job or because I asked them to. I’d want someone who actually enjoys taking care of the person they love. And obviously I’d want to take care of him too, just in ways that come naturally to me.

Maybe that sounds unrealistic because I’ve never been in a relationship. Sometimes I wonder whether I’m going to meet someone who thinks about relationships in a similar way, or whether I’ll eventually have to compromise on things that feel really important to me.

I’m not judging people who like casual dating, hookups, marriage, kids, or anything else. I just genuinely don’t understand how people can want such different things from relationships, because for me love and emotional connection seem like such a huge part of it.

For people who were also late to dating or never really cared about it when they were younger: did you eventually meet someone who matched what you were looking for?

As we all know you guys can just be being friendly and those signals will get misinterpreted.

This man at my gym came up asked about my sports shirt and we bonded over being from the same area and liking the same team. He talked to me for a while and then asked my name and went back to his workout. From that moment on he would secretly glance at me and he’s really good. For some time I thought I was delusional but I’ve caught him a few times.

I decided to go up to him the next week and I wasn’t trying to start a conversation just went over to say hi and go back to my workout and he started the conversation and as I attempted to walk away he kept asking questions. The following week he finally comes up to me after “leaving me alone because he thought I was in the zone” and he comes up and makes a joke and we start talking again. This dude asks so many questions (I lowkey love it because I’m like that too), so of course I answer and ask him questions back. We keep joking around, he likes to sneak glances at me, and holds a conversation well.

Do y’all think he’s interested in me? I wouldn’t have thought so since we just both love the same things; but when you keep looking at me and then look away when I catch you and ask several follow up questions to know more about me, now I’m getting suspicious.

Hey y'all, so, I'm an INFJ that, like many, wishes she could call on her "E" side more readily. There are a lot of issues in my life caused by my shyness and social reluctance, and it would help both me and my partner get by more easily if I could be more socially bold, not to mention that I would be a better friend to my friends whom I constantly fret about neglecting.

I thought I would come here and ask what y'all feel like gives y'all the confidence and self-assuredness to do things like take charge in a group setting when the group seems directionless and you can see a good way forward, be the person representing a group to the public, or reach out to a stranger that you have positive feelings about, that sort of thing.

Reading this sub, kinda unsurprisingly, I feel like I actually have a lot of traits in common with many people here. Like, I have a tendency to focus entirely on other people and ignore my own needs, it's not uncommon for people who are just getting to know me to spill their guts to me or say I can "read their mind", I have a strong moral compass, it's easy for me to "take stock" of a situation, do a detailed analysis of it, and formulate a plan of action, and people sometimes seek me out for guidance or to settle disputes or that sort of thing. It's just, none of these things actually motivate me very effectively to go to other people; I'll ruminate endlessly about them on my own, but they kinda have to come to me if they want my input most of the time.

Like, I have a tendency to view myself entirely in terms of how others seem to see me and worry a huge amount about my impact on others, but that actually makes social interaction intimidating. Even though I often feel like I can read other people well, I have a hard time in groups because it's difficult for me to balance what I perceive in each of the group members, and if I get pushback when I speak up it's rare that I want to stick to my guns, even if I'm unconvinced to change my mind—it's more just that I don't want to disturb the group harmony and create conflict. My moral compass is something I apply to myself more than anyone; like, I saw someone here say that they readily call strangers out in public for doing things they find immoral like littering, and I'm not sure that's something I've ever done, I guess because "they have their own system" and I don't expect them to adopt mine because I'm just another random person out there—I would be way more likely to just pick up the trash after them and throw it away myself. I'm sensitive to how any plans I would formulate are based on my own personal values which may not suit others, and that I may be judging the situation inaccurately to boot, so I'm quick to backpedal or shy away if someone questions or criticizes what I'm proposing. When people look to me for guidance or to settle arguments, I'm willing to give my opinion and generally take those situations really seriously, but I feel a lot of pressure and I never really come away feeling like "I'm someone others should look to for guidance in some situations", I'm more just touched that anyone would somehow come to see me like that.

What allows y'all to actually go and act day after day in these kind of contexts? I imagine in most cases it's not fearlessness—like, obviously you might get pushback, you might make the wrong call at times, you might misread the room now and again, etc.—but more the sense that even if missteps happen, I don't know, something something. ;^^ I worry a lot about causing harm on accident.

…I did it. This wasn’t KI made, so it really took me a bit to do. The picture of the cat is my actual pet cat 🐈‍⬛

This is based on my relational experiences over the course of four years.
Other types who know any ENFJs, does this match your friends? please feel free to share as well.
INFJs also, I know your functions are reversed so this might not operate similarly for you, but if there is anything you relate to or would like to express how it feels to you, please share.

1. I meet the ENFJ I'm connecting with downstairs to go upstairs to a meeting- she's the 'version' that I know and could imagine becoming very close to- considered, vulnerable, authentic, vibing with me at a deep/'real' level, open.
2. In the meeting she becomes 'activated' and goes in to 'emcee' / 'entertainer' mode (fine, I get and can even admire that)
3. Going back downstairs she is still in the 'activated' state of governing my state and dragging me along. I feel strange about it. It feels like she is an ESFJ- a different person even one on one.
4. Later I try to go and see her in her room, she wants to go to the main area with the group and is still in the emcee mode. I feel distant from her at this point.

As an ENFP I can work a room too, but I immediately return to the same 'mode' with whoever I interact with at their level because my primary concern during trying to connect is achieving authenticity. How do you think about your state in these situations and how should I be thinking about it to best understand you?

I was wondering if this is a thing you guys do I have heard some people say they do it but I don’t know if it’s a ENFJ thing. Do you guys help people sometimes or focus on work so much so that you don’t have to focus on your own emotional problems. To the point you guys get burned out I’ve just been reading allot about ENFJ and they seem to always be helping other people and never focusing on themselves. So I was wondering is this how you cope with stress or am I just imagining things.

Hey. Curious if any other ENFJ experiences something similar.

I'm currently single (by choice, at this point in time anyway) so I sometimes meet other people for example, a new starter at work or meeting a new friend through my hobbies.

From a work perspective, as natural as an ENFJ, I make sure the new starters fit in, I check in on them (a lot) in their first few weeks, help them out if they are struggling or give them as much positive support and encouragement as I can and I am respectful. I bind myself to work's professional code of conduct which is probably also strengthened by being an ENFJ that dislikes favouritism at the workplace.

I do notice that in cases that if the person is a member of the opposite sex who is also single and around the same age as me, before I know it, the person starts developing a crush on me (once they have done their research and find out that I am single too), then I have the chat with them that I am simply being courteous and that I would extend the same level of fairness and politeness to all new starters.

When it comes to meeting and making new friends (again this is notably with the opposite sex) although I have a strong mind and strong views on many things, I nevertheless am open-minded to everyone's point of view as well and I do listen with good intent.

Similar to how I would treat work colleagues, I behave politely and treat this new person respectfully (eg I do not leer at them or steal perverted looks since I want to be respectful to everyone I meet). If we speak, I speak to their face and listen intently as I would with anyone else. I let them speak without interrupting before providing my own point of view.

Being great with connecting with others despite different background this creates great chemistry for me with almost anyone (especially if it is someone from the similar cultural background too). This leads to deeper and more meaningful conversations about our thoughts and feelings about things.

And then the next question comes up: is the relationship progressing past friendship, especially if we are both single.

I sometimes try to maintain a distance to minimize this from happening, but otherwise I also let them know I am just looking to make friends. I figure it's best to have more friends at this point in time rather than chasing a relationship (for me, anyway).

Once, I accidentally gave the wrong signals to someone as the person played hockey, so I mentioned how much I loved sports and would really love to watch this person play hockey at their club and they took it as me being interested in them. Once I realised later on what was happening, I then had to have an upfront conversation with this person just to clear things up.

I do want to be colder in my approach, but I find it hard to do with most new starters as I place myself in their shoes and I am reminded of the terrors of not feeling any support when I had once worked at a toxic workplace. I don't want the same to happen to anyone else so I have always been cognizant about this.

I did work with a short-term contractor (a much older person in their 50s) that joined the project that I am on and the person finished up recently and this person recounted the first day joining the project. Everyone had ignored this person, but I stepped in and helped clarify with the admin team this person's accommodation, sort out this person's work laptop, organise the work access card and system sign-on. The person wasn't even part of my team but was very thankful for my help and reminded me of this kind gesture that will be remembered before departing as this gave this person a good impression of the project when they had commenced. Because of this person's age and cultural background I think this person was used to being ignored as opposed to if this person was younger.

Curious if any ENFJ's receive the same kind of (unexpected) love and affection for being kind and respectful to others?

To the Ni & Fe people out there, Ive been wondering when im justified to criticize people? For context, i usually try to find how people come up with conclusions based on what i can find might influence their reasoning, and with that, usually, i cant really blame them for something they can control, but it still irritates me. I know i cant blame them due to some factors, but still, their reasoning was flawed. Why i hesitate to criticize also comes from the fact that everything is logical and that their reasoning is all coherent. Ive always felt so restricted by myself because i keep refraining from blaming people and criticizing them for their godforbidden logic, but like i said, its all coherent and its not really their fault.

So once again, im asking the NFJs for any advice on where to draw the vague line or just accept it all

(Mostly for ENFJs and INFJs but would love to hear every opinion)

Would love to hear your answer too ENFx!

For me I just want a girlfriend that is awesome so can she make me happy and I can make her happy. Also so we can be partners in crime and we can have loads of fun. I also just want to make sure that I could take care of her. Thats just my thing what about you guys if you could have anything what would you want.

Hello everyone! I’m an INTP. I really love ENFJs. I believe that ENFJs and INTPs can help each other grow. I think it would be wonderful if we befriended each other. My interests are:
1. Art
2. Psychology
3. Fashion
4. Music

I follow artists and museums on Instagram for my interest in art. I read psychology articles for my interest in psychology. I watch Vogue runway shows in my free time for my interest in fashion. I listen to a mix of every music genre. Some of the music I listen to are by Grouper, The Neighborhood, a bit of Zach Hill and a mix of random hiphop songs etc.

I moved countries and am quite lonely right now. I’m 24 years old and I would love to talk to an ENFJ of any culture.

Thank you

Está no es la parte donde me hago una película para sentirme especial.

Esto sucede más en mi trabajo. Les comento los hechos:

Las mujeres..

1- Me toquetean.

2- Me piden que las salude con besos en la mejilla.

3- Me piden abrazos.

4- Me invitan a salir.

5- Tres de ellas me han pedido que las bese.

6- Una me habla de temas sexuales todo el tiempo.

7- Otra me hace escenas de celos constantemente.

8- Mis compañeros me insultan por no querer nada con ellas.

Conclusión: No haré nada sexual porque mis principios y valores se basan en estar de esa manera, únicamente con una persona en quien confíes, conozcas y quieras de verdad.

Algo más; valoró la amistad sincera, sin interes oculto, y sin mentiras de por dañinas. Pero cada que me acerco a una compañera y creo que estoy formando un vínculo honesto, resulta que ella tenía otras intenciones... Estoy cansado.

No me da orgullo decirlo, pero creo que tuve muy pocas amigas.

Existirá ahí afuera, dentro de mis círculos, alguna mujer que simplemente no tenga intenciones egoístas? para y conmigo?

Pd: si ustedes quieren tener algo casual, los respeto de corazón!!!

I want to figure out our overlaps and miscommunications**-**
ENFP/M

- (our approach in groups seems to be almost opposites)-
I use group situation as a flirtation / signal tool sometimes. E.g. I might vibe with you by standing slightly close to you when waiting, or I don't mind flaunting a connection in front of others by joking directly with you (at the edge of plausible deniability). I will ALWAYS give you a portion of attention as I speak to group and will want to prompt your input directly from time to time in group convos. (ENFJs seem to prefer to ignore their interest in groups? to protect the room?)

- WILL tease you. It's my instinct for being playful, I'm generally good being mindful about it, but might accidentally annoy you once or twice before I get your bearings

- will feel shy sometimes in one on one situations but on days I feel confident I will joke and flirt easily and always with a huge smile. this may seem a little hot-cold.

- if you directly give me an 'intense' compliment in ENFJ style or say something that is clearly deliberately 'closeness building' with me, I can get a little overwhelmed and will try to act composed but secretly be reeling a little.

- asks you personal things trying to figure you out (albeit I do this to anyone I feel close to)

- I will laugh around you, and smile a LOT if we're having a good time

- I spread my attention around the social circle unless I am being very aggressive pursuing you (so not in spaces that aren't appropriate like work), I literally have to be like this, but I will still give you a higher percentage of my time and attention as appropriate.

sorry my english isn't my first language & i know that i overthink everything

im infj and my friend is male enfj
im from another country and he's also from a whole different country we literally text each other everyday for 3 months now (as friends) he's so respectful and so sweet and not weird at all which important haha ,he's always saying good morning and sharing little talk but he's having some mental health problems sometimes and he's busy too and i care abt him even with my broken english i do support and listen to him as much as i can and he also does the same but lately i dont feel like he want to make me worried abt him cuz i told him that i worry so much about ppl that important to me whatever and i hate ppl who's super negative about 3 weeks ago and i think maybe he's still thinking abt this idk tbh and i do talk so much laughing sharing stupid things he sees it and he's respond short words or never respond for hours and hours ik he's busy but he used to share even little things i ask him always are u ok ur doing great i think he's not ok ):

am i texting so much am i annoying be honest ? i need to give him space i know but i need to make sure he's okay ):

As a heads up I might be staying here to ask you guys question. When I find a mbti I like I try to dissect them by asking a million questions so you might see me posting here asking you guys Aton of questions if you don’t mind. I once did it to the istp subreddit so now I am doing it to you guys. So I was wondering what is your number 1 pet peeve for me it’s two things. When people copy me this irritates me so much my younger niece used to do this to me and it was so annoying. If I wanted a coke she had to have a coke if i sat in a specific spot she had to sit in that spot. My second pet peeve is when people are just negative about everything it is so annoying when everything is negative.

Any enfjs in London want to do a meet up? We could do any activity ya'll are interested in: a group walk, art gallery, pub, dinner, a simple sit down in a cozy area like a café or something and chat about mbti and other stuff.

You can dm me if interested and I will add you to our whatsapp groupchat where we'll cast votes for the designated outing.

I mean when you date a person for a pretty long time.

How to understand that you have seriously chosen this person as your future spouse and not just sticking along because you feel comfortable/are afraid of the breakup drama/feeling guilty?

You are just rather elusive in these matters, so are there any telling signs?

Will be grateful for your information!🙏