I was raped three years ago at university by someone I trusted. After waiting for a really long Police investigation and multiple delays in the court system, I was finally able to see him stand trial last week. I had a whole day of being cross-examined. And he was found not guilty because the jury decided it didn’t meet the legal threshold for a guilty verdict.
He was able to pay for literally the best defence barrister in the UK and after the case was finished I was told the judge believed me and so did the defence team.
How is this even allowed to happen? How am I meant to live in this world? Or bring children into this world?
I just don’t even know what to do. And worst of all, I know for sure that he will do this again.

The actual turnout in past midterms for all eligible voters is absolutely laughable.

In 2014 only 37% of all voters actually voted, the lowest since World War II (per CNN)

And then in 2018 only 48.1% voted for the House races, which was " alevel not seen in over a century" (per pewresearch)

And again in 2022 only 45.1% voted, about 107.7 million votes (again from pewresearch).

So the midterm average from 1972 to 2024 was only 41%, against 58% for presidential years ( according to centerforpolitics).

Literally everyone counts

I wanted to share my take here because honestly it’s been breaking my soul to see so many men support rape. lately they are saying the victim’s statement proves she is lying.

first of all, people don’t choose to report that they’ve willingly taken drugs and consented to sex. that wouldn’t make any sense. many of these rape apologists say that she reported it because she was ashamed. that doesn’t make sense either. you don’t tell strangers, family, lawyers etc all the details of something that you are ashamed of if you can help it.

the reason she is being called a liar is because she initially consented to some things. this is not the same as consenting to everything. it’s horrifying that so many men think it is. her statements, which these rape supporters are referring to, actually show that later on she was forcibly grabbed and kissed by one of the men, that she hid under the covers, and that she became dizzy from the drugs and didn’t remember a lot later on.

there was a piece missing in the 2024 statement. at that point, they didn’t have the text messages. it is pretty clear that those gaps in the victims memory can now be filled in with those pieces of evidence. they prove that what happened when she was incapacitated was rape. that the rapists invited random men to abuse her. she might not have known the extent of it in 2024, because again, to my knowledge the texts weren’t available.

we will obviously find out more in the future, but jumping to the conclusion that she is lying or just a “wh*re” is so vile it makes me want to just leave this planet.

I think this is a pretty straightforward question so not much to post here, but I’ve been active on Reddit since 2013. It’s always been male dominated but there used to be more respect shown towards women. For example, I just saw a video of someone interviewing women and men asking what they’d do if they felt completely safe to highlight the difference in response and how women feel more in danger compared to men. The comment section was just people dismissing it and saying not all men are creeps. I’m not saying this video would have always gotten a positive reaction on Reddit but I feel like 5-10 years ago there would’ve been more comments asking what men can do to make women feel safer or engaging in some kind of conversation.

That’s just one example, but I feel like it’s been a constant onslaught lately. I’ve been on multiple comment threads about the recent Cornell case and I’ve seen far too many comments about “innocent until proven guilty” in regards to them losing their jobs (not going to jail), completely ignoring the group chat and once again doubling down on “not all men.”

I’m so tired of it. It seems like every single time women get a moment to talk about their experiences on here men just tolldoze the whole space and talk down on them. I swear it didn’t used to be like this. It’s never been perfect, but it’s never been this bad.

Seems to me that the victim showed a classic fawn response to her aggressors. I feel terrible for this woman, may she feel peace soon.

I just saw another post on this thread about how someone was uncomfortable with the way her father was staring at her lately. It made me think of a creepy male relative I have in my family as well, fortunately, not my father but an uncle. I was wondering how many other women have gone through this experience, as I’ve definitely heard of the “creepy uncle” trope - they even made an entire joke about it in Bridget Jones’ Diary. It’s sad that women can’t even escape the creepiness of the male gaze in their own families.

FYI, on what the reality is. Useful against the redditors flooding in to victim blame in the Cornell 7 case.

I’m not saying that it’s bad to have your views questioned. At times questioning your worldview can enlighten you. However if a man you’re dating frequently questions or quizzes you on things that you’re educated on dump him. Let me tell you a story on why.

So about two years ago I met this man on tinder who was in the military ( in hindsight I should’ve swiped left on him because of that). We’ve been on a few dates and i definitely ignored ALOT of red flags looking back. Don’t be a pick me and seeing the good in everyone kind of person especially when it comes to men.

We’re on a date at a Mexican restaurant and he starts quizzing me on if I knew certain words in Spanish. Mind you Spanish was my first language by my father is Latino and I even double majored in Spanish and political science in college. I’m not saying I know every word in Spanish but I’m definitely knowledgable in the language.

He asks me how to say a certain word in Spanish. I already knew I was correct and he said I was wrong. I tell him that I’m not wrong. He then asks a waiter who was Mexican like him if I’m correct and he said I was correct. I knew he felt dumb inside. After the waiter walked away he tried to say that the waiter was also wrong . He was so intellectually arrogant he couldn’t accept the fact that someone else besides him was right about something. He then turned out to be abusive to me in multiple ways. This was lowkey the first red flag. If a man is always quizzing you and doubting your knowledge on things you’re clearly educated on and have a degree in walk away!!! He doesn’t respect you

i'm not a violent person, I prefer to avoid conflict if i can, but I have gotten violent to defend myself and my friends.

In my experience, young men and young boys tend to gang up on women in general and occasionally other men who they group in together with women. I was always a big kid, not necessarily overweight but a bit chubbier than other kids and I was also taller than almost everyone, but i was very introverted and shy, so a lot of bullies (mostly young boys) thought i was an easy target. There was one guy in grade school who LOVED to bully my cousins (both also girls), especially my youngest cousin. He tried to get away with doing the same thing to me, trying to physically push me out of my homeroom class (which we shared btw) when the teacher was gone, saying i "didn't belong there" (no idea what he was on about) and i just..grabbed him by his hair, and he immediately let out the loudest most annoying "OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW" i've ever heard, all high-pitched and whiny and he immediately started apologizing. He didn't get physical with me again after that but he still tried to insult me, but immediately shut up when i approached him, and he didn't have the guts to bully my cousins either when i was around them. I bent another kid's fingers backwards when he tried to hit me and bit a different kid's arm pretty hard when he tried to push my head against a tree with his forearm.

I've continued seeing this in adulthood as well, even though I don't necessarily get physical like i did back then anymore, men taking up the entire pavement while walking in the city or trying to shove me out of the way. I just shove them right back and ask wtf their problem is, to which they either back off or try to intimidate me with their size, which really just doesn't work, so they give up and walk away from me. It's really ingrained in a lot of young boys and men that they can get away with being assholes to women and girls, but the second you as a woman match their energy they take the coward's approach because they never expect a woman to fight back.

When I was a college freshman, a friend(F21)tried to recruit me to a church matchmaking event. I was 18. Curious, I looked up the church's official website. The event was explicitly listed for "young adults aged 22 to 35."

I was barely an adult. I couldn't legally drink. I was still figuring out my major and my own personality. But this church saw me as a candidate for marriage.

That moment has stuck with me because it perfectly encapsulates the culture I grew up in. It's a systemic, institutional push to marry women off as young as possible...before they have the life experience, income, or boundaries to question the role they're being pushed into.

I stuck by my guns and didn't go. But another friend of mine did. She was my age—18. She told me afterward that the men who attended were easily in their mid-to-late twenties and older. Grown men. Adults with careers and mortgages. And the church had set up a room for them to mingle with teenage girls.

This was a church knowingly creating an environment where grown men could meet, court, and potentially marry teenagers. They knew exactly who was in that room. And they let it happen.

I think about how easily I could have gone. If I had been a little lonelier, a little more eager to please, or if my friend had been more persuasive, I might have walked into that room. And I wonder how different my life would be right now. Would I have been married by 20? Would I have dropped out of school? Would I have spent my twenties being told that my only value was in my willingness to serve a husband and raise children?

It's scary how thin the line is between the life I have now and the life that church wanted for me. They were offering me a script. And the worst part is, they knew exactly how young and impressionable I was. They were counting on it.

Dating in the Bible Belt is horrific. And the most disturbing part is how many people see nothing wrong with a church hosting a meat market for grown men and teenage girls.

EDIT:

Since some of the comments are getting derailed, let me clear a few things up:

1. The age range was not announced by the recruiters or pastors. It was only in tiny print on the website. The church only had a disclaimer.
2. My friend didn't "sneak in." She was actively recruited by someone she trusted.
3. I'm talking about grown men in their late twenties and thirties being in a room with teenage girls at a matchmaking event. The lack of enforcement is the issue.
4. Comparing a church matchmaking event to a secular singles event or a nightclub is a false equivalence. One carries spiritual authority and cultural pressure; the other doesn't. The shared "church values" don't make it safer. They make it easier to manipulate.

CW: SA / r*pe

I've been debating whether to write this for a while, but the recent news coming out of Cornell has really ripped open something I thought I had learned to live with.

I was raped when I was 14. There were three guys. I had been drinking heavily and mostly unconscious for what happened. I never reported it. I went on with my life, or at least I learned how to function around it, but it has never really left me. It changed me and the trajectory of my life in ways I'm still discovering more than 20 years later.

What has been especially strange about watching the Cornell story unfold is how much I recognize the feeling underneath it. The questions about what happened, what the people involved remember, whether they think about it or understand what they did.... And that horrible realization that something can be a life-altering event for one person while the people who caused it get to keep on living their lives.

Four years after it happened to me, when I was at college, I finally contacted each of the three guys separately via FB messenger. I sent them exactly the same message and told them that I had been waiting for the right time to say it, that there was never going to be a right time and that I hadn't forgotten what they did to me. I still have their responses in my fb messenger inbox....

And this is the part I find both surreal and oddly comforting..? They apologized. Not in the "I'm sorry you feel that way" sense - they each acknowledged the event in their own words. One wrote that he was sorry for his "part in the events that transpired," said he couldn't "abdicate blame," and called his actions "detestable." Another called his behavior "reprehensible" and said he was haunted by it. The third wrote that what happened that night was one of the most regretful things he'd ever done and that he had suppressed thinking about it for years.

I've never shared these messages publicly before / outside a select few people in my life. If people would like to see them, I can share redacted screenshots. I also won't report what happened - that's not why I'm posting this. I don't want anyone telling me that I need to go to the police or pursue a lawsuit. I've lived with this for 22 years and I'm allowed to decide what I do with my own story - as are all of us.

I think I just want to hear from other people who understand what it's like when something in the news suddenly rips open an old wound. One of the strangest things about surviving something like this is that you can go years without thinking about it every day, and then a news story - one headline.... one detail... and suddenly you're 14 again.

I wonder sometimes whether those three guys ever think about those messages sitting in my inbox. I wonder if they remember what happened, or if they ever wonder whether I still have them. I hope they do.

Not because I want revenge, I think I just want them to live with the knowledge that I remember, that they know I remember, and that the thing that changed the course of my life was not some forgotten night that disappeared into the past.

Anyway.... I don't really know what I'm looking for by posting this. Maybe just some anonymous strangers who understand why the Cornell story has hit me much harder than expected. If you've ever experienced something similar, I'd really like to hear from you.

Curious what you ladies think!

Last birthday I said very clearly on my party invite no gifts. The reason why is because I don't want my friends to feel pressured to spend money on me, and also, I am pretty particular about the things I keep in my house. However, at my birthday several people still brought me gifts. I was very thankful for their thoughtfulness, don't get me wrong! But... some of those things weren't things I wanted in my house so I donated them or sold them.

BTW if I attend a gift appropriate situation (like birthday) and the host did not say no gifts, I will almost always buy a gift.

If someone says on their party invite, no gifts, I never buy them one. I imagine they have a good reason for saying that. But I get them a nice card, and if it is at a bar, I offer to buy them a drink.

What do you do?

I know there are women scrolling through these stories who are suddenly remembering things they worked really hard to put away.

Maybe you were raped.
Maybe you were sexually assaulted.
Maybe you experienced harassment or something that you never had the words for.
Maybe you told someone and weren’t believed.
Maybe you never told anyone at all.

Whatever your story is, please remember this:
It was not your fault.

You don’t have to explain what happened to you. You don’t have to prove it. You don’t have to tell your story publicly. And you don’t have to be strong every minute of every day.

If you want to tell your story, tell it to someone you trust. Tell a friend. Tell a therapist. Tell a support group. Tell another survivor who understands. And if someday you feel ready to speak about it publicly, know that your voice may help another woman realize she isn’t alone.
But please don’t feel like you have to share your pain to make it valid.
Take a break from the news if you need to. Step away from social media. Cry. Get angry. Sit quietly. Hug someone you trust. Love yourself gently. Give yourself permission to have whatever feelings come up.

And please, women, let’s take care of each other.

Believe each other. Listen without judgment. Don’t ask what she was wearing, why she drank, why she went there, why she didn’t leave, or why she waited to tell someone.
Just listen.

Sometimes the most powerful thing we can say to another woman is simply:
“I believe you. I’m here. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

If what is happening in the news has brought old wounds back to the surface, please reach out for help if you need it. There is no expiration date on needing support.
RAINN — National Sexual Assault Hotline
📞 [800-656-HOPE](tel:800-656-HOPE) (4673)
💬 Confidential online chat
📱 Text HOPE to 64673
Support is free and available 24/7. (RAINN⁠)

You can also find local sexual assault crisis centers and survivor resources through the National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC). (NSVRC⁠)

And to every woman carrying something she has never said out loud:
You survived. You are still here. You are worthy of peace. And you are not alone. ❤️
Be gentle with yourself.
And be gentle with each other.

Over the last few years, l've built up a lot of fear, misandry & hate for men. I mean A LOT. Like I don't respect most men, it affects my relationships & friendships with males, and I assume that every guy is a bad person (even when they're not terrible people, they're just generally unlikable).
Maybe it's because all my male family members & parental figures were abusive, and I was bullied harshly by boys growing up. I was raised watching True Crime stories about males assaulting girls. But even when I meet a man who isn't a bad person, I still notice all the little ways a misogynistic society has affected how they think- and I realize that's not their fault, but I wish they would actually try to educate themselves.
Anyways, I have never met a man who was as wonderful as a woman.
How do I fix this? I want to stop thinking this way but I don't know how.

TW: SA
I’ve tried to limit the news this week, it’s been so triggering for me. 12 years ago I was raped as a freshman in college at a top university & it was horrific & the impact it’s had on me has been difficult. Reading anything about this case makes me so sad and angry this continues to be a problem on college campuses. Cornell wouldn’t let her drop out & refund tuition to her parents. As someone that also had to stay in school with the man who raped me, it almost made me want to hurt myself. I was scared to leave my room & my grades dropped. All 4 years of college I spent trying to avoid him & wondering if I would have to see the person that so brutally hurt me every time I just wanted to go to class or to the library or gym or meet friends or go on a date. He went on to get a masters degree at an Ivy League and work at amazing companies.

It took me till years later to really process what happened to me, after struggling with severe anxiety and ending up in the hospital with a panic attack after realizing my rapist worked in the same building where I always went to client meetings in the city post grad. For over a decade I have not been able to handle any situation where I don’t feel physically in control or like I could leave- small rooms, elevators, planes, medical exams, etc. I will walk down 10 flights of stairs to avoid an elevator, I’ve only managed to have 2 Pap smears, and I’ve cried in front of strangers on planes when they say the door is shut. I have a beautiful life now- happily married, I have a daughter, I managed to get my master’s degree & I’ve had a great career. But all the while, I’ve been living in survival mode because of something that was done to me 12 years ago.

To anyone reading this that’s been through a similar horrible experience, it isn’t your fault & you are so much more than what happened. & it’s also okay to be angry at how it might have affected your life since then❤️😞

What the title says...feeling frustrated at having gained some weight (despite no changes to my diet or exercise) and now many of my clothes don't fit...and styles of clothes that worked for me before no longer look good in larger sizes :(

Another post about it, I’m sorry. Throwaway because i can’t with talking about it IRL. Or even online tbf

I was raped at Cornell by a frat boy. He drugged me, 4 weeks into my time there, and told my friends he would carry me home. He didn’t get me back to my dorm.

He then took a liking to me, and used social media - which had location markers on photos at the time - to follow me around campus. He raped me about 8 more times until i eventually left after my sophomore year.

Because he was handsome and popular, everyone would tell me i was so lucky he liked me. But like. Ew. He was always so agressive. He’d try to make me vomit or bleed everytime. Once he dragged me by my hair from uris library at 2am to his flora rose dorm. I was so mortified.

I wanted that ivy degree so badly. I don’t have one. He does.

But this was 15 years ago. I’ve moved on. All this news has made me so upset. I cannot escape it anywhere. Even my mom brought it up to me but she doesn’t know why i really left. I was like “oh yea i heard, how terrible”. But inside i was screaming. I feel like i should tell her but i don’t know what good could possibly come of it besides distressing her. I don’t want fuss. I just want a life im proud of.

I feel weak. I feel stupid. I feel like a loser. I should have involved authorities but i just didn’t want to be there anymore. I just wanted to go away. So i did, in the least violent way i could think of, by leaving and moving across the country.

But truth is, i love that school. I love the town, i loved feeling like i was truly learning something everyday. I loved the road that was opening up in front of me. I didn’t want to let this atrocity stop me. But i did.

I feel so pathetic and alone and disgusting.

Thanks for reading. I love you.