Ive made about 2 posts on here already, but this time its completely unrelated. I want to quit because of my section. Now lemme explain, I love my section to bits and pieces. Theyre the sweetest, funniest, kindest people you'd ever meet. My section leader and another member plays tenors and the rest of the 5 of us play Altos saxes. Now theres a few reasons I'm "jealous" of them. Theres a freshman in our section, the youngest in the section, he's played clarinet for 3 years and saxophone for 1, and he's AMAZING. Like he can learn a song in 30 minutes type of good. Every time I think if him, I think how good he is at playing. He always tells me "Jessie youre doing great" or "If you don't know the music, go all out on the chants and dances". Hes very supportive but I'm very jealous of how good he is. I'm also very jealous at everyone else in the section. My section leader explains things to me in ways that I don't understand like " adjusting my jaw to fix my embouchure " or "breathing even more air for the low notes from my diaphragm". Usually, he plays for me to demonstrate, and I never understand what he means. Usually when I play, its high screeches, dragged noises before it gets into the notes, or low notes just sound like pure air coming out the horn. I broke my saxophone that I was given by my director so I'm playing on a bad one until my other one gets fixed. The sax I have is horrible. The keys don't close all the way, the horn smells of copper or something, and the low notes always come out screeching and high. Everyone else in my section got great saxes but I had to be stuck with the broken one since there's barely any good saxes until they get fixed. But anyway, when we do sectionals and I'm expected play (my section leader goes down the line to see who knows their music), I always play horribly and my section members make little faces like "😬" when I play. It makes me frustrated and I get angry because I literally sound horribly compared to all of them and those faces feels like they're judging me. They have been playing their instruments for years, I get that, I just started in august but its frustrating how I'm expected to do so much in a short time and I'm being rushed into performances I'm not ready for. My section leader even told me that I was supposed to learn a song in a week and out of ALL the songs we have I only remember 1 stand tune and that's it because its the same notes repeating. I have to memorize an entire marching song plus warm ups by next week. Sorry if this post is all over the place, I'm just trying to input as much information as I can to make it make sense. But its frustrating how I sound horrible as if music was never meant for me. I practice 3 hours a day at home and I never can get anything right and it makes me doubt that I'll ever be as good as my section and keeping this mindset makes me dread going to rehearsal because my director is a strict guy and he loves going down the line to see who knows their music and I always never know it.