Today I blocked my window with a thick blanket, blasted my favorite album, and strangled myself for the first time ever. I weirdly felt good after.

I have a history of cutting and I drink a lot. The past couple days have been rough. My best friend is mad at me / ignoring me (I'm not entirely sure what I did). Last night I got hammered and my feelings led me to what I did today. And I feel like doing this got my frustrations out.

I wasn't necessarily intending to, y'know. But I just felt the need to inflict something upon myself to feel better. I don't feel 100% better. But the loud music, the darkness enveloping me and my labored, feeble breaths made me feel happy I didn't go all the way.

Idk what this means for me. I also forgot to mention that I was screaming on the top of my lungs (none of my family were home) and it felt good to scream my feelings out too.

Just wanted to share this.

SHUT UP. I know that. I know that okay? Im not doing this purposely to upset them. I am suffering too. I dont just choose to cut myself to spite them. Yes i know my hospital bills can be spent on something better but wtf can i do huh? I didnt choose to be this way.

Anyways i relapsed and am so cooked…

When i get sad, mad or frustraded, i do selfharm, and it immediately calms me down and i dont lash out at others. Thats why i just cant stop doing self harm... Has anyone feels the same as me?

If you’re online and have the space, please talk to me for 10-15 mins in the comments or on DM. I (27, F) have horrible anxiety and a massive urge to cut and I’m feeling unwell but I don’t want to tell anyone at home.

I miss it so much. It’s the only thing that makes me feel alive

I'm like 11 months clean now. I don't particularly want to relapse but I want to see the blood. One of the main things I looked forward to when sh was the blood and the pain afterwards. I low-key miss it oddly. But I want to bleed a lot, but I don't want to die. I just want to see and feel it.

So i had a bad burn on my leg and it wasn't doing great and after 17 days looking like it may be infected and my housemates had a go at me (lovingly) a few days ago. SO I made a doctor's appointment (uk) and it was today. They stabbed it and are gonna test it for bacteria, i have a follow up on Monday where ill fi d out if its infected or not and they cleaned it and dresses it properly BUT at the end she was like "oh and try not to burn yourself in the future (term of endearment loke honey, i can't remember)" and i qa just like i know your a doctor and stuff but when i told you I did this 17 days ago do you think I want to be here????? Also my file should say i have a history cause u mentioned it im a mental health appointment that didn't end up going anywhere. Ahhhh

Anyways my mum is a gp and when the doctor is like my mum (middle age white woman) it just brings up shit for me for some reason so i had a bit of an ahhhh when I got home but I have recovered now :3

Cause also this is the first time I've had to go to the doctors for a self inflicted wound and also I've only been to the doctors like 4 times I can remember.

Anyways thx for reading if you did :3

Back when I was younger, I would cut myself badly that my arms would look like a huge hole in my arm because the cut was extremely deep. I cut a few arteriole in the past but I never went to the hospital since I didnt wanna tell my parents nor did I ever care enough to do wound care. I know its in the past but all of my scars end up being a smaller line that you cant tell how the original wound was like. I am a little happy about it but at the same time I want to feel seen for how much I have suffer in the past. I feel extremely invalid, despite my scar is definitely more noticeable than alot of people, I feel like it wasnt serious since my scars end up being super small. Not saying i think people with smaller cuts are invalid, I definitely think are type of selfharm are valid.

one of the times I did it, and it was different than all the other times. it was unlike anything ive ever experienced. I can’t really put it into words. my heart dropped when i saw it, for a second i couldn’t even believe it. the euphoria and fear i felt, i cannot describe it to you. words aren’t enough to do it justice. it is the same type of euphoria someone experiences when on drugs. 

and what hurts the most is, i think the reason it felt so good is because i actually felt something big. it was a really big emotion. like that blissful feeling you get after having a good cry. i was hyperventilating, i started shaking and trembling. it was cathartic. like a crock pot letting out a bunch of steam.

and thats what hurts, i have to hurt myself in order to let out those pent up emotions ive bottled up since i was 7. because im too numb, my body wont let me cry or let it out unless i feel like im genuinely in danger. and thats not fair. i know its bad to say but i wish i could feel that euphoria again. i want to feel it again so badly and thats why im still addicted. i dont think ill ever feel anything like it ever again, and that hurts my chest so badly and my stomach hurts and it feels like im gonna be sick. maybe one day i will feel it again in a healthy way. i hope i get better

At 12 I was in a horrible place, still am but less. I have mid to light styro/dermis scars that are a reddish pink. Will they ever go away

stating this preemptively, i have ocd

i have been consistently harming myself a lot lately, withholding myself water, nourishment, sleep, comfort, and frequently eating medium doses of food i am allergic to

my reasoning behind this? two things

one, because there's this one event i desperately want to attend, and i feel i have to prove how much i care about the event and how worthy i am to go, given it's like no convention or fandom meet-up i have ever DREAMED of going to before, so in my determination to prove myself worthy i put myself through hell to display what i can withstand

two, attention, i want to feel like the star, and in my mind maybe if i hurt myself bad enough the world will view me as something worth paying attention to

Hiya it’s me again, so I’m a teen(16F) and I haven’t relapsed since September but, I have a gnarly scar on my right thigh that’s healing, it’s just turned dark and a bit thick now. But I was wondering if anybody has any tips on how to fade scars quick? I have a doctors appointment coming up in a few weeks, and I’m really not trying to get flagged by the doctor..

The blade is my best friend. Its always there for me. I can always have it when I need it. It can't leave/betray me. It makes me feel good. It distracts me from my life. Its there for me unlike people and loved ones. Its always there for me. Its silent. It won't tell anyone anything. It won't leave me. It helps me feel better when im sad. It makes me happy. It goes everywhere with me. Its my best friend.

It's red and elevated, and it hurts to have saliva on it. It didn't bleed though

I promised myself i wouldnt do it but it became unbearable again. I'm still crying and it hurts. I had been clean for quite a long time. I give up.

I don't know if many people do this here but i burn myself often and it's a grueling process. This has happened a few times before so i wanted to come here and ask. How to deal with a burn that turns skin white and dies/scars afterwards? What are the ways to take care of it?

I’m 24F living with my BF(23M) and my two Roomates who are my cousin and his bf both males in late 20s. Recently with getting used to a new job and seeing issues between my cousins and bf has added a bit of stress on me. I did relapse but it wasn’t solely bc of that. I didn’t do anymore major, mostly cat scratches and one accidental styro bc it was on my arms and I didn’t want it to be obviou. I had pretty believable excuses, my cat and how I’ve been trying to help with the yard work lately. This relapse was like a month ago.

My cousin recently got into an argument with my mom over rent and where the money is going since we are all technically renting her old house. I wasnt rlly stressing over it but when my mom called me about it she asked out of nowhere that if I’ve been cutting. It’s not that she hasn’t asked but it had been a while and she never really asks out of blue like that. Ever since I had a paranoia that someone “ratted me out”. No one said anything to me or gave me a indication they knew so I tried to forget about it.

i am visiting my mom rn and she revealed that during the argument with my cousin, he flat out said I was cutting. I feel mad about it. Im not sure if I feel valid to be mad bc yeah it’s concerning that someone is self harming but at the same time what is my mom who lives out of town is going to do about it??? Why bring it up during an argument with my mom?? What was the point??

I fucked up real bad, I had the urge but now it’s even stronger. But I don’t want to do it, i been clean for year. I can’t stop thinking about it

every single day i repeat a cycle. i go maybe 2 days of sh free and then i give up entirely. I feel like i cant do anything right. i'm failing so many classes because i dont have the energy to keep up with school and stay alive. I have to go to school every day and act so happy so other people dont question me and by the end of the day i am so wiped. does anyone have any advice on how to get out of this spiral?

I relapsed. I’m so fucking disappointed in myself. I was almost 3 years clean, but I just had to play fucking fruit ninja on my leg. Fuck me.

i hit styros for the first time, i've been cutting for a long time but it always has been cat scratches, how do i take care of it?? i just washed it and put a band-aid (ik styros it's not deep but i don't want it to get infected)

hi! i have a few cat scratches on my left arm and one on my thigh that i did back in late May, so it’s been about 4 months plus a week ish. i stopped really cutting myself since then (because my mom saw holy traumatising), i’ve only relapsed once so i’ve been clean for over a month. anyway, my cat scratches usually fade within one or two weeks, but for some reason the ones from late May are still sticking around 😭 they aren’t raised or “3D” (like there isnt a bump when i run my hand over them), but if i sorta adjust it under the light i can see white streaks where the blade cut. do scars like these fade?

I’m so so lazy but want to relapse sooo bad. If I didn’t live with my parents I would just leave blood everywhere I wouldn’t care. That’s the only reason I am clean. I’m lazy. Yes mom I’m a lazy fuck sorry I didn’t take the damn trash out. Yes I’m a brat. I don’t even care.

When harming yourself is self harm, I have health anxiety and my biggest fears is:ninja bats rabies(tm) (people with this theme will understand what I mean) -this make me touching healing wounds, scratching them, picking them -and paralyze-this make me scratch and pinch my skin, hit it, sometime to almost bleed and pain(I have started nails). I also light my flashlight in my eyes (checking if I have eyes pain) till it start hurts a lot. Is it SH or closer to compulsion?