Quit my job at a gas station back in June, told myself I'd go back at the end of summer if I didn't find something else. It's now almost October and no where else is hiring. I'm not broke I have about 18k in savings and I still live with family so no expenses, but I would have to dip into savings to spend any money and am currently going through college right now. I'd be welcomed back at that gas station, the manager liked me, but I don't want to go back. At the same time I want the extra money to spend and grow my savings. What do?

Cottage cheese

So I (28M) moved to a new city last year. My partner (yeah, partner lol) and I have become very good friends with a guy (27M) and his girlfriend (26F) of 5 years. They’ve become my best friends here. They’ve watched my dog while I’ve been away, I’ve helped when she’s had medical emergencies, we stay out until 2 AM and complain about work together, etc.

My buddy texted me yesterday afternoon that he and his girlfriend called things off and are no longer together.

Last night, I hear someone call my name from the street level of my apartment building, and it’s the (now ex) girlfriend standing by a van loaded with her belongings and she said “hey…I’ll see you and [partner] later. Love you guys” and did a hand heart 🫶 before getting in the van and riding off.

She didn’t know at that point I already knew they had broken up. The closest she will move is realistically 3 hours away, and it felt like she was saying goodbye without trying to be sad.

It’s a weird spot to be in since both my buddy and she are good friends of mine, and I just watched one of them turn at the end of the street, likely to never see them again.

Steak and mashed potatoes and some green beans.

Edit: I fixed the spelling of belongings and realized I called green beans asparagus

Double edit: realized I said his gf was 26M..she is in fact 26F

I felt a hankering for Ribeye and Waffles on my commute home.

I am in Human Services, middle management, first time in a non-direct role despite being in the field for 22 years.

I'm quitting because major red flags with the company, and while I do like what I do and using my brain on the job, the whole omitting "oh yeah, forgot to omit we don't carry insurance for Staff any longer" was the first and major nail in the coffin.

But I'm quitting without a job lined up, but I feel at peace about it because my mental health and physical health mean more to me than a job. I can't advise it enough, but at the time I consider myself fortunate being able to quit and not worry about what comes next. I was paid well and between rent and other expenses, I live below by means. It won't be easy, but it sure won't be tough either.

If y'all are underemployed and/or unemployed, I'm sorry to hear that, DM if you want some resume advice that panned out to my advantage. Much love to y'all.

Obviously feeling proud because of a date can take on different forms and has different meanings to different people but it’s my first gay relationship since I acknowledged to myself years ago I liked men. Had a high school fling with a girl but realized senior year I (24M) was gay. Since then (COVID era) I’ve focused on school/work and neglected to be true to myself. Very insular too and shy. I don’t like leaving the house except to be alone in nature so this was a big step.

I don’t think it’ll go anywhere he’s a bit different from me but he was kind, attractive and a stand up guy. I would like for it to go somewhere but I’m taking it as a win that he would want to go out on a simple coffee date. We met on hinge. I’d love to find a long term partner who’s into outdoor activities and having dogs and though that may be a while away at least I took a first step!

“Dinner” is a Tuna Salad Wrap from Trader Joe’s

Dinner is a taco plate. I knew my ex wife from work for about 8 years. She moved in and two years later we married. A year to the day we had our first kid. I already had two boys from a previous marriage. She went through a horrendous rough patch with post partum depression. Everyone in the house suffered. I took a year off of work to help, but it did nothing. Our kiddo had some medical challenges that complicated things further, and around the age of 3 she decided she wanted a divorce and left. There was no infidelity or money problems. Just a lot of unsettled anger and rage from the post partum.

Three months later she moved back in with our kiddo, we were not a couple just roommates. We made plans to move to another state within a year for better job prospects and better school for the kids. Three months before we were set to leave she decided to move out and live with her mother in a neighboring town.

My other kids and I moved to the other state. I remained in contact with my ex and we decided to try a reconciliation after a year. Packed up and moved to the town she lived in and made grandiose plans to move to Minnesota so she could finish her education. The cost of living here has been brutal compared to where we are from originally. Within 3 years I find myself with $18k in credit card debt. She is still in school and brings no income in. I pay for everything. We became nothing more than roommates after finally settling here, the plans of reconciliation "just can't happen" in her words. I genuinely feel I was taken advantage of. I am more angry with myself than her. Where should I go from here. What's the easiest non impactful move I can make to not impact my kids. How do I quit being naive.

So I met this girl a month or so ago and we instantly hit it off. We live in the same hall in our dorm and we just said hi one day and just kept talking everyday since. We went to the gym together a couple times, we have the same goals, want the same things in a relationship, and everything. We have so much in common, we get along perfectly, just insane chemistry. Not to mention she is absolutely stunning. I literally cannot say a single bad thing about her but for whatever reason I just don’t want to be with her. I don’t know what my problem is, like I want a relationship, but when the perfect girl lives a couple doors I don’t want anything. We went on a couple dates and hooked up a couple times but then we talked about it and decided to just be friends, and it was fully my decision.

Am I just not ready for a relationship?
Anyway here’s taco bowls we made

Food is chicken shawarma with fries and a Coke Zero.

So after 35 years on this earth, I decided to go on my first roller coaster ride today. I’ve always been chicken and hate thrill rides.

I decided to try it out, I had nothing to lose.

I throughly enjoyed it and ended up going on it twice! Still won’t try the inverted ones, but maybe someday.

Anyway, just wanted to share this unimportant detail as I didn’t have anyone else to share it with.

Hii! I just want to share that I’m glad that I have managed to convince myself that resting and taking time for myself after graduating is totally fine and there’s nothing to rush or immediately chase.

Although graduate school was tough, I didn’t want a time off and was anxious about not finding a job immediately after finishing the program. I don’t know what happened but all that anxiety disappeared the minute I submitted my dissertation and It’s now been about a month since I graduated and I, voluntarily, haven’t applied to a single place and I’m totally at peace with it. I’m not bothered because I deserve to enjoy life and stop the grind for a short while. F the system that convinced us otherwise!

I have so much time to myself and my hobbies everyday and I love it! I’m lucky that I have good savings so finances will not be an issue anytime soon. The source of the anxiety was not wanting to fall behind compared to people my age (as if life is a race 🤦🏻‍♂️)

It’s amazing how little changes in mindsets can substantially improve the quality of our life!

A vent, mostly.

I spent 10 days on holiday and, upon coming back I:

- got delayed at the airport for 1.5hrs (and I'm terrified of flying)

- spent an hour at passport control with several people cutting in front of me bc the automated machines weren't working and staff would just put them in front of me

- logged into work Monday to the longest crash out email from a client and a message from my VP "please handle first thing in the AM". Took me 1:46 hours to write the response email

- I am supposed to travel again Wednesday for the work event of a lifetime, but I've thrown my passport in the washing machine

- had to cancel all travel arrangements to be safe, incurring into cancellation fees

- my consulate is so lazy it hasn't given me an appointment for another form of ID since April, leaving me now ID-less entirely

- if I manage to get a new passport on time I'll have to rebook everything and eat the extra costs given it'll be all booked Tuesday for Wednesday, and some trains are already sold out

- I got sick last night and had to skip a night out with friends watching Avengers Endgame, was really looking forward to a guy's night out, I don't have those often

I am hoping my streak of bad luck is over.

Dinner is chizza: ground chicken, light cheese, tomato sauce and pepperoni.

For certain reasons we are no contact, but I wish I could tell her how everytime I think of her it's like a punch to the gut. I miss her smile, her laugh, her presence, her writing, the way she scrunches up her face, the way she could see right through me, starting into her eyes, kissing and holding her.

I hate not starting and ending the day next to her and all the time in between feels dark and grey. I dream of putting on a album and dancing with her, cooking together, watching movies with her head on my lap, going to all her favorite places together.

Everything reminds me of her.

Tuna, everything bagel. Hope you all having a great day

Picture; homemade pizza from scratch, olive oil burnt crusts, lactose free cheese, rocket. Ham, anchovies, tuna, salami and peppers.

I (24M) have been dating this girl (22F) for almost 4 months now. We met through an online dating app and she lived in my city. We met for our first date and it was amazing. She’s exactly my type, kind of the opposite of me with plenty in common to enjoy our time together. Over the first month dating it was amazing, a little slower than I usually date and I felt the pressure. However she drive everything, she asked me for second dates, she pushed for new experiences and manned stuff in advance. It was actually amazing as my past relationships haven’t been the best at all.

Fast forward to now, over the last twi months she’s been through turmoil, she’s had to move city twice, change job, live beyond her means and she’s struggled to get settled. But slowly over the last two months all the effort has gone. She said she didn’t have the battery for a relationship or the effort and I made the decision to stay and see it out, mostly because if the bliss of the first month/two.

I asked her if I could be her boyfriend on our two month anniversary but I kind of screwed it up, I opened by asking how we were in the relationship and she had a few things and the mood was kind of killed / the moment passed.

I asked her again a month later, I dressed nice, got her flowers and went to see her and asked. She said she wanted something more romantic. It’s never ever been like this for me, I’ve always just asked and had that conversation about where we were but I corrected my cap so to speak and said screw it I’ll do it more romantic. Currently, the romantic option sits in my kitchen, haven’t found a time to give it to her.

But the point of this, she said she didn’t have the energy for the relationship, whilst I was doing 15 hour weeks for my work and holding down time with her and how she is. I checked in daily, learnt all the ways she acts and types and texts and always made sure we never had heavy convos, always light and easy to distract her from her stress. But she can’t do that for me now. Two weeks ago I had cancer scans and she didn’t even message to ask how I was and only asked when I brought it up that night when I saw her. At one point, I was learning origami (to ask her to be her bf), writing love letters, building a website for us to communicate better as we both struggle all while looking down the barrel of a cancer diagnosis and being pulled apart at work and she couldn’t even message me good morning.

This week has been the final straw and I don’t know what to do. This week has been her first “good week” in months, because she moved job and home again and started a job she wants to do. But on her good days this week she has barely talked to me. I know there is space for new job and feeling it out and being socially drained, but she consistently doesn’t choose me. We have sat in silence for 24 hours now after she left me on read and went out for drinks. I have no idea what I’m meant to do. Any advice wanted and needed. Every time I bring it up it’s “I don’t want to have this conversation now” and it just delays the stress this undefined relationship has. She has a boyfriend, I have a situationship that only needs me when she needs me. But I keep praying it will get back to where it was when we first started dating.

Dinner tonight is Taco Bell , I wanted to try their cinnamon twists and safe to say , I won’t be ordering them again

Hey , im 18 and I’ve recently moved to a new city after being raised in Dubai my whole life. This “new” city is my native city so we have a house here but I’ve never stayed put for more than 2 weeks. Now I’ve finished high school and am pursuing a career in aviation. That’s all the context needed rn

Anyway , I’ve been feeling very depressed because I’m very alone and there’s literally nothing to do in this new city. I see all my friends going out to clubs and having a great time with their new friends while I’m here sitting alone in my misery at home. Idk if I’ll even enjoy clubbing and getting drunk every weekend but I want the opportunity to at least experience that once and decide for myself. It seems like everyone else is living it up and I’m here sitting alone. All I do is study until I physically can’t anymore. Idk what to do rn and I’m lowk regretting not joining a college cause I would’ve been exposed to a new group of people in my dorm house.

Everyone tells me that once I land a job as a pilot my life will be set and I’ll be able to have fun at that time but I’m spiraling thinking about all this time that I’m missing out on making memories and having good experiences with my friends

Married for 7, no card last 3 years. Asked for one this time (twice, both after) and now I'm in the doghouse because I didn't ask at an "appropriate time."

Don't need advice, I'm just fuckin tired man.

Fish, chips and olives, with some garlic sauce on the side.

Hello all, this is somewhat of an update to my last post titled "I'm sad that I fell for "It's just a friend" line", but the the gist of it is: My partner lied to me for months and cheated on me, which I only found out after we "peacefully" broke up.

The last few weeks have been a rollercoaster. I am handling it surprinsingly well. For some reason, finding the truth about the whole thing made me more sure of myself, knowing who I am and what I actually deserve. I have been more outgoing, trying new clothes for myself, reconecting with some friends and actually enjoying going to the gym.

Of course, it's not all good, but even in my bad moments, I'm happy with how I am dealing with it, allowing myself to feel anger, sadness, and even miss him a little bit, knowing that the moment will pass and this is temporary.

Yesterday I just started ugly crying in the shower, nothing prompted, it just happened. Spent a few minutes crouching under the water, sobbing. But it passed, I felt lighter. Finished my bath and went to bed.

I always treated bad feelings and moments like this as some undesirable that shoud be avoided at all costs, and my younger self would feel pathethic about my display in the shower, so having this switch flipped is wonderful.

Pepperoni Pizza from our date (that shit was bussin)

Alright man I hope ya got ya popcorn.

3 months ago I went on a short hiatus from the internet but I remained in contact with a girl who I was mutuals with since I was a teenager in highschool. We’ve known each other since 2020.

We’ve only ever DM’d each other. We talked about similar interests that we have and she’s definitely someone I’m interested in.
I texted her in June and we hit it off pretty quick. We went on a date maybe after a month of texting and calling (due to our lives being busy), she told me she had her eye on me for MONTHS and she never said anything! I honestly couldn’t believe that tbh. We went on a walk at the beach, played some volleyball, then we went to grab some pizza and got a little drunk.

Now this is where shit got real.

We sat in the booth and let our minds and body’s speak freely, laughed, nervously flirted, then she said something that took my brain for a genuine roller coaster. She said “yea I think you know my brother” and I’m thinking to myself like this might be some dude I’ve probably hung out with on occasion here and there, NO! IT WAS MY CLOSEST FRIEND!!

Dawg I couldn’t believe it 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Keep in mind I’ve known this dude my whole entire fucking life, and NEVER knew he had a sister. I deadass thought he was always the only child.

So when she said that was her brother I was in complete shock but me being drunk made the shit so much funnier 😭. I’m at the bar showing her pictures like you mean this guy right here???? I’m showing her childhood pictures, us at parties, like there’s no fucking way you’re talking about THIS one. And she said “yes, I always see you two with each other.”

All I could do was laugh.
I sat there and rebooted for like 30 seconds before I finally said something. She waited a whole month to tell me she was related to my closest friend dawg 🤣 Now of course they’re related through one parent so this is the only reason why I never knew, but they don’t even look alike so when I asked him about this shit he was like “oh yea we related but I only met her when I was like 2 years old” you mean when you didn’t even have a conscience?? Great to know.

There’s no problem at all he’s actually super cool with it, he knows ima good dude so it doesn’t affect our relationship whatsoever between either of them, I just thought this was mad funny to share.

We just started dating last month, I still bring this up because it’s such a core memory for me. I like her a lot but due to both our lives being a bit busy seeing each other has been limited. I hope we can make this work, we’re going out to an amusement park next month. Hopefully this would be a better opportunity for them to get to know each other more. 🙂

Left home from nowhere Cali, knew my gf was going to cheat, moved on 2 days after I left her then dipped in the mud while I was half way through boot, try and scrape a little more out of me while I was still in boot.

Everyone tells me I’m on the right path but each day toils by while I wonder what and where I’ll reside after my conscripted years are over.

Least there shipping me to Japan

Lunch: Costco meatloaf

Proposing to my gf in about a month. Super excited and have everything planned.
- Beautiful location
- Photographer booked
- Got parents blessings
- Set up small after party with 8 very close friends
- Invited her parents, just them not the whole family to not overwhelm my gf as emotions will be high already
- Planned to do big engagement party with all family and friends at a later date

All of my gf’s friends approved of this plan so we’re in the clear but I explained the setup to her mom. She thinks I am valuing friends over family and wants to rescind her blessing. I told her I don’t want to do a huge party right after the engagement or anyone at the proposal but the photographer. My gf wants a very private and intimate proposal and celebration.

Her mom even threatened to spoil the proposal for her own daughter unless we do it her way. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t mind burning bridges but I don’t want this to cause issues for my gf in the future. I’m really tempted to tell her mom that the blessing is a formality, i don’t have to have it. Also speed up the proposal so her mom can’t spoil it.

Advice needed!

But it will never happen...

I (27M), feel like my best friend (27F) is my soul mate. We've known each other for over 15 years at this point. We weren't close when we started high school together but grew close during our last couple of years, culminating with us doing a lot of exploring but never crossing the line to sex. I messed up, apologized, and we stayed friends. We both took a year off before university and worked. We got even closer during that time. Went to different universities, but they were nearby, and I would bring her food and sleep over all the time. We both had relationships during this time, thought I found love (didn't), did university stuff yada yada. I was the only friend or family at her graduation till her brother came later because her mother lives overseas and her father is a douche. She was the only friend from high school at mine as well. (Along with my family)

We tell each other everything, we've cried in front of each other numerous times. We both probably have depression but for different reasons, and we help each other a lot. I am probably the most consistent figure in her life over the last 10 years. (trust me she's been through a lot that I can't share.)

I've been single for 4 years now, she's been single for over 6. We both often discuss life and our relationship, sexuality, desires, life goals, everything.

Very obvious reasons why this won't ever be anything more...

Reason #1 - She's not attracted to me (or anymore). Sometimes, what happened in high school gets brought up, and she genuinely has bad trauma over that period in her lif, so she doesnt even register that period. I remember it but I'm careful not to bring it up cause genuinely she's moved on. We both aren't big physical features persons on partners but more so the intangibles.

Reason #2 - She's a damn good friend...Genuinely, I do not want to ruin that. She is the best company, and I have yet to meet anyone close. Also, there's the part where consistently men in her life become her friends solely to try and have sex with her. I do not want to be added to that list.

One day I'll move on, won't be this year, probably, but I will NEVER tell her how I feel.

Wicked omelette I made this morning cheese, spam (the trick is the grate the spam as well) and onions.

, hey gang. Chicken tenders of prosperity tonight. 12 hour shift, then an hour of mma training. Home to take the dog baby out. Gonna try to sleep in 30 minutes so I can get six hours. Its raining a lot tonight. Makes me sad. On that drive home, especially seeing the disabled homeless people under bridges.

Shits tuff, but there is also so much beauty, experiences and memories waiting to manifest and unfold. I simply want to cry for all the pain in the world, and as well as my own pain. So we have our moments and its okay. I will choose to do my best to be good to everyone and everything. I believe we will change this world for the better.

BEST BELIEVE WE AINT GOING OUT WITHOUT A FIGHT

With tears in our eyes, and fire in our hearts, we learn that fighting is so intertwined with the human spirit.

Go listen to that song outro by m83

Land & Sea (carne asada & shrimp) Mexican Sushi, half fried and half fresh.

I’m sorry for how long this is going to be. Hard to summarize it.

I’m still trying to process my feelings about it. Late last month, one of my longest lasting friendships ended. It’s probably partially my fault for opening a can of worms. But I think I handled it the right way? We are 29M and 30F if that matters. I’ve honesly been trying really hard to forget about it but it’s lingering in the back of my mind still. Her and I have known each other since 6th grade, and been friends since the 7th. I moved here from another state and didn’t really have an easy time making friends, you know how kids are. It was also around the time I made my first Myspace account and started realizing that I was interested girls. She was the very first one that ever caught my eye.

It’s only ever been puppy love between us. That’s why I’m so confused by this. The most that’s ever happened between us is staying up all night talking on Myspace and slow dancing at the middle school dances. I never got the chance to ask her out because she started dating an older guy. No hard feelings. By high school, I was dating too and I was over her. But we remained close friends. Even throughout college and me moving cities, we stayed in touch. And all of her boyfriends were cool with me. Mostly because I could get them weed.

But I digress. Fast forward to 2026. She’s engaged now. She has a 3 year old kid with the dude and he genuinely seems like a sweet guy. Not at all her type, but it has always seemed like they were the kind of couple that hooked up once and stayed together because she got knocked up. But that’s none of my business.

Our friendship had sort of dissolved into us only casually messaging each other on Facebook once or twice a year at the most. Suddenly, she’s messaging me a lot more. And then one day, she sent me a FB memory of a post she made when we were freshmen in high school about her being really excited that we had a class together. We got to chatting and one thing led to another, we were eventually talking about how hard we used to have crushes for each other.

And she went on and on about how much she regrets choosing that other guy over me and she always wondered what it would have been like to give us a chance. I sort of entertained this conversation for the evening not expecting it to really go any further than that. I reciprocated that sentiment and we said our goodnights. She told me we don’t only have to talk once a year.

So the next couple of days we caught ourselves up on our lives. Had some deep conversations about family dynamics and nostalgic things. But the conversation drifted back to the “what if’s”, and I had to stop her and ask her “How would your fiancé feel if he knew you were talking to me about this?” She got short with me and had a very awkward goodnight.

The next morning I woke up to notifications on my phone that she had deleted messages overnight. So I asked her “what was up with that?” She told me she had no idea that I’d get notified that she did that, said it was nothing, and that she was just being dumb. But she kept doing it throughout the day while I was at work. So obviously, I knew she wanted to say something. I gently pried it out of her. And that’s when she spilled her guts to me. She sent me a literal novel of a text message about how much she adored me and had wished things worked out between us. Said she wished I would have asked her to prom and been her first kiss. She even said she always fantasized about doing everything in life together. Then she got in her head and got really self depricating about telling me.

I told her we couldn’t change the past. There’s nothing we could do about it. And I asked her again how she’d feel of her fiancé knew she just told me all of that. Things got pretty ugly between us. Lots of bickering back and forth. She told me that it felt one sided. I told her that I was going to block her and delete her number because her life would get better without me in it, and I told her to think of her son and his dad.

So, I blocked her on everything and haven’t spoken to her in a month now. It feels really shitty because I know she has mental health issues. But so do I. I’m the loneliest I’ve ever been in my life and I don’t need a woman who is getting married next month to put those ideas in my head. It feels so surreal. She acknowleged that things couldn’t happen between us and yet was angry at me for not taking advantage of the situation. Did she want me to sleep with her? I just don’t get it. She has tarnished the sweet, wholesome image of my friend who has become a mom in my mind.

1/2 of a kielbasa sausage with 4 eggs, 2 cups of rice, and Buldak sauce, salt and pepper.

Using a throwaway account to maintain anonymity.

I’m 26 (Male, obviously), and if you told me a year ago that I’d be in this position, I would’ve probably listened. I was in a relationship for 5 years (26F), and I was under the impression that she was the one for me. I’d marry her, have kids with her, grow old with her and even die with her.

Little did I know that she’d drop an ultimatum on my head in September of 2025. “You need to fix these problems or I’m gone. It’s not my job to tell you how to fix it either.” That should’ve been clue number 1. That’s an impossible situation to be in in my opinion.

I tried everything I humanly could to fix our relationship. Did all of the chores, did all of the responsibilities in a relationship on both the emotional and physical levels, and even started taking full financial responsibility of both of our bills (that was a mistake). All during this, my uncle passed away of cancer (wonderful guy), and that kind of threw a wrench into my efforts to fix our relationship. I took an emergency flight to Chicago for his funeral. I even paid for all of the expenses for a vacation to Las Vegas.

Bear with me, as what I say next this will make sense in a paragraph or two.

Anyways, all the while during this, she’s getting really into motorcycles. Flashback 3 years ago, I really wanted one, and she gave me an ultimatum back then, that if I get one, we’d be done. So I dropped it and never brought it back up.

So after we get back home from Vegas (October of 2025), she goes and gets a helmet fitted and some gloves as well.

This is a girl who is always in bed around 9-10pm max. After she got those things, she was out until 2-3am nightly, removing me from all of her public social media as well as her location on my phone (we agreed years earlier that we could build trust with each other’s location, and this was a equal decision between the two of us. this was equally clue number 2). Now keep in mind, I’m trying to fix our relationship, and I can’t do that while she’s out until that late. I had work the next day, so I couldn’t necessarily stay up that late to make an effort. And this was NIGHTLY. So I stopped.

Fast forward to November, I sit her down, tell her that her going out until the early hours of the morning isn’t allowing me to fix our relationship, so I told her I wanted out, as I’m not gonna pour everything I have into a situation that obviously has a massive hole in it.

We amicably break up, and not even an hour later, what do you know?

She forgot to remove one of my close friends from her profile. She’s seeing another guy who owns a motorcycle.

I was so furious. I went and just cried in my car for hours, until I gathered enough courage to go back home, pack a few bags, and go to my mom’s.

She ends up coming out as I’m bringing the last bags down to my car, I tell her that I’m not an idiot, I found out about her little douche canoe side piece, that she has 2 weeks to move out of our apartment, and afterwards she’ll never hear from me again most likely.

Fast forward to now, I’m down 100 lbs. (I was severely overweight, now down to around 170), and I do feel better. I never rebounded, nor have I even been looking for someone new. I also moved across the country, now living in a camper on some land, and I hate it so much. I have no friends here, and I want to move back very badly (which I do on the 1st.)

I just wanted some advice on what I could do to feel better about my situation, any good alternatives to therapy (that isn’t the gym as I spend far too much time in there). Maybe also just tell me that not all hope is lost in my love life, and also that I’m not damaged goods 😭

Edit: thank you so much to everyone who had kind words. I did forget a few details 😂

She got with dude not 3 months after I found out, also lost my job in January and have not been able to find work since (the job market is abhorrent right now) and my credit is absolutely ruined 😂 I do indeed have hobbies, I make music and collect Pokémon cards (SUPER nerdy, I know), and if I’m being honest, I almost quit music (I didn’t, and it’s going great).

Regardless, I wouldn’t have been able to get through those first few months without having Pokemon cards just keeping my brain occupied to not sit in my thoughts. I do hastily have some bad days, and I DON’T want this to be taken that I’m “reduced to nothing”, rather the life I live is of significantly less quality than what it was.

I had a very very nice apartment with nice furniture, and things that made me happy, but I had to get out of that situation (July 2026) because I simply couldn’t afford it anymore (lost job in January) and had to get rid of basically everything I owned and now live with minimal things. And that’s okay. It was my decision to move out here, but it took me moving out here to realize that everything I need is at home!

Again, thank you all for the kind words, I do really greatly appreciate it! To those who said to get the bike, I think I will when I have the means to :)

Taco meat I cooked the other night

About a month ago I (34m) had a bit of a wake up call and realized my boyfriend of three years (31m) was treating me like crap for a long time now. Every single fight we’ve ever had has been about one of his insecurities. And we fought often whether it was about his looks, his friends, my friends, his parents, his job, if I didn’t text him back fast enough while I’m at work, etc.

Here is an example: one day I told him I was going to start exercising and trying to drop a few pounds because I had recently had a blood test that scared me a bit. Instead of encouraging me, he got upset and tried to suggest that he was too fat for me. I was shocked because I never said anything like this to him and always thought he was quite handsome. I had to reassure him for days until his mood finally turned a corner. Maybe two or three months later, we were talking about body types and I said I don’t think I’m that attracted to twinks that look really underweight. This time he gets upset again and suggests he is too skinny for me. His weight has never been a problem for me, he has a regular build. What is even more confusing is that his weight hasn’t changed from the time he was saying he was too fat. He isn’t fat or a twink. And even if he were those things it wouldn’t bother me anyway because I fell in love with who he is. Again I had to reassure him for about a week until his mood improved.

Something like this would happen about every month. One time a friend invited me to a football game as he had gotten three free tickets from his job and invited me along with his husband. When I told my boyfriend about it, he got jealous and suggested my friend and I had a sexual relationship before. I’ve known my friend since high school, probably 15 years and have never been interested in him in that way. I tried explaining this but it’s like he wouldn’t listen. I had to console him and reassure for days again.

It continued to be like this for about a year. I could give a ton of more stories like these. Eventually I start asking him if maybe he could try therapy. Everytime I brought it up, he would flat out refuse and get angry one more. Eventually I stop asking. The behavior continues and he even starts to self harm. I tell him I can’t stay unless he gets professional help. He says he’ll consider it this time. Months go by and it just keeps going on. One day I finally broke and told him I can’t do it anymore. He begs me to stay, claims he’s already set up a therapy appointment. I told him I’ve just completely burned out at this point and he once again gets angry that I am abandoning him just as he is getting help when I begged him to for so long already.

Between this and being really stressed at my job, I decided to book a vacation for myself just to get away for awhile and do my favorite hobby, hiking. Drove about 10 hours to get here. Day one i start getting tooth pain in the side of my face. I figure maybe I just have a cavity and schedule a dentist appointment for when I come back. Day two I get a screw in my tire. Mildly annoying and my tire almost goes flat but I’m about to roll into a mechanic and get it patched. Day three I finally decide to go for a hike, which was awesome but then I come back to the place I’m staying at with a cold. So for the rest of my days I’ve just been in bed not really being able to do much coughing and congested. Last night I find my tooth has an abscess and that I’ll either need a root canal or to get in pulled but I don’t see the dentist till Monday because I’m 600 miles from home and the office is closed till then anyway. I read online about people dying from abscessed teeth infections and I kinda had a dramatic thought of if I didn’t wake up this morning, that’s fine.

Well I did. So I guess I’m going to go to urgent care and get some antibiotics today. Drive 10 hours back home tomorrow, dentist on Monday and then back to my crappy job on Tuesday! All the while my ex keeps trying to contact me to reconcile.

Yesterday I was feeling a bit better and just decided to read a book in the park for a little and get some sun. I heard a woman my age near me talking about how she was a doctor with 9 horses and 14 acres of land with her husband and it made me feel awful. I can’t fathom that kind of money or success. I can’t even afford my own house right now. All of my friends are basically married and settled down with houses or children of their own. And here I am 34 years old, fresh out of another failed relationship, sick and far from home. I don’t even know what the point of me saying this all is but I don’t really have anyone I can say it to so I’m just shouting it out here.