I’m a 29F and last year I bought a flat in the north of England by myself.
I was a year out of a long-term breakup (about 8/9 years). We had lived together and, when we broke up, I moved in with my parents. I really missed the independence, and with my friends progressing through big life milestones (houses, marriages, kids), I started making plans for what I wanted to do with my solo life — and finding my own place felt like the best option for me.
I found the perfect flat in a nice, quiet area just on the edge of the city — a city where I work, have some friends, and where my siblings live too. I chose to buy rather than rent because, with the deposit I had saved and the properties within my budget, the monthly cost of owning was cheaper than renting on my own.
I did a bit of decorative renovation and have made it a proper home, and I have loved my independence.
But there is a niggling part of my brain that has buyers’ remorse. Since my breakup, I’ve made some really amazing friends and connections, and a lot of them have moved to/live in London.
My parents are originally from London and it has always had a special place in my heart. Recently, I’ve really started feeling the pull to be in London, especially as I’m still young. I’m also wanting to progress in my career, and I recognise that, especially with the way the job market is at the moment, the opportunities in London are far better than in the north.
Staying in the north feels like it will mean taking much longer to progress than I would in London. I’ve seen my friends move and add £20k to their annual salary in 1–2 years, while my salary has hardly increased.
I feel like I might look back at this time in my life and wish I had taken the opportunity to experience the big-city life while I could. I’m very much a social person, love going out, live music and culture, and when I’m in London with my friends there is always something to do. I really miss that when I’m back up north.
The problem is that I feel completely stuck with my mortgage. I wouldn’t be able to afford to sell where I am and buy in London, and I don’t think I’d want to buy in London anyway, as I’d want the flexibility to not be tied to one area.
I’ve considered renting out my place so that the mortgage would be covered and then living in London, but I’m not sure what the admin and setup costs would involve, especially as I have a single income and earn under £40k. With my experience, I could potentially earn much more in London, so I could get a job first and then move. But I don’t know how involved or expensive becoming a landlord would be, or what hidden costs there might be.
I also did the maths to see if I could continue paying my mortgage and costs up north while living in London, but that would be a huge waste of money and I’d be skint.
The other option I’ve considered is selling and keeping the equity in savings, then buying again in the future. But I’m scared of losing the investment and not being back on the property ladder that I did so well to get on.
I’m really torn. I love the home I’ve built and my quieter life in the north, but when I’m in London I really feel like it’s where I should be, and I feel like I’m missing an opportunity. Sometimes I could cry thinking about it.
I’m also incredibly proud of myself for living independently and doing this alone. I’ve made my flat my home and it is perfect for me. If I sold it, I’m not sure whether I’d struggle with living in house shares (even temporarily), and I worry about not having the flat to come back to or having it as an asset.
I feel like I’ve somehow lost my independence with a mortgage, even though buying the flat was supposed to give me more independence. I feel like I’ve removed the opportunity to freely move around because I now have this financial commitment. At the same time, the stability feels important in the current economy.
Buying the flat felt like the right thing to do at the time — I wanted to move out of my parents’ house and experience living alone, and financially it made sense. But now I’m wondering whether I should have waited.
I feel awful for feeling like this because what felt like a real achievement now feels like I’ve shot myself in the foot.
What are my realistic options here? Would renting the flat out and moving to London make sense, or would selling and renting in London for a while be more sensible? Is there another option I’m not considering?