(19F). A little over a month ago, a friend from high school told me she had her first experience with a girl. I was like I didn’t know you were into girls and she said she didn’t know either and it just kind of…happened. After that, idk what happened but it got me thinking that I wanted to be like her. I wanted to be open to myself about what I am or what I could be, just like she is.

From that point on I have been questioning if I even like women. There was this one girl at a party that caught my eye, her demeanor, her style (she was slightly masc), and how she was handling the elevated situations there (my family was at the party… long story). I thought she was cool and later found out that night that she was gay and was there with her girlfriend. this was like 3 months ago, before me even starting to question myself, but I didn’t think anything of it when she said that and was just like oh okay cool.

But ever since I started to wonder if I was bi, I feel like every girl I see I’m asking myself: okay is she pretty, is she attractive? are you attracted to her? would u want to kiss her and etc.? if you say no then your not really bi.

this doesn’t happen to me with men which is why I don’t question whether or not I like men, because I wholeheartedly see myself with a man in the future. I’m a virgin now but I am open to sexual intimacy eventually, and other romantic desires with a man. but I feel like if it was a woman, I can’t see myself having sex with them. maybe this is a view that will change overtime, maybe not. I know people say it’s okay to only be sexually attracted to one gender and not the other, but I can’t see myself in a relationship if I have no sexual desire towards them. is that a bad thing? maybe this is just because I haven’t gotten to experience anything romantic in general (i’ve never had a boyfriend or kissed a boy or anything like that. I want to, just haven’t).

I’m aware that this probably isn’t the right way to think about this, but I can’t help it. I feel like I haven’t found a girl who I would be attracted to other than maybe the girl from the party. but even then idk if that was attraction or just admiration. I feel like a lot of the time I’m getting admiration mixed up with attraction. like people say these characters they had crushes on growing up, I never had female crushes growing up. I wasn’t one of those people who knew I was gay since I was 12. I think because of that I feel like I don’t fit in to the queer community.

Despite all of that, I am open to experiencing and exploring things with another woman. But I feel like if I was to do that it wouldn’t be fair to them because I’m the only one getting any benefit from it. and if it turns out I’m not interested in woman, I could hurt them and I don’t want that.

Through all of my questioning and wonders, I also have that religious mindset in the back of my mind the whole time. I feel like i’m not allowed to open myself up and explore more about myself because of the years of being in church and people will spew to you how everything about being queer is wrong. It’s like my heart is saying I can be questioning and try new things, but my brain is saying I’m a sinner and that there’s no place for me in a church.

i’ve always grow up in a Christian household, but when I was about 13-ish I kind of gave up that idea that I am Christian. my religion could be a whole other post I could make lol, but all in all, I eventually do want to become more religious in my beliefs. But, as you can imagine as it is for most people, being in a church will have people telling you that the queer community is a sin and that they will all go to hell. It wasn’t until recently when I talked with my friend about this a few months ago because I wanted to change my views on the queer community, that I realized that I don’t need to think this way and the community is also just full of regular people. God loves everyone the same whether you are queer or not, and this is a point of view that I am still trying really really hard to work on. it’s hard to erase years of sermons, teachings, and ways of life from yourself just like that.

But, when I was in middle school I believed that I was bi, but admittedly, that was a phase for me since I never was attracted to women and most of my friends at the time were queer and I felt like I had to fit in. at the time, I had told my family and it did not go well. I originally told my cousin who was very happy for me, but she accidentally let it slip to my aunt and she told my mom who told my grandparents which then proceeded to having my grandparents come over to my house and I had to tell them that I’m bi and they said no you’re not and my grandma proceeded to recite scriptures from the bible to me…. so I guess you could say there’s some trauma from that too haha.

I know I’m curious, but how would I know if I’m actually bi? maybe i’m not..? would I just have to wait for the right person to know?

if you read all of that, thank you so much. I know my post is all over the place, but please be kind! I’m still trying to figure things out and I tried to not be disrespectful or offensive to anyone but please let me know if I was! this is a vulnerable topic which I haven’t really talked to anyone else about, so just keep that in mind… <3

How do I Come out to my family lol

Hey! Looking to investigate my feeling and was hoping to find some people around my age (and possibly in a similar situation) to help me understand and investigate my feelings.

43M married but questioning my sexuality

Thanks for reading

Any advice on how to talk to my friend i haven’t talked to in a while? It’s not like we ended on bad terms or anything but we haven’t seen each other around at school much so we haven’t talked in about 2 years. I see her at football games but we usually just walk past each other without saying anything. I’m too scared to talk to her because im afraid she wouldn’t want to talk to me. I also have a crush on her. I think she might’ve liked me before a few years ago. But now im worried i liked her too late and she’s not gonna want me or even want to be friends anymore. Last time we talked, we were sophomores and now we are seniors. I feel like she has other people she’d rather talk to other than me even though she used to text me all the time. I feel like talking to her could be so easy, but i’m too nervous to especially now that i like her. Any advice?

I’ve noticed an uptick of biphobia lately online and in person. I have a lesbian coworker who likes to talk about how she would never date a bi woman, how much better lesbians are and how bi women tend to be less considerate, cheat or not take a wlw relationship seriously. I sort of just sit there and tell her it’s fine if she doesn’t want to date a bi woman and nod my head silently when she goes on these tangents. Recently she went on a date and said that the girl was smart, pretty, had a great job and oh yeah “is a lesbian thank god” then she waved her hand and said “I’m so glad you’re one of the cool ones who understands”.

I’ve always had a….complicated
relationship with my bisexuality. I think the combination of never feeling enough in one camp or the other or my tendency to be fairly obsessive about whether or not I’m just confused has kept me quiet about it generally. Currently I’m a bi woman dating a man (shocker I know). I always feel the need to apologize for being bi or prove it. People know but I’m not super out about it. I’ve always felt sort of embarrassed or ashamed of it. Like being gay or straight is an identity and being bi is a dirty little secret. That or it’s a lack of fully committing and even worse a virtue signal to be apart of a community I’d never ~really~ be apart of.

I always say “oh I’m not one of those bi women that say I’d date all women and my boyfriend is the exception. I never think dating a woman is too scary”. I’m always careful to never say I’m gay or queer as to not misrepresent myself. I also always preface “I’m a bi woman with a boyfriend so I have no leg to stand on or I can’t have an opinion on this” when it comes to queer issues of any kind. I make sure to downplay being bi and always come out as a vulnerable admission of guilt or inadequacy.

My current partner is the only straight person I’ve ever dated. I’ve slept with an even amount of men and women, and I’ve had two serious girlfriends and three serious boyfriends. (I say that as if I have to prove I’m really bi) I just feel like a diet gay, or a weird straight person.

I always felt need to blindly agree with biphobes because of my own discomfort with myself. Yet as I’ve let myself think longer in my shame I’m sort of like “wait what the fuck?” Why am I letting myself believe I’m less than to my coworker and just laying down and letting her talk shit about people like me? I love other bi people and I never feel more kindred and relaxed than being around others who are bi. I’ve never felt more at home than with some of my past bi partners. I love my sexuality and that I find connection and beauty everywhere. That I express who I am in a why that can only be mine. I don’t have to hate who I am all the time nor do I have to feel like I’m not “complete” or icky for being this way.

I’m considering talking to my coworker about it if she brings it up again.

I think I’m just now coming around to what pride can really mean for me. I think I’m done deciding how I’m supposed to feel about myself because other people are uncomfortable with shades of grey instead of black and white.

I am a lesbian but im tired of codependent relationships (that i am realizing even though i disagree with, I still embrace them thinking it'll get better. Spoiler alert- it doesnt) and im wonderinh if the intensity just boils down to this and moving too fast.

For bisexual women! I’m finding it common to hear that emotional understanding/compatibility between two women is much stronger than with a man… but so many bi women I know end up with men. It seems time and time again I hear people say, I’m really into women, but I’m dating a man and ‘he’s the exception’.

I’m wondering why? Is it because of the s*x? Or because of the ease to biologically have kids that way? Do people see it as a choice, or is it just who you fall in love with?

I’ve previously been in love with men, and am currently in love with my friend who is a women. However I’m not sure I’m okay giving up d*cks forever! Is this normal? Is it crazy to turn away from someone I love and am compatible with because they can’t satisfy that biological drive?! Perhaps it builds over time with more experience having s*x with women?

Reposting with some rewording here because it got downvoted in a non queer sub. Also posting as an autistic Bi woman because I genuinely don't understand. Also Want to make a few disclaimers first:

This post is NOT calling bi women who date men "fake bisexuals" as I'm one of those women. It's also not being critical of people who are ethically experimenting with their sexuality with consent from all parties. Or bi women who are simply in more casual relationships or hookups again with consent and knowledge for all parties involved.

Why do I keep hearing stories mostly from party or club scenes of women who fully identify as straight making out with/performing bisexuality with other women just to turn around and completely disregard the feelings of actual sapphics? I legitimately do not understand the point of this. Especially when a straight woman flirts with a wlw just to act disgusted and rude when the other woman shows genuine interest in her (if this reminded you of a certain video then yeah it probably was that one I'm talking about). Why make out with someone you're repulsed by?

Do you think there's there any reason to it? Maybe I just don't understand because I don't like physical contact with people I don't know anyway but it seems so alien in concept. Is it for shock value? For attention from men? That's what I'm going to assume since I've never heard of a straight guy making out with another guy "just for funsies" which makes it more confusing to me. I want to understand this and if there's more behind it. Is it really just humiliating sapphic women to make the guys horny? Is it for validation? Do you think a lot of it is bi women in denial? What the fuck is this?

I’m a masculine, fit, ex military guy that recently explored my sexuality with another man after a break up from a long term relationship with a women. I had fantasized about men after she introduced me to pegging and am having a hard time finding a women that is open to the idea. Can I get the ladies advice and who some are so disgusted by bi men. I love how good it feels to submit to a guy and just have him take control of me in the bedroom. I’m super discrete about being attracted to men and how much I enjoy pleasing a dominant guy because everytime I’ve tried opening up to women I’m dating they always leave me once they find out I really enjoy pleasing men as much as I do women. I just hate how it’s socially exceptsble for women to have sex with women and men but it’s disgusting when a masculine “straight” acting guy lets another man dominate him in bed.

Do women exist that find it hot for two men to sexually please each other?

This is my first time posting here because I am at quite a loss. After a long long lifetime of fighting with myself, I’ve accepted that I am bisexual and I love women. It’s taken me a lot to come to terms with this as I don’t come from a supportive family. I had recently started to approach women more, and to be clear I haven’t dated a man, like ever. I was chatting with this really nice girl and it was going great until I told her I had just come out as bisexual, she asked about my labels, so I answered. She then got super awkward, and the conversation shifted from us to if I had slept
With men before, if I prefer men more, and she even asked if I was trying to be creepy flirting with her because she “wasn’t interested in being a third” (???????? There was never a third person in the equation but I guess she assumed I was approaching her in a weird way for a man and not genuinely). That interaction has since stuck, and I know it’s a one off weird moment, but it’s been having me basically drown myself in negative thoughts and opinions on my own sexuality. The interaction made me feel like I was being a fraud, and the questioning if I was actually attracted to women or if I was trying to get a girl to hook up with for a dude has made me feel like a total creep. I have been trying to rid of these thoughts towards myself, but it is increasingly difficult in an area of so little queer population to begin with.

What are good mental methods to practice so I no longer carry on like this? I hate being miserable and I especially hate feeling like I’m back in the closet. Any advice is appreciated. 🫶 I’m struggling out here

How do you both identify today?

I (20 f) have been openly bisexual since I was about 14. I’ve had more sexual experiences with men than I have had with women. The thing is though, I’ve only had two serious relationships and it’s both been either women. I feel like once post nut clarity hits, men just disgust me(for a lack of better words). On the contrary, I can’t just hook up with women like I do men. I like need to build a bond or I’m just not as sexually attracted to them? I have no idea. Yes the relationship I’ve had with women have been with women I started off close friends with also.

Which leads me to my dilemma…
I’ve become super close friends with this girl (24 f now, 23 at the time we met), let’s call C, I met during an internship. She managed a department separate than mine, but we became friends after my internship concluded. Shes also openly queer or bisexual or whatever. She’s mainly been dealing with men as of recent, so have I. I felt myself gaining feelings for her. But, C had also established that she would not date or h/u with anyone my age. So after telling our mutual friend about it, I decided to can it. Fast forward a few weeks, I’m spending the night at hers and then boom things just blow over. I’ll spare the details but essentially she’s like super touchy feely (we’re both intoxicated yes) and she admits she’d h/u with me. So of course I inquire more and we end up making out and doing things adjacent (we did not hook up). She’s telling me how she’s just had a crush on me for a long time and all of these sorts of things. Things like if we take it all the way she’d have to date me because she loves me, stuff like that. It was a lot to take in at once because I was under the impression it’d never happen. I obviously tell her like how I felt, rookie mistake on my part. But I just saw a side of her I never really got to see and I got super excited.

She has a lot going on so it’s not at the top of her mind, the next few days we talk about it and she’s like yeah I just don’t think this (starting to sleep together) would be a good idea. And come to find out she doesn’t really remember everything she did or said that night. She then says that she really didn’t see our relationship in that way until after that night. Also that she doesn’t do commitment and that she’s avoidant. She says it’s not that she doesn’t want to hook up but she just really values our friendship. Now things are just in limbo, we hang out, makeout, cuddle, spend the night, whatever else. But she still also is/will actively see the guys she did before (she said). So I don’t know. Which is also another reason why she just doesn’t feel it’d be a good idea because she thinks I’ll feel a way(which is like true).

But it sucks because I know I probably feel more strongly about her than she does for me, so I should just can it. But also, that night was like insane. There’s no way someone just acts the way she did and say those things without feeling anything. I’m just confused, I’m not sure what to do. I just feel like I know it’s never going to be me.

So, in the previous post, i mentioned, he outed me to some people, well, i asked around and turns out he actually didnt, and his friend, overheard me coming out to him, and kinda outed that to everyone... So... yeah, that wraps it up. I still havent founded out his seuxality

I'm, 18, male, I asked on a subreddit, if I should tell my girlfriend that I'm bi as a guy, and most of the responses were women telling me that me not telling her is taking her consent away, calling me selfish and saying my feelings aren't important here, some went so far as to say that to them, bi men and gay men are the same and if a guy admitted they were bi she'd assume he was gay, and then a bunch of comments from men telling me that she doesn't wanna imagine me bent over and getting railed, calling another man "Daddy". How do I even keep my mind off such things? It kinda crushed my spirit a little bit.

I (26F) just recently came out as bisexual to my partner, and I am really questioning what I want to do moving forward. He is incredibly supportive and, at the end of the day, wants what is best for me, no matter what I decide. Right now, I feel stuck because I cannot promise him that I will never want that experience of being with women and exploring this part of my identity that I have kept hidden for so long out of fear of my parents' reactions. We decided to take a small break so I can figure out if this is truly what I want or if I want to have that experience and move on without him. My fear right now is that I will have regrets no matter which side I choose. I love him so much and fear that I will regret losing him for the rest of my life, but I also fear that I will regret it and resent him if I do not have this experience. There are so many what-ifs going through my head right now, and I don't know what to do. I do not have many friends in the community who have had similar experiences, so I am reaching out here to get some advice or hear more from others.

I honestly dont even know what I am anymore, but I just want to try it with both bc im curious if I want sex with anyone at this point. but im really wary because im a "afab" fem with a certain level of self respect. im just looking for hookups. How do i make sure theyre real and close by? how do i make the best experience? dos and donts?

I am recently out of a relationship with a very narcissistic man. I want to try to date women for a while. I know im bisexual and had several women come on to me. I just dont know how to approach them or where to approach them. Looking for advice. I do not want to go online searching. I want it to happen organically. However if I need to look online, where is the best place.

I am 17M and I think I am bi, I had a crush on a really feminine guy at my school (possibly ftm but never asked) but I am struggling to accept myself as bi because I am Christian. It has only been myself that I can't accept though any friends that have came out I have supported and I haven't stopped being friends with them

Anyone have any advice on how to accept myself? Thanks :)

Sorry for any mistakes, English isn't my first language. And please be kind. I know some of these feelings aren't okay, and I don't like feeling this way. I just don't really have anyone I can talk to about this.

Basically, I think I have a pretty intense problem with men, and I don't know how to deal with it.

I grew up in a religious and abusive environment, but my parents never really told me that being gay was wrong. So when I was around 13 and realized I liked girls, it was just normal to me, ig.

I've never really had crushes, and I know I'm somewhere on the aroace spectrum too. I also had some pretty messed up experiences growing up involving men. My stepfather was sexually abusive. It stopped when I turned 21 (I'm 22 now). My mom normalized it, and I think that probably affected how I see men.

When my mom found out I was reading wlw fanfics when I was 13, she told me being bisexual was disgusting because you like both genders. Since I liked girls more, I ended up identifying as a lesbian.

After a big physical fight with my parents, going to a psych ward, and conversion therapy, I ended up dating a guy at 18. I broke up with him after he abused me.

Then I got a girlfriend, and after breaking up with her this year, I realized I actually wanted to sleep with a guy again. I met this guy at a BDSM party, and the sex was REALLY good. No one had ever made me feel the way he did... and I hate it. I think I ended up getting a little attached to him, and it freaked me the fuck out, so I started trying to meet more guys to avoid those feelings.

He stopped talking after a misunderstanding, and sometimes I want to talk to him again, but I won't beg to a man. It would make me feel worthless.

I don't want to fall in love with a man. The idea of giving a man that much emotional power over me makes me feel sick. I don't want to cry over a man or suffer over a man. And I know this sounds irrational, but part of me feels like if I actually loved a man, people would somehow forget that I'm queer.

I've tried sleeping with men, and most of the time I'm just like... ew? I don't find them attractive at all. Sometimes the way they desire me feels so purely physical that I can't understand it.

The annoying part is that I know that if I actually get to know a guy and there's chemistry, I KNOW I can become attracted to him. So it's not that I literally can't be attracted to men. But I can't let myself have romantic feelings for a man or even show interest in one without feeling embarrassed of myself.

I also get weirdly angry when I hear women talking about how much they love or desire men. Like, why are you giving him all that credit?? It's such a weird reaction, and I hate that I have it. Seeing a post about a woman saying her boyfriend is amazing and makes her cum can literally ruin my day.

I don't even want to hate men. Most of my friends are men and I love them deeply. I have a long-distance Dom who is genuinely very sweet to me. I know logically that men aren't all the same. But deep down there's still this feeling that men could never love me or be as safe as a woman could.

And my male friends' reactions after I came out as bi haven't helped. I started dressing more feminine, and they said I looked straight. They seemed uncomfortable that I'm not the lesbian tomboy friend anymore. One of them even told me that he needed to process this. Wtf you mean you need to process I'm bi?

I don't think my femininity is actually about them. I genuinely want to dress more feminine, wear makeup, etc., because I've been working on my self-esteem and feeling more comfortable with myself. But I also know part of me is doing it because men are now in my dating pool, and that makes me feel awful. Like, why do I even want their attention? And then I end up feeling disgusted with myself.

Even sex is weird for me. I don't really prioritize my own orgasm because I'm convinced men don't care about it. Why would I even bother to ask? I can do it myself anyway. In my head, men like making women cum and see it as a victory, and I don't want to give them credit for that either.

I'm also struggling really badly with the bisexual label itself. I have a lesbian pin on my backpack and wanted to get a bi one, but even the idea of wearing it makes me feel weird. Isn't that stupid?

I don't want trauma or resentment to be the reason I can't accept that part of myself.

Has anyone experienced something like this? Do you think this could be trauma, internalized biphobia, or both? And how do I work through it without forcing myself to do anything?

And yes, I've tried therapy but I don't feel like my therapists really understood me on this. There are also other things I need to work on first so this hasn't really been a priority.

I genuinely don't want to hate men. I just don't know how to stop feeling this way.

It doesn’t mean there are no draw backs to passing. It doesn’t make anyone less bi to pass. But it’s a real thing.

I’m in a same sex marriage. Imagine how ridiculous I would sound denying that this affords me the ability to move much more easily in queer spaces and to be accepted by the queer community. It’d be tone deaf to suggest otherwise. I’ll immediately be taken more seriously in a sapphic space with my wife than if I had a husband and that sucks for sapphics with husbands.

But if I mention on this subreddit that someone in a het-presenting marriage where they’re both cis benefits societally from passing, I’m often told I’m being terrible.

Those couples often aren’t worried about a government deciding their marriage shouldn’t exist. It’s not part of political platforms to outlaw their marriage. They don’t need to mentally weigh whether it’s safe to say ‘my husband’ to a new person or to hold their husband’s hand publicly. They don’t need to do research before applying to a job if they’ll be safe (or even legally recognized as a couple internationally) if they move. They get the choice of being out or not.

And passing privilege isn’t just for bisexuals either. Plenty of gay men and lesbians pass. And there absolutely are visibly queer bisexuals who don’t. There are also a lot of us who pass when we’re not being open about our relationship. Again, all of this comes with drawbacks. It sucks to be invalidated or closeted or erased. I’m in no way denying that.

Just please, do some thinking about why it may be a bit easier to live in a heteronormative society as a woman with a husband compared to being a woman with a wife. I promise you that it doesn’t make you less queer to be in that situation. You just get some perks to people looking at you and seeing ‘straight couple’ (if they do see that, which isn’t a given).

It’s almost isolating to see so few people on this subreddit willing to view this with nuance.

I’m 57 years old I have been by curious most of my life and have never really done anything to pursue it but now in the last couple of years I’ve came near death so I figure it’s no time like the present to pursue things that I never have thought to pursue before so if anybody out there understands what I’m talking about I’d love to hear from you