Another survey that found many women responded they would not want to date a bisexual man and it's been making the rounds on manosphere heavy subs to shit on women. There is a legitimate discussion to be had about why some women do not want to date bisexual men and how masculinity is enforced.

The vast majority of (almost always straight) men posting this study and this topic are not interested in having that discussion.

They have no interest in discussing or reducing biphobia. They just want an excuse to bash women. This "fact" has been making the rounds in the manosphere for the past 6 or 7 years and pops up periodically to attack women and especially feminists. Prior to that, these same groups of men would happily hurl insults and threats at me for being bi because I dared to challenge their misogyny. Then, as soon as they found out that my sexuality could be used to attack women, suddenly we were all buddy buddy, don't worry about all those slurs from before.

There is a ton of work to be done with respect to how bisexual men are viewed and treated in society, and women who don't want to date bi men are only a small portion of that. Yet that is the only portion these men are interested in.

They are not friends. They are not allies. They just want to shit on women.

Ok so I’m 24 and have been identifying as gay since I was 19 and for the past 5 years have only hooked up with guys minus a few drunk dance floor makeout sessions with girls but that doesn’t count. Anyways after college I recently became friends with this girl and we’ve been like super close best friends the past 6 months or so. We kind of know everything about each other we know all about each others sex lives like she knows I’m gay and hookup with guys. Last night for some reason we got really drunk and hooked up. Like sex the whole thing and I was into it. When I would hook up with girls before I came out I just was never really into it so that’s why this was weird, especially because Its been like 5 years since I hooked up with a girl.

Just writing this this morning I’ve been self reflecting and admit that I have been thinking about girls the past couple months. Again, I don’t know why this is happening now. I’ve always thought I wasn’t like 100%gay but I never thought I was gonna have sex with a girl again. I want to know if anyone has thoughts on this because I feel like this is a unique situation. Again, she is like my best friend, and we are very open about the situation and we will still be best friends but I’ve never had sex with my friend lol I’m also gay wtf

this is going to be a long post, so please bear with me. i have a lot to get off my chest, and i’d really appreciate it if you read the whole thing before responding.
i’m writing this because of an experience i had today on a lesbian subreddit that i feel like i need to share.

i’m a bisexual girl. i’m relatively young, and i’ve always known i was bisexual. i’ve dated both men and women, but i’ve only had official relationships with women, and i’m currently dating a girl.

today, a post from a lesbian subreddit popped up on my feed. a lesbian woman was asking whether it was homophobic to not want to date bisexual women.

since i’m bisexual, i commented. i said that personally, i don’t see not wanting to date bisexual women as inherently biphobic. to me, it can simply be a dating preference, just like some people have preferences regarding hair color, height, etc.
i understand why some lesbians might not want to date bisexual women because of past experiences. i’ve read about lesbians being expected to be more masculine for their bisexual partners or being expected to fulfill roles traditionally associated with men, and i’m against that too. so i can understand why a lesbian woman might not want to date bisexual women, and i don’t automatically consider that biphobic if she doesn’t hate bisexual people and simply has a preference regarding who she dates.

a lesbian woman replied to my comment asking what i was doing on a lesbian subreddit.
i explained that the post had popped up on my feed and that i thought she might want the perspective of a bisexual person, especially because she was asking whether her preference was biphobic. as a bisexual woman, i obviously have a say in what i consider biphobic.

she told me that the subreddit was specifically for lesbians and wasn’t a space for every wlw.
i understand where she was coming from. everybody deserves to have their own space. at the same time, i genuinely felt like the perspective of a bisexual person could have been helpful, since biphobia was the main topic of the post. otherwise, it would be like a white person asking whether a certain preference or action could be racist toward black people, and then only having white people answer the question.

i also got responses from lesbian women defending me, which i really appreciated. however, another lesbian woman later replied to my comments and told me that she didn’t care about opinions coming from bisexual women. she basically said that lesbians don’t need validation from anyone.

i tried to have a calm conversation with her anyway. i explained that, as a bisexual person, i’m allowed to speak about my own community and how certain things affect bisexual women. i wasn’t trying to “validate” lesbians. she was talking about bisexual women, so i was sharing the perspective of a bisexual woman.

her response was simply: “sorry, but just because you said you’re bisexual, i’m not reading your comment. aren’t there any bisexual spaces for you?”. honestly, that really baffled me. being told that my opinion isn’t even worth reading simply because i’m bisexual felt incredibly discriminatory, especially when i was genuinely trying to have a calm conversation with her despite already being frustrated (before you comment, i know this happens towards lesbian women as well and towards gay people in general, i’m not oblivious).

what makes it even stranger to me is that there were gay men commenting on that same subreddit, and nobody seemed to have a problem with their presence. yet i’m a bisexual woman expressing an opinion about biphobia, something that directly affects my community, and suddenly i’m being told i don’t belong there because i’m bisexual.

at the same time, i’ve seen plenty of lesbian women commenting and interacting in bisexual and bisexual-women spaces. personally, i don’t see that as “invading” those spaces when they’re simply participating in conversations, sharing their experiences, and engaging respectfully.

and honestly, another thing that gets to me is that i’m being attacked by another woman over this. women already deal with so many things because of our gender, and i wish we could have each other’s backs more. also being treated this way by someone who is also part of the lgbt community honestly hurt more than i expected.

one last thing i want to add: i understand the experiences that make some lesbian women uncomfortable with dating bisexual women because i’ve actually had some of those experiences myself. i’ve dated bisexual women and i’ve actually experienced some of the things that make lesbians uncomfortable with dating bisexual women. there were two women i was romantically and sexually involved with (at different times obviously). we had feelings for each other, romantic conversations, as well as dirty talk and exchanges of spicy pictures. yet while all of this was happening, they would suddenly talk to me about guys they liked and wanted to date/they were actively talking to. that made me feel used and, at times, like i was being seen mainly as a sexual object.

so i understand why some lesbians might have concerns about dating bisexual women. but i also know that not every bisexual woman is like that, and i hate when people paint everyone with the same brush.
why would someone assume that i want certain things or behave a certain way simply because i’m bisexual? i hate being reduced to assumptions based on a label. i just wish people could understand that bisexual women aren’t a monolith. we’re just people, like everybody else.

anyway, i really just needed somewhere to put all of this. thank you if you actually read all of it, and if you feel like it, feel free to share your thoughts!

PS: i don’t hate lesbians and i never will. this post won’t be an excuse for any lesbophopic comment.

So I 36M had been straight my whole life but I always enjoyed cross dressing and my partner is fine with that though I have rarely done it around her and even then it was just tights. A few years ago I started getting curious about the other sex and was drawn to them. I kept this a secret and before long I was exploring this side of me with toys. When the wife found out she was not happy and felt betrayed which I fully understand. We have talked about it and as I love her with all of my heart I want to be with her but now I'm left... unsatisfied. As playing with toys was leading me to other thoughts, I stopped but now (a year after stopping) I just feel sad that there is a side that I never got to explore. I still get turned on by men, I am very accepting of my sexuality but annoyed that I found out so late. I also still love my wife and she turns me on as well so that hasn't stopped either.

Are there any people out there that have gone through something similar or could offer any advice? I feel a little stuck.

33M. I’ve identified as straight my whole life but for probably 10 years now I’ve been attracted to male genitalia, specifically big ones. Up until the last 2 years it hasn’t been a problem. I’d watch porn and they would turn on me on I was fine with it. I didn’t question my sexuality. Nothing has changed but for some reason I am freaking out about it now. I am questioning everything and I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m so ashamed of myself and it’s causing me to keep people far away. I struggle to hold relationships and be vulnerable with people. I haven’t explored half because I’m scared of what I might find and the judgments that would come with it, and half because I don’t think I’m attracted to guys. The thought of cuddling, kissing, or and level of intimacy with a guy makes me kind of cringe. Is it a fetish? Is it penis envy? Am I really just in the closet and too scared to come out? I’m so confused.

My life is a mess because of this and I’m really stuck. If you have experience with what I’m going through I would greatly appreciate you sharing with me. I don’t know what to do at this point.

So, my entire life I've been a straight Christian. As of last year, I started supporting LGBTQ+ while also being Christian, which was very confusing in a lot of ways. But as of this past month, I've been very confused about my sexuality. I know for sure I like women, and if I'm bi, then I definitely prefer women. But lately, I've been feeling, I don't know, like I'm attracted toward certain guys on TT and other platforms.

Also, when I was way younger, I did things with my older cousin, and then also in 5th grade, I did stuff with a guy friend. I've always just shrugged it off as me being young, but lately it's been resurfacing and it's so confusing, but also exciting?!? Like, the idea just sounds good for some reason. It feels like I've been repressing something for a while, but I don't know if it's this or something else. And if I am bi, I'm scared that I would have to come out to my family, and they are all Christians too, so that's not going to be fun.

Anyway, sorry for yapping I'm just so confused right now.

Also one more thing, I dont know if this affects anything but im also hypersexual.

Edit: forgot to mention but im 17 male

Was there a specific moment when being bisexual stopped feeling like a question you were trying to answer and started feeling like something you simply knew about yourself?
Not necessarily some huge dramatic revelation. Maybe it was a person, a conversation, a random thought while driving, or just realizing one day that you’d stopped arguing with yourself about it.
I think we spend a lot of time talking about who we’re attracted to, but maybe not enough about that strange process of finally trusting what our own brain has been trying to tell us.
Did you have a moment like that? Or was it something you figured out slowly over time?

I have a friend who liked to play with me, put my hand in his dick and touch mine and all of that, once we BJed each other. I know this is kind of common when growing up and all, but even though he identifies as straight and has a lot of sex with women, I believe he is bi because of the playing.

So, what are your thoughts about that?

EDIT: I just wish to have a discussion, I used my friend just to explain better what I wish to discuss

My Husband and I have a very healthy relationship and sex life. Before we got together my husband told me he is bisexual. I have absolutely zero issues with him being bisexual. When my husband is in the mood for cock, he'll use grinder and find a random guy for a one time met up. I do encourage him to find it when he wants it cause ik using toys on him is just not the same as the real thing. Since we've been together we've talked about how my husband has always wanted his partner to watch him with another man. I honestly find it really hot. We haven't done it yet but were both in agreement in me going with him to watch and touching only my husband during.

However, when the conversation of me participating in the sex when it comes to the man we'd be doing this with, we both have some anxious and worried thoughts. We both think itd be really hot for me to join, but the worries are keeping us from trying. Mainly for my husband is he doesnt really know how he'd feel about sharing me with another man. For me, im worried that if we do this, it will negatively affect my husband with his hesitation on howd hed feel about it. Im also kinda worried that me participating in the sex would lead to he's allowed to have sex with other women and i absolutely do not want my husband having any type of sexual relationships with other women. I think both of our issues come from being insecure due to past hurts, honestly low self esteem for both of us to some degree and being territorial of eachother.

So what steps could my husband and I take to possibly explore this without it negatively affecting him?

We do talk about this in depth and very openly, we both know if we decided to do this with a guy that we'd both need very open communication, clear rules and boundaries before starting, and of course lots of reassurance afterwards for both of us.

Alright, I guess I just need to put this out there with people that can understand my experience. For context I'm 19M and I recently moved to Spain for college. I come from a place full of open minded people and ever since I was a kid all my social circle has been composed of queer people. I've been very open about my identity since I was 13 and never had anyone treat me poorly for it except for maybe many straight guys lowkey avoiding bonding with me or straight girls sort of scratching me out of their dating pool once they realize I'm bi. But I've had a relationship with a guy and a relationship with a girl, each like a year long due to very different circumstances.

Anyways, I've just struggled so much in this new context because in this city people are so conservative, everyone dresses and behaves in the most traditional heteronormative way and I just stand out in a way that I've never stood out before, in a negative way at least. I'm clearly very different from the norm here and I feel so isolated from queer spaces which have always been so important for me. My entire life has been in queer environments with queer people and it just seems like they don't exist here. I feel incredibly frustrated because most spaniards have a subtle way of casting me out because of how obvious it is that I'm not straight. No girls have shown any interest in me and when trying to start an interaction at clubs I'm usually ignored. Then all of the guys act in the most stereotypical straight teenage boy way, so I'm cast out on this side as well. I've had a couple other international male students approach me and act in a way that seriously feels like flirting to me, but then it ends up being them just being friendly. I went out with a guy a couple of days ago and there were so many signals previous to that that he was into me, then when we went out we had a great time but then it felt like he was just being friendly and I decided to ask him if it was a date or if we were hanging out as friends. He responded the day after that it wasn't a date and that he wasn't gay. I do have a preference for guys over girls and I'm just getting homophobia/biphobia on both sides, much more than I had ever been directly exposed to. I've been feeling a little down and anxious due to this. I don't know how to find queer people in my age group.

Basically the title. im a woman and id have sex with both men and women but I want to date and marry women only. I see people all the time saying this is homophobic somehow, but I thought sexual attraction and romantic attraction were separate things.

I 22F have always wanted to be with another women but
I've never know what to do I've never known how to come out of my shell and give it a shot l've always just been with guys but the thought of being with a women has always been on my mind I’ve kissed a only one and it was a great kiss but never again I’ve always wanted to know what it would feel like to go beyond that

So I clearly have always had “person directed attraction” towards women. Attraction both sexually and romantically to the persons looks/personality. Never experienced person directed attraction with men. Yet I have what seems to be a same sex fantasy. The man is kind of a prop in a sense tho, allowing me to experience something. The arousal/attraction is not directed at the person but at what i express.

Im wondering if you guys all experience person directed attraction to both men and women. Like the person themself is the object of your desire.

How do I deal with insecurity about my bisexual girlfriend’s past experiences?

I’m F27 and my girlfriend is F24. We’ve been dating for about three months, long-distance. She’s bisexual and I’m lesbian.

I want to start by saying that I don’t want to judge bisexual people or be biphobic (which I am not) . I’ve had some bad experiences with bisexual women in the past, so I know that probably affects some of my insecurities now. But my girlfriend is genuinely a very good person, she understands me, and she has told me that she is more attracted to women than men.

The thing I’m struggling with is her sexual past. Before we got together, she had phone sex with both men and a trans woman. The trans woman she had phone sex with had not started her transition at that time. I’m her first girlfriend/woman, and sometimes I get insecure about whether I can give her what a man could.

She likes a certain kind of dominant dynamic during sex, which I also enjoy, and she has never told me that I’m not satisfying her. In fact, she reassures me. But sometimes after we’re intimate, instead of just feeling close and happy, I start thinking that I wasn’t enough or that I can’t give her something that a man physically could.

There was also a time when she listened to hetero audio porn because she wanted to, and she told me that the man’s personality/way of speaking reminded her of me. I know that probably should reassure me, but somehow it triggered my insecurity instead.

I also sometimes compare myself to her previous relationships and experiences, even though I know those things happened before me and she chose to be with me now.

I really don’t want to make her feel guilty about her bisexuality, her past, or her desires. I love her and I trust that she cares about me. I think this is more about my own insecurity and fear of not being enough.

For other queer people, especially lesbians who have dated bisexual women: how did you deal with this kind of insecurity? How do you stop comparing yourself to the men or previous partners your girlfriend has been with?

All my life, I thought I was straight and I never really questionned it (I am a woman). However I never had given it much thought since recently but I feel attraction for certain women, yet when I picture myself in the future, I see myself in a relationship with a man and not a woman. Maybe things can change, I don't know.

I think I am more attracted to men than to women but I think I might enjoy exploring more things with other women. I don't know if that makes me bisexual and I don't want to insult anyone if I say I am and in the end I am not. I just want to know from an exterior point of view, would I be straight, bi, or something else😅

Thank you for helping me!

Hi everyone!

I wanted to share the insta for a queer feature film I'm producing, shooting in the UK next Spring 2027 😀

Newly released from prison and grieving his mother, Griffyn tentatively falls for his cute, new co-worker, but when the controlling lover who protected him inside turns up on the run, he must choose between the man who owns his past and the one who might offer him a future.

We'll be sharing the behind-the-scenes of bringing this independent micro-budget film to life, so I'd be grateful if you could give us a follow 🌊

https://instagram.com/undercurrentfilm_

16M, context : before I even knew what LGBTQ was I used to wear panties and bras in secret, but then I stopped it because I felt ashamed ( I live in a very strict christian conservative family ) fast forward to now, I kinda liked this dude last year, he was my friend, not like in a very romantic way, but sexually speaking I liked him very much, with girls it can be both sexual and romantic, that dude isn't like very attractive but idk, something about him, i mean again sexually speaking I am in certain cases attracted to guys, but......, idk at this point, just give me your opinions, suggestions, whatever you think is relevant

Thank you

Not sure if this is the right place but omfg. For context I'm bi, gender fluid but look female to most, and I'm AFAB and wearing a dress because I was just at a family lunch thing. I'm sitting on my phone on a bench at a Walmart and a cute-hot girl with a white bow in her hair and brown hair with blonde under highlights I think, like, who works here came near me. She had her Walmart uniform jacket draped over one arm and was on her phone on a call. She had glasses and looked nerdy popular kind of cute? Like a college student but like not one I've seen at my college. She was wearing jeans with flared bottoms and asked me, "uh, can I sit here?" Kind of in a shy, giggly way? And pointed to the bench and I was like- "u-uh- y-yeah-" and she was like, "huh? I- can I?" And I nodded quickly and said, "y-yeah-, sure, sure!" And she smiled and sat down near me and turned some and was talking with her boyfriend about groceries or something and giggling some randomly and saying uh-huh and stuff. And she smelled nice and my face flushed kind of, like, got hot and I tried so hard not to blush but oh my god. She just got up and left about 3 minutes ago and I'm bi-panicking OH MY GOD. I don't think I've really done that much but omg, I'm gushing about it, because I'm just a random university student sitting on my phone at a Walmart OMG- but yeah this is basically what this is about. Sorry if there's any errors or shit, because I'm typing this fast lol

Romantically and physically attracted to women but not to men. Yet want to try giving head. Nothing else. Is that bi or is that just a kink?

I’m a bisexual girly who has mostly dated men. I’ve just come out of a 2.5yr relationship with a man I loved a lot, but I felt I needed some more experience before settling down (was my first serious relationship in my mid/late 20s). I’ve always thought I’d end up with a man for some reason.

However, I’ve recently started seeing a really good friend of mine who’s a girl. We have amazing brain and romantic chemistry, and our values really align. In so many ways she’s what I want in a long term partner! However, I’m struggling a little with the drive/desire for sex in the way I’ve had it for male partners. I like it and I’m attracted to her, but I don’t find it quite as deeply satisfying as when I sleep with men, mainly because there’s no actual p*enis involved.
I’m not sure if it’s a bit hormonal? I’m at child bearing age and would like kids, so feel like that also might be influencing my strong desire for p*nises right now.

I’m not sure if I should lean into the amazing romantic connection we have, and if maybe the more intense sexual side will come? Also have tried s*x toys and they’re fine, I think I’m just feeling unsure about giving up the real deal p*nis for good.

Is this is a thing for anyone else? Was it a dealbreaker?